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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 16:46:54 GMT -6
The last 30 seconds of "Psycho Circus" by KISS plays as a montage of SNW highlights are shown.
--NYTEX SPORTS CENTRE--
--NORTH RICHLAND HILLS, TX--
Shot opens inside the ring, which has been set up for Sports Talk. Inside the ring is a black leather sofa, and in front of the sofa is a black coffee table with bobblehead doll representations of the Sports Nutz and Gordon Heath on top of the table. Seated on the black leather sofa are Gordon Heath, George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller, who all have their own microphones. George is wearing a green Donovan McNabb Philadelphia Eagles football jersey, and Craig is wearing a white Brian Westbrook Philadelphia Eagles football jersey. The jerseys alone draw the ire of the crowd inside the NYTX Sports Centre as they boo their lungs out. Gordie brings the microphone up to his mouth, the crowd still booing loudly.
Gordie: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest talk show on television today, Sports Talk!
The crowd boos even louder. Gordie, George and Craig all scowl at the crowd.
Gordie: At It's Christmas Dammit, George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller, collectively known as the Sports Nutz, made their triumphant return to the wrestling promotion that they founded and had named in their honor when they took out those grimy Alley Ratz.
Dunpork: Eddy and Twitch may be the #1 contenders to the SNW Texas Tag Team Championships, but not for very long because our agent and manager, Gordon Heath, negotiated with FOX to air a television special on February 13.
Craig: Friday the 13th, no less.
Dunpork: That's right. On Friday the 13th, FOX presents No Holds Barred from the Super Pit in Denton, Texas, home of the University of North Texas Mean Green.
Craig: The University of North Texas. That brings back such bad memories. In fact, George and I got so fed up with that school that we transferred to UTA. And go figure that the we're thanked for attending that school is being booed out of the building when we tried to rid their building of the "rat" problem at It's Christmas Dammit.
Dunpork: Now on the live No Holds Barred television special, we will rid all of SNW of this "rat" problem once and for all. We will take on the Alley Ratz, take away their #1 contendership, and then go on to take on whoever are the Texas Tag Team Champions at WrestleStock!
Gordie: That's right! I have made the match pitting the Alley Ratz against the Sports Nutz, with the winning team facing the Texas Tag Team Champions at Wrestle...
Gordie is interrupted by Eddy coming from out of the crowd and springboarding off the top rope and nailing Gordie in the face with springboard dropkick, knocking Gordie out on the sofa as the crowd cheers loudly. The Sports Nutz attempt to pounce on Eddy before he can pick himself up, but Twitch comes running down the aisle and slides into the ring, nailing George and Craig from behind with a double bulldog, and the crowd is going insane. Eddy grabs the Gordon Heath bobblehead doll as Gordie staggers up off the sofa. Gordie's not up for long, as Eddy smashes the bobblehead doll over his head to a thunderous roar from the crowd as Gordie falls down in a heap. Twitch grabs the George Dunpork bobblehead doll and smashes it over George's head, then grabs the Craig Mueller bobblehead doll and smashes it over Craig's head, sending both Sports Nutz down and out on the mat as the crowd continues to cheer like crazy.
Jason Martel: What a bunch of sick people these fans are, cheering the Alley Ratz for damaging the Sports Nutz' property!
Mark Bishop: How about the how George Dunpork desecrating the image of Santa Claus at It's Christmas Dammit?!
Jason Martel: He didn't damage anybody's property though, unlike the Alley Ratz who just damaged those valuable bobblehead dolls! You know how much they sell for on eBay?! Now they're worthless!
"Chicken Huntin" blasts over the PA as the Alley Ratz leave the ring, and Gordie and the Sports Nutz try to get up, but having trouble doing so.
Mark Bishop: The Alley Ratz sending the Sports Nutz a message that they're ready for No Holds Barred!
