Onslaught, 10/19/08-- Pilot Point, TX

[Hollywood]

Shot opens inside the school cafeteria of Pilot Point High School. Viper, Sean O'Brien, Marcus and Mike Williams, and Anthony Spiccoli are all seated at a table, enjoying a large pizza with the works(pepperoni, bell peppers, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, olives and lots of cheese) and downing bottles of Miller Lite beer.

Sean O'Brien: That beating we gave to the Tru Playas last Saturday night was better than the beating Kimbo Slice got.

Marcus: I think it's safe to say that we'll all be moving on to the TLC match at Natural Selection to receive the title shots we all deserve.

Mike: Speaking of which, it's damn bogus that we got passed over in the tag team title picture.

Spiccoli: In due time, guys. In due time.

Viper: You know what I find funny is that Stank Lovve claims he saw me backstabbing him and DevilDog coming from a mile away. Then why in the hell did he still team up with me? Why didn't he try to take me out before...

Out of nowhere, Stank Lovve whacks Viper in the back with a steel chair. The Unholy Trinity try to get up to fight him off, but DevilDog comes from out of nowhere, nailing Sean O'Brien with a stiff clothesline. Adriana Samu and Candy Lovve nail the Williams Brothers with spinning rounhouse kicks, and Cerise Richardson tackles Anthony Spiccoli. Stank Lovve grabs the pizza and throws it down on top of Viper as he leads the rest of "Everyone's Favorite Playas" out of the cafeteria. Before he steps out...

Stank Lovve: That's only half of your receipt, bitches! The other half is coming at Natural Selection!

Click link for show open
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDT9-Udnn3k

Camera pans around inside the gymnasium of Pilot Point High School, where the fans are all screaming their heads off and holding up various signs. "Chicken Huntin" hits, and the crowd continues to cheer as Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz, come out from behind the curtain, slapping hands with the fans on their way to the ring.

Mark Followill: Welcome to SNW Onslaught, and we're kicking the show off with the four corners match for the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles!

Jason Martel: The Sports Nutz are my pick to win! Bet the farm!

Monica Deluca: The following contest is a four corners tag team match for the SNW Texas Tag Team Championships! The match will continue until three teams have been eliminated and one team is left standing! First from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, the team of Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz!

Jason Martel: You know, I was going to ask why Vince Bischoff and Gordon Heath put the Alley Ratz in this match when the Williams Brothers have accomplished more in SNW, but it just dawned on me. Gordie wanted to give the Sports Nutz a couple of punching bags to amuse them! Hahaha!

Mark Followill: I wouldn't underestimate the Alley Ratz if I were you, Jason.

Eddy and Twitch hop onto the ring apron, jump over the ropes and into the ring as "Chicken Huntin" dies down. "Rawkfist" blares over the PA, and the crowd comes unglued as the camera pans around in an attempt to locate Syco Boy and Dave Mason of Xtreme Team. The camera finally finds the two walking through the crowd and hopping the security railing. They're not alone as Sara is walking along with them.

Monica Deluca: Accompanied to the ring by Sara, the team of Syco Boy and Dave Mason, Xtreme Team!

Mark Followill: Xtreme Team, old rivals of the Sports Nutz from FCW days gone by.

Jason Martel: And last I checked, the Sports Nutz dominated the Xtremely Crappy Team. And why is Sara being allowed to come to the ring with Xtreme Team?! She doesn't have a managers license here in SNW!

Mark Followill: She's here to keep Gordon Heath and Tanya Adams at bay.

"Rawkfist" dies down. "Ecstasy of Gold" hits, and out come Craig Mueller and George Dunpork with Gordon Heath following behind them to tremendously loud boos from the crowd. Craig and George take their respective bags of peanuts and throw the peanuts at the ringside fans.

Monica Deluca: Accompanied to the ring by SNW co-owner "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath, the team of George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller, the Sports Nutz!

Mark Followill: It's put up or shut up time for George and Craig, as they've lost their last few attempts at becoming tag team champions in other promotions.

Jason Martel: Well the referees were bought off by the promoters in those other companies. But here in SNW, if referee Danny Travers tries to screw the Sports Nutz, he'll be fired by "The Excellent Gordie."

Dunpork walks up to an elderly lady at ringside, who's threatening to hit him with her purse. Dunpork responds by belching into her face, causing her to fall down backward as the people around her scramble to help her up. Gordie, George and Craig all laugh and taunt the elderly lady as she's helped back up. She starts hitting Dunpork with her purse as he tries to protect himself. Gordie and Craig rush in to get George away from the elderly lady and yell at her. They enter the ring as "Ecstasy of Gold" dies down. The lights go out, and Phill Soussen's cover version of "Welcome to my Nightmare" begins to plays. Some red lights slowly begin to illuminate the arena, and Goryokaku and Wench, wearing their SNW Texas Tag Team belts, step out from behind the curtain, along with Tanya Adams. They make their way down to the ring as the crowd cheers them on, although there is a smattering of boos.

Monica Deluca: And accompanied by Tanya Adams, they are the reigning SNW Texas Tag Team Champions, representing the Dark Ones, Wench and Goryokaku!

Mark Followill: This will be the toughest test to date for Wench and Gory.

Jason Martel: Well they have three teams all looking to take them out first. Well, the Sports Nutz know to take them out first. But I question whether Xtreme Team is smart enough to try to work with the Sports Nutz to try to take out the champs first. The Alley Ratz sure as hell are not.

Gory stops before the ring and holds his hands in a prayer, whilst Tanya and Wench make their way into the ring. They wait for Goryokaku at the ropes as he now looks up and starts walking to the steps, climbing up the steps slowly. Tanya holds open the ropes so Gory can duck under the ropes and step in. He walks to the center of the ring with Tanya at his side, then raising his hands so people can see he snaps his fingers and the lights flash to normal. Gory enters the ring as he and Wench hand the belts over to referee Danny Travers, who holds them up, hands them over to the timekeeper.

Mark Followill: And the Sports Nutz taunting all three other teams as Danny Travers calls for the bell.

Jason Martel: It's not taunting if they're telling the truth. We all know that it's just a matter of time before the Sports Nutz are declared the new SNW Texas Tag Team Champions.

Dunpork taunts Wench, who halls off and slaps him hard in the face to a big pop from the crowd. Dunpork goes to grab Wench, but Gory hits him out of nowhere with the Gory Kick, sending Dunpork staggering and falling out of the ring, falling down facefirst on the floor. Gordie scrambles to try to get Dunpork up. Craig tries to get out of the ring, but the Alley Ratz grab a hold of him, turn him around and nail him with a Double Fisherman's Buster, and he rolls to the outside, completely out of it. Meanwhile, referee Danny Travers is counting Dunpork out while Gordie has run to the back. ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE...

Jason Martel: C'mon, Gordie, get back to ringside and get George up!

Mark Followill: I hope you didn't really bet the house on this match.

SIX... Gordie is back just in time with a big Gatorade cooler. He sets it down, pulls the lid off and dumps the water all over George's face, waking him up. Craig, meanwhile, has stopped the ref's count by getting inside the ring. As George gets up, the ref tries to keep all four teams separated so that he can sort out which two wrestlers from which two teams will be in the ring.

Mark Followill: Fans, we have to take a timeout, but our cameras will be rolling should anything major happen.

--SEE SPORTS NUTZ WRESTLING LIVE AND IN PERSON! TICKETS ARE $12 FOR ADULTS, AND $5 FOR KIDS!--

[/center]

[Hollywood]

Back from commercial break, and Craig "Senior" Mueller has Dave Mason in a Camel Clutch.

Mark Followill: Welcome back to SNW Onslaught, and during the break, referee Danny Travers had Craig "Senior" Mueller and Dave Mason start the match.

Jason Martel: And Dave tried to go for a back suplex, but Craig slipped over and behind him, then took him down with Russian Leg Sweep.

