Saturday Night Onslaught: 6/12/10

[Hollywood]

In a pre-show dark match:
Lucky Kage def. Jive Talkin' Stu after hitting the Kaged Animal.

"Thunderkiss 65" plays in the background as a video montage of SNW highlights is played.



The fans are rabid as always as the camera pans around to see various signs such as "BRING BACK DEREK SITAR!" "WHERE'S GREGGO?" and "DUNPORK'S GAVE ME E. COLI!"

LIVE FROM THE GORDIETORIUM!! FT. WORTH, TX!!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Welcome, everyone, to Saturday Night Onslaught, in front of a raucous, sold out crowd of 3,524 inside the Gordietorium in Downtown Fort Worth, Texas! I'm Mark Followill, joined by Jason Martel.

JASON MARTEL
And Mark, we're kicking off the show with one half of the Texas Tag Team Champions, Soul Reaper, taking on Simon Sensation!

Gold and blue lights start flashing near the entrance curtain as "Simply The Best" by Tina Turner hits over the PA system. Simon Sensation makes his way out from behind the curtain and stands there in his black robe, looking around at the crowd with a smirk on his face to mostly cheers from the audience, but there are some fans in the audience booing him.

MONICA DELUCA
This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada and weighing 227 lbs, Simon Sensation!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Simon Sensation, one half of the #1 contenders to the Texas Tag Team Titles after he and Johnny Moxie defeated three different tag teams in the tag team turmoil match last week on Guys Night Out.

JASON MARTEL
I have to admit, SiMox is showing a sense of urgency in their bid against Death Sentence, something we haven't seen since the Young Gunz went after Death Sentence.

Simon makes his way to the ring, then hops onto the apron and gets on his left knee, smirking at the fans as he rises to his feet on the apron. He steps through the ropes into the ring, takes off his robe and dumps it to the ring attendant as his music dies down. "Inside The Fire" blasts over the PA, and the entire crowd jumps to their feet, going crazy as Soul Reaper, adorned in his sleeveless hooded robe and his Texas Tag Team Championship belt around his waist, makes his way out from behind the entrance curtain, showing no emotion on his face as he shoots an ice cold glare toward Simon Sensation.

MONICA DELUCA
His opponent, from Fresno, California and weighing 242 lbs, one half of the SNW Texas Tag Team Champions, Soul Reaper!

Reaper enters the ring, taking off his hooded robe and handing it to the ring attendant. He then cracks his neck and knuckles as he gets ready for his bout.

Soul Reaper vs Simon Sensation

Simon Sensation showed everyone why he was one half of the #1 contenders to the Texas Tag Team Titles as he gave Soul Reaper all he could handle in this match. Simon started the match off with several European uppercuts that backed Reaper against the ropes, followed up by Simon whipping Reaper into the ropes, then taking him down with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Simon went for an early cover, but only got a two count for his efforts. Simon continued to work over Reaper, but made a big mistake when he went for a moonsault, only for Reaper to roll out of the way as Simon crashed onto the canvas. Reaper proceeded to work Simon over with several stiff kicks, followed by a series of stiff clotheslines. The tide turned back into Simon's favor as Reaper went for the Heart Stopper Spinebuster, only for Simon to counter with a single arm DDT. The match continued to go back and forth for the next several minutes as Reaper and Simon exchanged moves and counter moves to the "OOOOOOHs!" and "AAAAHHHHs!" of the crowd. The end came when Simon whipped Reaper into the ropes, then went for the Sin City Slam as Reaper rebounded off the ropes. But Reaper countered and took Simon down, locking him in the Cold, Hard Truth in the middle of the ring. Simon had no choice to tap out as "Inside The Fire" boomed over the PA to the delight of the cheering crowd.

MONICA DELUCA
Here is your winner by submission, Soul Reaper!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Soul Reaper forcing Simon Sensation to tap out to the Cold, Hard Truth.

JASON MARTEL
Smart move, in my humble opinion. Simon Sensation had nothing to lose in this match and needed to keep himself in condition for the Texas Tag Title match in two weeks on The Main Event.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Speaking of, let's take it to I.P. Freely who has news concerning The Main Event on June 26!

Shot statics out, then statics into the next scene. I.P. Freely is standing in front of the SNW banner as the production of the scene looks pretty low budget(a lot like the old ECW promos from back in the day).

IP FREELY
Fans, it's upon us. Saturday night, June 26 at 11:30 PM EST/10:30 PM CST, Sports Nutz Wrestling presents The Main Event on the CW Network from the sold out Bethesda Christian School in Fort Worth, Texas. Now for you fans attending the event, don't forget that you need to actually show up on Thursday night, June 24, with the doors opening at 6:30 and bell time at 8.