GET THE ALL NEW SNW TIGER ELECTRONIC GAME, OUT NOW!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY PLAYS TIGER GAMES ANYMORE?! [/center][/b]
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 16:54:42 GMT -6
"A Country Boy Can Survive" By Hank Williams Jr plays and Scott Jacobs walks down the ring, playing into the crowd's mild boos and laughing and mocking every SNW fan he sees. Jason Martel: Scott Jacobs making his long-awaited return to SNW. Mark Bishop: I don't think these fans were looking forward to it. Monica Deluca: This match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Austin, Texas and weighing 285 pounds, Scott Jacobs! His opponent, already in the ring, Allen Trebeck! Jacobs gets in the ring where Allen Trebeck is waiting for him. Jacobs spends several minutes posing and taunting the crowd, Trebeck, and the ref, who tries to get the match started. Finally, after threatening to throw out the match, the ref manages to get Jacobs to engage Trebeck in a tie up. Jacobs is in control for the whole of the short match, with several slams, holds, and even his finisher, the Country Boy Slam, but never takes advantage of his upper hand, instead choosing to taunt the fans and show off in the ring. Finally, after a near fall, Jacobs loses his concentration completely while arguing with the ref about his counting skills. Trebeck sees his opportunity and jumps on it, pinning Jacobs in a surprise roll up for the 1, 2, 3. Monica Deluca: Here is your winner, Allen Trebeck! Mark Bishop: What an upset by Allen Trebeck! Jason Martel: I guess Scott is still struggling with his drinking problem. Something caused him to lose focus. GET THE ALL NEW SNW TOOTHPASTE, AVAILABLE AT ALL RETAILERS! |
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 17:06:07 GMT -6
Camera shot to the press box of NYTEX Sports Centre. We can see Derek Draven sitting down at a table, enjoying a hot pizza and a Dr. Pepper, watching the action. Mark Bishop: As you can see, Derek Draven is in attendance tonight. What his plans are in SNW is anybody's guess right now. Jason Martel: I wouldn't be shocked if he decided to go after the SNW Texas Championship sooner rather than later. Shot switches to inside the ring, where Mike LaFontaine is. Monica Deluca: The following is a No Disqualification Match. Introducing first, already in the ring, Mike LaFontaine! "Broken" by Pantera blares throughout the arena. The fans don't give much of a reaction as Josh Knox storms from behind the SNW curtain, dragging a metal garbage can filled with all sorts of items. Monica Deluca: His opponent, Josh Knox! Before he can throw his can into the ring, however, Andrew Smith runs down the ramp out of nowhere and clotheslines Knox from behind. LaFontaine, who is already in the ring, and the ref watch as Knox gets to his feet only to be levelled again with and Enziguri. Smith is relentless in his assault; he straddles Knox and hits him with left and rights before standing up, dragging Knox to his already wobbly feet, and whipping him into the post. Just for good measure, Smith dropkicks Knox, sandwiching him between his feet and the post. Mark Bishop: Why isn’t the ref doing anything!? This is atrocious! Jason Martel: It’s also a No Disqualification match. There is nothing he can do about it. Smith grabs Knox up from off the floor once again and powerbombs him straight onto the thinly padded concrete, eliciting a strong reaction from the crowd. We hear Smith say “Oh, you think that’s bad?” with a smirk on his face. Smith drags Knox, who is no longer capable of standing on his own, back to his feet and signals for his finisher. Mark Bishop: This is too much, Smith! Jason Martel: Knox is going to feel this in the morning. Andrew Smith nails Josh Knox with the Retribution DDT, driving his head into the floor. The crowd is making a lot of noise, some of it boos and some of it sounds of disgust, as Smith yet again picks Knox up. This time Smith grabs Knox by the head and the belt and launches him under the rope under the ring. The ref admonishes Smith, who just stands and smiles, gesturing for LaFontaine to make the cover. LaFontaine looks at the ref, who hesitantly calls for the bell. LaFontaine looks to the crowd, as if he’s not sure what to do. LaFontaine finally shrugs and makes the cover. The ref sighs and shakes his head, but obligingly goes down to count. ONE... TWO... THREE! Monica Deluca: Your winner, Mike LaFontaine! Jason Martel: Hahaha! All we heard about for the last couple of weeks was how dangerous Josh Knox was and all the barbaric things he's capable of, and he gets his brains bashed in by a wrestler using only wrestling moves, then gets beat by Mike LaFontaine! Mark Bishop: What's sad is that Andrew Smith may have permanently injured Josh Knox, and is laughing about it! Jason Martel: Oh boohoo! Mark Bishop: Well up next are the semi-final matches to determine who will square off in the Von Erich Memorial Title #1 contenders match in three weeks, right here on SNW Onslaught. SEE WILL FERRELL IN THE LONG AWAITED SEQUEL TO BLADES OF GLORY! CLEATS OF DISHONOR, COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU! |
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 17:09:09 GMT -6
The crowd is abuzz after after the previous match when Andrew Smith beat the living tar out of Josh Knox.
Mark Bishop: Earlier before the break, Josh Knox was set to make his debut against Mike LaFontaine in a No Disqualification Match, but Andrew Smith decided to have none of that.
Highlights of Smith beating up Knox are shown.
