Saturday Night Onslaught 1/23/10

[sh17]

Shot opens to a montage of SNW highlights, set to the tune of "Psycho Circus" by KISS. The montage includes Johnny Moxie crashing through tables of light tubes and barbed wire on top of Mike Rutherford and Azrael, James Jackson nailing Andrew Smith with an STO, the Young Gunz destroying Codi Shane, Twitch smashing George Dunpork over the head with a Dunpork bobblehead doll, Chris Angel nailing Hellspawn with a flaming kendo stick, Katrina holding up the Von Erich Memorial Title at 4 Up, and ending with Vincent Matthews being hoisted onto the Sports Nutz shoulders and holding the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship high in the air.

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LIVE!!! THE GORDIETORIUM!!! FT. WORTH, TX!!!

Shot pans around the Gordietorium, a place that reminds people of the Manhattan Center as far as its look goes. The fans are going crazy, holding up their signs and what not. "Kashmir" hits, and the fans immediately boo as smoke fills the stage area and James Jackson walks down the aisle on his way to the ring.

MARK BISHOP
Welcome to Saturday Night Onslaught, here on the CW! I'm Mark Bishop, filling in for Mark Followill who's in New York as the Dallas Mavericks get set to take on the New York Knicks tomorrow!

JASON MARTEL
Did Followill check to make sure that Josh Howard made it for the trip?

MARK BISHOP
Oh will you stop!

MONICA DELUCA
This match is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California by way of the Great White North and weighing 220 lbs, "The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson! And already in the ring is his opponent, from jolly old England, Silvus!

MARK BISHOP
Should be an outstanding match up between two of SNW's finest talents.

JASON MARTEL
Silvus has faced some truly tough competitors before, but he's never faced anyone quite like "The Modern Day Hero."

James Jackson vs Silvus

Silvus seemed to be very ill prepared for this match as James Jackson caught him flush with a running Yakuza kick that seemed to catch Silvus off guard, and it was all downhill from there for Silvus. Jackson worked Silvus over, nailing him with every kind of suplex he could think of, such as the T-bone Suplex, German Suplex, snap suplex, overhead belly to belly suplex, side suplex, Tiger Suplex, Dragon Suplex, even the Superplex from the top turnbuckle. Jackson had the match won when he nailed Silvus with the Throat Cutter, but that wasn't good enough as he lifted Silvus up after a two count. Jackson then picked Silvus up and drove him down hard with the Jackson Driver for the pinfall victory.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winner of the match, "The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson!

MARK BISHOP
What the hell happened to Silvus?

JASON MARTEL
I think he hung out with Josh Howard all week.

MARK BISHOP
Will you lay off the poor kid?!

JASON MARTEL
Hey, it's not my fault that Josh disappears when the Mavericks need him the most!

THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION: GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, BARACK OBAMA KILLS PEOPLE![/center]

[sh17]

"Ecstasy of Gold" is playing over the PA, and the fans are booing their lungs out as standing inside the ring, sitting in director style chairs are "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath, George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller. Gordie is wearing a purple Sidney Rice Minnesota Vikings jersey and jeans, Craig is wearing purple basketball shorts and a purple Adrian Peterson Minnesota Vikings jersey, and George Dunpork is wearing khaki shorts and a purple Ray Edwards Minnesota Vikings jersey, so of course the fans are irate.

VIKINGS SUCK! VIKINGS SUCK! VIKINGS SUCK!

MARK BISHOP
These fans not to pleased with the choice of clothing by Gordie and the Sports Nutz.

GORDIE
First off, last time I checked, the Vikings creamed your beloved Cowgirls, 34-3. So if the Vikings suck, I can only imagine what that makes your Cowgirls.

Gordie and the Sports Nutz chuckle as the fans boo even louder.

YOU SUCK D*CK! YOU SUCK D*CK! YOU SUCK D*CK!

[/color]

GORDIE
Moving right along, we welcome you to Sports Talk, and tonight's guests have seen the light. They have realized that you, the fans, have been holding them back. Ladies and gentlemen... "The Living Legend" Matt Margera, and his lovely wife, Wench!

