Saturday Night Onslaught: 5/16/09

[Hollywood]

Shot opens to an all new montage of SNW highlights, set to the tune of "Psycho Circus" by KISS. The montage includes Andy Lionheart and Emo Kid crashing through the Devil's Bunk Beds, the Destruction Crew destroying Mike LaFontaine, Sean O'Brien nailing Extrano with a Flatliner, Twitch smashing George Dunpork over the head with a Dunpork bobblehead doll, Johnny Moxie nailing Omerta with the New York State of Mind, Cyanide holding up the Von Erich Memorial Title at WrestleStock, and ending with Soul Reaper holding up the SNW Texas Championship at WrestleStock.



LIVE FROM THE GORDIETORIUM! DOWNTOWN FORT WORTH, TX!

Shot opens up at ringside, where Mark Followill and Jason Martel are standing in front of the broadcast table as the fans are going crazy.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Welcome to another edition of Saturday Night Onslaught, live from the Gordietorium in Downtown Fort Worth as we're just approximately four weeks away from 4 Up, live from the sold out Austin Convention Center in Austin, Texas.

JASON MARTEL
I can't wait. Great music and sheer brutality will go hand in hand as SNW brings 4 Up to Austin. And this will be the first time that SNW has stepped outside of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex!

"Street Villian" by Ill Bill plays, and Reed Brown begins to make his way to the ring. Seemingly even angrier than when we last saw him, Brown is wearing a scowl even a mother couldn't love.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen, the following 2 on 1 handicapped match is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from New York City, New York. Weighing in at 240 lbs, Reed Brown!

Brown gets in the ring, and it is crystal clear that the scowl he is displaying is directed squarely at his opponents for the evening.

MONICA DELUCA
And his opponents,already in the ring, from Reverchon Park in Dallas. Competing at a combined weight of 375 lbs, Skip and Scotty D, the Alternative Lifestylers!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Coming off a hot debut last week where he only needed one move to finish off Ryne Sunberg, Reed Brown must face not one but two...well I guess they are men but they sure don't act like men.

JASON MARTEL
Why does SNW keep these fruits around? They've never won a match, they just humiliate themselves whenever they step into the ring. Hopefully Mr. Brown will send these two back to Reverchon Park fudge-packing all the way.

MARK FOLLOWILL
If drinking was ever appropriate for a situation, this would be it.

Mark reaches under the table, and produces a brand new bottle of Jack Daniels. Toasting Jason, he cracks the top and takes a deep swig.

Reed Brown vs. The Alternative Lifestylers

Scotty D started out against Brown, but he quickly regretted that decision. The pair locked up, and Brown immediately hit a German suplex. Scotty sprung up, and was rewarded with a belly to belly suplex for his effort. Scotty half sits up, but is hit with an enzuguri and falls over with a thud. Brown made a move towards Skip, who promptly shrieked like a little girl, dropped off the ring apron, and ran all the way to the back in a very girly-like manner. Abadoned by his partner, Brown picked up Scotty, and hit him with a Package Piledriver followed by a cover to pick up the three count and another win.

MONICA DELUCA
Here is your winner of the match, Reed Brown!

JASON MARTEL
No shock there, Brown wins again by just taking apart and dismantling his opponents. If two men can't stop him, will anyone be able to?

MARK FOLLOWILL
To be fair Jason, he just beat two "men" who have never won a match in their history here in SNW.

JASON MARTEL
Doesn't matter, Brown came in and dominated. You feeling sorry for your pals Followill? Maybe you should chase them down to the park and see if you can't console them.

MARK FOLLOWILL
The only thing I want to chase is some Coke, but since I don't have any, looks like I'll have to go straight.

Followill proceeds to drain the bottle of whiskey once more.

JASON MARTEL
That's advice those two pathetic excuses for wrestlers should follow, but I think that ship has sailed a long time ago.

DUNPORK'S HOUSE OF BACON! SELLING FOOD WITH TONS OF TRANS FAT AND PROUD OF IT!

[Hollywood]

"Out of My Way" by Seether plays over the PA, as "The Bull" Cody Pugh makes his way to the ring. Swilling a bottle of beer, he walks with an angry pace and demeanor. A fan in the front row is giving him the business, and Pugh flips him the finger.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and Gentlemen,the following match is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from Union West Virginia. Weighing in at 315 lbs. He is The Bull, Cody Pugh!

Before speaking, Mark takes a big gulp from an open bottle of Jack Daniels.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well, here comes this new fella. He calls himself The Bull and likes to drink. Well lemme tell you something, you backwoods redneck inbred! I CAN OUTDRINK YOU ANY DAY OF THE LUNAR YEAR!

JASON MARTEL
Calm down, I don't think you want to piss this guy off. He's much bigger than you are, and he's from West Virginia.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I don't give a damn if he was from West Vagina! I'd still drink that sumbitch. I outsmoked Josh Howard, what makes you think I can't poison my system more than this West Virginia knucklehead piece of white trash?!

JASON MARTEL
That liquor store made some money off you didn't they Mark?

Mark tries to drunkenly shoot Jason the finger, but ends up holding his pinky finger up. Jason stares at Mark blankly, and Mark proceeds to chug some more whiskey.

MONICA DELUCA
And already in the ring, hailing from Houston, Texas. Weighing in at 220 lbs, Greg Wilson!

MARK FOLLOWILL
I hope Greg Wilson beats the living cousin-humping crap out of this Bull fellow. He's due for a win, and I'm too drunk to make the smart decision.

JASON MARTEL
Well that explains how you always had faith in the Mavericks during that Denver series.