Jason Martel: Smith just beat the ever living tar out of Knox. But something interesting to note is that Smith didn't use any weapons, only wrestling maneuvers.
Mark Bishop: And then Smith nailed Knox with his Retribution DDT on the floor.
The highlight of Smith knocking out Knox with the Retribution DDT on the floor is shown, followed up by Smith rolling Knox into the ring and LaFontaine covering him.
Jason Martel: And then Mike LaFontaine got the biggest win, well actually, the only win in his career as covered Josh Knox for the one, two, three.
Mark Bishop: And right now, Misty Crawford is standing by with Andrew Smith. Misty?
Shot switches to the hallway, where Misty Crawford is standing by with Andrew Smith.
Misty Crawford: Thanks, Mark. And as you can see, with me right now is Andrew Smith, who obliterated Josh Knox, who from what I understand is now out of SNW indefinitely with a neck injury. Andrew, how on earth can you be proud of yourself, knowing that you may have ended Josh Knox's wrestling career?
Andrew Smith: Is it still not crystal clear to all of you puppets in Sports Nutz Wrestling why I'm doing what I'm doing here? I'm here to get revenge on everyone who has wronged me, as well as to clean up this filth of all these yardtards who can't wrestle a lick. What I did to Josh Knox is nothing compared to what I have in store for this company.
Smith storms off as the camera shot switches back to ringside, where the crowd is buzzing. Suddenly, the top turnbuckles burst into flames as a laugh can be heard echoing throughout the arena over the PA system.[/color] The time is drawing closer for my return. The time is drawing closer for me to take what is rightfully mine. How you remember me is gone now thanks to the flames but my determination still burns brighter then ever. Silvus, Soul Reaper it doesn't matter who holds the title as they are just holding it for me til I come back. The gates of hell have reopened and I have returned. [/center] The flames on the turnbuckles die down as a mask is seen on the SportsTron, which is a projector screen. The message on the tron says "At Guys Night Out, I will return." The fans seem confused until "Way of the Fist" blasts through the arena. The fans start cheering as the show fades to commercial.[/color] USED SNW T-SHIRTS, AVAILABLE FOR ONLY TEN CENTS ON SNW.COM! [/b]
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 17:16:17 GMT -6
Jason Martel: Man am I looking forward to this one, semi final match up between Viper and Jack Clinton.
Mark Bishop: You're absolutley right, high stakes right here. Alot is on the line in this one.
Monica Deluca: The following contest is a semi-final match in the tournament to crown a number one contender for the Von Erich Memorial Championship.
The crowd cheers the announcement. "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks, and Cannibal Girls" by White Zombie begins to play over the show sound system as the crowd boos. A few seconds into the music, Clinton walks through the entrance curtain to more boos from the crowd. He stands in front of the entranceway and scans the crowd for a few more seconds, then raises his arms triumphantly, the crowd continuing to boo him.
Monica Deluca: Introducing first, from Beverly Hills California and weighing in at 355 pounds, Jack Clinton!
Jason Martel: Determined look on the face of Jack Clinton tonight.
Mark Bishop: I heard that he doesn't smile even when he's happy.
"Sinner" by Drowning Pool blares over the PA as Viper walks out from behind to his fair share of boos from the crowd.
Monica Deluca: And his opponet, from Fayetteville, North Carolina and weighing in at 324 pounds, this is Viper!
Viper walks down to the ring as the fans in the bleachers and at ringside continue to shout catcalls at him. He steps onto the ring apron, steps over the ropes into the ring, and puts his arms up in an 'X' to more boos from the crowd.
Jason Martel: And the bell sounds and this one is underway. The battle of the two seven footers in there tonight.
Mark Bishop: Collar and elbow tie up, center of the ring. Viper Irish whips Clinton into the far side. Clinton ducks under the clothlesline attempt.
Jason Martel: Looks like Viper was looking for that Viper Line early on.
Mark Bishop: Clinton back and a huge Mafia Front Kick to the jaw of Viper, and Viper rolls to the outside.
Jason Martel: Smart move by Viper to get out of the ring, shake and shake it off.
Viper rolls back in under the bottom rope. Viper and Jack Clinton tie up again in the middle of the ring and Viper now forces Jack Clinton into the far corner. Viper with a couple knife edge chops to the chest of Jack Clinton. Viper drivesd his shoulder into the abdomen of Jack Clinton. Viper slowly pulls Jack Clinton out of the corner and hits a backbreaker.
Jason Martel: Viper smartly going for the cover ONE... TWO... no way, going to take alot more than that.
Mark Bishop: There is a title shot on the line, the light at the end of the tunnel for these two is right there. This will not be an easy contest.