Now as we all know, the current SNW Texas Tag Team Champions, Death Sentence, will be putting their titles on the line against the #1 contenders, SiMox. But that's not all. It's title vs. career as Wench puts the SNW Von Erich Memorial Title on the line against the young career of 24 year old "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels. That's right... if Kid Thunder loses, he must RETIRE from professional wrestling. Kid Thunder has stated that he's confident enough in his abilities to be able to win the belt from Wench that he accepts the stipulation of him having to retire should he lose.

We have also been informed that Kijar Donnelly will receive his shot at the Bad Blood Title that he earned at 4 Up as he takes on James Jackson in a Tap Out Match. The only way to win this match is to make your opponent actually tap out. He can yell "I quit!" or "I give up!" all he wants, but that will not end the match. It will only end on a tap out.

In a tag team grudge match, Syco Boy and Dave Mason, Xtreme Team, take on "The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler and Benson, the Enforcers of Pain. These four men go all the way back to their days up in Canada, wrestling for FCW. They all were great friends at one time, wrestling each other out of respect. Now they are hated rivals, wrestling each other out of spite for one another. And I have a feeling this rivalry won't end at The Main Event.

And rounding out the card, a six man tag team match up that will pit Jack Clinton, Chris P, and SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, Chris Angel, against Danny "The Sahara Reign" Palis, and his two men that he's teaming up with tonight, "The Solution" Tyler Straven and "The Homeless Guy" Steve, otherwise known as the Black Hand.

Fans, don't make yourself suffer with an unfunny rerun on Saturday night, June 26. Tune in to The Main Event instead at 11:30 PM EST/10:30 PM CST, right here on the CW Network.

[Hollywood]

Brenda Price stands by in front of the Saturday Night Onslaught banner, ready for an interview. Alongside her is a sharp dressed young man, wearing a brown long sleeve shirt, and blue jeans. The man is revealed to be Lucky Kage.

BRENDA PRICE
I'm here with SNW's newest acquisition, Lucky Kage. Lucky, what are your thoughts on signing with Sports Nutz Wrestling?

LUCKY KAGE
I couldn't be more excited. This is the business that I love, and this is my first real promotion I've ever been in. And that's not even the best part! What did you say your name was? Cheryl?

BRENDA PRICE
Well, actually, I didn't say my name...

LUCKY KAGE
Alright, well, anyways, The best part is that I'm in the same company as my legendary uncle. The brother of my mother! One third, or fourth, rather, if you count Valerie, of the Versus Violation, and one half of the Switch Stallions... he is "The Switchblade!!!" he is... SETH DAVIDS!

BRENDA PRICE
Well, Lucky, you're about one mile and two bottles of whiskey away from being off the active roster and onto the ring announcing team.

LUCKY KAGE
I'm going to pretend that made sense, and continue my rant. Seth is perhaps the greatest mentor anyone could ever have, which is why he trained Kijar Donnelly, helped train Versus Vince, and trained myself. That's why he has put his life on the line every week in SNW, to prove something to everyone! He gives his life every week. And you bet your pretty little ass I'll be in the crowd to support him and the rest of the Violation here tonight. Cut. Post. Print.

Lucky Kage kisses Brenda Price's hand before turning around and leaving the scene. The shot switches over to ringside, where we see Preston Munchinsonton, Constantine Ramos and Maximilian Cortez already in the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
The following is a six person tag team contest, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Concession Stands, Constantine Ramos and Maximilian Cortez, the Sixth Street Assassins! Their partner, from Addison, Texas and weighing 211 lbs, Preston Munchinsonton!

There's a smattering of boos as Preston and the Sixth Street Assassins raise their arms in the air in a failed attempt at trying to get an ovation from the crowd. "You Better Pray" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus hits over the PA, and the crowd goes wild as Adriana Samu comes bouncing out from behind the curtain, with Rory Kotch following behind on one side, and Petrina Rotchester following behind on the other side. Xander Nova follows behind everyone else as they all make their way down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents, led to the ring by Xander Nova, the team of "Everyone's Favourite Canadian Lady" Adriana Samu, "The Assassin" Rory Kotch, and "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester... Y Kores!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Y Kores seem to be more inconsistent than the Dallas Cowboys as of late.

JASON MARTEL
Nah, they're consistently bigger losers than Rich Harden as of late.

MARK FOLLOWILL
You've already had your ass kicked by Jack Clinton and Chris Angel before! And you've pissed off others such as Chris P and the Destruction Crew! You want these three girls on your case?!

JASON MARTEL
Nah, I want them on my pe...

MARK FOLLOWILL
SIR!!! You'll be damn lucky if these three don't hit you with a lawsuit! Even Chris Maxwell would be disgusted by the comment you were about to make!

JASON MARTEL
Meh.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Don't "meh" me!

Right as Y Kores enter the ring, Preston and the Sixth Street Assassins try to ambush them, but Y Kores turn the tables.