MARK FOLLOWILL
SHUT THE HELL UP! I CAN TAKE YOU RIGHT HERE! I'LL KICK YOUR NUGGET LOVING GUTS OUT, MARTEL!

JASON MARTEL
Calm down you lush, we have a match to call here!

"The Bull" Cody Pugh vs. Greg Wilson

Much to Mark's dismay, Greg Wilson put up a paltry showing at best against Pugh. He boldy walked up to Pugh, and tried to punch him in the chest. His fist bounced off, and Pugh suddenly looked at him with a wild look. Pugh violently grabbed Wilson, and picked him up over his head, and hit him with a military press. He then walked over his back, pressing all 315 pounds on Wilson's back. He picked up Wilson, slung him into the corner, and then ran at full speed hitting his opponent with a huge splash. As Wilson staggered out of the corner, Pugh lined up behind him in a three point stance, waited until Wilson was a distance away, and hit Wilson with the Boom. Pugh covered Wilson for a guaranteed three count.

MONICA DELUCA
Here is your winner, "The Bull" Cody Pugh!

MARK FOLLOWILL
What the hell was that?! When did SNW start employing wusses? I coulda fought him better than that! HEY BULL, WHY DON'T YOU COME TRY THAT ON ME YOU LUMBERING PIECE OF WEST VIRGINIA TRAILER TRASH!

JASON MARTEL
Calm down, I'm not doing this show by myself. Slow your roll, and stop drinking so much.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I'm a Mavericks fan, drinking is a requirement. It's the only way to watch that damn team.

Shot opens outside the Alley Ratz locker room, where Misty Crawford is standing by. She knocks on the door, and is greeted by the door just cracking open. You can see smoke coming out of the room as Misty's jaw drops in shock.

MISTY CRAWFORD
Whoa! I better call the fire department!

TWITCH
No, don't do that! We're just smo.... um.... havin' fun!

Twitch and Eddy walk out from behind the door, trying their best to wave the smoke off as they cough.

EDDY
So, Misty, what can we do you for?

MISTY CRAWFORD
Well first off, what do you think of Gordon Heath and the Sports Nutz making your SNW Texas Tag Team Title match at 4 Up a 2-on-1 handicap match against Andrew Smith of TNT?

TWITCH
That's pretty whack, if you ask me. But we won't take it easy on Andy, that's fo' sho!

EDDY
Like Twitch said. It's bogus that Andy's gettin' held down by the man. But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us.

MISTY CRAWFORD
Also, tonight, you're taking one of the newest tag teams to form in SNW, Revolution X.

TWITCH
We give Johnny Moxie props for being a former SNW Von Erich Memorial Champion, but the guy has turned into such a sourpuss as of late.

EDDY
I know, mang. And Kayden Christopher is even worse. Why, I hear they went into a Furr's cafeteria and pushed their way to the front of the line, sending several elderly people and many families to the hospital. True story!

MISTY CRAWFORD
Lastly, what do you think of the rumors that Matt Margera may be returning to SNW.

TWITCH
Whoa! I'm not touching that one.

EDDY
Well I am. That guy is a douchebag #1! He couldn't handle the pressure in other wrestling promotions, so he high-tailed it out of dodge. He's a coward and a cancer to any locker room. That's all I've got to say about that.

The Alley Ratz walk off as the shot fades out.

SNW PRESENTS 4 UP! LIVE ON PPV, JUNE 6 FROM THE SOLD OUT AUSTIN CONVENTION CENTER IN AUSTIN, TX!

[Hollywood]

"Horsemen" plays over the PA, and the crowd stands and boos as Nick Scott and Marcus Williams, accompanied by Tony Spiccoli, make their way to the ring. Mocking the crowd, they walk very slowly to the ring just to let the fans have to deal with them that much longer. They get in the ring, and stand there soaking in the hate.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. First, representing Chapter Six, weighing in at a combined 490 lbs. Nick Scott and Marcus Williams!

MARK FOLLOWILL
As much as I hate to say this, these two scumbuckets might have the advantage over their opponents today Cyanide and Super Vader simply because they are a constant tag team.

JASON MARTEL
For once you and me agree on something there Marky Mark. Chapter Six has the distinct advantage today, since Cyanide and Super Vader have never teamed together before. Judging by their two clashing personalities, I doubt this will go well at all. Apparently your drinking hasn't impaired your analyzing abilities there buddy.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Good to know I have your approval.

Mark proceeds to toast Jason, and take another drink of his beloved Jack Daniels.

"One Bourbon,One Scotch, and One Beer" by George Thorogood plays, as Super Vader makes his way to the ring. The fans cheer as he makes the Vader sign, and grunts with approval.

MONICA DELUCA
And their opponents, first from Colorado Springs, Colorado. Weighing in at 450 lbs and representing the Destruction Crew, Super Vader!

Super Vader climbs into the ring, and stares down the two Chapter Six members, then climbs the turnbuckle and gives the Vader sign to the delight of the crowd. "Cyanide" by Metallica hits, and the SNW Von Erich Memorial Champion Cyanide makes his way to the ring. He proudly displays his title belt and he walks to and enters the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
And his partner from San Jose, California. Weighing in at 225 lbs., he is the SNW Von Erich Memorial Champion. This is Cyanide!

MARK FOLLOWILL
If there is one bit of hope to be had for this odd couple of a team is that Super Vader weighs almost as much as the opposing team combined.

JASON MARTEL
Oh great, their one hope is that he is a fat ass. That's really going to help them out a lot Mark.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Let's not forget Cyanide is the Von Erich Memorial title holder, he's not a slacker. The only guarantee is that this is gonna be a rocket buster!