A replay of what Jason was talking about is shown.

Mark Followill: Now Craig attempting to wear Dave Mason down with this Camel Clutch.

Dave tries to fight up, but Craig lets go of the hold, jumps up and crashes down on top of Dave's back, knocking him down. Craig then makes a tag to Syco, who looks confused as hell while Craig, George and Gordie all have a hearty laugh.

Mark Followill: Wait a second. Syco Boy can't fight his own partner!

Jason Martel: The rules only stated that anybody could tag anybody, Mark. Haha!

Craig is about to go his corner, laughing up a storm about the genius he thinks he's pulled. But the ref has other ideas as he tells Dave that he has to tag out to someone as he can't fight his own partner.

Jason Martel: Oh come on! Danny Travers is just going to make up the rules as he goes along?!

Mark Followill: Well tag team partners can't fight each other!

Craig walks through the ropes and stands on the apron, turning his attention to George and Gordie as he continues to laugh, not seeing what the referee has instructed Dave to do. George and Gordie try to tell Craig to turn around, but it's too late as Dave tags Craig back into the match.

Mark Followill: Craig can't believe his eyes, and Syco grabs him by his basketball jersey and brings him back in the hard way!

Jason Martel: This isn't fair!

Craig begs off of Syco, but Syco grabs Craig by his feet and headbutts him in the lower abdomen. Syco with a standing leg drop across Craig's throat and goes for an early cover, but only gets a one count. Syco picks Craig up and takes him down with a side belly to belly suplex, then makes a tag in to Goryokaku, who lifts his eyebrows over at Syco upon entering the ring. Gory shrugs, as if to say "Eh, whatever, I'll take a prone Craig." Gory picks Craig up and whips him into the ropes and attempts a hip toss. Craig blocks the hip toss attempt and counters with a backflip followed by a back suplex. Craig runs over and makes a quick tag to Eddy of the Alley Ratz, who comes in and delivers a spinning heel kick to Gory, knocking him down.

Mark Followill: Gory back up, but Eddy takes him down with a hurricanrana. ONE... Gory kicks out at one.

Jason Martel: You're not putting down Nathaniel "Goryokaku" Draven down that easy.

Eddy with the tag to Twitch, who climbs to the top turnbuckle as Gory is getting up. Twitch comes flying off the top turnbuckle and nails Gory with a missile dropkick, sending Gory over to his corner, where he tags in Wench. Wench runs in as Twitch goes for a clothesline. But Wench ducks under it and goes behind Twitch. Twitch turns around, and Wench pokes him in the eye, eliciting a big pop and some laughter from the crowd. The crowd laughs even more as Twitch oversells the EYE POKE OF DOOM~!~!~! If you saw how Shawn Michaels oversold Hulk Hogan's big boot, then you have a good idea of how Twitch is overselling Wench's eye poke. He covers his eyes and flops all around the ring, then makes a tag to George Dunpork, who comes in, patting his belly, letting out a war cry.

Mark Followill: One of the most disgusting individuals in all of Sports Nutz Wrestling.

Jason Martel: Watch it now. You're talking about one of the men this great wrestling company is named for!

Mark Followill: And what's he going to do? Eat me?

Jason Martel: I'll tell him you said that.

Dunpork charges at Wench, but Wench staggers him with a dropkick. Dunpork shakes it off and goes for a clothesline, but Wench ducks under it, then nails Dunpork with a dropkick to the back, sending Dunpork staggering forward into Xtreme Team's corner, where Syco Boy serves him up with a forearm shot. Dunpork staggers back toward Wench, who grabs Dunpork in a headlock and goes for a bulldog. But Dunpork overpowers Wench, sending her flying forward and crashing to the mat. Wench grabs for her abdomen, wincing in pain, as she picks herself back up. But Dunpork picks her up in a military press, and brings her down with a gorilla press slam. Dunpork then makes a tag to Eddy. Wench is getting back up, but Eddy takes her down with a swinging neckbreaker.

Mark Followill: Eddy with a cover. ONE... TWO... Wench kicks out.

Jason Martel: Oh dear lord, could you imagine if Dumb and Dumber were representing SNW and the state of Texas as its tag champions?

Eddy makes a quick tag to Syco Boy. Wench is back up, but Eddy and Syco actually show some teamwork and knock her down with a double crescent kick. As Eddy goes back to his corner, Syco runs to the ropes, bounces off, does a hedgehog roll then jumps up into the air. He does a flip and lands his back across Wench, nailing her with the Rolling Thunder. Syco with a cover. ONE... TWO... Wench kicks out. Syco with a tag to Twitch as Wench gets up. Twitch grabs a hold of the ropes and jumps onto the top rope, springboards off the ropes and takes Wench down with a springboard diving crossbody block into a pin. ONE... TWO... Wench rolls over, reversing the pin. ONE... TWO... Twitch kicks out. Dunpork makes a blind tag to Wench.

Mark Followill: Dunpork charging toward Twitch... OH! What an enziguri by Twitch, staggering the big man.

Jason Martel: C'mon! Snap out of it, George!

Twitch comes running off the ropes, but Dunpork recovers just in time and slams Twitch down hard with a spinebuster that resembles that of The Rock's spinebuster. Dunpork steps his foot on top of Twitch, literally walking on top and over on him, then makes a tag to Craig. Dunpork gets on top of Twitch and locks in a camel clutch. Meanwhile, Craig grabs a hold of Twitch's legs and locks in a Sharpshooter as the crowd chants "GO TWITCH, GO! GO TWITCH, GO! GO TWITCH, GO!"

Mark Followill: The Sports Nutz locking in the Seventh Inning Stretch on Twitch.

Jason Martel: How come that punk Danny Travers is giving them a count of five to break the hold?!

Mark Followill: Because it's a double team move, and you have a count of five to get out of the ring after you tag your partner.

Jason Martel: It's a submission move, Mark!

Dunpork argues with Danny Travers as he walks to his corner. With the referee distracted, Gordie picks up the Gatorade cooler and tells Craig to hold Twitch in position. Craig picks Twitch up and underhooks his arms as Gordie gets on the ring apron. Gordie brings the Gatorade cooler over his head and...

Jason Martel: NO!

Mark Followill: Twitch just ducked, and Gordon Heath just inadvertently nailed Craig Mueller over the head with the Gatorade cooler knocking him out. And now Tanya yanks Gordie off the apron as his face crashes onto the apron and he takes a spill to the floor!

Jason Martel: Tanya should be ejected for interference!

Twitch makes a cover as the ref turns around just in time. ONE... TWO... THREE! Dunpork turns around just to see what's happened and is livid as the crowd jumps to their feet, cheering their heads off.

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, the Sports Nutz are eliminated from the Four Corners Match!

Mark Followill: What was that you were saying about bet the farm on the Sports Nutz?

Jason Martel: They had a shady referee screwing them over is what happened! And I thought that the NFL and NBA were rigged!

Gordie staggers up as Dunpork tries to help Craig up. Camera shot switches to the Sports Authority locker room, where Matt Margera and Codi Shane are watching the match. Angry over what happened, Matt kicks over the table as Codi sits and pouts.

Jason Martel: I don't think it matters who the Dark Ones have for their mystery partner now, as the Sports Authority are going to be out for blood at Natural Selection in their match against the Dark Ones.

Mark Followill: Back to live action now, as Syco Boy enters the ring, and he and Twitch lock up.

Twitch with a knee to Syco's midsection. Twitch then picks Syco up and places him on his shoulders, spins around and around and around.

Mark Followill: Airplane spin by Twitch!

Jason Martel: Welcome back to the 1980s wrestling!

