Post by Hollywood on Apr 24, 2008 23:26:48 GMT -6
Shot opens outside Bethesda Christian School in Fort Worth, Texas. A black stretch limo pulls up. The chauffeur gets out of the limo, shutting his door as he makes his way to the back of the limo. He opens the door, and out walk "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath, along with the Sports Nutz(George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller). Gordie, George and Craig don't even walk two steps before an older man(in his 50s no doubt) dressed in red workout pants and a red windbreaker, along with a red baseball cap, runs up to them and gives Gordie a big bearhug, which Gordie doesn't reciprocate. The older man turns out to be a former associate of Gordie and the Sports Nutz, none other than Coach Tom Foolery.
Coach Tom: Hot diggity damn! I haven't seen you guys in forever!
Gordie mutters "Thank God." Coach Tom lets go of the bearhug.
Coach Tom: Excuse me?
Gordie: I said "Thank God for this beautiful night!" The first ever night of Sports Nutz Wrestling, where all the best wrestlers in the world meet in the great state of Texas.
Coach Tom: So how have you been?
Craig: Um, we hate to be rude, but we need to get inside the building and get this show running.
Coach Tom: Oh don't worry. Matt has everything under control. In fact, he sent me out here.
Gordie, George and Craig look none too pleased as they sigh and roll their eyes. They walk past Coach Tom Foolery as fast as they can as Tom shouts "Hey! Where you going?!" As they're walking towards one of the entrance doors, a dodgeball is thrown from out of camera shot, hitting Gordie right in the head and knocking off his sunglasses. He bends down to pick up the sunglasses and puts them back on, furious at what has happened to him. He, along with George and Craig turn to shoot evil looks at the person that threw the dodgeball. Camera pans over to the left, and it turns out to be some ten year old boy, who's laughing and pointing at Gordie, George and Craig. Camera pans back over to Gordie, George and Craig as they walk inside the building. They're walking down the hall when they bump into... JT Da Blade?!
JT: Hey guys!
George and Craig commence to give JT a beatdown, pummeling him as he lies down on the ground, screaming in rather high pitched screams of pain. George and Craig finish the beatdown and continue their walk down the hall with Gordie. Who do they run into next but Frankenstein Man!
George: Oh you've gotta be kidding me!
Frankenstein Man: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!
Gordie, George and Craig walk away from Frankenstein Man, only to run into Misty Crawford and Brenda Price.
George: Hubba, hubba!
Craig: GEORGE! Show these ladies some respect.
Misty and Brenda just sigh and shake their heads.
Misty Crawford: We're used to the fact that George is a sexist pig.
George: Excuse me, but we can fire you two bimbos right here on the spot right now!
Brenda: Oh really? I thought Matt Margera was co-owner.
Gordie: Don't you two have someone to go interview?
Matt Margera and Wench, who are giggling to themselves, walk into the camera shot.
Gordie: You set us up, didn't you?!
Matt and Wench pause for a second, then go right back to giggling.
Gordie: Laugh all you want while you can! Because by the time this night is over, there will be no laughing!
Gordie, George and Craig storm off. Matt and Wench turn to see them leave, shake their heads and say "Whatever." The shot switches to a special music video show open.
The camera zooms in to an abandoned warehouse as "Pyscho Circus" by KISS begins to play. As "Pyscho Circus" kicks into high gear, we see a full scale brawl ensuing involving Wench, Ayanna Kaktas, Emo Kid, Adriana Samu, The General, JackHammer, Rory Kotch, Petrina Rochester, Viper, Levetation, and random SNW jobbers. Syco Boy comes diving off a ladder with a shooting star press onto the brawling wrestlers. Gordon Heath, George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller try to break up the fight but to no avail. The show open ends with Matt Margera skateboarding into the shot and nailing Gordie and the Sports Nutz with a flying body press.
After the show intro, we hear an instrumental remix of "Pyscho Circus" as the camera pans around the sold out crowd at Bethesda Christian School in Fort Worth, Texas. The camera catches such signs as "GEORGE FATPORK!" "RORY IS A MAN!" "AYANNA, MARRY ME!" and "CRY TO MAMA, EMO KID!" Camera goes down to the broadcast table, where Mark Followill and Jason Martel are seated, ready to call the action!