Cyanide and Super Vader vs.Nick Scott and Marcus Williams

[/i][/b][/color]
Cyanide starts the match going into a lock up with Scott. Both tackle back and forth until Scott gets the advantage. He managed to get in a few shots and a clothesline, before Cyanide countered a leg drop with a jab to the face. He managed to get in a tag to Super Vader even as Scott tagged in Williams. Both men go at it but Williams’ attacks on Super Vader managed to only enrage him further. Avoiding clothesline, Williams countered with a drop kick but Vader managed to shrug it off and connect with the VaderBomb and got in the three count.

Scott, having recovered, jumps in and chops away at Vader’s legs while Williams uppercuts the big man. The Mauler jumps in and hits a suplex on Scott even as Williams attempted to rush at him. Cyanide spears Williams and begins to punch away at him. The bell rings incessantly but neither group seems to want to stop their attacks.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well I was right about one thing, this match is over but the fighting appears to have only just begun!

JASON MARTEL
Oh it's on now. Super Vader and Cyanide are going to get what they deserve! Chapter Six is making them pay here and now, I knew they couldn't work together.

MARK FOLLOWILL
What do you mean couldn't work together? They won the match you nimrod!

JASON MARTEL
They look like losers from here Mark, I don't see any winners in there right now.

MARK FOLLOWILL
The loser is sitting right next to me, that's the one I know for sure.

Jason looks somewhat hurt, as Mark chugs from his bottle more, the alcohol fueling him even more heavily.

SNW RINGTONES! AVAILABLE NOW![/center]

[Hollywood]

MARK FOLLOWILL
Well this has been a fun packed show so far and com...

[/color]

The lights cut out in the arena, and stay out for a good minute.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
What the hell is happening here?

MARK FOLLOWILL
The venue's having power issues.

JASON MARTEL
And you're having drinking issues.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Go suck an egg!

“Journey Through the Dark” by Blind Guardian begins to play. The lights stay out till the song gets to the more active verse, and as the music builds up, the lights fade up into a crimson red. A man can be seen standing in the center of the ring, bathed in the red light. It takes a couple of seconds for eyes to adjust and to recognize the person stood next to the man as Tanya Adams. The lights cut to normal and the music dies down as Goryokaku stands in the center of the ring.

JASON MARTEL
I thought he was injured?

MARK FOLLOWILL
Perhaps not. Maybe it was a misleading rumor.

JASON MARTEL
I think we need to warn Wench... I mean, Katrina, beg your pardon... that her problems may have just escalated from Hellspawn to the man she cost tag team gold.

Goryokakau holds his hand out and Tanya hands him a microphone. He surveys the crowd before him and then begins to speak.[/color]

GORY
Oh, how the mighty have fallen, or so they say. Here I stand in the center of the ring that I ruled and wonder whether or not I’ve lost what it takes to win in this business. And on top of that, my recent accident has put me in a rather unique situation. It seems that although I’m cleared to wrestle, my doctors don’t feel my right leg is quite ready enough for the strenuous activity a match would put it through. Now this goes without saying that I risk possibly injuring myself coming back to this ring, showing the Texas people what a real champion looks like and I’m more then capable of beating this roster in front of me. So I have returned not to extract my revenge as a lot of you may be thinking. I feel no ill will to Wench, or Katrina, whatever her name is these days... for turning on me and costing me my titles. I don’t feel bad about the woman who I supported as a tag team partner over the past year turning around and destroying everything I built. Hellspawn is the angry one in this case. I just simply want to wish Kat good luck. After all, it’s going to be pretty lonely in her world over the next couple of months, but I won’t interfere. I want to see if she really is capable of holding her own in this business.

JASON MARTEL
Wow! Now that’s a nice guy. He’s not angry about the back stabbing woman who cost him his belts, and like a real trooper, he’s going to continue in this business despite his injury he received recently.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I don’t trust him. Why would he leave Kat alone? It’s not like him to drop a grudge.

JASON MARTEL
You’ve got to remember he’s helped train Wench. Though she turned against him, I guess it’s the old teacher's pride to see their students get somewhere.

Gory takes a step and seems to limp towards the ring side, his face holding a genuinely thrilled smile upon it.[/color]

GORY
4 Up is coming soon. I should know as I helped plan the event, and even paid for the creation of the new belt. And as such, it seems Gordon Heath remembers my generosity in helping him keep this place a float and holding to my deal in giving him back that 52% ownership once SNW was running like a business again, so he’s granted me a rare opportunity. Before my accident, I had been given a spot in the unique 4 Up tournament. However, since the accident, Gordie allowed me to pick anybody I felt was a suitable replacement. Making his return at 4 Up will be none other than... Azrael.

There's a big pop for the announcement as “Journey Through the Dark” Begins playing again and limping with Tanya’s help Gory gets out of the ring and makes his way backstage.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
How about that?! The most sadistic man to step foot inside an SNW ring returns at 4 Up!

MARK FOLLOWILL
I still don't trust Gory's intentions.

Mark holds up his bottle of Jack Daniel's and asks Jason if he wants a drink, but Jason says "No thanks. The scene cuts to a local motel room where Katrina is sitting on a bed and Chris Angel is seated in a chair watching the show. She looks over to Chris.[/color]

KATRINA
I don't buy it. I know Gory. He's not just going to let this go. He's plotting something. Something big.

ANGEL
I wouldn't worry about Gory just yet. Whatever he's planning, its pointless to go crazy thinking about. What I'd like to know is if he and Hellspawn are on the same page again?