Y Kores vs Preston Munchinsonton and Sixth Street Assassins

Y Kores made Preston and the Sixth Street Assassins pay for their mistake of trying to ambush them before the bell. The match was out of control the whole time as all six people were in the ring at all times, with Samu, Kotch and Rotchester dominating their opponents the whole match. The crowd popped big time when all three ladies climbed to the top turnbuckle, then came flying down, knocking each of their respective opponents down with missile dropkicks. Kotch and Rotchester dropkicked the Sixth Street Assassins so hard that they were sent rolling out of the ring, leaving Preston Munchinsonton all by himself. Samu instructed Kotch to go outside and keep Cortez and Ramos at bay while she and Rotchester went to work to finish Preston off. Rotchester picked Preston up in a vertical suplex, holding him up there as Samu climbed to the top turnbuckle. Samu dove off the top turnbuckle, nailing Preston in the midsection with a Tornado Kick, sending Rotchester down to nail Preston with the Bottlecap DDT as Followill shouted "TORNADO BOTTLECAP ARTHUR JEFFERSON!" while Martel corrected Followill by saying "Don't you mean Adriana Samu?" Samu went for the cover, and got the easy one-two-three.

Winners: Y Kores

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, Y Kores!

MARK FOLLOWILL
What an exciting match for Y Kores fans!

JASON MARTEL
So exciting that you went insane once again.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well the excitement continues on Saturday Night Onslaught as up next, Cyanide takes on Johnny Moxie!

[Hollywood]

"Cyanide" by Metallica echoes over the loudspeakers, as the lights in the Gordietorium dim green. Holding a Texas Tag Team Title belt, Cyanide is shown in front of the entrance curtain.

MONICA DELUCA
The following contest is set for one fall. I introduce to your first, hailing from San Jose, California, with a weight of 225 lbs, he is one half of your Texas Tag Team Champions, Cyanide!

MARK FOLLOWILL
There he is, Martel, the second half of Death Sentence. He's certainly looking to prove to everyone that Johnny Moxie is nothing compared to him, by beating him tonight.

JASON MARTEL
Both of these men have nothing to lose, but nothing to gain. It makes me sick to see that they are cheered for.

Cyanide, mask and all, walks down to the ring. Smoke flutters at the entrance as the fans cheer him on. He steps inside the ring and glares through his mask with great intent at the entrance for his opponent. "I Can't Wait" by Nu Shooz begins playing over the loud speakers for Johnny Moxie's entrance.

MONICA DELUCA
And introducing next, his opponent, from Manhattan, New York, and weighing in at 215 lbs, Johnny Moxie!

MARK FOLLOWILL
And now Johnny Moxie makes his way to the ring. Cyanide of Death Sentence, takes on Johnny Moxie, who teams with Simon Sensation in SiMox. The possibilities are endless, Jason.

JASON MARTEL
Mark, how about you stop focusing on the "possibilities" and start watching the match, as its about to get underway.

Johnny Moxie, surprised by the mixed reaction he receives, decides to just walk down to the ring, rather than share his emotion with the crowd. He smirks as he reaches the ring apron, just before getting on and raising his arms to quite a big cheer. A leap over the ropes by Moxie is seen before the bell sounds, and the match begins.

Cyanide vs Johnny Moxie

Cyanide had wanted to start things off with a lockup, but Johnny Moxie brought him down with a dropkick instead. Moxie dropped down instantly, bringing things to a headscissors retaliation. Cyanide powered out after endless minutes of Moxie executing the submission hold, and tossed Moxie right onto the canvas. Johnny rolled out of the ring, and stood up while on the apron. Moxie went for a Springboard Moonsault, but was met with a stiff kick to the stomach from Cyanide in mid-air. Cyanide lifted his downed opponent at this point, and went for a Tiger Suplex. The move was easily reversed by the resilient member of SiMox, and Cyanide was brought down with a Hurricanranna. Moxie returned to the apron, and this time successfully hit a Somersault Splash. The pin cover here was at two and a half. Moxie picked Cyanide up, but Cyanide belted him with a roundhouse kick, shifting the momentum into his favor. Cyanide continued to work over Moxie for the next several minutes, using a variety of stiff kicks, chops, and submissions. Moxie got things turned around when Cyanide ducked down for an overhead back body drop, and Moxie caught him with a swinging neckbreaker. Moxie proceeded to work Cyanide over as well. Moxie brought Cyanide to his feet, but was met with a few stiff kicks to the sternum. However, Moxie staggered him with a dropkick out of nowhere, then took him down with a DDT that spiked Cyanide so hard that his legs were up in the air before he fell down. Moxie climbed up to the top turnbuckle and was able to hit Cyanide with the In-Mox-Ication. He covered for the three count, and that was all she wrote as the bell sounded.

MONICA DELUCA
And your winner, Johnny Moxie!

JASON MARTEL
As if I cared, but the versatile member of SiMox got the pin over Cyanide here in the Gordietorium.