Viper pulls Jack Clinton to his feet and begins to drive forearm shots into Clinton's face. Clinton blocks and hits a throat thrust followed by a straight punch to the nose. With Viper reeling, Jack Clinton hits a standing clothesline, knocking Viper to the mat. Jack Clinton locks in a Boston crab.
Jason Martel: Jack Clinton with a flurry of offense out of nowhere, and now he's got Viper in a textbook Boston Crab.
Mark Bishop: Great strategy here. With two huge guys like this, it's going to be the one to slow it down, take it to mat and wear the other one out in my opinion.
Jason: Or just one big move, you never can tell in SNW!
Viper begins to work his way out of the Boston crab as Jack Clinton throws a few punches to Viper's face. Jack Clinton lifts Viper up with all the strength he can muster and hits a delayed vertical suplex. With Viper on the mat, Jack Clinton applies a knee bar like leg lock. Viper kicks away at Jack Clinton with his free leg, breaking the hold and rolls back to the outside. Clinton goes out after Viper, but Viper nails a quick Viper Line flooring Clinton.
Jason Martel: OH! Viper Line on the outside! Jack Clinton's eyes are in the back of his head.
Mark Bishop: Viper was in trouble, but what a way to think on your feet right there. Viper rolling Clinton back into the ring now.
Jason Martel: Viper not going for the cover as he wants to inflict some more damage.
Mark Bishop: Viper has Jack Clinton hooked... OH! Sick Jackhammer by the Ultimate SINner! ONE... TWO... NO! Man that was close!
Jason Martel: Viper looks to be in shock! Two devastating moves and Clinton just comes right back. This tournament means so much, and I can't pick a winner because I like both of these guys!
Viper begins to kick away at Jack Clinton. Clinton catches Viper's leg and maneuvers him into a press slam. With Viper down, Jack Clinton ascends to the top rope and waits for Viper to get back to his feet. Viper stands and Jack Clinton soars through the air with a flying clothesline.
Jason Martel: That was seven feet and over three hundred pounds of human being crashing into one another!
Mark Bishop: Sick impact there, but Jack Clinton is not going for the cover.
Jason Martel: He's slapping his leg, could he be signaling for the axe kick.
Jack Clinton charges from the corner and nails his signature Axe Kick across the back of the head of Viper!
OOOOOOOOH!!!
Mark Bishop: ONE... TWO... NO! Kickout by Viper.
Jack Clinton goes to one knee and punches the canvas in frustration. Viper pulls himself to his feet in the corner. Jack Clinton charges at Viper and goes for a big boot, but Viper ducks under and spins Jack Clinton into the Ultimate SIN.
Jason Martel: High impact there! ONE... TWO... NO! Jack Clinton kicks out. All this for a chance at taking on Omerta for the Von Erich Memorial Championship!
Mark Bishop: I told you Jason, these guys can see the finish line. They both want to go on to the finals and get that chance to face Omerta.
Viper and Jack Clinton both get to their feet. Viper hits Clinton with a Double Arm DDT and both men are down on the mat, exhausted. The referee begins the standing ten count. ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE...
Jason Martel: The referee is up to five and both men are still down. They've hit each other with their entire arsenal and they just keep coming back.
Mark Bishop: This is the wrestling that reminds me of why I love this business!
Jason Martel: The referee is up to six. Both men are in opposite corners using the ropes to get to their feet. Viper up first, now Jack Clinton is up. They charge... double clothesline and both men are down AGAIN!
Mark Bishop: That was like two bulls charging at each other! The referee has started the count again. This one can't go on much longer.
Both Viper and Jack Clinton slowly come back to life and get back to their feet. Viper raises himself up in the corner as Jack Clinton gets to one knee. Viper charges Clinton and gets wrapped in a choke hold.
Jason Martel: We could we see the Final Destruction from Jack Clinton!
Mark Bishop: Viper breaks away, knee to the stomach, double underhook, Venomizer!
Viper hits Jack Clinton with the Venomizer and goes for the cover in the middle of the ring.
Jason Martel: ONE... TWO... THREE!
Monica Deluca: Your winner of the match and advancing to the Von Erich Memorial Title #1 contendership match, Viper!
Mark Bishop: Not only does he win, Martel, he advances to the finals in the Von Erich Memorial Championship number one contendership tournament!
Jason Martel: And how interesting would it be if Adriana Samu wins her match and we have a finals pitting two members of the SINdicate against each other?