Mark Followill: Hello, and welcome to the inaugural SNW show, Onslaught, which can be seen right here on Mav TV! I'm Mark Followill, alongside Jason Martel.
Jason Martel: Mark, this has been the talk of the independent wrestling world for the last couple of months. All the dirt sheets, all the wrestling web sites, they've all been talking about SNW getting off the ground, and here we are.
Mark Followill: You know, Jason, what may have began as a dream for Gordie, George and Craig may soon turn into a nightmare if the antics of Matt Margera and Wench are any indication.
Jason Martel: Oh, this is turning into a nightmare alright, but I have it on good authority that it will be a nightmare for Matt and Wench, not Gordie and the Sports Nutz.
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"I Love Myself Today" hits and “Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu comes out through the entrance curtain, accompanied by "The Other Girl" Petrina Rochester and "The Assassin" Rory Kotch. She rocks out with the fans to her music for a few seconds before coming down the aisle with much energy.
Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the very first match in the history of SNW! Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by "The Other Girl" Petrina Rochester and "The Assassin" Rory Kotch, from Alberta, Canada and weighing 130 pounds... "Everyone's Favourite Canadian Lady" Adriana Samu!
Mark Followill: And what better way to launch Sports Nutz Wrestling than with a match pitting two of SNW's best women wrestlers against each other?
Jason Martel: Not to mention this match was a last minute addition to the card! I'm pumped up for this one!
She slaps hands and gives autographs on her way down. She poses on the top turnbuckle and flips off to the mat while she waits for her opponent. "Just So You Know" booms over the PA and Hannah walks out from behind the curtain to a chorus of boos.
Monica Deluca: Her opponent, from Lancashire, England and weighing 129 pounds, Hannah!
Mark Followill: Talk about two distinctly different personalities. Adriana Samu, who likes to have a good time with the fans, and Hannah, who thinks these fans are the scum of the earth.
Jason Martel: Well they are!
Mark Followill: Oh come on!
Hannah looks around at the crowd and glares some before making her way to the ring. Hannah stops and lowers her head for a few seconds before running at the ring and jumping up onto it, she then makes her way through the middle ropes and walks around the ring before getting up onto a turnbuckle. Hannah gives the crowd two middle fingers, then jumps off the turnbuckle and faces off with Samu as referee Mike Croft calls for the bell.
Mark Followill: The time for talk is over. Ladies and gentlemen... THIS IS SPORTS NUTZ WRESTLING!
Jason Martel: And that is Mark Followill sounding like an idiot!
Mark Followill: Don't start!
Hannah and Samu stare each other down as the crowd is abuzz, ready for the first match in SNW's history to get underway. Hannah starts things off with a backhand slap to Samu's face, drawing an "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" from the crowd. Samu answers back with a a series of martial arts kicks, and knocking Hannah down with a roundhouse kick. Samu with a quick cover, but Hannah kicks out before referee Mike Croft can even count one. Samu goes for a clothesline, but Hannah ducks, then catches Samu with a neckbreaker as Rory and Petrina wince.
Mark Followill: Hannah with a cover... ONE...TWO...Samu kicks out.
Jason Martel: Both of these women want to go down in the history books as the first winner at an SNW wrestling show and will do what it takes to achieve that.
Hannah keeps Samu from getting up by mounting her and repeatedly hitting her with elbow strikes to the face. Hannah picks Samu up and goes for a scoop slam, but Samu slips out behind Hannah and nails a tiger suplex pin.
Mark Followill: ONE...TWO...and Hannah barely kicks out at two.
Jason Martel: Mike Croft sure was counting fast there.
Mark Followill: He was not!
Before Hannah can get up, Samu hooks in a front facelock and uses her other arm to underhook Hannah's right arm and goes down for a pin, but only gets a count of two. Hannah inches her way back up as Samu tries to overpower her, but Hannah gains the upperhand with a knee to the midsection that sets her free, then nails a gutwrench suplex. Hannah sits Samu up, drives her knee into Samu's back and pulls back on her arms, applying a surfboard stretch. Rory and Petrina pound on the mat, cheering Samu on to not give up. The crowd chants "GO SAMU, GO! GO SAMU, GO! GO SAMU, GO!" Hannah lets go of the surfboard stretch and yells at the crowd "This b*tch isn't going anywhere!" which draws boos from the crowd. Rory and Petrina have a few choice words for Hannah, and Hannah jaw jacks with them.
