Post by Jillie on May 19, 2010 21:52:51 GMT -6
Scene opens in the Y Kores locker room. “Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu is sitting on the couch flanked by her team mates, “The Assassin” Rory Kotch and “The Other Girl” Petrina Rotchester. Both Kotch and Rotchester are holding stacks of cardboard on their laps and look to be waiting attentively for Samu to start talking.
When I started watching wrestling, there was one PPV that I looked forward to all year long. Can you guess which one it was?
Wrestlemania!?
Kotch shoots Rotchester a look.
You veren’t supposed to actually guess. It vas rhetorical.
Rotchester looks down in shame as Samu continues.
The Royal Rumble. That’s right. Not even Wrestlemania got me as excited as the Rumble. I just loved the kind of chaos that reigned for those moments, and the anticipation of guessing who the next participant was. We used to put 30 numbers in a hat and draw them, and whatever Superstar came out to that number was who you were rooting for. If your Superstar won, you won. It was so much fun.
Well now, I have an opportunity to be involved in a chaotic match that has it’s roots in the Royal Rumble, but takes it to the next level. No, not even the next level – a couple of levels above THAT. 4 Up.
We start with a good old fashioned Battle Royale. Depending on your order of elimination, you move on to a 4-way match that will make every hardcore fan wet themselves. Light Tube, TLC, Barbed Wire and Chain. Looks like I’ll be wearing my long sleeves and long pants that night. Finally, the four winners advance to the most chaotic part of all, the Cage of Death. If you think you’ve escaped the horrors of the matches you didn’t qualify for, you’ll be sadly disappointed, because your opponents will be bringing the match to you.
Now usually I’m not a big proponent of such extreme hardcore matches, but I’m not going to back down. I’m going to give it my all and prove that I belong here with the rest of the boys. And Wench.
There really is no way to prepare for a match like this. You can have your manager throw you into a fight club, or beat up your homeless lackey, but there really is no preparing. The best thing a person can do is their homework. You have to know who you’re up against and then make the most of that knowledge. So, folks, let me demonstrate the homework I have done thus far.
As Samu continues, Kotch and Rotchester alternately hold up pictures of Samu’s 4 Up opponents – stills from the promos they have done so far.
Versus Vince – I see you’re having woman problems. Maybe she’s right, you know. Maybe you should just quit while you’re ahead. You know what they say – happy wife, happy life.
Syco Boy – Old buddy, old pal! How’ve you been!? Do you know that every time I think about cage matches it’s you I think of? You and your Sycotic Cage Match? Well, this isn’t exactly the same, I guess, but I sure hope that I end up in the Cage with you again, buddy, this time a Cage of Death. Not so much for my sake – I think I still have scars from the times we’ve met inside the steel – but for the fans’ sakes. We put on one Hell of a show in there, and I know they’re waiting for another one. So do me a favour, would you? Make sure you make it to the Cage of Death, and I’ll return the courtesy, and we can relive a little of the good ol’ days and give these fans their money’s worth.
"The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler – I’m sort of surprised that you didn’t mention me, ST. We have a history that I KNOW you haven’t forgotten. I screwed you over hardcore in our past lives, and when you came here you still had the hate on for me. Now all of a sudden you’ve forgotten about me? I guess you’ve caught the same amnesia that seems to be so contagious around here. Well, I haven’t forgotten about you, and I haven’t forgotten what kind of competitor you are. I’m ready for you. I hope you’re ready for me.
"The American Lab Rat" Tyler Guevara – Ministry of hate, eh? Sounds like I don’t even have to worry about you, Ty. It seems, of your own admission that everyone else in this match is going to look after putting you in your place, leaving me to concentrate on bigger and fatter opponents. Of course, that’s what you want me, and everyone else, in this match to think, right? “Oh, don’t worry about poor little me. I’m not going to win.” Pft. I’m not that dumb. You’ll be on my radar as equally as everyone else in this match.
Mike "Beastman" Hanson – Really? Do I have to say anything? Except to apologize for forgetting his sandwich the other night? I’ve said everything I need to say about this blob, and not like it matters because he won’t listen anyway. Let’s move onto someone more interesting, shall we?