"Not Dancing, Wanna Know Why?" hits, and out from behind the curtain walk Matt Margera and Wench, who ignore the boos and catcalls of the fans. The fans are in an even bigger uproar as Matt Margera wears jeans and a purple Brett Favre Minnesota Vikings, and Wench wears tight jeans and a white Brett Favre Minnesota Vikings jersey. In Matt's right hand, he carries a stick with a horse head on it, and his other hand is free for him to put his arm over Wench's shoulder. As they make it to the ring, Matt allows Wench to walk up the steps first, then follows her inside the ring. Wench taunts the fans as Matt goes to one of the corners, climbs up to the middle turnbuckle and points at the fans with the stick he carries to the ring, sneering at the booing audience.

MARK BISHOP
Oh for crying out loud! I thought Matt and Wench were Cowboys fans!

JASON MARTEL
Hey, when they saw the light, they also saw the Cowboys for what they are, LOSERS! Matt and Wench don't associate with LOSERS anymore, Bishop.

Matt and Wench take their seats in the empty director style chairs, picking up their microphones.

CRAIG MUELLER
Matt, Wench, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's great to have you on the show.

WENCH
Thanks for having us.

DUNPORK
Before we go any further, there are probably some people who have been sleeping under a rock and don't know why all of a sudden we're all chummy with you two. So if we can direct your attention to the mini-SportsTron right above the entrance... and for those of you on the balcony, you can watch the projector screens up in the ceiling... here's what happened.

Footage from last week's Guys Night Out is shown, where Matt Margera and Wench attack Super Vader.

MARK BISHOP
It was last week on Guys Night Out, during an interview that Bob Sturm was conducting with Super Vader, that Matt Margera came out and interrupted the big man from Colorado. You'll see Margera goes for the Benihana, but Super Vader catches him.

JASON MARTEL
Yeah, but what that big oaf doesn't count on is Wench running into the ring and clipping him with a pool cue, taking out his leg out from under his leg, as the late Owen Hart would say.

MARK BISHOP
It was a heinous attack that would've cost Wench 15 yards in the NFL.

GORDIE
Wench, Matt, it seems that these fans can't comprehend why you two attacked their hero, the almighty Super Vader. Would you care to explain?

WENCH
Our pleasure. You see, not too long ago, I had scored the upset of the year when I defeated the much larger Super Vader to win the SNW Von Erich Memorial Championship. But somewhere down the line, something went terribly wrong. I became complacent. I didn't show the fire and the passion that I had showed when I first won the title from Super Vader. Oh sure, we had some great matches, but the fact remains that along the line, not having that sense of urgency cost me the Von Erich Memorial Championship. Well when I lost on the last No Holds Barred in Brownwood, Texas, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't accept defeat any longer. So I talked with Matt, and we decided that as someone once said, enough was enough and it was time for a change.

MATT MARGERA
That's right. As Gordie said earlier, you fans were holding us back, and he was right. Back when I was all about pleasing you ass hats, I thought it would be bad business for me having so much power, to be an in ring competitor. I mean, that's a conflict of interest and how dare I put myself in position to go after championship glory? And Wench? Well if she dares do something underhanded to win a title, then you would say that she could never win a title outright! Well screw all that crap! We're doing things our way, and you people can just get over it!

DUNPORK
Matt, Wench, it's interesting that you two bring up championships, because as you all know by now, the good commissioner, Craig "Senior" Mueller, has a very important announcement as it concerns the Von Erich Memorial Championship. Craig, take it away!

CRAIG MUELLER
Ladies and gentlemen, due to an unfortunate series of events, Super Vader cannot meet his obligations to defend the Von Erich Memorial Title within the allotted time that a champion must defend his title. Therefore, he has been stripped of the title, and it is now vacant. Now in two weeks on the February 6th edition of Guys Night Out from the Scat Jazz Lounge in Sundance Square, Downtown Fort Worth, four wrestlers will compete to become the new Von Erich Memorial Champion. There will be two matches on February 6th, with the winners meeting up on the February 13th edition of Saturday Night Onslaught. As for who will be competing for the title... it was a tough choice, but I have come to a decision. In one match, we will see Wench take on "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels. And in the other match, we will see "The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson take on Jack Clinton. Now before we...

