Saturday Night Onslaught: 5/2/09

[Hollywood]

EARLIER THIS EVENING
4:38 PM

[/color]

The camera stumbles upon Xander Nova and Persona, standing in the concourse area before fans are let in. Their backs are to the camera and they don’t notice it there. Nova is on the phone and Persona is leaning over his shoulder listening in, gesturing instructions to Nova and nodding as the conversation continues.[/color]

XANDER NOVA
I know it is not vhat ve discussed, but the plans have changed.[/color]

Xander pauses to listen to the person on the other end.[/color]

XANDER NOVA
Vell, how soon can you get here?[/color]

Xander listens again, nodding in approval.

XANDER NOVA
Very good. Ve vill see you later this evenink then.[/color]

Xander hangs up the phone and turns to Persona, who seems to be waiting expectantly.[/color]

XANDER NOVA
Our back-up is on the vay, my dear.

Persona nods in contentment, then gestures for Nova to follow her.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Back-up!? What will this mean for Kobra’s Law, Viper and Adriana Samu!?

JASON MARTEL
I guess we’ll have to wait and see![/color]

Shot opens to an all new montage of SNW highlights, set to the tune of "Psycho Circus" by KISS. The montage includes Andy Lionheart and Emo Kid crashing through the Devil's Bunk Beds, the Destruction Crew destroying Mike LaFontaine, Sean O'Brien nailing Extrano with a Flatliner, Twitch smashing George Dunpork over the head with a Dunpork bobblehead doll, Johnny Moxie nailing Omerta with the New York State of Mind, Cyanide holding up the Von Erich Memorial Title at WrestleStock, and ending with Soul Reaper holding up the SNW Texas Championship at WrestleStock.



LIVE FROM THE GORDIETORIUM! DOWNTOWN FORT WORTH, TX!

The Sports Nutz and Gordon Heath are in the ring as "Ecstasy Of Gold" plays over the PA. The crowd is booing them out of the building as Gordie, Craig and George sit down in their movie director-style chairs, microphones in hand. The ring has one more movie director-style chair, presumably for the guest of Sports Talk, Wench. Oddly enough, the chair has two microphones in it. A Terrell Owens Buffalo Bills football jersey inside a picture frame is set on a picture stand inside the ring.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Welcome to SNW Saturday Night Onslaught! We are live from the Gordietorium in Downtown Fort Worth, Texas! I'm Mark Followill, alongside Jason Martel.

JASON MARTEL
And we're not wasting any time, as we're kicking off the show with Sports Talk!

GORDIE
Welcome, everyone, to the highest rated talk show on all television, Sports Talk! Let's not waste any time in bringing out the woman who gave the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles to TNT, Wench!

"Run To You" by Bryan Adams booms over the PA. Wench appears from behind the curtain, and the crowd comes unglued as she makes her way down to the ring.

JASON MARTEL
I tried telling the Dark Ones all the way back to my days with them that Wench was nothing but trouble! And Gory learned that the hard way when he lost the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles!

MARK FOLLOWILL
What a suck up you are! Just a few weeks ago, you were saying that Wench was one of the greatest wrestlers on the roster.

Wench picks up one of the mics and is about to sit down in the vacant movie directors-style seat...

GORDIE
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That seat is reserved for our guest tonight.

WENCH
I'm here, you dolt.

CRAIG
Wench, maybe you didn't hear Gordie earlier. He introduced you as the lady that cost the Dark Ones that Texas Tag Team Titles, not as the guest for Sports Talk.

GORDIE
That's right. Our "guest" this week is none other than the most dominant wrestler in SNW, Hellspawn!

"White Knuckles" booms over the PA, and the crowd boos as Hellsplawn makes his way to the ring.

JASON MARTEL
Oh boy! Is Wench in trouble now!

MARK FOLLOWILL
I shudder to think what Hellspawn has in mind to try to pay Wench back for simply doing the right thing.

Hellspawn enters the ring, stares down at Wench and takes his seat, picking up the other mic.

DUNPORK
Alright, Wench. Now you must answer to Hellspawn for your recent actions. I'm going to ask the tough questions, and we'll see if you have any guts telling the truth in front of Hellspawn. Why did you give the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles to TNT?

Wench smirks.

WENCH
I don't have to answer to anyone for anything.

Craig "Senior" Mueller sways left and right as he snaps his fingers.

CRAIG
Don't sass us, girlfriend!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Did he just say "Don't sass us, girlfriend"?!

JASON MARTEL
Here's hoping Cade Malibu doesn't fall in love with Craig.

CRAIG
Now you tell us, why did you give away the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles?!

HELLSPAWN
Enough of this!

Hellspawn rises out of the chair and gets right in front of Wench. He looks down at her with rage on his face.

HELLSPAWN
You may not have to tell them anything, but you better answer me cause if you don't I will break you in half! Just remember, Wench, I got Damien and now with Gory out and you turning your back on me, there is no one to control me!