Levetation – my thong wearing, vodka drinking, streaking little buddy. We have quite the history. I’m very excited at the prospect of meeting you in one of the 4 Up matches, and even in the Cage of Death. I’m glad that I won’t have to explain to you that I am a force to be reckoned with, and I know you’re glad that I won’t be confused about you, either. Good luck, buddy.
Wench – Ah, Wench. Cute, little, teeny, weenie Wench. Just kidding, Chick. Kudo’s on the anatomy lesson, by the way. I think more than just our pal Ty needed that. You and I both know that you are one serious competitor in that ring. You and I have had some fun times, eh? I bet this will be fun, too. We’ve had our differences, Hell, we might even still have differences. But let’s forget about that for one night and show these big, bad boys how it’s done. What do you say?
Simon Sensation – Seems like you and I are not so unalike, after all, Gambit. I am not a giant fan of hardcore wrestling, either, but as a chick who wants to be taken seriously as a wrestler and not a Diva in this business sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I have been in my share of hardcore matches. Like you, they’re not my favourite, but also like you, I expect my performance in this match to put me permanently on the map. However, if by “never really broken away from the pack to hold some gold of her own” you mean in my entire career…well, I don’t think I have time to rattle off my accomplishments AGAIN for you, pal. SNW gold has thus far eluded me, it’s true, but by the time this weekend is over you nor anyone else is going to be able to beak at my record here anymore.
"The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson – I have some bad news for you, Jimmy. You’re not going to be able to win the match unless you get a little violent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not thrilled at the possibility of being in a light tube match myself, and I’m going to do my best not to permanently maim anyone, but there’s going to have to be some weapon use on my part for sure. I suggest you re-evaluate your strategy, Jimmy. Or not. I guess the more wimp- …er… “Anti-Hardcore” you are the better chance I have, eh?
Danny "The Sahara Reign" Palis – You seem a little cookoo, quite frankly, but that’s probably to your advantage. There really is nothing more to say about you, I guess. You like pain. Good. You’re going to be in a lot of it, most likely. Good luck, buddy.
We already did Tyler.
This is a different Tyler.
There’s more than one Tyler?
Yeah. Remember? This is the guy that beat up that poor homeless bloke?
Oh right.
"The Solution" Tyler Straven– you certainly are a dramatic one, aren’t you, Ty? You actually kind of creep me out a little. And based on your little letter to Wench on TylerStraven.com you are not too educated, either. Apparently, your little “Solution” doesn’t require one know how to write. But being creepy and having poor grammar isn’t going to win you a match. Knowing your opponents will, and that’s something you have clearly overlooked. That or you can’t count. As Wench so graciously pointed out earlier, there are 14 men, and two chicks. Let’s hope you don’t fall victim to the plague of under-estimation that seems to have infected this place as of late and you bring you’re a-Game. Regardless of your opinion on the femininity of Wench and myself, we are obviously people with talent, drive, determination and grit; otherwise SNW management wouldn’t have bothered booking us in this match. That’s all the warning I’m going to give you.
Vincent Matthews – I hope all the changes you’ve made include getting your head on straight about the women in this company. You were Y Kores’ first SNW thorn, you and your chauvinist friends, and I am interested to see how your little transformation will turn out for you. I honestly am. I guess we’ll see on Saturday whether or not changing your name means you’ve changed your course.
Andy Lionheart , Chris P, and "God's Gift" Chase Daniels - You four have been awefully quite. I hope that means that you’re busy in the gym getting prepared and can’t spare the time to talk about it. Because the other option is that you’re too confident and don’t think we’re worth your time. That’s only going to disappoint me.
And that brings me to "Everyone's Favourite Canadian Lady" Adriana Samu. I am looking forward to this match, actually, despite the fact that I’m likely going to have to make a blood sacrifice to the Wrestling Gods. I am excited at the prospect of getting to face off against any combination of some old friends and foes, and some new talent. I’m always up for a challenge, and this will be one hell of a challenge, that I am sure of.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I hope to be eliminated in such and such a place so I can compete in the match that most suits me. I’m not going to yap about how I’m going to use this match to push my “solution” on anyone or demonstrate my moral superiority. I am simply going to do my best, let the chips fall where they may, make the most of whatever match and weapons I am awarded, and, if everything works out the way I want, have the reigning Texas Champion strap that Bad Blood Championship belt around my waist by the end of the night.