Twitch sets Syco down, who just collapses and makes a tag to Dave Mason. Twitch staggers about as well, then falls backward. As he's falling back, he stretches out his hand and makes a tag to Eddy. Eddy jumps up onto the top turnbuckle and springboards off of it, attempting a springboard crossbody block, but Dave is able to quickly turn himself and catches Eddy with a Goldcutter, all of this happening in one fluid motion, causing the crowd to jump to their feet and shout "HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T!" Dave with a cover. ONE... TWO... THREE!

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, the Alley Ratz have been eliminated!

Mark Followill: And now we're down to Xtreme Team and the reigning Texas Tag Team Champions, Wench and Goryokaku.

Jason Martel: And don't forget to the x-factors outside the ring. Sara for Xtreme Team, and Tanya Adams for the Dark Ones.

Gory enters the ring, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of facing off with Dave. The two men lock up, jockeying for position. Gory with a knee to Dave's midsection, followed up by a vertical suplex. Gory immediately follows up with an armbar, but Dave quickly makes it to the ropes, and Gory has to let go. Dave and Gory square off again. They go to lock up, but Dave sidesteps Gory with a go behind waistlock. Gory tries to free Dave's hands from around his waist, but Dave gets the better of him with a release German Suplex. Dave goes to run the ropes as Gory picks himself up. Dave off the ropes, but Gory jumps up and nails Dave with a vicious clothesline. Gory with a cover. ONE... TWO... Syco breaks up the pin, after which Gory makes a tag to Wench. They pick Dave up and nail him with a double dropkick.

Mark Followill: Wench now stomping away on Dave's right leg.

Jason Martel: Smart wrestling on the part of Wench to go after the leg.

Wench goes to lock in a Boston Crab, but Dave pushes her off and makes a tag to Syco before more damage can be done to his leg. Syco charges in, but Wench takes him down with a drop toe hold that drops Syco down to where his upper body is hanging over the middle ropes. Wench runs and bounces off the opposite ropes, jumps up and over the ropes and nails a jumping leg drop over Syco's neck as he falls down in the ring, the crowd going "OOOOOOOOHHH!" in amazement of Wench's athleticism. Wench picks herself up and gets back in the ring, making a tag to Gory. They pick Syco up and whip him into the ropes. They duck down and attempt to lift him up for a double back body drop, but Syco grabs a hold of their heads and instead of flying over them, he brings himself down and nails them with a Double DDT!

Mark Followill: Double DDT by Syco Boy, who covers Wench! ONE... TWO... Gory breaks it up. And in comes Dave, who tackles Gory with a spear and is punching away at him!

Jason Martel: And now Tanya Adams getting into the ring and takes Syco down with a jumping leg lariat!

Not to be outdone, Sara runs into the ring and tackles Tanya to a thunderous roar from the crowd. The two roll around in the ring, slapping each other around and banging each other's heads into the mat.

Mark Followill: And this tag title match has broken down into a catfight!

Jason Martel: Do it right, Followill! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIGHT!

Mark Followill: You better hope you don't get sued for catchphrase infringement.

Wench picks Sara up by the head, getting her away from Tanya, then powerbombs Sara with authority as Tanya gets out of the ring. The ref is finally able to get Dave and Gory separated. As the ref is escorting Dave to his corner, Syco turns Wench around and kicks her in the midsection, followed up by a Styles Clash, or as Syco calls it, the "Syco Clash." Syco has Wench pinned, but the ref is tied up with Dave, who's in the ring trying to tell the ref to turn around and make the count. Gory quickly runs in and kicks Syco hard in the head as the crowd goes "OOOOOOOH!" Dave pushes the ref aside and charges after Gory, but Gory catches him flush in the jaw with a Gory Kick. The ref now escorts Gory to his corner as Wench picks Syco up and nails him with a Twist of Fate, then makes a cover as the ref turns around just in time. ONE... TWO... THREE! "My Time" blares over the PA as the timekeeper hands the ref the belts, giving them to Gory and an exhausted Wench, who's helped up by Gory and Tanya.

Monica Deluca: Here are your winners and still SNW Texas Tag Team Champions... Wench and Goryokaku!

Mark Followill: What a match to kick off Onslaught! Fans, we'll be back with more SNW action after this!

--NATURAL SELECTION IS SOLD OUT! BUT YOU CAN CATCH THE ACTION ON PPV FOR ONLY $19.95!--

[/center]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens inside the principal's office, where Vince Bischoff has rented out for his office. He's looking over papers when Kole Kaos and Bobby Cairo, the New Dynasty, walk on in.

Vince Bischoff: Guys, can't you knock?

Bobby Cairo: Yo, Mr. Bischoff, we just wanted to say we're looking forward to working in your fine establishment.

Bobby Cairo puts his hand out for Vince to shake it. Vince gets up and shakes his hand, while Kole Kaos is standing to Vince's side, his hand out of view.

Vince Bischoff: Well it's nice to see someone being respectful for once around here.

Scott Jacobs busts into the office, a bottle of beer in hand as the New Dynasty give him a strange look.

Scott Jacobs: And just what is your problem?

Kole Kaos: From the looks of it, it seems that you just came off the set of a bad cowboy adult film.

Scott Jacobs: You gotta problem with the way I dress and act?

Vince Bischoff: Whoa! Calm down!

Dredd busts into the office, and Vince Bischoff throws his hands up in the air in frustration.

Dredd: Hey, when do I get to maim someone around here?

Vince Bischoff: Stop it! Stop it! You know what? You all have such an itch to wrestle around here?! Well guess what?! At Natural Selection, it'll be the New Dynasty teaming with Delphine Marx to form the Marxists to take on Michael Xavier, Dredd and Scott Jacobs to form Rated X. There, you all happy?!

Everyone looks around, then nod their heads. Scott Jacobs is the first to leave. Dredd flashes an evil grin then leaves. Kole Kaos and Bobby Cairo shout "Word up!" then leave. Vince Bischoff breathes a sigh of relief, then goes to his pocket to retrieve something. But it feels like something is missing.

Vince Bischoff: Where'd my cell phone go?

Vince Bischoff is fumbling everywhere around his suit but can't find his cell phone. He kicks the desk, then screams in pain as he grabs his foot, jumping up and down as the scene switches to ringside.

Mark Followill: How about that? Another match added to Natural Selection!

Jason Martel: I'm looking forward to it.

The lights go out as "The Second Coming" by Juelz Santana hits the speakers as the lights come back on and Criss Cassidy appears from behind the curtains. He walks down the aisle wearing a dark red trench coat and a pair of Jordan shorts on, he slides into the ring and takes off his coat as he waits in the middle of the ring.

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen the following is a singles match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring and hailing from Brooklyn, New York, weighing 215 pounds, he is Criss Cassidy!

Mark Followill: Interesting match up we're about to see here as the poster child for righteousness, Criss Cassidy, takes on the poster child for sin and debauchery, Beer.

Jason Martel: Never really liked Beer. So trashy and no class at all. Now wine and champagne, those are great, first class drinks.

“The Second Coming” fades out, and is replaced by "Doon in the Wee Room" covered by the Dropkick Murphys. Beer emerges from the back smoking a cigarette and with a beer in his hand, swigging and smoking his way down the ramp. He makes his way down to the ring and chugs down the remainder of his beer can before tossing it into the crowd, who seem a bit apathetic to him. He leaps up onto the apron and lands without having to use his hands. He steps through the ropes and walks across to the far left turnbuckle, sticks his cigarette in his mouth and climbs the turnbuckle and raises both fists into the air to little reaction from the crowd.

Monica Deluca: And his opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada and weighing 255 pounds, he is Beer!

Monica leaves the ring as Beer puts his cigarette out. He turns around and is met with a big boot to the face, then gets hit with a swinging neck breaker from Cassidy.

Mark Followill: And Criss really isn't wasting any time here with the offense!

Jason Martel: Good for him.

