Post by Jillie on Feb 1, 2010 23:46:22 GMT -6
Scene opens in a room that look suspiciously like the Y Kores locker room. The couch and chairs have been pushed back into row seating and a shoddy podium with a hand-drawn Y Kores sign obviously taped to the front. Several pieces of Y Kores merchandise hang in the background, including a Samu Team Canada hockey jersey, a Rotchester soccer jersey, and a sickle-and-hammer USSR flag with Kotch’s signature.
Y Kores manager Xander Nova walks up to the podium and clears his throat loudly. He announces something in Russian, and, although there are no subtitles to translate, the words “The Assassin” Rory Kotch and Y Kores can be made out. Xander leaves the podium and takes up a seat in the row of “reporters” facing away from the camera.
“The Assassin” Rory Kotch strides up to the podium wearing a military-style top and black slacks, a subtly confident smile on her face and her pipe in hand. She starts speaking in Russian, obviously calling for the first question. A “reporter” raises her hand. She is wearing a Republic of Ireland flag shirt and cargo pants, and speaks with a heavy Irish accent.
Uh…English, love.
Oh right. Sorry. Thank you for havink me. Let us begin.
A man, who looks oddly like the person who just introduced Kotch, dressed in a suit with a thik Russian accent, raises his hand.
Yuri Gagarin vith the Guliay Gorod. Vhat vas it like to get the vin for your team last veek, my lovely dear?
Kotch beams lovingly back at “Mr Gagarin”.
Of course it vas vonderful, but it vould have not been any less so had my team mates got the vin. Y Kores did vhat they set out to do and that is all that matters. It doesn’t matter who got the final submission.
Another “reporter” raises her hand. She is wearing an official Vancouver 2010 Olympic sweater and has long black hair. Every time a “reporter” speaks, they sound purposefully professional.
Ivanna Kooky here from the Three Hills Capital. What was your inspiration for giving Linkin Strife a swirly on the last edition of SNO?
Vone must learn to be innovative and creative if vone vants to vin a match. I remember a time vhen I vas considered a mindless stronk-voman in FCW, but I have since proved everyvone the contrary is true. I make sure to use all the…opportunities, if you vill, available to me to vin a match. My pipe vas novhere in sight and the toilet vas. Simple as that.
Gimmia Beir o’the Fermanagh Herald. What’re the chances of you takin’ advantage of a certain pipe-shaped opportunity this week?
Kotch smirks mischievously and turns her pipe over almost lovingly in her hands.
Knowink Comrade Saul and Coach Foolery’s habit for interference, I vould say the chances are fairly good.
Imso Haut with the Eckville Echo. How is it that you have a match this week? After all, the show is called “Guy’s Night Out” and you are clearly not a guy.
No, not she is not…
Oh God, I think I’m gonna puke…
Kotch ignores the Irish “reporter.”
I do not put too much stock in the names of the shows I wrestle in. I have far too many more important thinks to vorry about. If SNW management vants to misrepresent its roster and viewers vith such an exclusive name, it is none of my business. I can only make sure they note that there are talent vomen on their roster vorthy of the opportunity they have graciously given us..
Ivanna Beir wit’ th’ Ballymoney and Moyle Times. What is yer strategy for this week’s fight against Manny Saul? How’re ye gonna make sure Coach Foolhardy ain’t gonna interfere?
Fortunately, I have the best rink-side insurance money can buy, namely my husband, the darlink Xander Nova. And if for some reason he can’t get the job done, vhich I have no doubt he vill, I have two very capable and eager team mates to help me out should the odds become overvhelmink.
Anita Dolla with the Vegreville Observer, here. What are your thoughts on Manny Saul’s obviously staged, scripted and fake press conference earlier, where he commented that it was Y Kores’ fault he lost at Natural Selection?
First of all, that sham of a press conference is a stain on the good name of press conferences everyvhere and SNW management should ban such mockery of honest reportink…
The “reporters” can’t help but snicker as Kotch continues.
…and secondly Y Kores DID cost Saul his match at Natural Selection. As ve explained before our match against the Age of SIN at SNO, ve vere in need of a break. But Saul has nothink to fear, because a break has been taken, and I am refreshed and ready to show him just vhat I am capable of. I vill not let him down this time, this I promise.
Anton Chekhov, the Nevskoe Vremya. Vhat about Comrade Saul’s assertion that wrestlink is a man’s sport and you and your team mates do not belonk?
Kotch scoffs.