MARK FOLLOWILL
And as if Martel's opinion mattered, the smaller man was able to get the win, cementing the alliance. Things between SiMox and Death Sentence just got even more heated. And speaking of heat, let's send it to Brenda Price who has news concerning Summer Bash!

Shot statics out, then statics back into a shot of Brenda Price in front of the SNW banner(most likely located somewhere in the bowels of the Gordietorium), standing by with news on Summer Bash as "Peace Sells" by Megadeth plays in the background.

BRENDA PRICE
Hello, and welcome to the Summer Bash Report. I'm Brenda Price, and on Saturday night, July 24, SNW comes to the sold out Moody Coliseum in Dallas, Texas for Summer Bash. The only way to see this if you don't have tickets is to order it on PPV from your local cable or satellite provider. And if you don't have cable or satellite for whatever reason, or you're stuck with a provider that won't carry Summer Bash, then you can order from us at SNW over at SNW.com and watch it from there. Did I mention that SNW PPVs are only $14.95?! Yes, even WrestleStock, our biggest PPV of the year, was only $14.95. Don't miss out, order now.

One match that was announced last week will pit Chris P against whoever is the SNW Von Erich Memorial Champion by the time Summer Bash rolls around. Speaking of titles, the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship will be on the line as Chris Angel will put the belt on the line in a Four Way Elimination Bout against Jack Clinton, and two of SNW's breakout stars, "The Solution" Tyler Straven and Versus Vince. The rules are simple. Once you are pinned or made to submit, you hit the showers. Once three wrestlers are eliminated by pinfall or submission, the last wrestler standing will be declared the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion.

Two big matches announced thus far, and more will be announced in the coming weeks, including who will take part in the War Games this year. For the Summer Bash Report, I'm Brenda Price.

Shot statics out, then statics back into the next scene, where we see Gordon Heath, wearing a bandage over his forehead as a result of a beating he took on APW Overdrive this past Thursday night, sitting in front of his computer inside his office. Chris P barges into the room, startling Gordie. Before Gordie can say a word, Chris P picks him up by the collar of his sports coat and slams his back up against the wall as Gordie looks like he's about to crap his pants.

CHRIS P
You listen here, and listen good, pal! Don't you EVER... I mean EVER... screw me over like you did last week! You understand?!

Gordie nods his head.

CHRIS P
Good. I'll see you around.

Chris lets go of Gordie, causing him to drop down to the floor.

[Hollywood]

"Chicken Huntin" by the Insane Clown Posse blasts over the PA, and the Alley Ratz walk out to the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd, but they don't seem to give a damn.

MONICA DELUCA
The following is a ten man tag match set for one fall. Introducing first, the team of Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Ten man tag team action on the way here tonight as the Alley Ratz must figure out a way to work as a team with Killer Kong, Mike Hanson and the Mauler of the Destruction Crew.

JASON MARTEL
It's not going to work, Fozzywill. Meanwhile, across the ring, you have Danny Palis, the Black Hand and the Enforcers of Pain. And while they haven't all teamed up together, they don't seem to have the hatred that the Destruction Crew has for the Alley Ratz.

Eddy and Twitch slide into the ring, not caring about the fan reaction one way or the other as their music dies down. The main chorus of "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by George Thorogood blasts over the PA, and the fans go wild as the Gambler leads Killer Kong, the Mauler and Mike "Beastman" Hanson out to the ring. Kong is grunting, Hanson is slamming his bull rope down on the floor, and Mauler is shouting "HUSS! HUSS!" all the way down to the ring area.

MONICA DELUCA
Their partners, led to the ring by the Gambler, the team of Killer Kong, the Mauler and Mike "Beastman" Hanson, the Destruction Crew!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well it looks like the Destruction Crew has recovered nicely from their hangover binge from the other day.

JASON MARTEL
Too bad they didn't choke anybody with a tie, then they'd finally be out of here.

Kong, Mauler and Hanson look like they're ready to beat up the Ratz, but Gambler pulls them aside and tells them that they need to work with Eddy and Twitch. "Shitlist" by L7 hits over the PA, and the fans boo their lungs out as S.T. Strickler and Benson walk out from behind the curtain, both of them sneering at the fans.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents... first, the team of "The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler and Benson, the Enforcers of Pain!

MARK FOLLOWILL
The Enforcers of Pain have a big match coming up in two weeks against Xtreme Team. But tonight, they have to focus their energy on teaming with Danny Palis, Tyler Straven and Steve against the Alley Ratz and Destruction Crew.

JASON MARTEL
Oh believe me, they'll be focused. They can't stand the Ratz or the Crew.

Strickler tries to keep Benson separated from a fan at ringside that's giving Benson the business. Benson is threatening to hit the fan until Strickler tells him to cool off. They enter the ring as their music dies down. "Cotton Mouth" by Reknor blasts over the PA as lights inside the Gordietorium flicker on and off. The fans continue to boo as Tyler Straven emerges from behind the curtain, with Steve following suit, keeping a good distance from Straven.