Wench looks to Craig, glances over at Gordie, then looks to Dunpork. She looks up at Hellspawn, then finally looks to the crowd who cheers as she lifts the microphone to her lips.

WENCH
I did what I did because I got tired of doing this and that to make you people happy! What about MY happiness?! I got tired of screwing people over who deserved a chance. Andrew Smith is right! This place needs a change! I need a change!

HELLSPAWN
What a bunch of crap! I am so sick of this jumping back and forth that you do! I mean hell you sure were happy when you were flying all around the world on my dollar. Now all of a sudden you want to do what's right?! I will tell you what's right. You better run and hide cause I am going to end this once and for all. There is no forgiveness coming, Wench, cause you are going to die by my hands along with your two friends!

Wench glares at him. She seems unafraid at the moment.

WENCH
I made my own money. I won't hide from you Hellspawn. I won't. And you won't keep Damien from me. I'll see to that in court. And who are you talking about? My two friends?

HELLSPAWN
You can deny your fear all you want, but you know what you have done and it scares the life out of you. You know what two friends I'm talking about: Jack Clinton and his little lackey retard that follows him around. But enough talking. Time to prove how serious I am!

Hellspawn drops the mic and hits Wench with a right hand that knocks her right out as the crowd boos at a deafening level. Hellspawn pulls Wench to her feet and grabs her by the throat. Jack Clinton and Chris Angel run out but the Sport Nutz cut them off as Hellspawn chokeslams Wench. Hellspawn grabs the mic as Jack and Chris get by the Sport Nutz.

HELLSPAWN
Don't worry, Jack. You're next. I'll see you at 4 Up.

Hellspawn leaves the ring as Jack and Chris slide in to check on Wench. Angel glares at Hellspawn for a moment before motioning for the medics to come down and aid the fallen Wench.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Hellspawn better hope he doesn't have to face Jack Clinton, Chris Angel and Wench all in the same match at 4 Up!

JASON MARTEL
I don't think Wench will be able to make it to 4 Up now, Followill. And that money-grubbing bitch brought this all on herself!

MARK FOLLOWILL
That is the most callous response!

JASON MARTEL
Well, she did bring it on herself!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Be that as it may, we have a packed show for you tonight, as tonight, Goryokaku gives his farewell address. That's later tonight!

HAVE A SPARE TIRE YOU NEED TO GET RID OF? TIRED OF PEOPLE CRACKING JOKES ABOUT THAT JUNK IN THE TRUNK? THEN COME TO OMERTA'S FITNESS TODAY![/center]

[Hollywood]

“California Love” by Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre starts to play, and Cade Malibu makes his way out of the curtain and stands with one hand on his hip while sucking on a lollipop.

[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a singles match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada and weighing in at 232 and 1/4 lbs, Cade Malibu!

Cade walks down to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope.

MARK FOLLOWILL
SNWs first homosexual, good for him to be so open!

JASON MARTEL
Good for him? I beg to differ! We don’t need that kind of trash in with our stars!

MONICA DELUCA
And his opponent, already in the ring and hailing from Quebec City, Quebec, weighing 241 lbs, Mike LaFontaine!

JASON MARTEL
I put my money on this guy, I don’t want the gay to win! It’s sick and wrong in so many ways. What is this damn company coming to?!

Mark Followill
Oh really Jason, you are so closed minded and you should be ashamed of yourself! Cade has just as much right to compete here as anyone else does.

CADE MALIBU vs MIKE LaFONTAINE

The match started with Cade on the offensive, sending lefts and rights to Mike's face. He followed up with a spinebuster, then went for the pin but only got a two count. Mike tried to make a comeback, but nothing doing as Cade dominated LaFontaine with a high powered offense, knocking him senseless running bicycle kick. Cade finished LaFontaine off, nailing him with the Vain Drop from the top turnbuckle for the easy win.

MONICA DELUCA
Here is your winner, Cade Malibu!

JASON MARTEL
Oh, that is just disgraceful! Once again, this French Canadian loser shows us, like many before him, that he doesn’t have what it takes to be in the ring with the big boys, or big boys who like to play nurses with other big boys!

MARK FOLLOWILL
You are such a nasty person, you know that right? And you are a disgrace to us commentators! You can choose your friends, but not your co-workers. We will be back after this.

THE EMERGENCY BRAKE OF THE WEEK! EVERY FRIDAY MORNING AT 7:50 AM ON THE DUNHAM AND MILLER SHOW, HEARD EXCLUSIVELY ON SPORTSRADIO 1310 THE TICKET! STREAM IT LIVE AT WWW.THETICKET.COM![/center]

[Hollywood]

"Superhero" hits as Alex Daniels walks out from behind the curtain as the fans are booing him out of the building.

[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
This match will put the number one contender Alex Daniels to the test as he faces Mike "Beastman" Hanson of the Destruction Crew.