It is very simple, my shmoopy. Wrestlink has been a man’s sport in the past, it is true. But many vomen have paved the road for Y Kores to succeed today, and ve three have been doink some pavink ourselves. I think ve have made it abundantly clear in our careers both here and in our past endeavours that ve provide fierce competition for the boys ve come across. Ve are certainly almost alvays outmatched in size, but ve are seldom so outmatched that ve are easy prey. Ve came to SNW management as wrestlers, not as vomen, and thus far ve have been privileged enough to be treated as wrestlers regardless of our gender. I hope Comrade Saul extends the same courtesy. He should know from our former encounters that I myself am not just any voman, and I am certainly no Diva or Knockout. I vas trained by men, have competed against men, have taken titles avay from men, and vill continue to prove my capability in the rink against men. If he thinks I am a soft, withered, pretty “harlot,” he has clearly not been payink attention and it vill be me who has an easy time of our match.
Kotch turns to the camera now, addressing it directly.
The fact of the matter is, Comrade Saul, my opponents’ vords alvays come down to the same point – he is a man and I am a voman and that automatically makes me a lesser opponent. Time after time I have proved this theory false and still you men dither on about masculine superiority and vhatnot. Qvite frankly it bores me. Say somethink more interestink. Insult my political ideologies, my ethnicity, or my silly accent. Downplay my trainink or my accomplishments. Point out your vin-loss record compared to mine. Tell me that your fans are more loyal than mine, or even that your home-town sports team is better than mine. But please – yappink on and on about your penis and my lackthereof has gotten old. In the end, this match vill end like it alvays does. I am not guaranteeink a vin, but I am guaranteeink a fight, Comrade Saul; you vill be faced vith a formidable opponent and vin, lose or draw you vill be convinced, vhether you admit it out loud or not, that I, a voman, am vone talented bitch. I beg you again, Comrade Saul, please do not take me lightly. I vill be very disappointed if I get a check in the double-u column because of your unpreparedness.
Kotch turns back to the “reporters.”
Any other qvestions?
Yeah. Cannigetta Beir from the Belfast bloody paper. I’m related to Gimmia Beir and Ivanna Beir. Can I get a bloody beer now!?
Everyone looks at the Irish “reporter” and rolls their eyes as the scene ends.
**FYI:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuri_Gagarin
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anton_Pavlovich_Chekhov
www.onlinenewspapers.com/russia.htm
www.onlinenewspapers.com/ireland.htm
www.altstuff.com/newsab.htm
Y Kores manager Xander Nova walks up to the podium and clears his throat loudly. He announces something in Russian, and, although there are no subtitles to translate, the words “The Assassin” Rory Kotch and Y Kores can be made out. Xander leaves the podium and takes up a seat in the row of “reporters” facing away from the camera.
“The Assassin” Rory Kotch strides up to the podium wearing a military-style top and black slacks, a subtly confident smile on her face and her pipe in hand. She starts speaking in Russian, obviously calling for the first question. A “reporter” raises her hand. She is wearing a Republic of Ireland flag shirt and cargo pants, and speaks with a heavy Irish accent.
Uh…English, love.
Oh right. Sorry. Thank you for havink me. Let us begin.
A man, who looks oddly like the person who just introduced Kotch, dressed in a suit with a thik Russian accent, raises his hand.
Yuri Gagarin vith the Guliay Gorod. Vhat vas it like to get the vin for your team last veek, my lovely dear?
Kotch beams lovingly back at “Mr Gagarin”.
Of course it vas vonderful, but it vould have not been any less so had my team mates got the vin. Y Kores did vhat they set out to do and that is all that matters. It doesn’t matter who got the final submission.
Another “reporter” raises her hand. She is wearing an official Vancouver 2010 Olympic sweater and has long black hair. Every time a “reporter” speaks, they sound purposefully professional.
Ivanna Kooky here from the Three Hills Capital. What was your inspiration for giving Linkin Strife a swirly on the last edition of SNO?
Vone must learn to be innovative and creative if vone vants to vin a match. I remember a time vhen I vas considered a mindless stronk-voman in FCW, but I have since proved everyvone the contrary is true. I make sure to use all the…opportunities, if you vill, available to me to vin a match. My pipe vas novhere in sight and the toilet vas. Simple as that.
Gimmia Beir o’the Fermanagh Herald. What’re the chances of you takin’ advantage of a certain pipe-shaped opportunity this week?
Kotch smirks mischievously and turns her pipe over almost lovingly in her hands.