MONICA DELUCA
Their partners, the team of "The Solution" Tyler Straven and "The Homeless Guy," Steve, they are the Black Hand!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Last week, at the bidding of Tyler Straven, Steve came out and interfered in his handicap match against the Switch Stallions.

JASON MARTEL
Hey, wouldn't you help out someone that burned your hand?

MARK FOLLOWILL
That's what makes this even more repulsive!

Tyler Straven looks around the Gordietorium with a disgusted look on his face, then spits on the floor. He does his best to ignore the fans as he strolls down to the ring, with Steve following behind him. Tyler enters the ring and makes his way over to his corner, leaning on it, raising his hands and bowing his head as he's talking to himself. Steve rolls into the ring and tries to stay as far away from Tyler as possible as their music dies down. "Bad Street USA" by Michael Hayes and the Bad Street Band blares over the speakers, and the fans continue their heckling as Danny Palis enters the Gordietorium, flask in hand. He ignores the booing fans as he makes his way down to the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
And their partner, Danny "The Sahara Reign" Palis!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Danny Palis is quite an odd duck, but he has been climbing the ranks of SNW as of late.

JASON MARTEL
Ever since that fluke of a loss, Palis has been tearing it up, making it to the Cage Of Death at 4 Up, and now finds himself in some stiff competition in this ten man tag team match.

Palis takes a sip of his Crown and Coke, then spits it at the Mauler, infuriating him, causing a big ten man brawl to break out in the ring.

Danny Palis, Enforcers of Pain and Black Hand vs Alley Ratz and Destruction Crew

The referee had a hard time with this bout from the get go after Palis spit his Crown and Coke into Mauler's face, prompting all ten men to go at it inside the ring. The brawl even spilled to the outside when Danny Palis smashed his flask over Mauler's head, sending him falling through the ropes and onto the floor. Mauler's head was busted wide open as a result, and Palis followed him out to do more damage. But Mauler smashed him over the head with a chair. Meanwhile the Ratz were going at it with the Enforcers of Pain, and the Black Hand were tied up with Killer Kong and Mike Hanson. Fists were flying, and we even saw wrestlers yelling at fans to give them chairs and smashing each other in the head with said chairs. This all out brawl even saw referee Danny Travers get knocked out inadvertently when Killer Kong charged into the corner, attempting to hit an Avalanche on Benson, only for Benson to get out of the way and push referee Danny Travers into the Avalanche, sending Travers crumbling down in a heap. Everyone kept brawling, with the Enforcers of Pain, the Alley Ratz, Danny Palis, the Mauler and Mike Hanson taking their brawls out of the ring and into the audience, and eventually going through the various exit doors as they practically disappeared from the match. That left Killer Kong by himself to duke it out with Tyler Straven and Steve. Kong held his own, dominating Straven and Steve from pillar to post until Matt Margera, Andy Lionheart, Tyler Guevara and Wench all ran down to the ring to loud boos from the fans. Kong turned around and ate a big boot from Guevara. Outside the ring, Margera floored the Gambler with the Benihana. Wench and Lionheart looked under the ring and grabbed a couple of steel chairs that happened to be under the ring as Kong slowly got up to his knees. Wench and Lionheart slid into the ring and delivered a vile Conchairto, jarring Kong's head as he fell down in a heap. Straven and Steve looked on in bewilderment as Margera ordered his minions to go to the back with him. Straven then ordered Steve to wake up the ref as he turned Kong over and went for the pin. The ref slowly made the count, giving Straven's team the victory.

Winners: The Black Hand, Enforcers of Pain and Danny Palis

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, Danny Palis, the Enforcers of Pain and the Black Hand!

MARK FOLLOWILL
What a miscarriage of justice!

JASON MARTEL
Hey, Matt Margera is just ordering his troops to make SNW a Perfect World.

MARK FOLLOWILL
There was no excuse for that whatsoever!

[Hollywood]

Shot opens in one of the backstage hallways of the Gordietorium. Matt Margera and Wench walk arm-in-arm, with Tyler Guevara and Andy Lionheart following behind them. Matt addresses his minions as they walk down the hallway.

MATT MARGERA
The cleansing and salvation of Sports Nutz Wrestling is underway. First, we took care of Killer Kong and the Gambler, and soon we will take care of the rest of the Destruction Crew as they represent all seven deadly sins. However, before we take care of the rest of the Crew, we must cleanse SNW of the Versus Violation. There is no hope for salvation for the Violation, as they must be cast into eternal damnation. And if James Jackson decides to get involved, we will cast down judgment upon him as well.

Out of nowhere, the lights go out. Wench is screaming, while Matt Margera and Tyler Guevara is shouting, "What's going on?!" We hear what sounds like someone getting hit, followed by a loud thud onto the floor.