Mark Bishop: Well, we're going to find out if we'll have a SINful final on Guys Night Out next Saturday night, as Adriana Samu takes on Johnny Moxie after this break.
GET YOUR SPORTS NUTZ BOBBLEHEAD DOLLS! NOW ONLY $5,999.99 ON SNW.COM!
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 17:17:07 GMT -6
Mark Bishop: Welcome back to SNW Onslaught here on the CW, and earlier Viper defeated Jack Clinton to advance to the #1 contendership match to see who will face Omerta for the Von Erich Memorial Championship at No Holds Barred.
Jason Martel: Johnny Moxie has come from out of nowhere to get this far in SNW, while it's taken Adriana Samu a little while to climb the ladder of success.
Monica Deluca: This next match is a semi-final match to see who will go on to the Von Erich Memorial Title #1 contender's match.
"I Love Myself Today" booms over the PA, and the crowd boos in unison as Adriana Samu comes out from behind the curtain, with a steel pipe in her hand. As she walks down to the ring, she looks to the crowd and just scoffs at them.
Monica Deluca: Introducing first, from Alberta, Canada and weighing 130 pounds, "Everyone's Favourite Canadian SINner" Adriana Samu!
Samu rolls into the ring and climbs the middle turnbuckle, holding up the steel pipe as the crowd continues to boo her.
Jason Martel: I wonder what the steel pipe is about.
Mark Bishop: I'm surprised the referee allows her to bring it to ringside because it's a weapon.
"I Love Myself Today" dies down, then "Balls To The Wall" blares over the PA. Johnny Moxie walks out from behind the curtain and pauses after taking a few steps, putting his hands on his hips and looking around at the crowd as they cheer him on.
Monica Deluca: Her opponent, from Manhattan, New York and weighing 215 pounds, Johnny Moxie!
Mark Bishop: Not only has Johnny Moxie stepped up from out of nowhere, he's also developed quite a fanbase in a short period of time.
Jason Martel: Well he'll quickly learn that relying on these dumb fans for support will get you nowhere. Adriana Samu realized that, and look where she is now.
Now at ringside, Moxie takes time to slap hands with the fans, then finds a camera man on the floor and says "Viper, I'm coming for you after I get done with your girl!" Moxie hops onto the apron. But right when he's stepping through the ropes, Samu kicks the ropes, the ropes hitting Moxie in the groin as he falls over onto the mat in the fetal position. Now that he's in the ring, the bell rings and Samu follows up, stomping away at Moxie. Samu follows up with an elbow drop, then rakes her boot across Moxie's eyes. She plays to the crowd, who in turn boo her out of the building.
Mark Bishop: "Everyone's Favourite Canadian SINner" picks Johnny Moxie up and whips him into the ropes. Samu ducking her head down, but she telegraphs her move way too soon as Moxie takes her down with a swinging neckbreaker.
Jason Martel: Big mistake by Samu, as she had Moxie reeling there, and now he has a chance to get back into this match.
Moxie follows up with a reverse chinlock on Samu, but she refuses to give up as she makes her way back to her feet. She elbows Moxie in the stomach, but he holds on and clubs Samu in the back with his right forearm, taking her down to one knee. Moxie picks up Samu and brings her down with a double underhook suplex. Moxie with a cover. ONE... Samu quickly kicks out at one. Moxie picks Samu up and whips her into the ropes. He goes for a standing dropkick, but Samu holds onto the ropes as Moxie falls flat on his face.
Mark Bishop: Johnny Moxie going for that dropkick a few seconds too soon.
Jason Martel: Just a couple of seconds mean a world of difference in professional wrestling.
With Moxie getting up, Samu walks through the ropes and onto the apron, then proceeds to climb to the top turnbuckle. Moxie is back up, turns around, but not soon enough as it's too late for him to counter when Samu nails him with a flying crossbody block into a pin. ONE... TWO... Moxie kicks out.
Mark Bishop: Johnny Moxie almost cost himself the match right there.
Samu picks Moxie up and brings him down with a Russian Leg Sweep. Samu goes for another cover, but only gets a one count for her effort. Samu picks Moxie up and attempts to whip him into the ropes, but Moxie catches himself and shifts his momentum, taking Samu down with a short-arm clothesline, then follows up with a leg drop. Moxie runs to the ropes, springboards off and nails Samu with a springboard moonsault. ONE... TWO... Samu kicks out. Moxie picks Samu up and grabs her in a front facelock. He lifts her up for a vertical suplex, but she slips down behind Moxie, turns him around and nails him in the back of the head with a rather loud enziguri.
OOOOHHHH!