KATRINA
I would say probably so. I mean, they are still part of the same faction. They've always been on the same page. I'm the one who threw a monkey wrench their way.

ANGEL
So you've got one angry has been and one pseudo mellow cripple. I don't see what the fuss is all about?

Katrina shakes her head some.

KATRINA
You don't seem to understand. You don't know what Gory is capable of and I'm not 100% convinced he isn't faking his injuries. Ask Clinton what Gory is capable of. He nearly destroyed a man who went by the name of Dragon in UHW...

ANGEL
Kat, take it easy. If I had a dollar for every schmuck that came along and said he'll be doing massive damage to yours truly, I'd be rich. Well, I am rich but thats not the point. I've seen a lot of these guys come and go. People who beat weaker opponents up. I don't need to remind you of the folks back in GwX and the WWA. Great athletes but most talk a big game. So they beat a few sods up. Big deal. If you're afraid, they win. So take it easy. You have us, Clinton and me and these two fools won't be able to do a damn thing.

Katrina looked over at him and sighed, though a small smile did form on her lips.

KATRINA
I suppose you're right. I'll try not to dwell on it so much. Besides, nothing... well, besides a couple chokeslams he managed to sneak in...

She paused a moment.

KATRINA
I just need to figure out a way to get my son away from him. I mean, I know he won't hurt Damien, but I'd feel better having my son with me.

ANGEL
Call for a divorce. It's a legal case. Meet him in court. That's something I won't be able to help in. But I'll be there.

Kat smiled and nodded.

KATRINA
You don't know how much your support means. I'll call my lawyer first thing in the morning.

ANGEL
For now, you should get some rest. Doctor's orders after all. I'll call for some room service and get us a bite to eat.

TECHNOS JAPAN PRESENTS SNW NO HOLDS BARRED! COMING TO A LOCAL ARCADE NEAR YOU!
[/center]

[Hollywood]

"Young" by Hollywood Undead hits the PA, and the Young Gunz, accompanied by Myke Rhines, make their way to the ring. Standing back to back, they deliver the hand-pistols to the crowd as the fans boo them heavily. They turn around, slap hands, and get into the ring. Ryan and Vin pose on opposite turnbuckles to the hate of the crowd.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team match is scheduled for one fall. Entering first, team number one. From Fort Worth, Texas and Seattle, Washington respectively. Weighing in at a combined weight of 450 lbs. "The Black Hearted Warrior" Vin Sin and "The 2nd Coming" Marcus Ryan, the Young Gunz!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Now here's a pair of sorry sumbitches here. First, they cowardly attack Rory Kotch and Petrina at a seafood restaurant, then they cheat in order to beat Adriana Samu.Then they take out Codi Shane just because they want to "prove a point". If I wasn't sober...well here I can fix that.

Mark takes another big slug of his whiskey, prompting a look of shock from Jason.

JASON MARTEL
I'm just going to ignore that, and say that these two guys are the future of this company. I love what they are doing, taking life by the horns and turning it to them.

"Survivalism" by Nine Inch Nails comes on over the PA, and Rory Kotch, Petrina Rotchester and Xander Nova make their way to the ring to the adulation of the fans. They slap hands with the fans, and both Rory and Petrina pose on the apron with Xander remaining on the floor. They then enter the ring, taking positions on the turnbuckles.

MONICA DELUCA
And introducing team number two. Representing Y Kores. From Moscow, Russia and Belfast, Northern Ireland respectively. At a combined weight of 300 lbs. Rory Kotch and Petrina Rotchester!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Here's the team that will hopefully put the boots to these two cocky bastards today. I hope they send them back crying to their momma's tonight, they would deserve it after what they've done the past couple of weeks.

JASON MARTEL
Yeah right, like that's going to happen. They are already missing Adriana Samu after they brutalized her last week, this is just going to be Part Two.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I hope not, I don't need more of a reason to drink tonight but that happening would give me reason quite enough.

YOUNG GUNZ vs.RORY KOTCH and PETRINA ROCHESTER
The match started prematurely when Vin Sin blindsided Rory before the referee could call for the battle. Petrina attempted to rescue her partner but Marcus Ryan, with an elbow to the face, knocked her out of the ring. Vin Sin is dominating Rory totally, with swift kicks to her knees and stomach, forcing his opponent into a defensive stance. Ryan was tagged in and went to work on Rory even as Petrina was recovering at ringside. The finish sees the Young Gunz hit the Traveler’s End on Rory and Ryan gets in the three count while Vin Sin taunted Petrina.

[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
That was just sick, Rory and Petrina had no chance at all and the Gunz just manhandled them. It's a good thing we aren't on Spike TV otherwise we would be thrown in jail.

JASON MARTEL
No, that was just pure tag team excellence. Those two broads never stood a chance. This team has only been in existence two weeks, and they are already one of my favorites!

MARK FOLLOWILL
I'm not shocked, you sick sorry man.

JASON MARTEL
Put down the bottle bro, you're getting a little too sloppy for my taste. I don't want to do this show alone.

Mark responds by giving Jason the finger, and takes another drink of his bottle.

THE EMERGENCY BRAKE OF THE WEEK! EVERY FRIDAY MORNING AT 7:50 AM ON THE DUNHAM AND MILLER SHOW ON SPORSTRADIO 1310 THE TICKET! STREAM IT LIVE ON WWW.THETICKET.COM![/center]

[Hollywood]

Shot opens inside Gordon Heath's office, where Cody "The Bull" Pugh is meeting with Gordie, Craig "Senior" Mueller and George Dunpork.