The opening strains of "Enter Sandman" boom over the PA, and the crowd comes alive as Jack Clinton appears from behind the curtain, dressed in jeans and an SNW baseball jersey. He glares into the ring as Matt, Wench, Gordie, George and Craig all roll their eyes at him. He looks back toward the crowd and walks about a quarter of the way to ring down the entrance aisle.

CLINTON
First of all, allow me to say the following, that it'll be an absolute pleasure to defeat the returning James Jackson and then Alex Daniels next week so I can become the Von Erich Memorial Champion. I mean, after all, there's only two real competitors in this so-called tournament, and one of them is standing here...and the other sure as hell isn't in the ring.

This doesn't sit too well with anyone in the ring, especially not Wench, and she stares down Clinton while Matt holds her.[/color]

CLINTON
Oh, by the way, short shit...thanks for reminding me that I was right all along. Ya see, when Angel and I were talking about forming a unit back when he first came here last year, he was the one who mentioned you and how you would make a great addition if you could only break free from whatever shell you were in. And although the two of us have had our differences over the years and I was suspicious of your true intentions, I decided to go along with it. And lo and behold, many months later, there you are standing in the ring with the Sports Nutz acting like your Queen of the Goddamned forest...when the truth is you're basically useless.

Now Wench is really angry and is struggling to maintain composure. Matt is holding on to her for dear life to try and calm her down.[/color]

CLINTON
You see, Dopey, you and I have been wrestling together for most of the last five years, and for most of those years all I've seen out of you is a little prima donna who thinks that she's better than every single person in the back. Someone who's let success go to her head. But also someone who doesn't want to admit that she's a little too needy. See, you NEED to feel like you're a superstar. You NEED to feel like you're a top dog. You NEED to feel like you're more than an angry dwarf who got ahead on guts and determination. Because at the end of the day, when you take off your little get up, take your makeup off, and stare at yourself in the mirror, what you see is nothing more than a fraud.

Wench paces around the ring for a second seething. Matt goes over to talk to her. Clinton laughs upon seeing this.

CLINTON
I love how Matt needs to try and calm you down now...where was this intensity when the Army of the Gods was a fully functioning unit? Angel and I had to carry you while you continued to slip into oblivion...what makes us so different from Matt? You're not sucking ours, so we don't matter, is that it?.

Clinton's words may have lit a fire inside Wench and Matt, as now both of them are starting to flip. The Sports Nutz now have no choice but to step in and keep control of the situation.

CLINTON
I had to carry you, Emo Kid, and Alex Draven around for almost half a Goddamned year! I had Draven and his trust issues that nearly tore us apart- and who was the one who convinced us to bring him in? YOU, WENCH! I brought Emo Kid into the fold when he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper sack! But who was the one who kept convincing me that he was a great addition? YOU, MATT! And now look at what happened...Emo Kid disappeared, probably went to a Dashboard Confessional concert to kill himself. Alex Draven's been MIA for awhile, and as far as I'm concerned he's dead. And the Army of the Gods is dead with him...all because you two decided that you wanted everything for yourself and to hell with everyone else, right?

Matt and Wench calm down, look at each other shaking their heads, and wonder why Clinton even said that as it made little to no sense to them.[/color]

CLINTON
And because of that, well, right now I've found myself in a crisis situation. And you may not realize it, but in times like these you need to turn to friends to help you.

Thinking he means Chris Angel, everyone in the ring starts mocking Clinton, saying they're not afraid of Angel.

CLINTON
Don't think I didn't see that. Yeah, Chris Angel would be one of the first I'd call. But considering that he has his own problems right now- primarily with that gigantic boil on the ass of SNW, Vincent Matthews, Gordie's chosen knob washing factory...

Gordie glares at Clinton.

CLINTON
Yeah, and? *pause* As I was saying, sometimes you need to call your friends to help you out. And when your plan A is going to be too busy to help, then you had better make sure that you have a DAMN good plan B.

From the crowd, former UHW superstar Chris P. enters the ring unbeknownst to anyone in it.[/color]

CLINTON
Or, in my case, a plan C.