With Moxie down, Samu goes to climb the turnbuckle. She comes flying off the top turnbuckle and nails Moxie with a Corkscrew Leg Drop. Samu elects not to go for a cover, as she instead goes to another turnbuckle. She flies off the top and goes for a 450 Corkscrew Splash, but Moxie rolls out of the way and Samu crashes to the mat.
Mark Bishop: Another big mistake by Samu, and this one could really cost her!
Jason Martel: But Moxie is taking a little while to recover thanks to the damage that Samu has done to him so far.
Moxie picks himself up, then picks Samu up by the head. Moxie whips Samu into the ropes, then when she comes off the rebound, he jumps up and takes her down with a huracanrana into a pin. ONE... TWO... Samu kicks out. As Samu picks herself up, Moxie goes to run the ropes. He comes off the rebound as Samu is back up, then takes her right back down with a flying headscissors, sending Samu rolling to the outside. As Samu is getting up, Moxie runs toward the ropes and jumps over them, twisting his body and taking Samu down to the floor with a twisting moonsault over the ropes! The crowd cheers loudly as Moxie gets back up and takes a bow.
Jason Martel: This is what I was talking about. Johnny Moxie worrying about these fans being happy, and it's costing him valuable time he could use to follow up on Samu.
Moxie picks Samu up and rolls her into the ring. He goes to climb the top turnbuckle, but Samu is back up and runs into the ropes, causing Moxie to crotch himself on the top turnbuckle.
OOOOHHHH!
Samu goes to climb the turnbuckle and grabs a hold of Moxie. She goes to the top turnbuckle as she has Moxie in a front facelock, then she brings him down hard with a superplex. She takes a couple of seconds to recover, then goes for a pin. ONE... TWO... Moxie kicks out. With Moxie in a daze, Samu picks him up by the head. She pulls his trunks toward her, but before she snaps them, she takes a quick peek and laughs to her heart's content. She even does the "small" hand gesture, then snaps Moxie's trunks.
Mark Bishop: The People Pleaser!
Jason Martel: I don't think Miss Samu was very pleased with what she saw though.
Samu follows up with a roundhouse kick to Moxie's face, knocking him down. Moxie tries to get up, but Samu knocks him back down with an elbow drop, followed up immediately by a Crippler Crossface. The ref checks in to see if Moxie gives up, but he refuses.
Mark Bishop: Samu pulls back on the Crossface in an attempt to force Johnny Moxie to give up.
Jason Martel: But he's inching closer to the ropes.
Samu tries to pull Moxie back to keep him from reaching the ropes, but he makes it to the ropes, and the ref begins the five count. The ref gets up to four, and Samu finally lets go. While holding the ropes, Samu stomps away at Moxie across the shoulder blade. Samu picks Moxie up and tries to whip him into the ropes, but he reverses the whip, sending Samu into the ropes. Samu rebounds and catches her momentum and attempts a crossbody block, but Moxie ducks and Samu accidentally knocks down the ref with the crossbody.
Mark Bishop: And now we have no referee!
Jason Martel: The inmates run the asylum now.
Samu gets up, turns around and is nailed by Moxie with a Flatliner. Moxie sees the referee is down, and goes to check on him, trying to revive him but having a hard time doing so. Meanwhile, Samu rolls over, slowly coming back to life and goes to the corner where her steel pipe is located. She picks up the pipe and picks herself up as Moxie turns around. Samu swings the pipe at Moxie, but he ducks, and the miss causes Samu to spin around. Moxie kicks Samu in the gut, knocking the pipe out of her hand, then takes her down with a snap suplex. He sees the pipe, sees the ref, who's starting to get up but has yet to turn around, then looks over at the pipe as the crowd actually cheers him on to grab it and use it!
Jason Martel: What hypocrites these fans are! If Adriana Samu uses it, she gets booed out of the building. Oh, but it's ok for Johnny Moxie to use it because he's one of their favorites!
Mark Bishop: It's poetic justice, Jason.
Jason Martel: You make me sick, Mark! And listen to these dumb hicks yelling their heads off after their hero, Johnny Moxie, lays out Adriana Samu with the steel pipe!
Mark Bishop: Moxie throws the evidence out of the ring and goes for the cover as the referee turns around just in time to make the count.
Jason Martel: The ref shouldn't be counting that pin!
Mark Bishop: ONE... TWO... THREE!
Monica Deluca: Your winner of the match and advancing to the Von Erich Memorial Title #1 contender's match, Johnny Moxie!
SNW IT'S CHRISTMAS DAMMIT! AVAILABLE ON DVD AND BLU RAY FEBRUARY 17!