Criss waits for Beer to get to his feet before nailing him with a clothesline, knocking him to the canvas again. Criss gets up onto a turnbuckle and hits Beer with a frog splash, then pulls Beer to his feet and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound, Beer goes to clothesline Criss, but he ducks it before hitting Beer with a DDT. Criss then gets Beer in a Boston Crab. Beer refuses to tap and slowly makes his way to the bottom rope as the ref tells Criss to release him. Criss breaks the hold and drags Beer into the middle of the ring before pulling him to his feet.

Jason Martel: He should just pin him and put Beer out of his misery!

He sends Beer back to the canvas with a spinning kick to the head. Criss once again makes his way to the top of a turnbuckle before hitting Beer with a swanton bomb. Criss lets Beer get to his feet as he sways around. Criss kicks Beer in the midsection, picks him up and hits him with the Crucifixion, then goes for the pin.

Mark F: One... two... three.

"The Second Coming" booms over the PA.

Jason Martel: Just like that Criss Cassidy shows he is not a person to be messed with or taken lightly!

Monica Deluca: You're winner of the match, Criss Cassidy!

--SNW ONSLAUGHT: THE PREMIERE, NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD FOR ONLY $19.95 AT SNW.COM OR AT YOUR LOCAL RETAILER! DVD INCLUDES THE FIRST EPISODE OF ONSLAUGHT IN ITS ENTIRETY, PLUS DVD EXTRAS SUCH AS INTERVIEWS, PROMO OUTTAKES AND MORE!--

[Hollywood]

Shot opens in one of the school hallways. We can see Espio, tied up in his straightjacket, sitting up against a wall as Ashley stands by to watch over him, making sure he doesn't get loose. Misty Crawford is standing by with them.

Misty Crawford: Welcome back to SNW Onslaught. I'm Misty Crawford, standing by with Ashley, longtime girlfriend and valet to the man in the straightjacket sitting down against the wall, Espio. Ashley, word has been going around that Espio will be making his debut at Natural Selection. Could you enlighten us on his participation in the evening's events?

Ashley: Misty, Vince Bischoff approached me asking if it would be alright for Espio to take Beer's place in the Battle of the Sexes team elimination match. He stated that Beer had passed out the first time he was to debut, and that he put out a half-hearted effort tonight. With that in mind, he didn't want to take anymore chances with Beer, so he has now released him and he cannot come back until he can prove that he is a reliable asset for Sports Nutz Wrestling.

Misty Crawford: You mentioned that Espio would be taking Beer's place in the Battle of the Sexes team elimination match. Aren't you a bit hesitant about the match, considering the comments of "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels?

Ashley: Do I like what Kid Blunder said? Of course not. But I'm a businesswoman, and it would not be good business to keep Espio from having a chance to get a title shot in SNW just because I didn't like what someone said. So all I have to say to Kid Blunder is that he should just stay out of Espio's way and let him do his thing.

Misty Crawford: Thank you for your time, Ashley. Let's send it to ringside for the Von Erich Memorial Title match.

Shot switches to the broadcast table, the camera focusing on Mark Followill and Jason Martel.

Mark: I’ve been looking forward to this match for a long time.

Jason: It should be an interesting fight. I honestly prefer Cyanide's chances of a victory here, though.

Mark: Why’s that? I think both men have decent chances of winning.

Monica: This match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Von Erich Memorial Championship.

“Cyanide” booms across the PA system to a mixed reaction from the crowd and the room turns green. Cyanide walks out from behind the curtain.

Monica: Weighing in at 235 pounds, hailing from San Jose, California... Cyanide!

Jason: The reason why I prefer Cyanide's chances of winning are because he isn’t much of a suck up. He’s more care free, more like he fights for himself, whereas the champion fights for his friends and fans.

Mark: Which, is a good thing. Many wrestlers fight for other people.

Jason: I think they’re better when they do it for themselves.

Cyanide walks down the aisle with a look of determination on his face as he slides into the ring. "Cyanide" fades out and "Omerta" begins to play. The crowd lets out a big pop as Omerta steps out from behind the curtain.

Monica: And the opponent, weighing in at 300 pounds and hailing from Jacksonville, Florida, the Von Erich Memorial Champion, Omerta!

Omerta, clutching his title to his shoulder, walks down the aisle, slapping some of the fans’ hands. He rolls into the ring and Cyanide backs away into the corner. Omerta hands the belt over to the ref and stands opposite Cyanide. Referee Rick Maynard shows both men the belt and calls for the bell to be rung as he places the belt outside the ring.

Mark: Let's get this match underway.

Jason: I still hope Cyanide can do it.

Mark: Then just sit and watch properly, and you’ll find out.

Jason: Sit and watch properly?

Cyanide toe kicks Omerta, bending him over. Cyanide goes to kick Omerta in the face, but Omerta moves and hits a clothesline, taking Cyanide down. He lifts up Cyanide to hit a vertical suplex, then goes for a cover but only gets a two count. Omerta backs away to allow Cyanide time to stand up. Omerta runs at Cyanide and goes for a clothesline, but Cyanide ducks. Omerta turns around, and Cyanide hits him with a knife edge chop. But it has no effect!

Mark Followill: Omerta daring Cyanide to hit him with another knife edge chop, and Cyanide does just that.

Jason Martel: But again, it has no effect!

Cyanide tries a third chop, again having no effect. Omerta nails Cyanide with a vicious knife edge chop that sounds like a shotgun going off. He hits the chop so hard that Cyanide spins out and falls to the mat. Omerta stomps away at Cyanide, then picks him up by the head. Omerta whips Cyanide into the ropes. Cyanide comes off the ropes, and Omerta nails him with a huge headbutt, sending Cyanide falling to the mat. Omerta pounds his chest and plays to the crowd, shouting like a mad man.

Mark Followill: The Von Erich Memorial Champion is fired up, Jason.

Jason Martel: But Omerta needs to not play to this crowd, or else Cyanide will have his number.

Cyanide is back to his feet. Omerta takes a big swinging haymaker at him, but Cyanide ducks. Omerta turns around, and Cyanide catches him with a stiff kick to the chest, followed by a flurry of stiff kicks to his legs. Cyanide finishes off the sequence with a Northern Lights Suplex pin. ONE... TWO... Omerta kicks out. Cyanide picks Omerta up and slams him down with a back suplex that causes Omerta to land on his neck and shoulders as the crowd groans, vicariously feeling the pain that Omerta feels.

Mark Followill: Cyanide with a cover again. ONE... TWO... And again, Omerta kicks out.

Jason Martel: What did I say about Omerta playing to this crowd? Now it's backfired on him.

Cyanide picks Omerta up and whips him into the corner. Cyanide charges toward him, does a handspring, and backflips, attempting an elbow shot, but Omerta gets out of the way as Cyanide crashes into turnbuckle.

Mark Followill: Cyanide staggering out of the corner, and what agility by Omerta as he takes Cyanide down with a spinning heel kick.

Omerta with a cover. ONE... TWO... Cyanide gets the shoulder up. Omerta picks Cyanide up and locks him in an abdominal stretch. The referee checks in on him to see if he gives up, but he refuses. Cyanide takes his free hand and gouges Omerta in the eye, forcing him to let go of the hold. Cyanide is back up and is about to get another shot in, but Omerta drops him with a hard right hand punch. Omerta with a cover. ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Cyanide somehow gets the shoulder up at two and three quarters. Omerta picks Cyanide up, and works over his shoulder with a series of elbows to the shoulder blade, followed by a Russian Leg Sweep. Omerta with a cover again. ONE... TWO... NO! Cyanide kicks out yet again.

Mark Followill: And Omerta is pounding the mat in frustration, wondering what he has to do to put Cyanide away.

Jason Martel: Well he doesn't really have to beat Cyanide. Cyanide has to beat him. So if it were me, I'd either get myself disqualified or walk out and get counted out to save my title.