Trying to figure out what Clinton meant, everyone except Wench and Matt turns to find Chris in the ring. Clinton slowly begins making his way to the ring, egging Wench or Matt to come and fight him. Meanwhile, Gordie, Craig, and Dunpork stand together as Chris eggs one of them on to hit him. Gordie tries first, but is clotheslined down for his trouble. Craig goes next, but meets the same fate. Dunpork ducks the clothesline and knocks Chris down, which enables the Sports Nutz to gather for the kill. Clinton holds the mic up one more time.

CLINTON
Oh, by the way, I suggest you get out of the way. Things are about to get real ugly real quick.

Matt comes to the outside and engages Clinton and the two begin exchanging blows. Meanwhile, Chris fights off the Sports Nutz and throws them off him, with the aftermath nearly taking Wench with them. She is knocked out of the ring as a result and tries to collect herself as the carnage continues.

Outside the ring, Matt takes Clinton down. Thinking Clinton isn't expecting it, Matt goes for the Benihana. Clinton, however, hits him with a low kick which stops Matt in his tracks. As Matt recovers, Clinton hooks him for the delayed vertical suplex that is part of his repertoire. He holds him for several seconds, but instead of dropping him he moves him into piledriver position. Wench gets up just in time to see this and runs toward Clinton, but he yells at her to stand back and then jumps into a sitout position, nailing a vertical suplex piledriver on Matt. Wench immediately goes to check on her husband, while Clinton laughs and calls her pathetic. He goes into the ring to help Chris fend off the Sports Nutz, and drops Gordie and Craig with heavy big boots while Dunpork and Chris are still fighting. Dunpork gets off Chris for a second and sees Clinton, which distracts him long enough for Chris to get up, then turns back to Chris who hits his finisher, Lights Out, on Dunpork. Clinton then grabs Craig off the floor and gives him a quick Three Story Hell Ride, and stares down Gordie who is still trying to shake off the cobwebs from the big boot. Clinton, who's been itching for a piece of Gordie for months, looks at Chris, who nods and motions for Clinton to get Gordie. As Gordie gets up, Clinton lifts him high into the air and the two execute a flapjack DDT. The two look around the ring and raise their arms in celebration while Wench continues to check on Matt on the outside; she glares at them in the ring and starts muttering to herself as Chris and Clinton look at her laughing. [/color]

MARK BISHOP
Very shocking actions we've seen here tonight. Let's change the mood here,and send it backstage to Brenda Price whose standing by with Levetation.

The shot switches to the backstage area where Brenda Price, along with a smirking from ear to ear Levetation who are standing behind an SNW Onslaiught banner.

BRENDA PRICE
Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I'm joined by Levetation. Now Lev, last week you lost to Silvus but before we get to that, let's discuss your match prior to that. You along with Matt Margera defeated S.T. Strickler and the now re-injured Syco Boy in a tag team cage match. Your thoughts on the tag match?

LEVETATION
First off, I told Syco and Strickler I was going to mame them once they stepped into that cage. They just should have listened. When I am in my zone, there's no stopping me at all. Last week, I was clearly not all there mentally and I was facing somebody in Silvus that had something to prove out there. And you know what? Sometimes you wind up being that person. It happens to the best of us. Last week I was that person to Silvus, the week before it was Strickler and Syco Boy for me and Margera. And trust me Strickler, if you think that cage match was the last of it... Far from it. I still have a score to settle with you and it won't end until you're hanging up your boots next to that injury prone little girl you call a manager. Keep an eye out for me SNW, 2010 is going to be the year of the Levetated One.

BRENDA PRICE
Thank you, Lev.

LEVETATION
Oh and Brenda, I think you dropped this.

Levetation hands Brenda Price a piece of paper as he walks out of the cameras view. Brenda open's it up with a confused grimace on her face initally. It winds up being Levetation's cell phone number. She blushes as the scene comes to a close

PURPLE: THE COLOR OF CHAMPIONS, HORNED FROGS, AND ROYALTY![/center]

[sh17]

"Sinner" booms over the system, and the fans boo heartily as the Age of SIN walks out from the back together. With Doomsday leading the way, they ignore the fans hatred and rebuke them with hateful stares.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a six person Falls Count Anywhere match scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring first, Doomsday, Linkin Strife, and Xalar Malum, the Age of SIN!

Doomsday leads his two into the ring, with Malum and Strife posing on the turnbuckles while Doomsday stands arms crossed in the middle of the ring looking intimidating and absorbing heat.