MATT MARGERA
What was that?! What the hell was that?!

The lights come back on, and Matt Margera, Wench and Tyler Guevara all look around, then look down and are in shock and dismay as they see Andy Lionheart lying down on the floor. They jump down to check on on him, then Matt yells for help as the shot switches over to the broadcast location.

MARK FOLLOWILL
What on earth did we just witness?

JASON MARTEL
Beats the hell out of me!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well be that as it may, let's throw it to Misty Crawford, who's joining us live via satellite from the Darkness Casino in Downtown Dallas, Texas!

MISTY CRAWFORD
Thanks Mark! Folks the election season in SNW is here, as we charge towards Summer Bash where the first ever President of SNW will be chosen by YOU the people. However I do have some news to report on two candidates in the race.

Robert Evans has announced his concession from the race, due to an unfortunate injury to his running mate Franco D'Angelo. There hasn't been an official release on what D'Angelo suffered, however I've been told from reliable sources that he was looking online for the leaked topless pictures of Lacey Von Erich, and he suffered a very embarrassing injury to his penis. This has not been confirmed as of yet however.

Also, we are very saddened to report that Mike Bascik will also be dropping out of the race to become SNW's first ever President. Mr. Bascik made some very off color comments regarding the residents of the fine nation of Canada, implying that they were performing acts of a sexual nature on a moose while intoxicated. This drew the ire of SNW wrestler "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels, who went to both Gordon Heath and Codi Shane demanding that Bascik be dropped from the race or he would quit. Even with resounding support for both the sake of Bascik and for the departure of Daniels, Bascik has since dropped out of the race.

This leaves the former manager of Vincent Matthews and resident horn dog Myke Rhines the favorite for the job, as he's the only person left in the race. There is still plenty of time before Summer Bash however, and while projections seem to have Rhines pelvic thrusting his way into the newest position of authority, who knows what surprises are in store as we continue to make our way towards Summer Bash. This has been Misty Crawford with your SNW Election 2010 Update.

[Hollywood]

"Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin is playing over the speakers as James Jackson, dressed in dark slacks and a dark blue dress shirt, and holding his Bad Blood Title over his shoulder, has made his way to the broadcast table.

MARK FOLLOWILL
And as has been advertised all week on SNW.com, we are joined at the broadcast table for this upcoming six man tag match by "The Modern Hero" and Bad Blood Champion, James Jackson.

JAMES JACKSON
Well based on what we saw, it looks like it's going to be a three-on-two handicap match instead of a six man tag.

JASON MARTEL
You weren't the one that took Andy Lionheart out, were you?

JAMES JACKSON
Would I be out here doing commentary with you guys, knowing full well the danger of being out here if I were to do that? Not only that, why would I want to give those backyard punks, the Versus Violation, any advantage whatsoever?

JASON MARTEL
Point well taken. And speaking of those punks, there's stupid Lucky Kage sitting over there on the front row.

The camera switches over to show Lucky Kage, shaking hands with random people that come up to him, smiling and soaking everything in. "Amazing Disgrace" starts up, and we hear the voice of the late, great Johnny Cash:

And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder,
One of the four beasts saying "Come and see."
And I saw.
And behold, a white horse.

The music takes off from here as the fans boo the arrival of Matt Margera, horsehead cane in left hand and holding hands with Wench, who's holding her Von Erich Memorial Title over her shoulder. Tyler Guevara follows closely behind them, and they're looking all around, paranoid of what could happen next.

MONICA DELUCA
The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by the Von Erich Memorial Champion, Wench, and representing the Perfect World, the team of "The American Lab Rat" Tyler Guevara and Matt Margera.

JAMES JACKSON
The Perfect World doesn't seem so perfect right now, does it?

JASON MARTEL
Well I can't blame them for being paranoid. I wonder if the Destruction Crew did it.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I doubt it. Super Vader is getting ready for his match, Mauler and Mike Hanson are probably still brawling with Danny Palis, and Killer Kong and the Gambler are receiving medical attention from what I've been told.

Matt Margera, Wench and Tyler Guevara all sneer at James Jackson as they near the broadcast table before entering the ring. They don't go through their normal pre-match ritual as their focus has been shaken up given what happened to Andy Lionheart. "Whatever" by Our Lady Peace blasts over the PA, and the crowd comes alive when Versus Vince, with Valerie Snyder by his side, runs out from behind the curtain, along with Kijar Donnelly and Seth Davids. They slap hands with the cheering fans on their way to the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Valerie Snyder, the team of Versus Vince and the Switch Stallions, they are the Versus Violation!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Certainly no love lost between the Versus Violation and the Perfect World.

JAMES JACKSON
What I'd like to know is how that punk Versus Vince got ahead of me for a shot at the Texas Championship at Summer Bash.

JASON MARTEL
Valerie probably did favors for Gordon Heath.