Mark Followill: Of course you would.

Omerta picks Cyanide up, but Cyanide hits him with a throat thrust, then takes him down with a jawbreaker. Cyanide applies an inverted facelock to Omerta and places his far leg between Omerta's legs and pushes his near leg's knee against Omerta's back. Cyanide then pulls Omerta's head backwards with his arms and Omertas far leg outwards with his leg.

Mark Followill: Cyanide trying to make Omerta submit with the Eastern Stretch.

Jason Martel: How much sweeter of a victory would it be for Cyanide if he could make Omerta give up?

The ref checks in to see if Omerta gives up, but he refuses. Omerta slowly fights his way back up, with Cyanide now riding his back, piggy-back style. Omerta runs backward, crushing Cyanide into the corner. Omerta grabs Cyanide and whips him into the ropes. Cyanide comes off the rebound, and Omerta knocks him down with a dropkick that has more elevation than Mark Jindrak. Omerta picks Cyanide up and delivers a Dangerous DDT. Omerta with a cover. ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Cyanide once again barely gets his shoulder up. Omerta gets up, allowing Cyanide to get up. Cyanide up and staggering about as Omerta runs to the ropes. He comes off the rebound and goes for a running forearm shot, but Cyanide ducks and Omerta accidentally knocks referee Rick Maynard down.

Mark Followill: Omerta going down to revive the referee.

Jason Martel: Why do that? He should grab a chair and whack Cyanide over the head with it.

Cyanide sneaks up behind Omerta as he's still trying to revive the ref. The ref is coming to, so Omerta gets up and turns around, only to be met with green mist, which elicits a big pop from the crowd.

Mark Followill: And Cyanide has blinded Omerta with that green mist!

Jason Martel: Hey, if referee Rick Maynard didn't see it, he can't call it.

Cyanide musters all of his strength to pick Omerta up and nail him with the Last Breath. The ref is up just in time to see Cyanide covering Omerta. ONE... TWO... THREE!

Jason Martel: New champion!

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and new Von Erich Memorial Champion! Cyanide!

Mark Followill: What do you have to say about that Jason?! Cyanide preaching about respect and tradition, and he relies on blinding Omerta to win the Von Erich Memorial Title!

Jason Martel: Green mist IS tradition, Mark! In the tradition of other great Japanese wrestlers such as Keiji "Great Muta" Muto, the Great Kabuki and Yoshihiro Tajiri!

"Cyanide" blasts throughout the gym as the ref hands Cyanide the Von Erich Memorial Title belt. Cyanide raises it up in the air as Omerta tries to rub the green mist out of his eyes as the show fades to commercial.

--SNW 4 UP, NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD FOR ONLY $21.95 AT SNW.COM OR AT YOUR LOCAL RETAILER! EXTRAS INCLUDE SNW WRESTLERS TALKING ABOUT THE HISTORY OF TEXAS WRESTLING, AND INTERVIEWS WITH TEXAS WRESTLING ICONS BILL MERCER, SKANDOR AKBAR, AND KEVIN VON ERICH!--

[Hollywood]

"Never Gonna Give Up" blasts over the PA, and the crowd comes alive as Rick Roll comes out dancing and lip syncing to "Never Gonna Give You Up." The fans even get in on the act, as they sing along to the lyrics of "Never Gonna Give You Up."

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Jason Martel: Dammit! I thought Rick Roll was gone for good!

Mark Followill: Then obviously you haven't been paying attention to what's been going on in SNW. Because if you did, you would know that Rick Roll is going to be on the team of Strength, Honor, Respect when he teams with team captain Omerta and Xtreme Team to take on Reaper's Wrath at Natural Selection.

Monica Deluca: The following is a two on two tag team elimination match. The match will not end until both members of either team is eliminated via pinfall, submission, knockout, disqualification or count out. First, from Brighton Beach, California and weighing 199 pounds, Rick Roll!

Rick enters the ring, dancing about and taking off his trenchcoat as "Never Gonna Give You Up" dies down. "The Hand That Feeds" plays over the PA, and Enigmah appears from behind the curtain, the crowd cheering for her as well as she places her left hand on her hip and plays to the crowd with her right hand. She makes her way down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans at ringside.

Monica Deluca: His partner, from Lancashire, England and weighing 140 pounds, Enigmah!

Mark Followill: Enigmah, as you'll recall, recently beat "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels in a basketball shoot out at the Great State Fair of Texas on Guys Night Out.

Jason Martel: Oh that was a fluke! Kid Thunder is going to embarrass her this week, and again at Natural Selection, assuming that he doesn't break her in half here on SNW Onslaught.

Enigmah enters the ring and high fives Rick Roll as "The Hand That Feeds" dies down. "Into the Fire" blares over the PA as now the crowd is giving off a mixed reaction of cheering and booing. Soul Reaper, clad in a sleeveless hooded robe, appears from behind the curtain, no emotion whatsoever on his face. He doesn't seem to care how the fans react to him as he just walks on down the aisle to the ring.

Monica Deluca: Their opponents... first, from Fresno, California and weighing 242 pounds, Soul Reaper!

Mark Followill: The team captain of Reaper's Wrath at Natural Selection, making his way to the ring for tag team elimination action.

Jason Martel: And did he ever creep everyone out on SNW Guys Night Out a couple of weeks ago. Just what did he mean by that "prophecy?"

Mark Followill: I don't think I want to know.

Reaper enters the ring, removing his robe and cracking his neck and knuckles, then stares over at Rick Roll and Enigmah in a cold and calculating manner as "Into the Fire" dies down. "Thunderstruck" blasts over the PA, and the entire crowd boos loudly as "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels, clad in his yellow headband and yellow Vest with "KT" written in black on the back, makes his way down to the ring, sneering at the fans at ringside.

Monica Deluca: His partner, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and weighing 220 pounds, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

Mark Followill: Kid Thunder is a great talent, but don't take my word for it. Just ask him!

Jason Martel: Hey, it's not bragging if you can back it up.

Mark Followill: What about the remarks he's made about a female's place in life, considering that you like some of the women on the SNW roster?

Jason Martel: Well, I don't agree with everything he says, but he's right on if he's talking about bimbos such as Enigmah.

Kid Thunder demands that Enigmah starts the match with him, and Enigmah gladly obliges. Kid Thunder goes to lock up, but Enigmah catches him with a go behind waistlock and takes him down with a Greco Roman slam. He quickly makes a tag to Reaper, garnering tremendously loud boos from the crowd.

Mark Followill: This crowd, none too pleased with the cowardice shown by "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels.

Jason Martel: Cowardice? Is it cowardice when a player in football runs out of bounds to stop the clock?

Mark Followill: Well no, but...

Jason Martel: OK, then lay off of Alex Daniels.

Reaper dares Enigmah to go for a test of strength. She thinks about it, then slaps him hard in the face. Before he can catch her, she runs and tags in Rick Roll, who jumps over the top rope and nails Reaper, who's charging toward him, with a dropkick. Reaper picks himself up, and Rick Roll nails him with an uppercut. But the uppercut only stuns Reaper, and he recovers in time to knock Rick Roll down with a hard clothesline. Reaper with a cover. ONE... TWO... Rick Roll kicks out. Before Rick Roll, Reaper locks in a Dragon Sleeper.

Mark Followill: Soul Reaper trying to put Rick Roll away and turn this into a 2-on-1 match up.

Jason Martel: And the bad thing is that Rick Roll is stuck there in the middle of the ring.