MARK BISHOP
We are getting set for six person tag action here, as SNW will welcome back Y Kores in their first match since late 2009.

JASON MARTEL
And just like all of the others it will be a loss.

MARK BISHOP
You can't say that Jason. Both of these teams could really use a win here, and maybe a break for the Y Kores would do them some good.

JASON MARTEL
I don't see how living in Canada and prancing around malls getting your nails done could possibly help your wrestling skills, but if you want to be Mr. Brightside then far be it from me to stop you.

"You Better Pray" blares over the PA, and the fans go up in cheers as the Y Kores bounce out from the back. Adriana Samu skips down the aisle slapping hands with the fans while Rory Kotch and Petrina Rotchester walks behind at a slower pace.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents, "“Everyone’s Favourite Canadian Lady” Adriana Samu, "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester, and "The Assassin" Rory Kotch, Y Kores!

All three Y Kores members slide into the ring, as the Age of SIN clear the ring. All three pose on the turnbuckles as the fans snap pictures and cheer for them.

MARK BISHOP
Judging by their reaction here, the fans look very happy to see Y Kores back in an SNW ring.

JASON MARTEL
Hey Mark, gimme a G

MARK BISHOP
Uhh, OK G.

JASON MARTEL
Gimme an I.

MARK BISHOP
I?

JASON MARTEL
Gimme an R

MARK BISHOP
R.

JASON MARTEL
Gimme an L.

MARK BISHOP
L.

JASON MARTEL
What's that spell?

MARK BISHOP
Girl?

JASON MARTEL
No, it spells loss.

Falls Count Anywhere: Y Kores vs. Age of SIN
Samu and Doomsday started the match, and the ring rust was apparent early. Doomsday led the match by overwhelming Samu with his evident power. Samu couldn't mount an offensive front as Doomsday kept her on the ground using his clotheslines and slams that torture an opponent's back. Before Samu could tag out, Doomsday tagged in Malum who came in and splashed her across the back. He dragged her across the ring, and continued to dominate her. After a couple minutes, Samu gained some traction when Malum went for a power bomb and she was able to rake his eyes and blind him for a moment. She followed this up with a quick dropkick to the chest, which rocked him but didn't completely topple him. Samu quickly tagged in Rotchester, and together they pulled off a double team clothesline that sent Malum to the mat for the first time. As Samu exited, Rotchester pounced on the fallen prey by launching a barrage of punches to him. She kept him grounded by sinking in an ankle lock that held him down for a couple minutes until he got to the ropes and forced the hold to be broken. Rotchester jumped up, energized, and tried to hit a DDT but ended up getting wrapped up and thrown down with a bearhug slam. Malum limped over to his corner and tagged in Strife. Rotchester got up slowly, and got speared into her corner by Strife with authority. Strife threw his hands up as the crowd booed him, and then went across the ring. He then charged, trying to finish off Rotchester. However, Rory Kotch quickly tagged herself in and yanked Rotchester out of the corner causing Strife to smash right into the ringpost and fall onto the outside of the ring. All three girls then jumped onto him and starting throttling Strife to the delight of the fans. Doomsday and Malum quickly realized what happened, and went over to that side of the ring to assist their teammate. Samu say this and quickly responded. She hid over by the post, and quickly grabbed Doomsday and threw him into the ring post sending him straight backwards. Rotchester smacked Malum right in the head with a spinning roundhouse and led into a Russian Legsweep from Samu. Malum rolled out of the ring, and before you know it, all six competitors began brawling all over the outside of the ring. They fought all over the place, with Petrina and Doomsday fighting all the way into the merchandise area, where Petrina grabbed a Y Kores basketball jersey and choked Doomsday with it. Meanwhile, back inside the Gordietorium, Adriana Samu climbed up to the balcony, and dove off and crash landed onto Malum with a moonsault as the crowd chanted "HOLY SH*T!" Kotch and Strife had brawled all the way into the women's bathroom, causing all the ladies inside to run out screaming. Kotch threw Strife into one of the stalls, stuffed his head down the toilet and gave him a swirlie, then threw him down and locked in the Russian Deathlock to the cheers of the crowd, who were watching on the mini-SportsTron and on the projector screens hanging from the ceiling. Strife struggled for a moment, but eventually had to tap out.