JASON MARTEL
Well the way Alex has been going lately, I doubt this match will be much of a challenge.

MONICA DELUCA
The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and weighing 220 lbs, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

Alex walks to the ring, provoking the fans as they get irate. After he's had enough of dealing with the fans, he slides into the ring. "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" hits as Mike Hanson walks out to a huge pop.

MONICA DELUCA
And his opponent, from Laredo, Texas and weighing 285 lbs, representing the Destruction Crew, Mike Hanson![/color]

As the music plays, Hanson comes out from behind the entrance way, swinging a rope around with a cowbell attached to the end of it. When he's done swinging it, Hanson charges down the ring, either chomping on chewing tobacco and guzzling some beer that a ringside fan hands him. Hanson finally makes it into the ring, where he swings his cowbell around some more. Hanson follows this up by making a Longhorn signal with his hand.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
Here's hoping that we don't see the Destruction Crew interfere in this match.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I'd be more worried about Chapter Six interfering.

MIKE HANSON vs ALEX DANIELS

The ref called for the bell as both men met in the center of the ring. Alex kicked Hanson in the gut to get the early advantage, but after locking on a headlock, Hanson quickly sent Alex to the ropes, taking him down with a shoulder block. Hanson tried for an elbow, but Alex rolled out of the way. Both men got to their feet and Hanson slapped Alex in the face. The two men threw punches until Hanson got the upper hand and kicked Alex in the gut and hit a piledriver. Hanson used his power and kept Alex on the defensive. Walking down the ring to a loud chorus of boos, Anthony Spicolli distracted Mike Hanson. Alex took the advantage with a school boy and grabbed the tights, getting the three count. "Superhero" boomed over the PA as the crowd booed Alex.[/i][/color]

MONICA DELUCA
The winner of this match, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

MARK FOLLOWILL
And Alex Daniels steals one thanks to Anthony Spiccoli!

JASON MARTEL
Hanson shouldn't have taken his eyes off Daniels.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well what about Alex grabbing the trunks?

JASON MARTEL
I didn't see that on my monitor.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Oh get real!

Alex flees from the ring as Mike Hanson is going nuts in the ring. He sees Anthony Spiccoli and chases after him outside the ring. Spiccoli runs into the ring, where Hanson corners him. The crowd is going crazy as Hanson points to Spiccoli and looks to the crowd while Spiccoli begs for mercy. Nick Scott and the Williams Bros. come running out from the crowd and slide into the ring. Scott clips Hanson, and he and the Williams attack Hanson's leg as the crowd boos them. Super Vader and Mauler run down to the ring and chase the rest of Chapter Six out of the ring.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
Mike "Beastman" Hanson could be seriously hurt!

JASON MARTEL
Chapter Six is dismantling the Destruction Crew piece by piece!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Don't forget, still to come, Goryokaku's farewell address. But next, Emo Kid in a Fans Bring The Weapons Match!

DUNPORK'S HOUSE OF BACON! HOME OF THE $4 BREAKFAST MENU![/center]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens backstage, where we see Viper laid out. Emergency personnel are on hand administering first aid as C-Pac and Doomsday are yelling at everyone who'll listen. Adriana Samu is beside herself, being restrained by SNW officials. Gordon Heath and the Sports Nutz rush to the scene to see what the fuss is about.

GORDIE
What's going on here?!

DOOMSDAY
Some punkass bitch, probably Persona and Xander Nova, jumped Viper and laid him out.

C-PAC
And since it was probably Persona and Xander Nova, we want you to fire Persona and Xander Nova and give me or Adriana Samu Persona's spot in 4 Up!

DUNPORK
Whoa! Where do you get off making demands like that?!

ADRIANA SAMU
Are you going to do something about this or not?!

GORDIE
Craig, you're the commish. It's your call.

CRAIG
Well as the commissioner of Sports Nutz Wrestling, I rule that the handicap match will go on as planned, and that Persona will preserve her spot in 4 Up. However, that is only on the condition that she wins the match. If she loses, then her spot will go to Adriana Samu. Now if Kobra's Law should lose, however, then Doomsday loses his spot in 4 Up, and it will be filled by whom Gordon Heath, George Dunpork and I deem worthy of filling it.

Shot switches to ringside as the lights inside the Gordietorium go out, causing the crowd to cheer like mad. A pulse beat is heard throughout the building, followed by Seether's cover of "Careless Whisper." The crowd actually cheers as Emo Kid appears from behind the curtain with an angry expression on his face, pushing a shopping cart filled with an assortment of weapons that the fans brought to the building. Weapons such as a DVD player, a Sega Game Gear, an Intellevision, a Commodore 64 wrapped in barbed wire, a set of kendo sticks, a set of light tubes, a guitar with thumbtacks placed into the back of the guitar, and other assorted weaponry.