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Post by Hollywood on Jan 12, 2009 17:17:44 GMT -6
Dope's cover version of "No Chance In Hell" booms over the PA, and Vince Bischoff comes out to a mixed reaction.
Jason Martel: Oh Mark, you better button up that shirt because the boss is coming out.
Mark Bishop: Vince Bishoff is making his way down to the ring folks. We heard he had something to say and here he comes. Hopefully he won’t make another blunder.
Jason Martel: Did I just hear you insult Bischoff?
Mark Bishop: Shut your trap, you good for nothing has been of a wrestler!
Vince Bishcoff’s music cuts out as he gets into the ring holding a microphone in his hand and what looks to be a contract in his other. He raises a hand to the fans hoping to incite a reaction but he gets nothing. They just stare at him waiting for him to get a move on.
Vince: Yes, okay I hope everyone's been having a good night with our show so far, however it’s erm... time to deal with the situation of the Seven Stages of Violence. You see in my hand here is the contract that will sign a title shot for the winner of the Seven Stages. All we need is for him to come out here and put his name on the dotted line... So erm... Mr. Azrael if you’d like to come out please.
“Redeemer” hit’s the PA system and the fans go hysteric with a mixed reaction as Azrael steps out from behind the curtain and slowly makes his way towards the ring. He tags the occasional fan, before he stops in front of the steel steps. He raises a hand up high, then he takes a step forward, climbing the step and getting into the ring. In his right hand a microphone can be seen, and the music dies down.
Azrael: What do you want Bischoff?
Vince: J-Just a simple matter of you signing this piece of paper and accepting your title match to be set at the time of our choosing.
Jason Martel: Lord help us if he gets a shot at the title.
Mark Bishop: If he accepts we at least know it’s going to be one hell of a match.
Jason Martel: What do you mean if he accepts?! Nobody turns down a title shot!
Azrael paces around the ring, his face hidden behind the mask he wears. He walks to the ropes and points to the fans as a few of them scream for him to take the shot. He walks to the over side and receives the same response.
Azrael: Well Mister Bischoff, it seems everyone in this arena wants me to sign that piece of paper, to make you seem like you're important and to give you some self imposed belief that you can control what I am about and what I shall do in this company. So I guess, Vince, I best take that pen off you and do the one thing that everyone wants to see me do, the one thing that will make you all happy.
Azrael takes the pen, he takes a hold of the contract and in front of Vince he holds up the pen and break it in half with his hand before charging forward and hitting a vicious clothesline to Vince Bischoff sending him to the canvas hard. He follows up with a vicious stomp, then raises the mic.
Azrael: You stay right there like the good for nothing dog you are Bischoff! One move from you and it won’t be a pretty trip to the hospital you’re going to receive! Understood?!
Jason Martel: My God! He just hit the man who owns 52% of the shares in this company!
Mark Bishop: I don’t think he’s worried about his job either, already threatening the man with worse.
Azrael: Nobody, tells me what to do, and nobody says when and where or even how I claim a title shot! This contract is now my property! This contract is being offered to anybody who can beat me in a match of my choosing. This contract will give anyone a chance at the gold that seems to fascinate people in this company. You want your chance at gold, then place your challenge before me and if I accept be prepared for your own personal nightmare.
“Welcome to my nightmare” hit’s the P.A. System and Goryokaku steps out from behind the curtain. Following him as normal is Tanya Adams, but Wench isn’t there. Over his shoulder is one half of the coveted Tag Team Titles. Ten seconds after he steps, out Gordon Heath follows behind with the Sports Nutz trailing him. Apart from Gordie, the Sports Nutz look nervous as though they’ve been told something they didn’t like. Goryokaku stops at the ring and bows his head in prayer as the Sports Nutz roll into the ring. The fans can be heard booing and hissing. Azrael never moves nor cares about anything going on around him as he gives another kick to the gut of Vince Bischoff. Tanya climbs the steps with Gory now following behind. She holds the ropes open and Gory gets into the ring. He walks to where Vince Bischoff is and takes the mic from the floor beside him as the music dies down and the fans can be heard talking nervously. Gordie does a hand signal and everyone quietens quickly.
Gordie: Okay, let’s get down to business shall we? After all, time is money and money is leaving my pocket every minute that you ignorant bastards seem to get excited.
The fans boo their lungs out at Gordie's last statement.
Gordie: Shut up!
Jason Martel: Don’t they any respect for a great man?
Mark Bishop: I think they're confused. What is the figure head of the Dark Ones and one half of the tag team champions doing in the same ring with the Sport Nutz and not exactly tearing them apart?