CRAIG
Cody, we were very impressed with how you decimated Greg tonight. So we're rewarding you with one of the last two remaining spots in the unique 4 Up tournament.

CODY PUGH
Well I would like to thank you for the opportunity, and I don't care which match I wind up in.

CRAIG
And while we have you here, as the commissioner of SNW, I have decided to put you up against the SNW Texas Champion, Soul Reaper, in a non-title match next Saturday night on Guys Night Out at Gameworks in Grapevine, Texas.

CODY PUGH
It will be a pleasure destroying the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, even if the belt isn't on the line.

Shot switches to the broadcast table as Cade Malibu is taking his seat at the table, a bit miffed that there is now three margaritas at the table. Jason seems a bit uneasy as Cade Malibu sits right next to him.

JASON MARTEL
You know I don't swing that way, right Cade?

CADE MALIBU
Well even if you did, I already have two boyfriends. Besides, you're too much of a drama queen. So I take it that one of those margaritas is mine?

MARK FOLLOWILL
No! They're all mine!

CADE MALIBU
Huh?

JASON MARTEL
The Mavericks got bounced out of the playoffs the other night, and Mark has taken it rather hard.

"An Open Letter To NYC" booms over the PA as both Kayden Christopher and Johnny Moxie walk from behind the curtain to a rousing chorus of boos from the crowd.

JASON MARTEL
What a bunch of fairweather fans the SNW wrestling fans are. They were all cheering for Johnny Moxie when he was winning matches left and right, then he loses one match here and there, and they turn on him. What a bunch of sorry humans.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Moxie and Christopher are jackasses, and I'd say it to their face! In fact...

Mark stands up, shooting Revolution X the double finger as they walk toward the ringside area where the broadcast table is. They look a bit dumbfounded at Mark making such a fool of himself.

MONICA DELUCA
The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, the team of Johnny Moxie and Kayden Christopher, Revolution X!

MARK FOLLOWILL
Yeah, eff you! Eff you, you two sons of bitches!

JASON MARTEL
Mark, sit down now!

CADE MALIBU
Damn, Mark's kinda sexy when he gets all angry.

JASON MARTEL
You can have him if you want to. Though I'm not sure his wife would be too happy.

"Chicken Huntin" hits, and the fans come to their feet as the Alley Ratz make their way down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans.

MONICA DELUCA
And their opponents, Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz!

JASON MARTEL
What I want to know is what happens if Revolution X do beat the Alley Ratz? Would the good commissioner, Craig Mueller, give the SNW Texas Tag Team Title shot to Revolution X, and just find someone to fill Moxie's 4 Up spot?

MARK FOLLOWILL
Aries Craps will beat the tarp out of Revolution Xbox!

JASON MARTEL
What the hell? You can't even get your words correct, right now. We need to cut you off.

MARK FOLLOWILL
I'm just fine!

ALLEY RATZ vs REVOLUTION X

Yet another impressive showing by Revolution X as they took it to the #1 contenders to the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles. However, the Alley Ratz amazed the crowd with a full on aerial assault to Moxie and Christopher. Cade Malibu couldn't help himself as he began to develop a strange fixation on Johnny Moxie, but didn't care for Kayden Christopher too much. Toward the end of the match, Cade got up out of his chair and climbed up onto the apron, where Moxie was waiting for a tag from Christopher, who just leveled Twitch with the Stock Market Crash. Cade tapped Moxie on the shoulder, and Moxie tried to fight off Cade's advances. Christopher got distracted and charged over to his team's corner, knocking Cade off the apron and to the floor with a vicious running forearm smash. Moxie jumped down and stomped away at Cade, picked him up and slammed him facefirst onto the broadcast table, then grabbed one of Mark Followill's margarita glasses, smashing it over Cade's head, busting him wide open. Meanwhile, in the ring, Twitch grabbed Christopher with a go-behind and brought him down with a German Suplex pin for the win.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, the Alley Ratz!

MARK FOLLOWILL
That was MY margarita, you son of a bitch!

Jason restrains Mark as Moxie realizes that Christopher just got pinned and runs into the ring, but the Alley Ratz slide on out, sticking their tongues out at Revolution X, then indicate around their waists that they'll soon be SNW Texas Tag Team Champions.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Someone get me a Crown and Coke out here now!

JASON MARTEL
Mark, calm down!

GUYS NIGHT OUT! LIVE NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT FROM GAMEWORKS IN GRAPEVINE!

[Hollywood]

Shot opens at the announce table, where Mark Followill is now visibly sloshed as there is an empty schooner on the table.

JASON MARTEL
Mark, you gonna be alright?

MARK FOLLOWILL
Leave me alone!

JASON MARTEL
Mark, we've got a show to commentate.

MARK FOLLOWILL
Ah, eff you!

Mark throws his headset down and tries to get up, but he's so blasted that he trips and falls down as the audience laughs their ass off. Jason and Monica go down to try to help Mark up, but he pushes them away as he picks himself up and walks off. Jason goes back to the broadcast position as "White Knuckles" blasts over the PA and the crowd boos their lungs out. Hellspawn, ignoring the boos from the crowd, appears from behind the curtain, clad in his black leather trench coat. He walks down to the ring, and though you can't really see it due to his mask, you can tell he's grinning.

MONICA DELUCA
This match is set for one fall. First, from Hell's Kitchen and weighing 355 lbs, Hellspawn!

JASON MARTEL
Fans, we apologize for the conduct of Mark Followill. Hopefully he can get his act together. Moving, Hellspawn looking to save face from last week when he lost to Chris Angel, which in my book has to be one of the biggest flukes in SNW history.