MONICA DELUCA
The following is a Fans Bring The Weapons Match. First, from Bakersfield, California and weighing 185 lbs, Emo Kid!

MARK FOLLOWILL
So much riding on the line for Emo Kid tonight, as he must win this match to be reunited with Hannah.

JASON MARTEL
What's getting into all of these guys who used to be so badass?! They're all falling for the movement of the Wussification of America!

MARK FOLLOWILL
So Emo Kid is showing his love for Hannah and proving Azrael to have been a liar? What's wrong with that?!

JASON MARTEL
The fact that Emo Kid used to be one of the most dangerous men in SNW, but now can't buy a win and has become such a sap! He might as well proclaim "The English Patient" and "The Notebook" to be his favorite movies of all time!

MARK FOLLOWILL
You know, you're really getting on my nerves tonight!

JASON MARTEL
Then leave! Don't you have a flight to Denver to catch, anyway?!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Keep it up, and I might just bolt and leave you out to dry!

Emo grabs the weapons and throws them into the ring, then slides into the ring as Seether's "Careless Whisper" dies down. The lights cut out as "Redeemer" begins to play. There is a mixed reaction from the crowd as the lights are out.

MARK FOLLOWILL
That can't be.

JASON MARTEL
If that's who I think it is, then Emo Kid has no chance whatsoever to win Hannah back.

MONICA DELUCA
His opponent, weighing in at 220 lbs, Azrael!

The lights come back on, and Azrael walks down to the ring, holding a hesitant Hannah by the hand. He slides into the ring, and Emo immediately bashes him over the head with a kendo stick, and hits him over the back with it several times in succession.

EMO KID vs AZRAEL

Emo Kid tore Azrael up with the weapons provided him by the fans who donated the weapons when they walked through the front doors of the Gordietorium earlier in the evening. Emo tore Azrael's mask off and busted him wide open with a light tube, then proceeded to carve his forehead with the sharp end of the broken light tube. Azrael made a comeback attempt, but it was not enough as Emo bashed Azrael over the head with the barbed wire Commodore 64, went to the top ropes, and nailed Azrael with the Slit Wrist Theory for the pinfall victory as Seether's "Careless Whisper" boomed over the PA.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winner, Emo Kid!

Hannah runs into the ring and hugs Emo Kid, and the two make out in the ring as the crowd cheers them on.

MARK FOLLOWILL
What a great moment as Emo Kid and Hannah have been reunited!

JASON MARTEL
I guess moments like this are great if you enjoy this sort of mush.

HAVE DREAMS OF HEADLINING THE NEXT WRESTLESTOCK? TAKE THE FIRST STEPS TO MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE BY STOPPING BY REAPER'S DOJO TODAY!

[Hollywood]

"Chicken Huntin" hits as Twitch walks out with Eddy to a big pop from the crowd.

MARK FOLLOWILL
The following match will pit one of the SNW Texas tag team champions in Mike Rutherford against long time nemesis from numerous other wrestling circuits, Twitch of the Alley Rats.

JASON MARTEL
Well it will be a interesting match, I think.

MONICA DELUCA
The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Eddy, from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada and weighing 195 lbs, Twitch!

Twitch walks to the ring with Eddy, slapping hands with the fans. They climb into the ring and pose for the fans. "Shout At The Devil" hits as the fans continue to cheer. Mike walks out with his SNW Texas Tag Team Title belt around his waist followed by Andrew Smith, who carries his SNW Texas Tag Team Title belt over his shoulder.

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MONICA DELUCA
And his opponent, accompanied by Andrew Smith... He is one half of the SNW Texas Tag Team Champions, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and weighing 220 lbs, Mike Rutherford!

MARK FOLLOWILL
This isn't exactly a preview of 4 Up, as Andrew Smith has to defend the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles by himself against the Alley Ratz in a 2-on-1 handicap match thanks to Gordon Heath being able to weasel his way around Andrew's contract.

JASON MARTEL
Hey, Andrew Smith's contract only states that he can be put into hardcore matches if he wants to be. It never said anything about not being put into handicap matches.

TNT walk to the ring. Smith stops just outside the ring as Rutherford hops onto the apron and jumps over the top rope, staring at Twitch.

MIKE RUTHERFORD vs TWITCH

The ref called for the bell as Twitch and Rutherford countered each others opening moves until Twitch was able to get the advantage with a dropkick. Twitch used his fast paced offense to score numerous near pinfall attempts on Rutherford. One spot saw Twitch hit a huracanrana off the top rope. Twitch at one point looked to have the match won and went for a Faygo Splash, but Rutherford was able to move out of the way. Rutherford took advantage of the mistake by hitting a piledriver followed by belly to belly suplex. Rutherford kept the heat on Twitch. Twitch turned the tide back in his favor with an enziguri. He picked Rutherford up and attempted a vertical suplex, only for Rutherford to slip out behind him. Twitch turned around as Rutherford hit the Black Plague for the win.[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
Here is your winner, Mike Rutherford!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Mike Rutherford building momentum for himself heading into 4 Up, which is one month away.