Mark Followill: Hannah better turn her attention back to Adriana Samu.
Jason Martel: For once I agree with you.
Hannah turns around, only for Samu to catch her by the head with her legs and nail a nip up headscissors takedown to a nice pop. Samu is back to her feet, and stomps away at Hannah's legs. Samu follows by going for a Boston crab, but Hannah fights to keep Samu from turning her over. After a brief struggle, Hannah is able to push Samu off. Samu goes back after Hannah, but Hannah grabs Samu by the front of her shorts and pulls her down into the ropes. Hannah then proceeds to choke Samu with the ropes as referee Mike Croft counts to four before Hannah lets go.
Mark Followill: Hannah close to getting herself disqualified.
Jason Martel: Again, Croft was counting pretty fast there.
Hannah picks Samu up and whips her into the ropes. Samu comes off the ropes, and Hannah nails a hurricanrana, and holds on for a pin attempt.
Mark Followill: ONE...TWO...THR-NO! Samu somehow kicks out!
Petrina and Rory breathe a sigh of relief as that was a close call. Hannah picks Samu up and whips her into the corner. Hannah taunts Petrina and Rory, then runs to the corner that Samu is in, but Samu gets her feet up and Hannah is staggered from running into them. Samu gets up on the middle turnbuckle and grabs a hold of Hannah's head as she staggers back into the corner, and plants her with a tornado DDT.
Mark Followill: Tornado DDT from Adriana Samu and a cover... ONE...TWO...NO! Hannah gets the shoulder up!
Jason Martel: Samu so close yet so far to being the very first winner in the history of SNW.
Samu picks up Hannah and throws her overhead in a belly to belly suplex fashion, but unbeknownst to Samu, Hannah lands on her feet. Petrina and Rory shout at Samu to turn around, but by the time she does, Hannah nails her with a superkick drawing an "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" from the crowd.
Mark Followill: Superkick from Hannah, and now a cover! ONE...TWO...THR-NO! Samu gets her feet on the rope! I thought it was over right there.
Jason Martel: How lucky for Adriana Samu that she fell close to the ropes.
Hannah argues with Mark Croft about the count, but he insists that it was two. Hannah shakes her head and mutters "whatever." Hannah picks Samu up by the head, gets her in a front facelock and follows through with a vertical suplex, but she holds on. Hannah up, holding onto Samu, and nails a second consecutive vertical suplex, followed up by a third to complete the Three Amigos. Hannah stomps Samu to make sure she stays down, then goes to climb the top turnbuckle. Hannah again jaw jacks at Rory and Petrina, telling them it's all over for their friend. Hannah comes flying off the top turnbuckle with a diving headbutt, but Samu rolls out of the way and Hannah crashes down, holding onto her head in agony. Both women are down as the crowd comes alive, cheering Samu to get up as Mike Croft begins his ten count.
Mark Followill: Adriana Samu and Hannah are slowly getting up as the referee lays down the count.
Jason Martel: I don't want this match ending in a draw!
Both women are back up and groggy. Hannah throws a groggy right hand, and Samu answers with a groggy right of her own. Both women exchange rights, then Hannah goes for a Crippler Crossface, but Samu refuses to go down, blocking Hannah from being able to take her down. Samu takes Hannah down with a fireman's carry. Samu gets up and runs to the ropes, springboarding off of them and goes for a lionsault, but Hannah gets her knees up, and Samu is clutching to her mid section. Hannah picks Samu up and goes for a powerbomb, but Samu grabs a hold of Hannah's head and counters with a DDT to a big pop from the crowd.
Mark Followill: Samu covers... ONE...TWO...THREE!
Monica Deluca: Here is your winner... "Everyone's Favourite Canadian Lady" Adriana Samu!
Jason Martel: Adriana Samu may have gotten the win tonight, but I bet you this isn't the last she's heard of Hannah.
Samu, Rory and Petrina all share a group celebratory hug as they head to the back. Hannah pounds the mat and screams in anger.
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