Hellspawn enters the ring, taking his coat off as "White Knuckles" dies down. "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks, and Cannibal Girls" booms over the PA, and the crowd goes insane as Jack Clinton appears from behind the curtain and saunters down to the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
And his opponent, from Beverly Hills, California and weighing 355 lbs, "The Gold Standard" Jack Clinton!

JASON MARTEL
Hellspawn brought up a great point on SNW.com earlier this week when he stated that Jack Clinton has yet to beat him one on one. And I don't see that changing tonight.

JACK CLINTON vs HELLSPAWN

Clinton and Hellspawn used their power and brute strength to pulverize each other throughout the match, and even took the fight outside the ring, ramming each other's heads into the barricade and ring apron. At one point, Hellspawn whipped Clinton into the ring steps backfirst. Hellspawn kept trying to put Clinton away, but to no avail. Frustrated, Hellspawn went outside to grab a chair and brought it into the ring. He swung the chair at Clinton, but Clinton ducked and the chair bounced off the ropes and nailed Hellspawn in the face. Hellspawn staggered around, and Clinton caught him by the throat and slammed him down with the Final Destruction for the pinfall victory.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winner of the match, Jack Clinton!

JASON MARTEL
Another damned fluke! That damn referee kept counting slow whenever Hellspawn tried to pin Jack Clinton! But what should we expect from an incompetent kid like Danny Travers?! Oh, and in case you didn't know, yes we are allowed to acknowledge referees.

Shot switches to a room that's not lit very well. The room is littered with thumbtacks, kendo sticks, a ladder, a table, light tubes, barbed wire, and any other weapon that's imaginable. There's a man sitting down in the middle of the room, but you can't quite make out who it is as the camera is behind him. He stands up, turns around, and its Syco Boy! He smirks at the camera and says...

SYCO BOY
June 6... 4 Up... Austin, Texas... SNW goes "Syco" for one night.

SNW 4 UP! LIVE ON PPV FROM THE SOLD OUT AUSTIN CONVENTION CENTER IN AUSTIN, TX, JUNE 6!

[Hollywood]

Shot opens inside Gordon Heath's office, where Brenda Price is standing by with Gordon Heath and the Sports Nutz.

BRENDA PRICE
Gordie, Craig and George, thank you for allowing me some of your time.

DUNPORK
Well hurry it up. I got to make it to the concession stand before $1 hot dog night ends.

BRENDA PRICE
Well as we all just saw, Syco Boy is coming back, at least for one night, at 4 Up. I'm sure I speak for all the SNW fans when I ask why did you guys bring him back, considering the history you've had with him?

GORDIE
I will gladly grant the commissioner the floor as he handled this deal.

CRAIG
Thank you, Gordie. Brenda, the truth of the matter is that at the end of the day, we want to give the fans what they want. So that's exactly what we're doing by reinstating Syco Boy. We're giving the fans what they want...

To see Syco Boy get destroyed by everyone in 4 Up. I personally hope he winds up in the barbed wire match with Hellspawn, Azrael and Marcus Williams.

BRENDA PRICE
Now hold on a second. Don't you think that there's a chance this plan could blow up in your face? I mean, Syco's beaten the odds before.

GORDIE
That's it! Get outta here!

Brenda rolls her eyes and walks out as the shot switches to the backstage area, where Misty Crawford is standing by with Jack Clinton.

MISTY CRAWFORD
Misty Crawford here alongside "The Gold Standard" Jack Clinton, and Jack, congratulations as you finally conquered Hellspawn in a one-on-one match for the first time in your career.

JACK CLINTON
The pleasure was all mine. And it won't be any different come 4 Up.

MISTY CRAWFORD
Speaking of, what are you going to do if you're in the ring with Wench, or even Chris Angel?

JACK CLINTON
Whoa, did you not get the memo? Wench is no mas, and Katrina is here to stay and will recover in time to wrestle at 4 Up. Second, Kat, Angel and I have an understanding that 4 Up is all business. We have no qualms bashing each other's brains in if we're in the same ring in the same match, or even if we wind up in the Cage of Death.

MISTY CRAWFORD
Now if you don't mind me switching gears here as I'd like to discuss one of the hot topics making the rounds lately, and that is the rumors surrounding Matt Margera possibly returning to SNW. You've worked with him in other wrestling promotions, so what is your take?

JACK CLINTON
Right now my focus is on going into 4 Up and winning the Bad Blood Championship. The only time I'll have a problem with Matt Margera is if he screws me over. Other than that, he minds his business, it's all gravy.

Clinton walks off as the shot switches to the broadcast table, where Jason Martel is sitting.

JASON MARTEL
So Jack doesn't care if Matt comes back or not. Well I care, and I hope he doesn't come back. But enough about Matt Margera, and on to the card for SNW 4 Up, live on PPV from the sold out Austin Convention Center in Austin, Texas on Saturday night, June 6. All three of the current SNW titles will go on the line at 4 Up. First, Cyanide defends the SNW Von Erich Memorial Championship against Super Vader and "No Gimmicks Needed" Nick Scott in a No Disqualification Three Way Dance. The match does not end until two other wrestlers are eliminated by pinfall or submission.

Then the SNW Texas Tag Team Titles go on the line in a 2-on-1 handicap match, a first in SNW. The Alley Ratz, who got a fluke win over Revolution X, take on Andrew Smith, who will be defending the belts by himself on behalf of TNT while his partner, Mike Rutherford, has his hands full with 4 Up.

And of course, Soul Reaper defends the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship against "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels. And I have a feeling that we'll crown a new Texas Champion come June 6.