JAMES JACKSON
Wouldn't that make Gordie a pedophile?

JASON MARTEL
Sir!

Vince, Valerie, Kijar and Seth all make their way to the ringside area, shaking hands and bro-hugging with Lucky Kage, who's still all smiles. The Violation enters the ring, with Vince, Seth and Kijar all climbing middle turnbuckles in separate corners, and Valerie pointing to them as they play to the crowd. Kijar then looks over at James Jackson and flicks his chin at him.

OOOOOOOOH!

Jackson just smirks at Kijar as both teams take to their respective corners and referee Mike Croft signals for the bell.

Versus Violation vs Perfect World

Guevara wanted to start the match off with Versus Vince, and he got his wish as they went toe to toe to start off the match. Guevara got the early advantage with a stiff clothesline that rocked Versus Vince to the canvas. Guevara and Margera took turns working Vince over, but Vince got things going his way when he nailed both Margera and Guevara with a dropsault(flipping dropkick). The Switch Stallions(Seth Davids and Kijar Donnelly) then took turns working over Margera, but they made a crucial mistake as they ducked down for a double overhead back body drop, and Margera grabbed both Seth and Kijar in a front facelock and brought both of them down with a double snap suplex. Eventually, the match broke down in an all out brawl that started with Wench tripping up Seth Davids, prompting Valerie Snyder to run over and take Wench down, with both women catfighting on the floor to a huge pop from the crowd. Guevara went to grab Valerie, only for Versus Vince to take him down with a springboard corkscrew plancha to the outside, taking both men down. The free for all continued when James Jackson bolted out of his broadcast location, running to where Lucky Kage was seated. Kage was standing up by this point, cheering his stablemates on as Jackson ran and nailed him with a running Yakuza kick from out of nowhere, knocking Kage down and out. That prompted Seth Davids to run out after James Jackson, chasing him through the crowd and out of the Gordietorium. That left Kijar and Margera in the ring to duke it out, as Margera let Wench handle her fight with Valerie as he knew she could handle her own. Wench picked Valerie up, knocking her out on the floor with a Twist of Fate. Meanwhile, Guevara and Versus Vince were still down and having a hard time getting up. Margera was working over Kijar, not paying attention when Mike Hanson, who was able to make it back from brawling with Danny Palis, lumbered down the aisle and grabbed a hold of Wench, forcing a kiss on her. After he let go, she looked like she was about to vomit. Margera turned around and saw what was going on, and ran out of the ring and after Hanson, but it was too late as Hanson had already ran and made his way to the back, flipping Margera off to the delight of the crowd. Wench started holding onto her stomach like she was about to heave, and Margera yelled at the ref to come and help her. The ref jumped out and proceeded to help Wench to the back. Margera offered to go with her, but she insisted he stay and finish the match. Margera got back into the ring, ready to deliver the final blow to Kijar when all of a sudden, the crowd began to stir at the sight of someone running through the crowd. That someone elicited a deafening pop from the crowd as he slid into the ring, causing Mark Followill to shout "GORYOKAKU IS BACK! WHAT THE HELL?!" Matt turned to see what the fuss was about, only to be on the receiving end of a Gory Kick from Goryokaku. Gory then hopped out of the ring and ran back through the crowd, an evil grin on his face. Versus Vince, meanwhile, got back up to his feet as did Guevara. A fan gave Vince his steel chair, and Vince knocked Guevara out cold with said chair. Vince, seeing Kijar wasn't in much condition to continue, got into the ring and made the cover. Meanwhile, the ref was making his way back to the ring after EMTs came to help Wench to the back. One three count later, and the Versus Violation picked up a huge victory.

Winners: Versus Violation

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners, the Versus Violation!

MARK FOLLOWILL
I can't believe it! Goryokaku has returned to SNW, but why?!

JASON MARTEL
Whatever the reason is, it apparently has something to do with the Perfect World, or at least, Matt Margera.

Shot opens in one of the backstage hallways, where we see Chris Angel walking along, presumably on his way to the entrance for his match. He stops as Jack Clinton walks into the shot.

JACK CLINTON
I just want you to know that I have your back tonight, and I'll have your back on The Main Event. But come Summer Bash, all bets are off.

CHRIS ANGEL
I know. I wouldn't want it any other way, bro. In fact, if you don't give me your best shot at Summer Bash, I'll make sure you never wrestle in SNW again.

JACK CLINTON
Believe me, you won't need to worry about that.

CHRIS ANGEL
Good. Now let's go out there and kick Kid Thunder's tail in.

JACK CLINTON
Yeah, I doubt we'll have to kick Super Vader's ass too much because he'll probably leave little Alex to us.

MARK FOLLOWILL
That match is next, folks!

[Hollywood]

"Superhero" by Jane's Addiction hits over the PA, and the crowd boos their lungs out as "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels makes his way down to the ring, ignoring the hate-filled crowd.