MONICA DELUCA
Here are your winners, Y Kores!

MARK BISHOP
Teamwork was the key here, as Samu and Rotchester protected their partner and allowed her to lock in the Russian Deathlock to pick up the win for her team.

JASON MARTEL
What a bunch of luck. Those men should just saw their testicles off and send them to the dump heap. How shameful.

MARK BISHOP
That's more than a tad bit harsh don't you think?

JASON MARTEL
Well that's what they deserve, did you watch that match?

MARK BISHOP
So I guess G-I-R-L spells win tonight eh?

JASON MARTEL
SHUT UP!

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[sh17]

Shot opens at ringside as Ned Carter waits inside the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
The following contest is a gauntlent match, where "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels will take on several wrestlers in succession until he either defeats all of his opponents, or suffers a loss. Introducing the first of Kid Thunder's opponents, from Ponder, Texas and weighing 236 lbs., Ned Carter!

"Superhero" booms over the PA, and the fans boo their lungs out as "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels appears from behind the curtain and walks out to the ring.

MONICA DELUCA
And from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and weighing 220 lbs., "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

MARK BISHOP
Recently, Alex Daniels appeared on WrestleCrap Radio and stated that he could beat three men in one night!

JASON MARTEL
And you know what? I believe him!

Kid Thunder Gauntlet Match

Kid Thunder made short work of Ned Carter, working him over for less than two minutes before dispatching him with a Sambo Suplex followed by a pinfall. Aaron Champion came down to the ring, and Kid Thunder immediately laid into him, stomping him in the back as he tried to slide into the ring. Kid Thunder forced Champion to tap out after he locked him in the Sharpshooter. Preston Munchinsonton then came down to the ring, and he didn't stand much of a chance either as Kid Thunder worked him over, and decided to have some fun with him. He'd go for a pin, then lift Preston up after two. Finally, after a couple of minutes, he nailed Preston with the Thunderbolt and got the pinfall victory.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winner of the...

Monica's voice is interrupted by Codi Shane's voice booming over the PA, shouting "Wait! Wait just one second!" The crowd is abuzz as Codi, dressed in tight jeans and a dark blue Dirk Nowitzki Dallas Mavericks jersey, appears from behind the curtain, mic in hand.

JASON MARTEL
What does this tramp want? Kid Thunder just won the match!

CODI SHANE
Alex, this match isn't over just yet. It was never made clear that this was a three man gauntlet, just that it was a gauntlet. You still have one more opponent, and from here on out, this match is anything goes, no disqualifications. Alex, I present... from Big Japan Pro Wrestling and XCW BattleBox 8 winner... Masada!

The crowd comes unglued as "Brain Dead" by Project Deadman blasts over the PA and Masada appears from behind the curtain with a big grin on his face. The camera shot switches over to Kid Thunder, who's shaking his head and begging the referee to get him out of the match, but the ref says he can't do anything. Masada gives Codi a hug, then marches down to the ring.

Kid Thunder tried to beg Masada off, but Masada was having none of it as he reddened Alex's chest with a series of hard knife edge chops. Masada worked Kid Thunder for the majority of the match, even taking the match to the outside, where he Irish whipped Kid Thunder hard into the security railing, then worked over his back with a steel chair. As Masada continued to beat the living tar out of Kid Thunder, he busted Kid Thunder wide open with a vile chair shot to Kid Thunder's head. Masada got Kid Thunder in position for the Masadamizer, but Kid Thunder reversed it, turned Masada around, and nailed him with a Thunderbolt onto a steel chair for the pinfall victory. Kid Thunder could barely get up as "Superhero" blasted over the PA, and after the ref raised his hand, he collapsed down to the mat and rolled out of the ring, trying to get to the back as soon as he could.

MONICA DELUCA
Your winner of the match, "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels!

MARK BISHOP
Kid Thunder doesn't look much like a winner, now does he?

JASON MARTEL
He took everything Masada threw at him and then some, and STILL came out on top! If he's not worthy of being Von Erich Memorial Champion, then I don't know who is!

Shot opens outside Chris Angel's locker room, where Misty Crawford is standing by with Angel, who's holding his Bad Blood Title belt over his shoulder.