Now onto the 4 Up tournament itself. There will be a 16 person battle royal to determine who goes into which 4-way hardcore match. The first four people eliminated will be entered into the Barbed Wire Match. The next four out of the ring will go into the Tables Match. The next four eliminated are entered into the TLC Match, which stands for Thumbtacks, Ladders and Chairs. And the last four in the ring will immediately commence with the Kendo Stick Match. Then the four winners of the four hardcore matches will go into the Cage of Death, with each participant bringing the weapon representing their match. And the winner of the Cage of Death will win 4 Up and be crowned the first ever SNW Bad Blood Champion. Now the participants include:

-James Jackson
-Johnny Moxie
-Katrina
-Hellspawn
-Jack Clinton
-Syco Boy
-Vin Sin
-Cade Malibu
-Cody "The Bull" Pugh
-Azrael
-Emo Kid
-Rory Kotch
-The Mauler
-Marcus Williams
-Mike Rutherford
...and Chris Angel.

I personally can't wait to see people such as Emo Kid, Mike Rutherford and Chris Angel get torn to shreds by the likes of Hellspawn, Vin Sin and James Jackson. Though I haven't been able to pick a winner yet. Well up next, it's our main event as "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels and Soul Reaper team up to take on Emo Kid, Omerta and Rick Roll.

SNW WRESTLESTOCK! AVAILABLE ON DVD AND BLU RAY! AND BE SURE TO ALSO PICK UP THE SNW WRESTLESTOCK VIDEO GAME!

[Hollywood]

The lights go out as a pulse beats over the PA. The fans come to their feet as Seether's version of "Careless Whisper" booms over the PA. Emo Kid, Omerta and Rick Roll all walk out from behind the curtain, accompanied by Hannah as the fans continue to cheer them on.

[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
The following is a 3-on-2 handicap match, set for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Hannah, the team of Emo Kid, Omerta and Rick Roll!

JASON MARTEL
Omerta and Rick Roll are so damned lucky that Enigmah got caught up in the heat of the moment and asked for those two morons to be reinstated. And now Emo Kid and Hannah want to be associated with them? I predict that Emo Kid's career goes down the toilet!

Emo Kid, Omerta and Rick Roll enter the ring as "Careless Whisper" dies down. "Superhero" blasts over the PA, and the crowd boos in unison as "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels, clad in a black sleeveless vest with "KT" written in pink on the back and wearing a black headband, makes his way down to the ring as he holds his arms out, turns around and points to himself with this thumb.[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents... introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and weighing 220 lbs, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

JASON MARTEL
The #1 contender to the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship, Alex Daniels, is being forced into teaming up with the current SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, Soul Reaper.

Kid Thunder enters the ring, taking off his vest and headband as "Superhero" dies down. "Inside The Fire" blasts over the PA, and the crowd goes crazy as Soul Reaper, wearing his SNW Texas Championship belt around his waist and clad in his sleeveless hooded robe, appears from behind the curtain with a stone cold look on his face.[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
And his partner, from Fresno, California and weighing 242 lbs, the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, Soul Reaper![/color]

Reaper enters the ring, taking off his sleeveless robe and championship belt as "Inside The Fire" dies down and the bell sounds. Kid Thunder argues with Reaper, telling him that he's(Kid Thunder) starting the match. Reaper shrugs and allows Kid Thunder to start the match. Kid Thunder arrogantly smiles, shouting "Yeah, that's what I thought," but he doesn't realize that right behind him is Emo Kid. Emo turns Kid Thunder around and wails away at him with right hand punches as the crowd cheers on. Emo sends Kid Thunder into the ropes with an Irish whip and ducks down, sending Kid Thunder up into the air and crashing to the mat with an overhead back body drop. Kid Thunder gets back up, holding the small of his back, but is taken right back down with a dropkick. Emo makes the tag to Rick Roll, who climbs to the top turnbuckle as Kid Thunder staggers back up. Rick comes flying off the top rope and hits the Dragonrana on Kid Thunder. ONE... TWO... Kid Thunder kicks out, quickly rolls to his corner and makes a tag to Reaper, who just grins at Kid Thunder.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
Oh, some partner Soul Reaper is! Look at how he's taunting the 2008 SNW Wrestler Of The Year!

Reaper and Rick Roll lock up, and Reaper takes Rick down with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Rick gets back up, but Reaper catches him with a flurry of stiff martial arts kicks, then gets taken down with a hard clothesline. Reaper goes in for the cover. ONE... TWO... Rick kicks out. Reaper shoots Rick Roll into the ropes, but doesn't see Omerta making the blind tag. Rick rebounds off the ropes, and Reaper takes Rick down with a Heart Stopper Spinebuster. But as soon as Reaper gets up, he's leveled with a running bulldog from Omerta, who goes for a quick cover. ONE... TWO... Reaper kicks out. Right as Reaper gets back up, Omerta immediately locks him into an abdominal stretch.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
You know, to be quite honest, I don't know why anybody still uses the abdominal stretch. I've yet to see anyone win with that maneuver.