Then I’m going to take a nap.
Good luck boys, and Wench. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday!
When I started watching wrestling, there was one PPV that I looked forward to all year long. Can you guess which one it was?
Wrestlemania!?
Kotch shoots Rotchester a look.
You veren’t supposed to actually guess. It vas rhetorical.
Rotchester looks down in shame as Samu continues.
The Royal Rumble. That’s right. Not even Wrestlemania got me as excited as the Rumble. I just loved the kind of chaos that reigned for those moments, and the anticipation of guessing who the next participant was. We used to put 30 numbers in a hat and draw them, and whatever Superstar came out to that number was who you were rooting for. If your Superstar won, you won. It was so much fun.
Well now, I have an opportunity to be involved in a chaotic match that has it’s roots in the Royal Rumble, but takes it to the next level. No, not even the next level – a couple of levels above THAT. 4 Up.
We start with a good old fashioned Battle Royale. Depending on your order of elimination, you move on to a 4-way match that will make every hardcore fan wet themselves. Light Tube, TLC, Barbed Wire and Chain. Looks like I’ll be wearing my long sleeves and long pants that night. Finally, the four winners advance to the most chaotic part of all, the Cage of Death. If you think you’ve escaped the horrors of the matches you didn’t qualify for, you’ll be sadly disappointed, because your opponents will be bringing the match to you.
Now usually I’m not a big proponent of such extreme hardcore matches, but I’m not going to back down. I’m going to give it my all and prove that I belong here with the rest of the boys. And Wench.
There really is no way to prepare for a match like this. You can have your manager throw you into a fight club, or beat up your homeless lackey, but there really is no preparing. The best thing a person can do is their homework. You have to know who you’re up against and then make the most of that knowledge. So, folks, let me demonstrate the homework I have done thus far.
As Samu continues, Kotch and Rotchester alternately hold up pictures of Samu’s 4 Up opponents – stills from the promos they have done so far.
Versus Vince – I see you’re having woman problems. Maybe she’s right, you know. Maybe you should just quit while you’re ahead. You know what they say – happy wife, happy life.
Syco Boy – Old buddy, old pal! How’ve you been!? Do you know that every time I think about cage matches it’s you I think of? You and your Sycotic Cage Match? Well, this isn’t exactly the same, I guess, but I sure hope that I end up in the Cage with you again, buddy, this time a Cage of Death. Not so much for my sake – I think I still have scars from the times we’ve met inside the steel – but for the fans’ sakes. We put on one Hell of a show in there, and I know they’re waiting for another one. So do me a favour, would you? Make sure you make it to the Cage of Death, and I’ll return the courtesy, and we can relive a little of the good ol’ days and give these fans their money’s worth.
"The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler – I’m sort of surprised that you didn’t mention me, ST. We have a history that I KNOW you haven’t forgotten. I screwed you over hardcore in our past lives, and when you came here you still had the hate on for me. Now all of a sudden you’ve forgotten about me? I guess you’ve caught the same amnesia that seems to be so contagious around here. Well, I haven’t forgotten about you, and I haven’t forgotten what kind of competitor you are. I’m ready for you. I hope you’re ready for me.
"The American Lab Rat" Tyler Guevara – Ministry of hate, eh? Sounds like I don’t even have to worry about you, Ty. It seems, of your own admission that everyone else in this match is going to look after putting you in your place, leaving me to concentrate on bigger and fatter opponents. Of course, that’s what you want me, and everyone else, in this match to think, right? “Oh, don’t worry about poor little me. I’m not going to win.” Pft. I’m not that dumb. You’ll be on my radar as equally as everyone else in this match.
Mike "Beastman" Hanson – Really? Do I have to say anything? Except to apologize for forgetting his sandwich the other night? I’ve said everything I need to say about this blob, and not like it matters because he won’t listen anyway. Let’s move onto someone more interesting, shall we?
Levetation – my thong wearing, vodka drinking, streaking little buddy. We have quite the history. I’m very excited at the prospect of meeting you in one of the 4 Up matches, and even in the Cage of Death. I’m glad that I won’t have to explain to you that I am a force to be reckoned with, and I know you’re glad that I won’t be confused about you, either. Good luck, buddy.
