Post by cademalibu on Aug 25, 2009 22:32:58 GMT -6
[The scene opens at a comedy club. A fat man in a tuxedo is on stage. He has a drink in his hand. What it contains, we don't know. The spotlight is on him. He looks around and clears his throat. He's obviously nervous. People are watching him with baited breath. He steps closer to the microphone and speaks.]
Harry Seamen: Hey..hey people. How, how are you tonight? [He says nervously.]
[It is quiet in the room. No one replies. One person coughs at the back of the room.]
Harry Seamen: Okay you want to hear some jokes? Some jokey jokes. [He coughs.] Okay, why... why did the chicken cross the road? [No one makes a sound.] 'cause... wait I messed that up. Wait.. oh man. Okay. Why did the chicken cross into the busy intersection? Because get this... he was attached to Frogger! [Some guy continues to cough in background. No one laughs.] Okay.. how about this one? Why did the rabbit bark at the tree? .... Well he thought he was a dog and he thought the tree was a car. ... Okay my son wrote that. Just kidding I don't have a son.
From the crowd someone yells out "Get off the stage you suck!"
Harry Seaman: Hey, with a woman that looks like that, I wouldn't be drawing attention to myself.
[The crowd ooos!]
Guy from the crowd: You want to go you fat loser? I'm gonna kick your ass.
Harry Seaman: No that's okay... I rather not fight... [It was too late. The big burly guy from the crowd got up on stage and punched Harry in the face. Harry stumbled back and caught himself against the wall. He threw a punch back, the man caught his fist so Harry kicked him in the groin. The man drops to his knees. Harry backs up and gives a running low drop kick to face. The man falls into the front row of people onto the lap of a very attractive woman. She looks very upset and shocked.]
Harry Seaman grabbed the microphone and shouted: "How do you like them apples.... boy!"
[He then began to walk off stage when he is stopped by a man with with grey hair.]
Harry Seaman: You want to fight me too? You want a knuckle sammich and some chips?
Man: No! No! Calm down. I'm hear to compliment you.
Harry Seaman: Well thanks I work hard on my jokes.
Man: No, not your jokes.. your fighting.
Harry Seaman: My fighting? You mean you don't like my jokes?
Man: Your jokes were.. um.. great. But your fighting. Your fighting was... grreat. Dude your nose is bleeding.
Harry Seaman: Oh shoot.. [He takes his tie and puts it up to his nose.]
Man: Yeah.. okay.. anyway, You're a great fighter. You ever consider doing professional wrestling?
Harry Seaman: Pro wrestling? You serious? Look at me, I'm fat.. I'm old.
Man: Yeah you have heart.. like a lion.
Harry Seaman: RARRR!
Man: ... Yeah. So you can fight and I want you to join my federation. You're a good fighter, you have heart. You just need to come in to my federation. Well not my federation but I'm the commisioner.
Harry Seaman: What's your name?
Man: Craig Mueller.
Harry Seaman: Nice to meet you. You know, I want to concentrate on my stand up career.
Craig Mueller: You bombed man. Did you hear the people. You got in a fight!
Harry Seaman: Yeah so what's your point?
Craig Mueller: My point is... my point is this. You should be a fighter.
Harry Seaman: Like a cage fighter?
Craig Mueller: No, like a pro wrestler.
Harry Seaman: I guess so.
Craig Mueller: Great, you're in. What's your phone number?
Harry Seaman: Oh, my phone got cut off. I didn't pay the bill for like four months.
Craig Mueller: Sorry to hear that.
Harry Seaman: Yeah, it was either that or whores.
Craig Mueller: Okay... anyway. I can get you a contract to you right away. What's your home address?
Harry Seaman: H20 5J4.
Craig Mueller: What.. what's that?
Harry Seaman: Oh that's my liscense plate number. I live in my car.
Craig Mueller: I see... well why don't you stop over at my house. I've got a contract there. Follow me to my house.
Harry Seaman: Okay!
[To Be Continued]
Harry Seamen: Hey..hey people. How, how are you tonight? [He says nervously.]
[It is quiet in the room. No one replies. One person coughs at the back of the room.]
Harry Seamen: Okay you want to hear some jokes? Some jokey jokes. [He coughs.] Okay, why... why did the chicken cross the road? [No one makes a sound.] 'cause... wait I messed that up. Wait.. oh man. Okay. Why did the chicken cross into the busy intersection? Because get this... he was attached to Frogger! [Some guy continues to cough in background. No one laughs.] Okay.. how about this one? Why did the rabbit bark at the tree? .... Well he thought he was a dog and he thought the tree was a car. ... Okay my son wrote that. Just kidding I don't have a son.
From the crowd someone yells out "Get off the stage you suck!"
Harry Seaman: Hey, with a woman that looks like that, I wouldn't be drawing attention to myself.
[The crowd ooos!]
Guy from the crowd: You want to go you fat loser? I'm gonna kick your ass.
Harry Seaman: No that's okay... I rather not fight... [It was too late. The big burly guy from the crowd got up on stage and punched Harry in the face. Harry stumbled back and caught himself against the wall. He threw a punch back, the man caught his fist so Harry kicked him in the groin. The man drops to his knees. Harry backs up and gives a running low drop kick to face. The man falls into the front row of people onto the lap of a very attractive woman. She looks very upset and shocked.]
Harry Seaman grabbed the microphone and shouted: "How do you like them apples.... boy!"
[He then began to walk off stage when he is stopped by a man with with grey hair.]
Harry Seaman: You want to fight me too? You want a knuckle sammich and some chips?
Man: No! No! Calm down. I'm hear to compliment you.
Harry Seaman: Well thanks I work hard on my jokes.
Man: No, not your jokes.. your fighting.
Harry Seaman: My fighting? You mean you don't like my jokes?
Man: Your jokes were.. um.. great. But your fighting. Your fighting was... grreat. Dude your nose is bleeding.
Harry Seaman: Oh shoot.. [He takes his tie and puts it up to his nose.]
Man: Yeah.. okay.. anyway, You're a great fighter. You ever consider doing professional wrestling?
Harry Seaman: Pro wrestling? You serious? Look at me, I'm fat.. I'm old.
Man: Yeah you have heart.. like a lion.
Harry Seaman: RARRR!
Man: ... Yeah. So you can fight and I want you to join my federation. You're a good fighter, you have heart. You just need to come in to my federation. Well not my federation but I'm the commisioner.
Harry Seaman: What's your name?
Man: Craig Mueller.
Harry Seaman: Nice to meet you. You know, I want to concentrate on my stand up career.
Craig Mueller: You bombed man. Did you hear the people. You got in a fight!
Harry Seaman: Yeah so what's your point?
Craig Mueller: My point is... my point is this. You should be a fighter.
Harry Seaman: Like a cage fighter?
Craig Mueller: No, like a pro wrestler.
Harry Seaman: I guess so.
Craig Mueller: Great, you're in. What's your phone number?
Harry Seaman: Oh, my phone got cut off. I didn't pay the bill for like four months.
Craig Mueller: Sorry to hear that.
Harry Seaman: Yeah, it was either that or whores.
Craig Mueller: Okay... anyway. I can get you a contract to you right away. What's your home address?
Harry Seaman: H20 5J4.
Craig Mueller: What.. what's that?
Harry Seaman: Oh that's my liscense plate number. I live in my car.
Craig Mueller: I see... well why don't you stop over at my house. I've got a contract there. Follow me to my house.
Harry Seaman: Okay!
[To Be Continued]