Onslaught for 11/23 posted

[Hollywood]

The latest edition of Onslaught has been posted. Credits are as follows:

Hellspawn
Xtreme Team vs Alley Ratz, C-Pac vs DevilDog

Enigmah
Emo Kid vs Andy Lionheart, Mike Rutherford vs Pat Neely

Silvus
Azrael promo

Matt Shannon
editing the show, other promos not mentioned, Hellspawn vs Silvus, and Andrew Smith and Noir vs Wench and Goryokaku


I will explain the results tomorrow so that everyone has a chance to read the results first without any spoilage. I will post the upcoming card either by tomorrow, Tuesday, or at the latest Wednesday.

[fawn]

Enigmah you done a great job with Smith's tag match. Kudos to you for it.

And Matt that had to be the funniest match ever. But Mike'e not happy losing the way he did. LOL

Overall great show!

[Syco]

good show! kudos to all invovled

[noir]

I enjoyed the show.

I guess i can see what's coming after that loss in the tag team match.

[Enigmah]

Hehe not a problem, figuered if you were gonna lose to a jobber, there should be some fun in the match And yes, well done to all who rp'd and won, great job by all xD

[Wench]

Great show guys. I definitely wasn't expecting the ending.

[Hollywood]

OK, now for how the results came about and the RP feedback that will go along with this. Also, hopefully I'm not coming across as an elitist that's saying "YOU MUST PROMO LIKE THIS!" lol.. If I ever come across the wrong way, just PM me and we'll work it out.

DevilDog vs C-Pac
A good effort from both Mr. Grinch and Viper. Grinch, I loved the symbolism you used in your promo, having DevilDog and Brenda out at a farm, with DevilDog raising cattle to make leather for the Lumberjack Strap Match. Viper, nice touch on explaining how Adriana Samu didn't really hate the SINdicate guys all that much dating back to when she was rivals with them. The only thing I would say to work on would be to see if you can lengthen your promos just a little bit. Now don't go to the other extreme and add a bunch of synonyms and anything else you can find in a thesaurus to have the promo drone on and on just to make it long, as those types of promos are a pain in the ass to read. lol... I think you guys know what I mean. And beside, if you keep improving like you are, the promos will just lengthen on their own.

Mike Rutherford vs Pat Neely
Alright, I discussed the idea of bringing in Mike Rutherford as a heel, with him claiming to be the hero for the fans of SNW, and Fawn loved the idea. I then asked her what she thought of him losing his first match to a jobber after all the hype of coming to be SNW's hero, and again she loved it. So that's why we had Pat Neely beat Rutherford even though Fawn did RP as Rutherford. Nice little introductory promo for Rutherford, even if it was a tad short. But like I told Grinch and Viper, length will come over time. And while I'm giving feedback for Fawn's RPs...

Andrew Smith & Noir vs Goryokaku & Wench
This match was another tough one to call. Fawn had wanted to develop her character by having a breakdown with her tag partner, so that's why I had Andrew Smith walking out on Noir. This was tough to call as while Wench's RP may not have been the best, she did bother to explain the extenuating circumstances that were hindering her. However, I did make sure to be a fair admin by having Wench take the majority of the punishment from her opponents.

Fawn, I like how you're developing Andrew Smith as someone who's out for revenge and thinks that everyone is out to get him. You've done well with turning him heel. I guess the only thing I could really nitpick about your promo was Smith sneezing Gory's name. Yes, it is funny but at the same time it has been overdone. In fact, I'm mostly to blame as I drove that bit into the ground, so direct your wrath and fury at me ;D Noir, very good showing once again, and I love how you're able to tie in developing your character in with cutting a wrestling promo. One thing I would suggest to work on would be to address your opponents by name in your promos. Other than that, keep the hits coming! And Silvus, good job on turning your opponent's promos on them. I know that there are people who complain about promos like that being "response RPs." To that I say, come up with something your opponent can't turn against you, and for crying out loud it's just a frickin' efed! lol

Xtreme Team vs Alley Ratz
Yet another match that was tough to call. Syco, your RP had better description, but on the other hand, Ninja, your RP seemed to have more substance when it came to the dialogue. So basically, you two would be well off to read each other's promos and incorporate what you learn into future promos. Also, the RPs were a bit on the short side, and while they were good, we do have plans for your respective teams to be in the tag title picture. Again, length will come with time and experience.

Emo Kid vs Andy Lionheart
OK, first off, I got word from Silvus that Dark Sun's computer is out of commission for the time being, so he won't be able to RP for a while, which was why he didn't RP for this match. Aaron, nice job on being able to keep Emo Kid heel after cutting somewhat of a face promo the week before. Your RPs are improving, and your biggest strengths are being able to portray your character and the passion you show in each promo. Keep the improvement coming along.

Hellspawn vs Silvus
The main event. Again, both men brought out their A game, as they should as this was possibly the biggest match in the history of SNW since the War Games match back at Summer Bash. You want a good lengthy promo(not lengthy that it drones on and on, but gets to the point and serves its purpose)? You got it with both competitors. It was a close call, but in the end we had to give the nod to Silvus. Although I must admit I loved Hellspawn's "choke faster than a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet" line. lol.. Silvus, loved the character portrayal, showing the aftermath of the House of Horrors match and the stress of trying to get ready for a big title match right after House of Horrors.

Now something that seems like it was a running theme was length. Do keep in mind this is one of the last things we worry about when judging RPs because it's possible for a shorter RP to beat a longer RP. It's possible that the shorter RP drives all the points home and is a very entertaining read and is the good kind of short, leaving you wanting more. Whereas I've seen promos that were so long that I was wondering when they'd ever end. So yes, length can be a tricky thing. So the best thing I would suggest(Silvus and Reaper can add their two cents as well as they've been in this game as long as, if not longer than me) would be to think about what you want to write about. Where do you want your characters to be? What will your characters talk about? Again, once you get into your groove, everything tends to write itself.