MONICA DELUCA
The following tag match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and weighing 220 lbs, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Enjoy this little brat while you can, Jason, because I have a feeling his career is coming to an end in two weeks.

JASON MARTEL
We'll see about that.

Kid Thunder enters the ring, taking off his sleeveless vest and bandanna as his music dies down. The main chorus of "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by George Thorogood kicks in, and the fans go crazy as Super Vader rumbles down to the aisle, grunting and making the Vader hand signal with fans at ringside who do the same.

MONICA DELUCA
His tag team partner, from Colorado Springs, Colorado and weighing in at 450 lbs, Super Vader!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Kid Thunder isn't the only one that doesn't find it very amusing that he's partnered up with someone he doesn't care for.

JASON MARTEL
The thing is, it doesn't consistently happen to everyone else. It seems to only happen to Alex Daniels. Not to mention the fact that SNW management approved the stipulation that he must retire if he loses to Wench in two weeks?

MARK FOLLOWILL
He agreed to that stipulation, jackass!

JASON MARTEL
Don't call me a jackass!

Super Vader lumbers into the ring, sneering at Kid Thunder, who sneers at him right back. "Stranglehold" booms over the PA, and the crowd cheers their lungs out as both Jack Clinton and Chris Angel appear from behind the curtain together as a team, with Angel proudly wearing his Texas Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents, the team of Jack Clinton, and the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, "The Dream" Chris Angel!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Now you tell me these two aren't on the same page, Martel.

JASON MARTEL
So they're entering the ring together as a team. Big whoop. We'll see what happens when the belt is on the line at Summer Bash.

Angel and Clinton enter the ring, with Angel handing his belt over to the ref, who hands it to the timekeeper before the start of the match.

Chris Angel and Jack Clinton vs Super Vader and Kid Thunder

It looked like the match was going to start with Jack Clinton and Super Vader, but Super Vader turned around and tagged in Kid Thunder to a huge pop from the crowd. Clinton grinned from ear to ear as Kid Thunder begged not to have to go into the ring, only for Super Vader to grab the ropes and pull them back, flipping Kid Thunder into the ring and landing on his backside to the canvas. Clinton proceeded to work over Kid Thunder, dominating him at the outset of the match with his raw strength and power moves. Clinton and Angel would make tags in and out, taking turns working over Kid Thunder until he was able to catch Angel with a mule kick to the groin. Kid Thunder attempted to tag in Super Vader, but Super Vader was having none of it until Kid Thunder slapped him on the face, which the ref constituted as a tag. Super Vader charged into the ring, chasing Kid Thunder out, only for Angel to turn Super Vader around and take him down with a facebuster. Super Vader, however, fared better than Kid Thunder as he fought off Angel, the two of them going back and forth for several minutes before Angel caught Super Vader with a swinging neckbreaker, allowing Angel to make the tag to Clinton. Super Vader was able to hold his own against Clinton as well. Kid Thunder tagged himself in at one point, pissing Super Vader off. But Kid Thunder held his own against Clinton and Angel, faring a lot better than earlier in the match as he fought them off with his speed and quickness, even getting a two count on Angel after slamming him down with a Sambo Suplex. Super Vader and Kid Thunder would take turns tagging themselves in and pissing each other off even more. Toward the end, Super Vader slammed Clinton down hard with a Samoan Drop. Right as he got up and before he could try to make a pin, Kid Thunder tagged himself in and went for the pin himself. Angry, Super Vader pulled Kid Thunder off of Clinton. Kid Thunder yelled at Super Vader, asking him what the hell he was doing, prompting Super Vader to kick him hard in the groin, followed up by the Vader Bomb. Super Vader left the ring to a huge pop from the crowd as they loved every minute of him leaving Kid Thunder high and dry. Clinton picked himself up, saw Kid Thunder down and out, and grinned from ear to ear as he and Angel took turns finishing Kid Thunder off. Clinton first hit Kid Thunder with the Clinton Driver, then tagged in Chris Angel, who drove Kid Thunder into the canvas with the Fallen. But Angel elected not to go for the pin, instead, being unselfish and tagging in Clinton, allowing him to pick up the glory as Clinton polished Kid Thunder off with the Three Story Hell Ride to a huge pop. 1-2-3, and it was all over.

Winners: Jack Clinton and Chris Angel

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, Jack Clinton, and SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, Chris Angel!

MARK FOLLOWILL
What a way to cap off another action packed edition of Saturday Night Onslaught! Death Sentence and SiMox exchanging singles victories; Y Kores kicking ass and taking names; a big ten man brawl; the return of Goryokaku; and the team of Jack Clinton and Chris Angel showing that friendship overcomes all adversity!

JASON MARTEL
Oh just make me want to vomit, why don't you?! Super Vader left Alex Daniels high and dry, and he's going to pay for it!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Folks, we're out of time! So long, everybody!

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