Rick Roll begins to fight his way up as Reaper tries to apply more pressure. Rick Roll is back to his feet and brings Reaper down with a jawbreaker, staggering Reaper back. Reaper with a tag to Kid Thunder, who runs in but is swept off his feet by Rick Roll. Rick Roll follows up with a Standing Shooting Star Press. ONE... TWO... Kid Thunder kicks out. Kid Thunder is back up, but Rick Roll hits him with an open hand slap to the chest that echoes throughout the Pilot Point High School Gymnasium, and causes the crowd to shout "WOOOOOOOOOO!" Rick Roll with another slap to the chest. Kid Thunder answers with a series of stiff knife edge chops that echo very loudly throughout the gymnasium. Kid Thunder backs Rick Roll against the ropes and whips him to the ropes on the opposite side. Rick Roll rebounds off the ropes, and Kid Thunder wraps his leg around Rick Roll's neck in a headscissors and finishes the motion off with a flip, attempting a modified hurricanrana, but Rick Roll lands on his feet. Kid Thunder gets to his feet, but is taken down with an STO out of nowhere by Rick Roll, who then makes a tag to Enigmah.

Mark Followill: Enigmah goes to the top rope.

Jason Martel: She could crash and burn here.

Mark Followill: Enigmah with a flying clothesline, but Kid Thunder ducks down, and Enigmah eats canvas.

Kid Thunder picks Enigmah up by the arm and holds her wrist. He wrenches her arm, then hit her with a mule kick that sends her back down. Kid Thunder grabs her legs and locks her into the Sharpshooter.

Mark Followill: Kid Thunder trying to get a submission on Enigmah.

Jason Martel: Even if he doesn't get a submission, he's at least wearing down her legs and back, taking out close to 70% of her offense.

Enigmah crawls her way to the ropes and grabs onto them, forcing referee Mike Croft to make the five count. Kid Thunder finally lets go at four and a half. Kid Thunder drags her by her feet out to the ring and drops and elbow to her leg, then wraps his legs around the leg he's working over. Enigmah tries to reach for the ropes, but they're too far. She sits up and gouges Kid Thunder's eyes, forcing him to release the leg lock. She gets up, limping a little bit and makes the tag to Rick Roll as Kid Thunder is getting up. Before Kid Thunder can have a chance to make a tag, Rick Roll runs at him and slams him down with a strong lariat.

Mark Followill: Rick Roll with a cover. ONE... TWO... Kid Thunder gets the shoulder up.

Jason Martel: The referee shouldn't even be counting that! If anything, Enigmah should be heading to the back right now because she should've been disqualified for gouging Kid Thunder's eyes.

Rick Roll goes climbs the top turnbuckle as Kid Thunder makes his way back up to his feet. Rick Roll comes flying off the top turnbuckle, attempting a Dragonrana, but Kid Thunder catches him and slams him down with a falling powerbomb, then hops over and bridges into a pin. ONE... TWO... THREE! The crowd boos in disapproval.

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Roll has been eliminated. It is now 2-on-1, Soul Reaper and Kid Thunder against Enigmah.

Jason Martel: And Kid Thunder is salivating at the thought that Enigmah is all by her lonesome as she has to contend with not just him, but Soul Reaper as well.

Mark Followill: A more sadistic Soul Reaper than what we've ever seen before, and that's pretty sadistic folks.

Enigmah tentatively walks into the ring. She doesn't even get a chance to gain any footing as Kid Thunder charges in and knocks her down with a running leg lariat. Enigmah back up, and Kid Thunder takes her back down with a snap suplex. Kid Thunder picks her up and takes her down with a Sambo Suplex. Cover... ONE... TWO... Enigmah gets her shoulder up. Kid Thunder picks Enigmah up, then jumps up, attempting a step up enziguri, but Enigmah ducks and Kid Thunder whiffs. He gets up, but Enigmah catches him before he can turn around and slams him down with a sidewalk slam. Enigmah with a cover. ONE... TWO... Kid Thunder gets his shoulder up. Enigmah picks Kid Thunder up, but he knees her in the midsection. He scoops her up for a bodyslam, but she slips behind him. She turns him around, kicks him in the midsection, and...

Mark Followill: ENIGMAH STUNNER!

Jason Martel: NO!

Mark Followill: YES! ONE... TWO... THREE!

The crowd lets out a deafening roar upon Kid Thunder's elimination.

Jason Martel: That's not fair! She kicked him in Niagra Falls!

Monica Deluca: Ladies and gentlemen, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels has been eliminated! It's now 1-on-1, Soul Reaper versus Enigmah.

Mark Followill: Now Soul Reaper and Enigmah renew an old rivalry from their history.

Reaper charges toward Enigmah, but she jumps up and leapfrogs over him as he runs toward the ropes. Reaper rebounds off the ropes, but Enigmah takes him down with a modified hurricanrana. Enigmah goes to run off the ropes. She rebounds off the ropes, but Reaper jumps up and slams her down hard with a Heart Stopper Spinebuster. Reaper with the cover. ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Enigmah gets the shoulder up at two and three quarters. Reaper goes to run the ropes as Enigmah slowly gets up. She's to her knees, but Reaper comes off the rebound too fast and knocks her senseless with a Shining Wizard.

Jason Martel: Out like a baby!

Mark Followill: It's academic from here.

ONE... TWO... THREE!

Monica Deluca: Your winner and sole survivor, Soul Reaper!

"Into the Fire" blares over the PA as referee Mike Croft lifts Soul Reaper's hand in victory. The crowd gives a mixed reaction.

Shot switches the principal's office. Vince is reading his email on the computer inside the office when the door is kicked open, startling Vince to the point that he falls out of his chair. The camera pans over to show Michael Xavier and Delphine Marx. Michael is seething in anger while Delphine has her arms crossed. Vince picks himself up, dusting himself off and looking annoyed at Michael and Delphine.

Vince Bischoff: Don't you know you're supposed to knock?

Michael Xavier: Don't you and Gordie know that Delphine and I are good friends?!

Vince Bischoff: Huh?

Delphine Marx: Don't "huh" us. You've pitted us against each other at Natural Selection.

Vince Bischoff: You two are friends?

Seething with anger, Michael Xavier slaps Vince Bischoff so hard that he knocks him down. He and Delphine storm off as the show fades to commercial break.

--PURCHASE THE LATEST IN SNW FASHION! ENIGMAH GIRLS T-SHIRTS! SPORTS AUTHORITY BASEBALL CAPS! VIPER AUTOGRAPHED LEATHER GLOVES! AND "KID THUNDER" ALEX DANIELS BANDANNAS! CHECK SNW.COM FOR PRICES!--

[/center]

[Hollywood]

The fans are going crazy as the ring has been set up for Stage 4 of the 7 Stages of Violence. The ropes have been taken down, and in their stead is barbed wire. Monica Deluca is standing by the timekeeper's table. The lights go out, and a beating pulse can be heard around the Pilot Point High School Gymnasium as the crowd erupts with tremendously loud boos. The pulse flatlines, then "Careless Whisper" blasts throughout the PA as the lights come back on. Emo Kid and Hannah, scowls on their faces, come out from behind the curtain.

Monica Deluca: The following match is Stage 4 of the 7 Stages of Violence. It is a No Rope Barbed Wire Match, scheduled for one fall! First, from Bakersfield, California and weighing 185 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Hannah, Emo Kid!

Mark Followill: This match will not be for the weak of stomach.

Jason Martel: I'm surprised we're allowed to show this on television.

Emo slides into the ring as Hannah stays outside. Emo takes his arm and rakes it against a part of the barbed wire, cutting himself as he laughs maniacally while "Careless Whisper" dies down. "Bleeding Mascara" booms over the PA, and the fans come to their feet as Andy Lionheart bursts from behind the curtain and runs down the ring faster than Jim Hellwig ever could Andy Lionheart slides into the ring and tackles Emo Kid, punching away at him. Monica Deluca has to give a rushed announcement.

Monica Deluca: The opponent, Andy Lionheart!

Mark Followill: Andy Lionheart catching Emo Kid off guard.