Wench – Ah, Wench. Cute, little, teeny, weenie Wench. Just kidding, Chick. Kudo’s on the anatomy lesson, by the way. I think more than just our pal Ty needed that. You and I both know that you are one serious competitor in that ring. You and I have had some fun times, eh? I bet this will be fun, too. We’ve had our differences, Hell, we might even still have differences. But let’s forget about that for one night and show these big, bad boys how it’s done. What do you say?
Simon Sensation – Seems like you and I are not so unalike, after all, Gambit. I am not a giant fan of hardcore wrestling, either, but as a chick who wants to be taken seriously as a wrestler and not a Diva in this business sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I have been in my share of hardcore matches. Like you, they’re not my favourite, but also like you, I expect my performance in this match to put me permanently on the map. However, if by “never really broken away from the pack to hold some gold of her own” you mean in my entire career…well, I don’t think I have time to rattle off my accomplishments AGAIN for you, pal. SNW gold has thus far eluded me, it’s true, but by the time this weekend is over you nor anyone else is going to be able to beak at my record here anymore.
"The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson – I have some bad news for you, Jimmy. You’re not going to be able to win the match unless you get a little violent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not thrilled at the possibility of being in a light tube match myself, and I’m going to do my best not to permanently maim anyone, but there’s going to have to be some weapon use on my part for sure. I suggest you re-evaluate your strategy, Jimmy. Or not. I guess the more wimp- …er… “Anti-Hardcore” you are the better chance I have, eh?
Danny "The Sahara Reign" Palis – You seem a little cookoo, quite frankly, but that’s probably to your advantage. There really is nothing more to say about you, I guess. You like pain. Good. You’re going to be in a lot of it, most likely. Good luck, buddy.
We already did Tyler.
This is a different Tyler.
There’s more than one Tyler?
Yeah. Remember? This is the guy that beat up that poor homeless bloke?
Oh right.
"The Solution" Tyler Straven– you certainly are a dramatic one, aren’t you, Ty? You actually kind of creep me out a little. And based on your little letter to Wench on TylerStraven.com you are not too educated, either. Apparently, your little “Solution” doesn’t require one know how to write. But being creepy and having poor grammar isn’t going to win you a match. Knowing your opponents will, and that’s something you have clearly overlooked. That or you can’t count. As Wench so graciously pointed out earlier, there are 14 men, and two chicks. Let’s hope you don’t fall victim to the plague of under-estimation that seems to have infected this place as of late and you bring you’re a-Game. Regardless of your opinion on the femininity of Wench and myself, we are obviously people with talent, drive, determination and grit; otherwise SNW management wouldn’t have bothered booking us in this match. That’s all the warning I’m going to give you.
Vincent Matthews – I hope all the changes you’ve made include getting your head on straight about the women in this company. You were Y Kores’ first SNW thorn, you and your chauvinist friends, and I am interested to see how your little transformation will turn out for you. I honestly am. I guess we’ll see on Saturday whether or not changing your name means you’ve changed your course.
Andy Lionheart , Chris P, and "God's Gift" Chase Daniels - You four have been awefully quite. I hope that means that you’re busy in the gym getting prepared and can’t spare the time to talk about it. Because the other option is that you’re too confident and don’t think we’re worth your time. That’s only going to disappoint me.
And that brings me to "Everyone's Favourite Canadian Lady" Adriana Samu. I am looking forward to this match, actually, despite the fact that I’m likely going to have to make a blood sacrifice to the Wrestling Gods. I am excited at the prospect of getting to face off against any combination of some old friends and foes, and some new talent. I’m always up for a challenge, and this will be one hell of a challenge, that I am sure of.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I hope to be eliminated in such and such a place so I can compete in the match that most suits me. I’m not going to yap about how I’m going to use this match to push my “solution” on anyone or demonstrate my moral superiority. I am simply going to do my best, let the chips fall where they may, make the most of whatever match and weapons I am awarded, and, if everything works out the way I want, have the reigning Texas Champion strap that Bad Blood Championship belt around my waist by the end of the night.
Then I’m going to take a nap.
Good luck boys, and Wench. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday!