MISTY CRAWFORD
I'm Misty Crawford, and with me at this time is the reigning SNW Bad Blood Champion, "The Dream" Chris Angel. Chris, it seems like Gordon Heath and the Sports Nutz will do anything in their power to ensure that you can't take the Texas Heavyweight Championship off of Vincent Matthews, and it started with them only allowing you to be able to cash in your #1 contendership if you are able to successfully defend your Bad Blood Title against both members of the CIA.

CHRIS ANGEL
Misty, I could do what a lot of people do today and cry about how this isn't fair, how I should be getting my shot right now. But you know what? Where's the fun in that? To me, it'll be more fun to be able to not only beat the CIA, but beat the CIA with the odds stacked against me, such as "The Intellectual" Manny Saul acting as guest ring announcer, Coach Tom Foolery acting as guest timekeeper. And Myke Rhines was scheduled to be guest referee, but after what I saw Death Sentence do to him on SNW.com, I have my doubts about that. But as I was saying, it'll be more fun to be able to fight the odds, and beat Gordie and the Sports Butts at their own game.

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[sh17]

"My Time" screeches over the PA, and the fans boo heavily as S.T. Strickler, followed closely by Syco Boy, walks out from the back. Acting his normal cocky self, he trots down the aisle with Syco Boy angrily staring at the fans who are booing his charge.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, accompanied by Syco Boy. From Winchester, Virginia, weighing in at 180 lbs., "The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler!

Strickler slides into the ring while Syco stands on the outside looking menacing. Strickler poses on the turnbuckles, as the fans still heap on the hate from the crowd.

MARK BISHOP
Well S.T. Strickler looks to rebound here, as he faces off against the returning Alexander Draven here tonight.

JASON MARTEL
Oh great, another spare coming back to pollute the ring. Why don't we just run out the SNW video game in for ten minutes instead of wasting our time with this?

MARK BISHOP
Now that is just the most callous response.

JASON MARTEL
Oh shut up you big pansy. Strickler will wipe his ass with this joker he's wrestling.

MARK BISHOP
Good lord sir. The opinions of Jason Martel do not reflect that of Sports Nutz Wrestling and its employees.

"Son of the Slaves of Time" booms over the PA, and the fans cheer as Alexander Draven walks solemnly from the backstage area to the aisle. He walks business like down to the ring ignoring the fans.

MONICA DELUCA
His opponent from Lowestoft, England. Weighing in at 280 lbs., Alexander Draven!

Draven climbs into the ring through the ropes, and stands there arms crossed at his opponent across the ring.

MARK BISHOP
As is common with Strickler's opponents, he is facing a fairly substantial size advantage. However, he has had constant ring action, and with Syco Boy on the outside this match could end up swinging his way tonight.

JASON MARTEL
The first intelligent thing you've said all day, what took you so long?

MARK BISHOP
Well, I've been talking all night. Where have you been?

JASON MARTEL
All I've heard from you is sugar coated drivel, so it's nice to hear some humility and good sense from you.

S.T. Strickler w/Syco Boy vs. Alexander Draven

This match started out fairly academic, but did not stay that way. A big boot was delivered square to the face of Strickler by Draven, and when he popped right back up Draven cinched in a sleeper hold. After a minute or so, Strickler fought out of it and hit a reverse DDT that floored Draven. Strickler quickly moved into a half crab, wrenching the massive leg of Draven and contorting his lower back. Draven used his powerful midsection to force break the hold and send Strickler flying halfway across the ring. Strickler jumped up very excitedly, using the momentum to carry him. He attempted to land a quick running knee, but Draven grabbed him and threw him down in a spine buster that rocked the mat. Draven went for a quick cover, but only got a two count. Syco all of a sudden jumped on the apron, and started yelling at Draven for no apparent reason. Draven turned and strode over to Syco, looking at him like he was insane. All of a sudden, Strickler ran under Draven and quickly rolled him up and got a very near fall. Flabbergasted, Draven got up and quickly throttled his opponent with a powerful clothesline and went for another pin but only got a near fall. Again, Syco got right back up on the apron this time giving the referee Hell. During this time, Strickler slid out of the ring and grabbed two steel chairs. He came back in, and laid one across the chest of Draven. Standing over him, Strickler raised the other high over his head and slammed it down only for Draven to grab the chair and move out of the way. He quickly got to his feet, and they both swung their chairs at the same time right as the referee turned around. Both men hit each other square in the head, and collapsed to the mat clutching their heads. The referee called for the bell, telling Monica Deluca of his decision.