JASON MARTEL
Well we'll see how Andrew Smith fares by himself against both of the Alley Ratz.

Mike slides out of the ring and celebrates as Eddy checks on Twitch. The cameras cut to the back where Wench is refusing a trip to be checked out at the local hospital. She has an ice pack holding it to her cheek.

ANGEL
Kat, I really think you should go.

Wench waves him off.

WENCH
I'm fine Chris. Trust me, I've taken more than a punch and a chokeslam and walked away.

Clinton is leaning against the wall as a look of anger comes over his face, but the giant remains silent as Chris goes on a rant.

ANGEL
Hellspawn, you want to try and take out a woman who's more than half your size?! That makes you pathetic! She only wants to better herself, yet you seem to think you know what's better for her. You want to try and take out myself and Clinton over there? Well, we're right here, so what are you waiting for?! You might not make it to 4 up and if you do, Clinton will take care of you then... if I don't get to you first because I'm challenging you to a match next week at Guys Night Out, next Saturday night in Sundance Square in Fort Worth, Texas!

THE SNW IPHONE AND SNW BLACKBERRY! AVAILABLE ONLY AT RADIO SHACK![/center]

[Hollywood]

The camera comes into the SINdicate locker room, where tempers are flaring. We come in the middle of a heated argument between “Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu and her SINdicate stable mates, Doomsday and C-Pac.

[/color]

DOOMSDAY
All I’m saying is that it boggles my mind that your stupid dog didn’t to ANYTHING to help us out!

ADRIANA SAMU
All I’M saying is that I don’t understand why you’re worried about my stupid dog when Viper’s well-being is in the balance right now!

C-PAC
You didn’t sound very concerned earlier when we told you about it, that’s for damn sure. In fact, you didn’t even look surprised.

ADRIANA SAMU
Look, can we just go out to the ring and get this match over with? Can we be a team without Viper for one night? Then we have all week to argue about this. Let’s just go out there and pretend to be on the same page to get our job done. Yes?

Doomsday and C-Pac look at each other, then nod hesitantly. Adriana nods, clearly annoyed, and leads the way out of the locker room. Shot switches to ringside at the broadcast table.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
This should be one interesting situation. Clearly, the SINdicate is not on the same page with their leader being taken out earlier.

JASON MARTEL
Adriana was completely right though, Mark. Kobra’s Law and Adriana need to put their differences aside for tonight and deal with their problems later, or they’ll all be joining Viper in the emergency room.

"Sinner" blares over the PA as the three remaining SINdicate members make their way down to the ring. The two men walk ahead leaving Samu, pipe in hand, to trail behind.[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
The following handicap match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by “Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu, this is the team of Doomsday and C-Pac, Kobra’s Law!

Kobra’s Law taunt the crowd in the ring while Samu stands back with no expression on her face. "Touch" hits, and there is a mixed reaction from the crowd as Persona runs down to the ring. Samu clears out and meets Xander halfway up the aisle while Kobra's Law brawls with Persona.[/color]

PERSONA vs KOBRA'S LAW

The two men took turns executing bodyslams on Persona, but she quickly got the upper hand after surprising C-Pac with a dropkick, knocking him over the ropes to the floor below. Persona nailed Doomsday with a double arm DDT and nearly made the pin. She was, however, interrupted when Samu, having knocked Nova out on the outside, slid into the ring with her pipe and nailed Persona across the back in full view of the ref. The ref called for the bell, much to the horror of Kobra’s Law.[/i][/color]

MONICA DELUCA
Here is the winner by disqualification, Persona!

Persona has rolled out of the ring in pain and Nova tends to her on the outside. In the ring, C-Pac and Doomsday are furious with Samu, who has her hands raised in truce and is trying to explain herself.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
Samu has certainly gotten herself into a bind this time.

There is suddenly a commotion in the crowd and someone bolts down to the ring. It is a female wearing and green, orange and white luchador mask, with a Mohawk clearly sticking out of the top. She is wearing cargo shorts, a camo-print tank top and wrestling boots.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
This must be Nova’s back up!

JASON MARTEL
Who IS that!? She look so familiar!

The new masked woman slides into the ring before the remaining SINdicate members realize what’s going on and tackles Samu from the side. She doesn’t get very many shots in before Doomsday and C-Pac pull her off.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
This is insane!

JASON MARTEL
Xander Nova has a mic!

Xander laughs before speaking into the mic.

XANDER NOVA
I think if Gespazha Samu vants to fight, ve should let her fight, should ve not!? I propose this: Kobra’s Law and Gespazha Samu against Persona and her friend. Right now.

Doomsday and C-Pac start protesting the challenge, but Samu makes a bring-it-on gesture to Persona, who takes that as an invitation and launches herself into the ring.