Jason Martel: And let's remind the fans that this is NOT best four out of seven. All seven stages will take place unless one of these two cannot make it to the next stage.

Mark Followill: That's right, the object is to make it to each stage until you get to the final stage. Then you must win the final stage in order to win the 7 Stages of Violence. But if one of these men fail to make it to Natural Selection, then the 7 Stages will be over.

Lionheart picks Emo Kid up and hits him with a short arm clothesline. He picks Emo up again and throws him into the barbed wire. But instead of crying out in pain, Emo is laughing. Lionheart takes the barbed wire and digs it into the forehead of Emo Kid, drawing blood out of his forehead.

Mark Followill: Oh! Emo Kid with a low blow.

Jason Martel: Perfectly legal in this match.

Emo tries to untangle himself from the barbed wire, but is not having much success. He falls down, and the barbed wire is wrapping up around him. Lionheart picks him up and hits a DDT into the barbed wire. Lionheart goes for the cover. ONE... TWO... Emo gets the shoulder up. Lionheart picks Emo up, and brings him down with a neckbreaker, the barbed wire still wrapped around Emo as the ref receives a pair of wire cutting pliers and cuts the barbed wire, getting it loose from the rest of the wire. Lionheart picks Emo up and nails an Ace Crusher(Diamondcutter) onto the barbed wire, drawing more blood. Cover... ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Emo gets the shoulder up.

Mark Followill: Andy Lionheart is dominating in the early going.

Jaosn Martel: Emo Kid seems a bit off this week.

Lionheart grabs some loose barbed wire and wraps it around his leg, then nails Emo with a barbed wire leg drop, the crowd groaning as if to feel Emo's pain. Lionheart picks Emo up, and wraps some barbed wire around Emo's head. He picks Emo up, and nails him with a jumping piledriver. Lionheart then picks Emo up, bends him over and double underhooks his arms, then nails him with the Lion's Heart into the barbed wire. But once isn't enough. Lionheart picks Emo up and nails him with the Lion's Heart again. Twice just not good enough, and Lionheart picks Emo up and nails him with the Lion's Heart into the barbed wire a third time. Hannah is screaming out for Emo to get up. Lionheart looks over at Hannah, and grabs his crotch in her direction as she fumes, shaking her head. Lionheart picks Emo up again, slaps him around, and nails him with one more Lion's Heart.

Mark Followill: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Andy Lionheart, please show some compassion for Emo Kid!

Jason Martel: He's going for a pin, finally.

Mark Followill: One... two... three. Finally, Emo's misery comes to an end.

Jason Martel: Look at that though. He's staring up into the lights, on his back, and he's laughing!

Monica Deluca: Your winner of Stage 4, Andy Lionheart.

"Bleeding Mascara" blasts over the PA as Lionheart gets out of the mess that is the ring. Hannah slides under the barbed wire to check on Emo Kid.

Mark Followill: Fans, when we come back, Brenda Price will have the Natural Selection Report!

--SPORTSRADIO 1310 THE TICKET PRESENTS THE CASH AMERICA QUARTERBACK BOWL 3 AT THE FORT WORTH CONVENTION CENTER IN FORT WORTH, TX, THURSDAY OCTOBER 30! FLAG FOOTBALL FEATURING ROGER STAUBACH, HERSCHEL WALKER, DANNY WHITE AND MORE DALLAS COWBOYS LEGENDS! ALL TICKETS ARE $13 AND ARE AVAILABLE AT TICKETMASTER OUTLETS! VISIT THETICKET.COM FOR MORE INFO!--

[Hollywood]

Mark Followill: What a brutal beating that Emo Kid took, and now we're going...

Jason Martel: Wait, Mark. We're getting a transmission from the Sports Authority locker room. It seems they have some thing important to say.

Mark Followill: How can they have something important to say? It's the Sports Authority.

Jason Martel: You have no respect for those with skill.

Mark Followill: No, I have respect for those who have skill, but then the Sports Nutz and their associates have none. Anyway, we've got a camera crew there.

The images flick over and we're in the Authority's locker room. Gordie has a bandage on his head, as well as Craig and George. Codi can be seen shaking her head as if annoyed at the results of earlier, while Matt Margera can only be described as fuming.

Matt: You've done it now, Dark Ones! You've stepped on the last nerve and pushed your luck too far! The Sports Authority cannot and will not allow you hacks to continue this charade! We don't care who you have in your corner! We don't care what you think you're capable of doing, but the Authority is coming for blood.

George: Yeah your blood.

Matt turns to look at George, his eyes burning into him and causing George to shut up and stay quiet. Matt turns back to the camera and clenches his fist. Then suddenly the lights go out in the room.

Codi: What the...

A loud crash can be heard and somebody cries out in pain. From the belch that follows, we imagine it to be George. Another loud crash followed by an explosion of sparks from a nearby wall indicates the monitor screen being broken. We hear somebody begging followed by the sound of steel hitting flesh. Another loud crash, then the sound of Codi screaming, That suddenly cuts off to absolute silence. The lights flicker on and the camera now seems to be resting on the floor. Resting on their sides, the Sports Nutz are in an array of positions with George Dunpork against a wall, blood coming from his head; Craig Muller has a TV screen currrently on him in pieces; Gordie is out cold with a steel chair discarded on him; Codi Shane is laid up against a corner with her head down in an unconscious state; and Matt Margera is in the center of the room on the floor. Standing just behind him is a man, wearing a mask, much like the one seen in earlier weeks. He moves his head slowly from side to side. He is wearing dark jeans and boots, and two black fingerless gloves. He doesn't wear anything to cover his torso and lots of scars can be seen all over his boody.

??: Natural Selection is a process of the strongest eliminating the weak. At Natural Selection, you will all begin to understand, as the Sports Authority understand after becoming the first to fall at my feet, when I align myself with the Dark Ones. I've been here already. I've been working over the past month, first with wrestlers who decide to help kidnap a child, then I struck another federation's top diva. To further show how easy it is for me to arrive, I took Damien from Matt Margera and Codi Shane and the child helped me leave a message. Then I made an example of a cop who didn't quiet understand the concept of abusing his power. But at Natural Selection you will all know the violence that follows my path, for I am Azrael and it's time for you all to bleed.

Azrael takes a step forward and kicks the camera, breaking the lens and forcing it to cut to static.[/color]

Jason Martel: You see the freaks that the Dark Ones will hire?! Look at what he did to poor Codi! He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near SNW live events!

Mark Followill: A powerful statement just sent to the Sports Authority, and it seems we now know who will join the Dark Ones in Hellspawn's stead.

Jason Martel: And God help him when the Sports Authority wake up.

Mark Followill: Or god help them. Fans, when we come back, Brenda Price will have your Natural Selection Report!

--SNW SPORTS JAMS, AVAILABLE ON CD AND ITUNES ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4! FEATURING THE THEME SONGS OF ALL YOUR FAVORITE SNW WRESTLERS!--

[/b]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens in a newsroom, with TV monitors in the background, showing old SNW footage. Brenda Price, wearing a blue tube top and jeans, is standing by. The Dead Pool stage theme from Mortal Kombat 2 plays in a loop during the report.

BRENDA PRICE
Welcome to the SNW Natural Selection Report. I'm Brenda Price. As you know by now, Natural Selection will be taking place on November 2 at the Daniel Meyer Coliseum in Fort Worth, Texas. This event has been sold out, and the only way to see it is on PPV. So don't delay! Make that call right now!

At Natural Selection, only the strongest can survive, and we will find out who the strongest wrestlers in SNW are with a series of team elimination matches. When someone is pinned, made to submit, disqualified, counted out or knocked out, the match doesn't end right there. The person eliminated goes to the back, and the match ends when all team members from one of the teams is eliminated. Then the survivors will all move on the the ultimate test of survival, a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. So potentially, you can have a team of four vs a team of two vs a team of three vs just one person by themselves. Or you could have one person taking on all teams of four people. And the first team to climb the ladder and grab the briefcase will have their team declared as the strongest team in all of Sports Nutz Wrestling, and the reward will be title shots to be assigned by the SNW Championship Committee, with those title shots to be announced.