Jason Martel: He’s scared.
Gordie: Now let’s begin with my first order of business shall we? Over the past few months there have been mistakes made in this company, matches announced far too early and messages made by SNW wrestlers not being sent out on air when they should have been. Not to mention that the Alley Ratz were able to bypass a security team that consisted of hillbillies and interrupt the #1 talk show on TV today, Sports Talk! Now I’m a firm believer in truth and justice, and so we’ve investigated the cause of these problems and it all came down to one person, my so called co-owner Vince Bischoff.
Jason Martel: What did he mean, "so called?"
Mark Bishop: I have no idea. Perhaps if we be quiet and listen we may find out more.
Gordie: However not only did I discover these mistakes were taking place, I also learned recently from a reliable source that Mr. Bischoff here sold all his shares to an unknown party in an attempt to leave quietly without making too much fuss. However as a sharp business man like myself knows, if you're going to be a winner you need to know all the players and the other player made himself known earlier this week. So I’ll hand the honors over now to the man who now owns 52% of the shares in SNW.
Everyone turns to face the curtain except for Gory, who is looking down at Vince Bischoff. His mask isn’t on and the sadistic smile is on his face. He raises up the microphone as nobody comes out. Gordie turns back to the ring, and George and Craig don’t stop looking at the entrance and even try to move around for a better look to see who’s coming.
Goryokaku: Vince Bishoff... YOU'RE FIRED!
George and Craig turn around in surprise and the face drop in realization of what’s just happened.
Jason Martel: Why did Gory just tell Vince he’s Fi....
Mark Bishop: Oh my god you don’t mean he’s pu....
Jason Martel: Erm... it certainly seems that way.
Goryokaku: Azrael if you would be so kind as to take this piece of chicken c*** out of my ring and out of this arena.
Goryokaku turns around, slowly letting everything dawn on the fans as his face still holding that cruel sadistic smile.
Goryokaku: I told you all this would happen! I warned you that I had been playing my games for a while now, and whilst teams had their eye on this trivial piece of gold on my shoulder they never saw the real prize. Nobody, not even Gordie here, saw the moves I was making till it became too late. Everyone was fascinated with useless gold and I took the one thing I wanted most, power! Now I am a man of business. Oh yes, I have a few vices, but I will make sure no more mistakes get in the way of how this company will be run. The fans will watch what we give them whether they like it or not. The wrestlers will do what amuses me the most. Gordie here will carry on what he’s been doing recently, running the business as it needs to with only a slight input from me in future. Of course, taking all this into account I want Xtreme Team out at that entrance now. It’s time I gave them some information they’ve been waiting for over this week. Now come out, come out where ever you are.
“Rawkfist” blares over the P.A. System and Xtreme Team, along with Sara Cannady, step out from behind the entrance and walk down to ringside mics in their hands.
Gory: Now you made a interesting challenge recently. You deemed you wanted a ladder match and you tried to make me accept all this under your rules. However what you fail to understand, Xtreme Team, is I don’t play by the same rules as you. I don’t need to accept your terms. You see, being the champion gives me a little edge in that I don’t have to win. I can simply draw in a match, but for you guys you’ve got to beat me and Wench to take these belts. So you tried to angle all this in your favor with a simple ladder match. But you see things have changed now that I own 52% over this company. I now control the majority vote and as such, I have certain powers like the ability to change a match. For example, at No Holds Barred, we will have a ladder match, but it will be a ladder match of my taste, a Blooded Strap Ladder match.
Jason Martel: A what? What the hell is a Blooded Strap Ladder match.
Mark Bishop: I think I heard this floating around as an idea.
Syco: The belts are on the line then it’s a deal. We accept your blooded strap ladder match.
Dave: What’s a blooded strap match?
Mark Bishop: I think that's something we'd all like to know.
Gory: It's very simple. You see, ladders will be set outside the ring as normal, but they will be useless as the wrestlers will be tied to their tag team partner. The only way to free yourself of the strap is to cause one of the opposing tag team wrestlers to bleed. You can climb the ladder at any time, even while tied by the strap, but as I said earlier, it'll be pretty useless.
Sara: And as they said earlier, they accept!
The crowd cheers at Sara's comment. They all stare each other down as the crowd cheers on.
Mark Bishop: So on No Holds Barred, live on FOX from the Super Pit in Denton, Texas on February 13, it'll be Xtreme Team challenging Wench and Goryokaku for the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles in a Blooded Strap Ladder Match! For Jason Martel, I'm Mark Bishop, saying so long!
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