SINDICATE vs PERSONA and ???

The ref rang the bell for the second match to start, but it never really got underway as he couldn’t get anyone to retreat to their corners. Persona and her friend did an impressive job of fending off their opponents despite being outnumbered, working amazingly well together by hitting a number of tag team moves on C-Pac and Doomsday while intermittently keeping Samu down. Samu finally got fed up with not having the advantage, and reached down for her pipe as Doomsday and Persona were squared off in one corner and C-Pac and the other masked woman in the adjacent one. Doomsday suddenly got a hold of Persona, threw here into the turnbuckle, grabbed her mask and ripped it off to reveal the woman hiding beneath it. The crowd went nuts as they realized that it was former NAWA Tag Team Champion Rory Kotch! Everyone in the ring seemed to freeze for a moment.[/i]

MARK FOLLOWILL
“The Assassin” Rory Kotch!? What?!

In the other corner, the other masked woman slowly raises her hand to her mask and slides it off. It’s Rory Kotch’s former NAWA Tag Team Champion teammate, “The Other Girl” Petrina Rotchester! The crowd is going nuts now as Doomsday and C-Pac both turn toward Samu, who is smirking, holding the pipe. Suddenly realizing what is going on, everyone springs back into action. Samu tosses the pipe to its original owner, Kotch, as Doomsday and C-Pac dive for Samu. Kotch smashes the pipe into Doomsday’s head, flooring him where he stands. Samu meets C-Pac and kicks him in the gut back toward Rotchester, who hits him in the midsection with a roundhouse kick. Samu goes for the top turnbuckle and comes off with a Tornado Kick to C-Pac’s midsection right as he gets up. Petrina finishes him off with a DDT to complete the Tornado Bottlecap.

MARK FOLLOWILL
It’s the Y Kores! Pro-wrestling’s most dominant female stable has returned to SNW!

JASON MARTEL
This is ridiculous! Samu has been in on this the whole time! I think it’s clear who is responsible for taking Viper out now, too!

MARK FOLLOWILL
And now I know why Xander Nova looks so familiar! He was NAWA’s head trainer and is Rory Kotch’s husband!

Xander Nova comes into the ring to celebrate with the women, who drag Doomsday and C-Pac into the center of the ring and pose over the fallen SINdicate members as the crowd cheers. “The Assassin” Rory Kotch, “The Other Girl” Petrina Rotchester and “Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu, along with their manager, Xander Nova, make their way to the back, slapping hands and celebrating while officials come down to the ring to tend to Doomsday and C-Pac.

SNW COOKIES! NOW MADE WITHOUT ASBESTOS![/center]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens outside the Gordietorium, showing the buildings that are on the strip of Sundance Square in Downtown Fort Worth.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Sundance Square in Downtown Fort Worth will be the site of Guys Night Out next Saturday night.

JASON MARTEL
That's if the weather holds up next Saturday night.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Right now let's take it to Brenda Price, who's standing outside the medical facility backstage.

Shot switches to outside the medical facility where Brenda Price is standing by.

Brenda Price
I've just received word on Mike "Beastman" Hanson. It appears that the injury to his leg from the earlier attack by Chapter Six is not too severe, but he has been advised to take the next month off. We now take it to Misty Crawford, who's standing by with Vin Sin and Myke Rhines.

Backstage, the camera has found SNW's Misty Crawford standing by with the pair of Vin Sin and Myke Rhines. Vin is still wincing a bit, presumably from the incident at his home this past week. Rhines, on the other hand, can not stop staring at Misty's chest area with that old man glare of his.

MISTY CRAWFORD
First of all gentlemen, thank you for joining me tonight. Vin, we recently got a peek of a dark side that was quite frankly dark and disturbing. How do you live with yourself and the physical damage that you inflict to your own body?

VIN SIN
How do I live with myself, that's an interesting question Misty. However, if you would actually use your brain you would have already realized that it is the only way I CAN live with myself. Did you learn nothing from what I said? The pain that I feel is my euphoria, my nirvana to get away from the mental and emotional dilemmas of my disturbed life. So, to give you the answer to a question that never needed to be asked, I live with it like a friend that loves me.

MISTY CRAWFORD
OK... Moving on now. Myke, recently there have been rumors swirling that the return of Matt Margera is quite possible in the near future. What is your take on these grumblings?

MYKE RHINES
Well, this Matt Margera fellow I have never interacted with...or somesuch. This takes me back to 1925, when Ronald Reagan has just been elected President of Azerbajin. I was smoking crack and reefer with a German hooker named Trudy while occupying a slum in Inglewood, California at the time. She had size KKK breasts, so the fact she was a man at birth didn't seem to bother me...

MISTY CRAWFORD
Pardon me Myke, but that doesn't have anything to do with Matt Margera, or anything else for that matter! Are you OK?