Now let's run down these team elimination matches. Earlier you saw the Sports Authority get taken apart by the man that we now know will be the Dark Ones partner, Azrael. It will be team captain Matt Margera teaming with Codi Shane and the Sports Nutz taking on team captain Goryokaku, Wench, Dark Sun, or Alexander Draven, whatever his mood is, and Azrael. It's the Sports Authority vs the Dark Ones.

Team captain Soul Reaper will be joined by the new Von Erich Memorial Champion Cyanide and the Alley Ratz to take on team captain Omerta, Rick Roll and the Xtreme Team. It's Reaper's Wrath vs Strength, Honor, Respect.

Just added to the card today... Team captain Michael Xavier teams up with Dredd and Scott Jacobs to take on team captain Delphine Marx and the New Dynasty. It's Rated X vs the Marxists, and the twist here is that Michael Xavier and Delphine Marx are great friends. But what will happen at Natural Selection now that they must face off? And from what I've heard about Dredd, he's not above tearing females apart, so it'll be interesting to see what Xavier will do if Dredd gets his hands on Delphine Marx.

Speaking of men fighting women, it's billed as "The Battle of the Sexes." Team captain "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels teams up with Espio and Criss Cassidy to take on team captain Enigmah, who must team up with Hannah and Cerise Richardson. It's Thunderstruck vs the Enigmatic Divas. And here's another wrinkle... Enigmah and Hannah absolutely despise each other, to the point that Enigmah had told Hannah to stay out of her life! What will happen when these two have to team up?

Team Captain Stank Lovve will team up with DevilDog, Candy Lovve and Adriana Samu to take on team captain Viper, and his partners, the Unholy Trinity. It's Everyone's Favorite Playas vs the Unholy SINners.

Now aside from the team elimination matches and the TLC match at the end, there are two other great matches to follow. After the brutal beating he took earlier, I'll be surprised if Emo Kid can make it to Stage 5 of the 7 Stages of Violence, in which he takes on Andy Lionheart in a Devil's Bunkbeds Match. Outside the ring are two tables stacked on top of each other, with barbed wire, light tubes and thumbtacks on both tables. The object of the match is to slam your opponent through those tables to win the match.

And the SNW Texas Championship will go on the line as Hellspawn will take on Silvus. Ever since he came to Sports Nutz Wrestling on the pilot episode of Guys Night Out back in June, Silvus has had his eye on the Texas Championship, and is looking to become the second British born wrestler since the late "Gentlemen" Chris Adams to hold the Texas Championship. And coming up right after this timeout will be the contract signing for the Texas Championship match at Natural Selection. Remember, Natural Selection is available on PPV! Don't be left out! Call your cable or satellite provider now and tell them you want to survive Natural Selection! With your Natural Selection Report, I'm Brenda Price.

--THE EMERGENCY BRAKE OF THE WEEK, AWARDED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING AT 7:50 AM ON THE DUNHAM AND MILLER SHOW, HEARD ON SPORTSRADIO 1310 THE TICKET! IF YOU CAN'T GET THE TICKET IN YOUR AREA, STREAM IT ONLINE AT THE TICKET.COM!--

[Hollywood]

Shot opens inside the ring, where the barbed wire from the previous match has been taken down and there are no ropes. Inside the ring, there's a table with a chair on each side of the it. SNW co-owner Vince Bischoff is standing in the ring, mic in hand. Gordon Heath is conspicuous by his absence as he's trying to get over the loss the Sports Nutz suffered earlier in the night.

Vince Bischoff: As majority owner, I have the authority to make this match official. Gordon Heath and I have been working day and night with both Silvus and Hellspawn to get all of the details in this contract worked out, and we have finally reached an agreement that both parties have agreed to. All we need are the signatures. So first, let's bring out the man who will be challenging for the SNW Texas Championship. Ladies and gentlemen, Silvus!

I have killed once before.
So quick and silent and evermore.
The dark enclosure in my mind
Hides my truths more and more.
But once again alas it must open.
So spew fourth the demons that rage.
And hope dear god please just hope,
That ain't Silvus knocking at your door...

"Wishmaster" blares over the PA as the crowd comes unglued. Silvus, clad in black slacks, black loafers, and a black dress shirt under a black sports coat, and a white tie, appears from behind the curtain. He doesn't raise his hand like he normally does, as he's dead serious about the match he's signing the contract for that will take place at Natural Selection. Silvus walks down the aisle and enters the ring. He shoots a stone cold look over at Vince Bischoff, then walks over and sits down in his chair.

Vince Bischoff: Now let's bring out the man that Silvus will be facing on November 2 at Natural Selection inside the Daniel Meyer Coliseum in Fort Worth, Texas. He first won the SNW Texas Championship back in May at 4 Up and has had a stranglehold on the title ever since. Ladies and gentlemen, the SNW Texas Champion, Hellspawn!

"White Knuckles" blasts throughout the PA system as the crowd cheers just as loud as they did for Silvus. Out from behind the curtain walks Hellspawn, clad in black slacks, black boots, a black dress shirt, and his long black trench coat, with his Texas Championship belt around his waist. He walks down to the ring, looking as serioius as Silvus. Hellspawn enters the ring, glares over at Vince Bischoff, then glares over at Silvus and sits down in his seat.

Mark Followill: You can cut the tension with the proverbial knife.

Jason Martel: And it's not even time for the match!

Vince Bischoff: As we all know, Hellspawn defends his Texas Championship against Silvus, who's looking to become the second man of British descent since the late Chris Adams to win the Texas Championship. Hellspawn, of course, has no plans of letting go of the championship. Now what you don't know is that both Silvus and Hellspawn have come to both Gordon Heath and I, requesting that their title match not be a regular one-on-one match. We offered a steel cage match, but they turned it down. We offered a light tube deathmatch, but that was turned down. We even offered a Sycotic Cage match, but that was turned down. So Silvus and Hellspawn, in a rare moment in time, actually agreed on something and came to us for a special kind of match. A House of Horrors Match. This match will start at some abandoned house in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex, and there will be a live satellite feed of the match. The match will be shown in segments throughout Natural Selection in between the other great matches on the card. And the match will finally end when both competitors are able to make it to the Daniel Meyer Coliseum and into the ring, where they will fight to be the first one to get a pinfall or submission victory.

Vince picks up the contract from off of the table and takes out a pen from his coat pocket. He hands the contract and pen over to Silvus.

Vince Bischoff: Silvus, if we may have your signature first please.

Silvus glances over the contract then begins to sign it.

Jason Martel: S-I-L...

Mark Followill: Oh stop it!

Silvus, who has not taken his eyes off Hellspawn, and vice versa, finishes signing the contract, then hands the pen and contract back to Vince. Vince now hands the pen and contract over to Hellspawn. He too glances over the contract and signs it, not taking his eyes of Silvus. Hellspawn hands the pen and contract over to Vince.

Vince Bischoff: Alright, it's official. In two weeks at Natural Selection, it will be Silvus challenging Hellspawn for the SNW Texas Championship in a House of Horrors Match.

The crowd cheers at Vince Bischoff's announcement. Silvus and Hellspawn both stand up and walk toward each other.

Vince Bischoff: Guys, let's try to keep this professional.

Hellspawn takes off his Texas Championship belt as he and Silvus are now staring each other down. Hellspawn raises his belt up in the air as the crowd is at a fever pitch. Silvus looks up at the belt, stares a hole into Hellspawn, and motions that the belt will be his, then walks off. They continue to stare down as the copyright information appears at the bottom left of the screen and the show fades to black.