After Reaper refuses to give up, Omerta hoists Reaper up and takes him down hard with a pumphandle slam and goes for another pin attempt. ONE... TWO... Reaper kicks out. Omerta whips Reaper into the ropes, but Reaper catches his momentum and is able to springboard off the ropes. Off the springboard, Reaper nails Omerta with a springboard kick to the face, knocking him down. Omerta gets up to his knees, but is immediately taken back down by a Shining Wizard from Reaper. Reaper goes for a pin. ONE... TWO... Omerta gets the shoulder up. Reaper slaps Kid Thunder on the shoulder, tagging him in. Kid Thunder argues with Reaper, telling him to finish the job, but Reaper has none of it as he grabs the ropes and pulls them back, sending Kid Thunder flying into the ring to a big pop from the crowd. Kid Thunder gets up and argues with Reaper, who just tells Kid Thunder to turn around while Omerta runs and rebounds off the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. Kid Thunder turns around, but it's too late as Omerta nails him with a running big boot to the face. Omerta elects not to go for a cover, but rather picks Kid Thunder up and hits him with a series of elbows to the shoulder, then makes a tag to Emo Kid. Emo nails Kid Thunder with a series of slaps to the chest, followed by a kick behind Kid Thunder's leg, then takes Kid Thunder down with a spinning heel kick.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
Emo Kid going for the win here! ONE... TWO... Nope. Alex Daniels kicks out.[/color]

Emo goes to pick Kid Thunder up, but Kid Thunder gouges him in the eyes, followed by a snap suplex. Kid Thunder follows up with an elbow drop, then a pinfall. ONE... TWO... Emo Kid kicks out. Kid Thunder picks Emo up and whips him into the ropes. Emo off the rebound, and Kid Thunder knocks him down with a leg lariat. Kid Thunder picks Emo Kid up, but Emo counters with a jawbreaker, staggering Kid Thunder around as Emo makes the tag to Rick Roll, who climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rick comes flying off the top rope and takes Kid Thunder down with a flying crossbody block. ONE... TWO... Kid Thunder kicks out. Rick picks Kid Thunder up and goes for a vertical suplex, but Kid Thunder slips down behind him. Kid Thunder turns Rick around and slams him down hard with a Sambo suplex, then slaps Reaper in the face to tag him in. Infuriated by the slap to the face, Reaper gets in the ring and grabs Kid Thunder by the throat, choking him in the corner as Kid Thunder gasps for breath. Referee Rick Maynard tries to separate them.[/color]

JASON MARTEL
I knew this was a bad idea! If Reaper doesn't let off of Kid Thunder, we have no match at 4 Up![/color]

Rick Roll sneaks in behind Reaper and rolls him up in a school boy. ONE... TWO... Reaper kicks out. Rick Roll charges at Reaper, but Reaper takes him down with a High Angle Exploder Suplex, then goes to climb the top turnbuckle. Reaper comes flying off the top rope with a frog splash, but Rick Roll... um... rolls out of the way as Reaper crashes down to the canvas. Rick is able to make the tag in to Emo Kid, who runs in and nails Reaper, who's gotten back up to his knees, with a front dropkick to the face that sends Reaper right back down. Emo with a cover. ONE... TWO... Reaper manages to get the shoulder up. Emo picks Reaper up, but Reaper catches him with a Soul Stealer DDT out of nowhere, but can't make the cover right off the bat. Reaper finally gets the wherewithal to make the cover. ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Emo Kid gets the shoulder up. Reaper slowly picks himself up and grabs Emo Kid by the head, but Emo jumps up into the air, wraps his legs around Reaper's neck and takes him down with a huracanrana, then rolls over and makes the tag to Omerta. Omerta picks Reaper up and nails him with a series of knife edge chops as the crowd shouts "WOOOOOOO!" with each one. But Reaper answers back with a series of knife edge chops of his own. But Omerta gets the last word in as nails Reaper with a Dangerous DDT. Omerta goes for the cover. ONE... TWO... THR-NO! Reaper somehow kicks out. Omerta goes to pick Reaper up, but Reaper nails Omerta out of nowhere with the Reapercutter, and both men are down. While both men lie down on the mat, Kid Thunder hops down off the apron, sneaks around to the other side of the ring, and trips up both Emo Kid and Rick Roll, causing them to fall down facefirst onto the ring apron and land hard on the floor below as Kid Thunder quickly runs back to his side of the ring. Hannah, meanwhile, goes down to check on Emo Kid. Reaper finally picks himself back up and puts his thumb to his throat, doing the cutthroat motion. But Kid Thunder slaps him on the shoulder, making the blind tag, and runs in to make the pin as Reaper tries to figure out what's going on. ONE... TWO... THREE! "Superhero" booms over the PA as the crowd boos Kid Thunder out of the building.[/color]

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, SNW Texas Champion Soul Reaper and "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

JASON MARTEL
Kid Thunder once again shows why he's the smartest wrestler in SNW! He seized the opportunity that was before him!

Before Reaper can grab a hold of him, Kid Thunder runs out of the ring and walks up the aisle backward. He stops and points to his head to tell Reaper how smart he is. The camera shot suddenly switches to the roof of the Gordietorium.

JASON MARTEL
OK, we have a camera crew at the roof of the Gordietorium because apparently there's a disturbance going on... Oh for crying out loud, what is Mark Followill doing on the roof of the Gordietorium?

Mark coughs several times, then finally pukes off the roof of the Gordietorium.[/color]

MARK FOLLOWILL
Gosh dangit, I'm dry heaving![/color]

The last shot we see is of Followill's face, with slobber and remnants of puke everywhere as the show fades to black.[/color][/center]

[Hollywood]

OOC: Edited the Jack Clinton promo. In my haste to get the show up, I put words into Clinton's mouth without consulting with him. So Freak, my due apologies. And my due apologies to Ninja and anybody else whose characters I put words into their mouths if you feel that what I wrote wasn't reflective of what they'd say. In the future, I'll consult with the handlers about either writing up a segment or asking what their character(s) would say. Again, can't apologize enough.