VIN SIN
Yeah man, what the hell is wrong with you? I realize you are concentrating on Misty's tits but you never get that distracted. You said you had been in another part of the arena earlier.

MYKE RHINES
Well, I was around Adriana Samu and Persona earlier. They were talking about something, and I was mainly focused on Samu's heaving breastage. However, Persona was coughing and complaining of diarrhea of a pea green color that could fill up Eagle Mountain Lake..

All of a sudden Myke sneezes, locks up, and falls over. However, on the way down his hand slashes across Misty's top, ripping if off as he falls down to the ground. Misty screams in horror both because she is topless and she is worried for Myke. Vin drops to the ground and does a quick vitals check on Myke.

VIN SIN
Oh God, I think he might have the Swine Flu! Misty you gutter slut go call 911, we need some paramedics quickly. FUCKING HURRY YOU WHORE!

Misty runs off-screen presumably to find a phone and call 911. Vin shows obvious concern for Myke's health and safety, however can do nothing as Rhines lays flat on the ground breathing heavily and coughing every so often. "Ectasy Of Gold" is playing over the PA as the fans are booing as special guest ring announcer, George Dunpork, stands inside the ring. He is clad in a tuxedo that clearly does not fit him, with the tuxedo coat open and the white shirt unbuttoned, exposing his belly and chest as the shirt is too small for him to button.

[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
This is a complete joke!

JASON MARTEL
Mark, the fans watching at home don't care to hear about the size of little Followill, if you know what I mean.

MARK FOLLOWILL
That's it!

Mark throws down his headset and bolts out of the broadcast table and storms off to the back as the fans cheer him on. Dunpork gives him a strange look but shrugs what just happened off.

DUNPORK
The following is a tag team match set for one fall. First, the special guest timekeeper. He is the now 100% owner and proprietor of Sports Nutz Wrestling. Ladies and gentlemen, "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath!

As "Ecstasy Of Gold" continues to play, Gordon Heath, clad in his light blue stonewash jeans and a western shirt with blue, navy and white plaid design with the sleeves rolled up, walks down to the ring. He ignores the boos and catcalls from the fans as he blows them kisses on his way to the ring.

JASON MARTEL
There he is, the Excellent Gordie! The greatest wrestling promoter that the state of Texas has ever known! And what a gentlemen George Dunpork is to hold the ropes open for Mr. Heath. If you're just joining us, Mark Followill is having his period and bolted out of the broadcast, leaving yours truly to call the action.

Gordie takes a bow to the booing crowd, then steps out of the ring and heads over to the timekeeper's table. "Ecstasy Of Gold" continues to play as Craig "Senior" Mueller, dressed in very short black bicycle shorts and a sleeveless referee shirt with the bottom of it tied in a knot, walks down to the ring amid even more boos and jeers from the audience.

DUNPORK
And ladies and gentlemen, the special guest referee for this match, Craig "Senior" Mueller!

Craig enters the ring and waves to the booing crowd as "Ecstasy Of Gold" dies down. "Kashmir" hits the PA as the fans come to their feet, booing their lungs out. As the intro plays, smoke fills the stage area and James Jackson and Enigmah appear from behind the curtain, ignoring the boos of the crowd.

DUNPORK
Now introducing first, the lady who looks damn good naked, and I would know, Enigmah! And her partner, the greatest wrestler to come from the Great White North, "The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson!

JASON MARTEL
There seems to be a commotion going about at ringside... What?! Why are Omerta and Rick Roll down at ringside?! Aren't they suspended?! Oh, look at them waving their tickets in James Jackson's and Enigmah's respective faces! You can tell James, Enigmah, Gordie and the Sports Nutz are not too happy about it. Oh, look at them, wearing the new Death Sentence T-shirts. Stupid working marks.

James and Enigmah argue with Omerta and Rick Roll before entering the ring as "Kashmir" dies down. The main riff of "Indestructible" booms over the PA, and the crowd goes crazy as green lights flash around the building and smoke fills the entrance way as Soul Reaper and Cyanide appear from behind the curtain, wearing their respective championship belts around their waist and slapping hands with the fans.

DUNPORK
And here come Death Sentence.

It's obvious that Dunpork mailed in the announcement for Reaper and Cyanide, but they don't seem to care as they enter the ring, with Jackson and Enigmah immediately ambushing them.

DEATH SENTENCE vs JAMES JACKSON and ENIGMAH

Jackson and Enigmah picked Reaper and Cyanide up respectively and whipped them into the ropes. Off the rebound, they both went for knees to the midsection, but they forgot that Reaper and Cyanide still had their championship belts on. Jackson and Enigmah winced and held their knees in agony. Reaper and Cyanide went on a tear, throwing Jackson and Enigmah around the ring until they cleared out, the crowd going nuts. Craig Mueller berated Death Sentence, who just blew him off. Reaper and Cyanide dominated Enigmah throughout the match, but every time they went for a pin, Craig would either go for an extra slow count, something would "get caught in his eye," or his shoulder "would go out."