Knowink Comrade Saul and Coach Foolery’s habit for interference, I vould say the chances are fairly good.
Imso Haut with the Eckville Echo. How is it that you have a match this week? After all, the show is called “Guy’s Night Out” and you are clearly not a guy.
No, not she is not…
Oh God, I think I’m gonna puke…
Kotch ignores the Irish “reporter.”
I do not put too much stock in the names of the shows I wrestle in. I have far too many more important thinks to vorry about. If SNW management vants to misrepresent its roster and viewers vith such an exclusive name, it is none of my business. I can only make sure they note that there are talent vomen on their roster vorthy of the opportunity they have graciously given us..
Ivanna Beir wit’ th’ Ballymoney and Moyle Times. What is yer strategy for this week’s fight against Manny Saul? How’re ye gonna make sure Coach Foolhardy ain’t gonna interfere?
Fortunately, I have the best rink-side insurance money can buy, namely my husband, the darlink Xander Nova. And if for some reason he can’t get the job done, vhich I have no doubt he vill, I have two very capable and eager team mates to help me out should the odds become overvhelmink.
Anita Dolla with the Vegreville Observer, here. What are your thoughts on Manny Saul’s obviously staged, scripted and fake press conference earlier, where he commented that it was Y Kores’ fault he lost at Natural Selection?
First of all, that sham of a press conference is a stain on the good name of press conferences everyvhere and SNW management should ban such mockery of honest reportink…
The “reporters” can’t help but snicker as Kotch continues.
…and secondly Y Kores DID cost Saul his match at Natural Selection. As ve explained before our match against the Age of SIN at SNO, ve vere in need of a break. But Saul has nothink to fear, because a break has been taken, and I am refreshed and ready to show him just vhat I am capable of. I vill not let him down this time, this I promise.
Anton Chekhov, the Nevskoe Vremya. Vhat about Comrade Saul’s assertion that wrestlink is a man’s sport and you and your team mates do not belonk?
Kotch scoffs.
It is very simple, my shmoopy. Wrestlink has been a man’s sport in the past, it is true. But many vomen have paved the road for Y Kores to succeed today, and ve three have been doink some pavink ourselves. I think ve have made it abundantly clear in our careers both here and in our past endeavours that ve provide fierce competition for the boys ve come across. Ve are certainly almost alvays outmatched in size, but ve are seldom so outmatched that ve are easy prey. Ve came to SNW management as wrestlers, not as vomen, and thus far ve have been privileged enough to be treated as wrestlers regardless of our gender. I hope Comrade Saul extends the same courtesy. He should know from our former encounters that I myself am not just any voman, and I am certainly no Diva or Knockout. I vas trained by men, have competed against men, have taken titles avay from men, and vill continue to prove my capability in the rink against men. If he thinks I am a soft, withered, pretty “harlot,” he has clearly not been payink attention and it vill be me who has an easy time of our match.
Kotch turns to the camera now, addressing it directly.
The fact of the matter is, Comrade Saul, my opponents’ vords alvays come down to the same point – he is a man and I am a voman and that automatically makes me a lesser opponent. Time after time I have proved this theory false and still you men dither on about masculine superiority and vhatnot. Qvite frankly it bores me. Say somethink more interestink. Insult my political ideologies, my ethnicity, or my silly accent. Downplay my trainink or my accomplishments. Point out your vin-loss record compared to mine. Tell me that your fans are more loyal than mine, or even that your home-town sports team is better than mine. But please – yappink on and on about your penis and my lackthereof has gotten old. In the end, this match vill end like it alvays does. I am not guaranteeink a vin, but I am guaranteeink a fight, Comrade Saul; you vill be faced vith a formidable opponent and vin, lose or draw you vill be convinced, vhether you admit it out loud or not, that I, a voman, am vone talented bitch. I beg you again, Comrade Saul, please do not take me lightly. I vill be very disappointed if I get a check in the double-u column because of your unpreparedness.
Kotch turns back to the “reporters.”
Any other qvestions?
Yeah. Cannigetta Beir from the Belfast bloody paper. I’m related to Gimmia Beir and Ivanna Beir. Can I get a bloody beer now!?
Everyone looks at the Irish “reporter” and rolls their eyes as the scene ends.
**FYI:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuri_Gagarin
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anton_Pavlovich_Chekhov
www.onlinenewspapers.com/russia.htm
www.onlinenewspapers.com/ireland.htm
www.altstuff.com/newsab.htm