At one point, Craig went to special guest ring announcer George Dunpork to say something, and Dunpork announced...

DUNPORK
This is only a reminder... both Soul Reaper's Texas Heavyweight Championship and Cyanide's Von Erich Memorial Championship are on the line!

Enigmah was finally able to make the tag to Jackson, who went to work on Cyanide after knocking Reaper off the apron with a vicious Yakuza Kick. Jackson knocked Cyanide silly with a string of suplex variations. Everything from the snap suplex, to T-bone suplex, to Dragon Suplex, to Tiger Suplex. Jackson went for a cover, but Cyanide barely kicked out at two after a fast count from Craig. Jackson continued to work over Cyanide until Cyanide nailed Jackson with an STO. Cyanide made the tag to Reaper, while Jackson tagged in Enigmah. The end came when Omerta hopped the rail, distracting Craig. During the distraction, Rick Roll slid into the ring, ran at Enigmah, and nailed her with the Rick Roll Piledriver. Dunpork and Heath tried to get into the ring, but Cyanide dove through the ropes, taking both of them out. Reaper shrugged and covered Enigmah, and Craig had no choice but to count the pinfall. He stopped at two, but Reaper grabbed him by the hand and forced his hand down for the third count. Craig relunctantly raised Reaper's hand as he asked for a mic.

CRAIG MUELLER
Your winners by a fluke, Death Sentence.

JASON MARTEL
What a miscarriage of justice! I hope something is done about this!

Craig tries to leave, but Reaper grabs him from behind, placing him on his shoulders in a Torture Rack, then slams him down with the Reaper's Requiem to a huge roar from the crowd as "Indestructible" booms over the PA. Cyanide slides into the ring, handing Reaper his Texas Championship belt while holding his Von Erich Memorial Title. They hold their belts up in the air as the crowd cheers them on. Shot fades to the backstage area in front of the Saturday Night Onslaught banner where Brenda Price and Goryokaku are standing by, getting prepped by stagehands.

JASON MARTEL
Alright, up next, Goryokaku gives his farewell address to the SNW fans.

SNW PRESENTS CINNAMON RICK ROLLS! GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU PUKE YOUR BRAINS OUT AND CREAM YOUR JEANS![/center]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens backstage in front of the Saturday Night Onslaught banner, where Brenda Price is standing by with Goryokaku.

BRENDA PRICE
Goryokaku, the rumor mill was abuzz when you sold your shares of SNW to Gordon Heath. Were you leaving SNW, or were you looking to wrestle full time. Well as we all have found out recently, you are walking away from SNW. What are your last words to the SNW fans?

GORYOKAKU
First, I need to address the situation concerning the Dark Ones. Let me assure you that Wench leaving the Dark Ones has not destroyed the Dark Ones. Instead, it will only make us stronger. Now granted, Hellspawn will be on his own, wreaking havoc like only he can, but that is all part of my master plan to soon regain control of SNW. However the difference will be that I won't have to worry about any silly paper work as a co-owner. Instead, I will have the ear of Gordon Heath after I come back from a lengthy sabbatical, and everyone in SNW will be easy pickings for the Dark Ones after Hellspawn runs through the entire roster. Then with me being in Gordie's ear, SNW will be the playground for the Dark Ones.

BRENDA PRICE
What about the situation involving the rumors of Matt Margera coming back?

GORYOKAKU
The chances of him coming back and making a difference are about the same as a rather "revolutionary" wrestling company ever selling out the Fort Worth Convention Center just a few blocks down. I heard the attendance there for that company was abysmal. And from what I heard, some sinners decided to breach their agreement with SNW to visit a guy named Chris. I have faith that Gordie will handle those sinners without any problem. Now, I must be going. But don't worry, I will be back before too long to finish any business that Hellspawn isn't able to finish.

Goryokaku walks off, and the cameras follow him. He walks through the backstage hallway and exits the door to the parking garage that's adjacent to the Gordietorium. He walks to his car, which is parked all by itself with hardly any cars surrounding it. The windows are tinted, so we can't see him as he attempts to start the car, but it's not starting.

JASON MARTEL
That's odd. Gory's car won't start... Wait a second... I hear a horn going off.

[/color]

The camera shot switches to show a gray Chevy Silverado sitting idly by with the engine running. The headlights are then turned on.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
OH MY GOD!

The shot switches to show the gray Chevy Silverado ramming the car in it's side, pushing it several feet. The truck backs up, and goes forward, ramming the car again, this time pushing it out of the parking garage and into the streets of Downtown Fort Worth. A horn is honking non-stop, and out of nowhere, an mac truck rams the car, flipping it in the air and sending it crashing to the street. The truck stops, backs up, then drives off as the show fades to black.[/center]