MONICA DELUCA
Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has told me that this match has been called a double disqualification.

MARK BISHOP
Well S.T. Strickler tried to take the low road home, and did not succeed.

JASON MARTEL
Don't absolve Alexander Draven of all guilt here, he still swung a chair trying to knock Strickler's block off.

MARK BISHOP
Only in self defense, because Strickler retaliated after his own failure.

JASON MARTEL
And look where it got him. Strickler was about to win, and Draven cost him the well earned victory. What a jerk.

MARK BISHOP
If I'm not mistaken, Strickler was the one that brought the chairs into the ring.

JASON MARTEL
Details, details.

DO YOU LIKE THIS GIG? THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION, DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE BEING CHIEF OF POLICE?

[sh17]

MARK BISHOP
Our next match is the Triple Threat match for the SNW Bad Blood Championship, and I'm being told...

JASON MARTEL
Shut up Bishop, let a true broadcast professional handle this. Let's throw this to our special guest ring announcer for this match, Manny Saul!

MANNY SAUL
Allright mental underlings,are you ready for a match? Well of course you aren't, but first a couple of special people for this match. First, our very esteemed special guest timekeeper for this match, Coach Tom Foolery!

The NFL on Fox theme plays, and the fans boo as Coach Tom Foolery comes jogging out with his Sports Authority track suit on. Carrying his trademark clipboard, he blows his whistle at a fan that has a "Wade Phillips > Tom Foolery" sign. He walks over to the ring bell, and plops down in a folding chair.

MANNY SAUL
Such a beautiful, beautiful man. Now, we were scheduled to be joined by the great Myke Rhines and his zebra thong out here to make sure that this athletic adventure goes well officiated. However, due to the unfortunate actions of some very rogue men, we do not have his services available to us at this moment in time. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the local radio legend Norm Hitzges!

"Against the Wind" plays over the sound system, and out ambles Norm Hitzges from the back, monkey hip and all. Wearing black polka dot pants and carrying a jar of pickles in the hand not using his cane, he limps down to the ring and barely gets in the ring without breaking a hip. He shook hands with Saul, and set down his jar of pickles below the bottom turnbuckle of one of the ring posts.

MARK BISHOP
This just does not seem good. I smell a set up here by Gordon Heath to try and screw over Chris Angel and weaken him before his title match.

JASON MARTEL
I don't even see what you are talking about here Mark, this crew I'm sure will call this right down the middle and handle up on this.

"Voodoo" booms over the PA, and the fans boo as Tony Manzetti and Vinny Appice strut out from the back with their traditional guido swagger. Yelling and insulting the fans on their way down to the ring, they look ready to rumble.

MANNY SAUL
Ladies and gentlemen, the next title change...I mean match is a triple threat match scheduled for ONE FALL! and is for the Sports Nutz Wrestling Bad Blood Championship! Making their way to the ring first, one of the eventual champions...I mean the challengers. Weighing in at an ASTONISHING 470 lbs., Mr. TONY MANZETTI and Mr. VINNY APPICE, THE COMPLETELY ITALIAN AMERICANS!

Both men stepped through the ropes into the ring, and man hugged Manny Saul. Vinny whispered something to Tony, who goes outside and retrieves two Singapore canes from under the ring. He tosses one to Vinny and keeps one, waiting for their opponent.

MARK BISHOP
This doesn't look good for Chris Angel at all, those two men in the ring look vicious and ready to lay claim to Angel's title.

JASON MARTEL
You damn right they do, they are going to whoop some ass in there.

"Stranglehold" plays over the PA, and walking out to the fan's adoration is the Bad Blood Champion Chris Angel. He looks at the fan reaction, then looks at the ring and what awaits him. Wearing his belt around his waist, he slaps hands with some fans and stays outside the ring shifting his eyes from Manzetti to Appice.

MANNY SAUL
And from some city, somewhere. I'm sure he weighs something, but who ever cares to know. He's soon to be the ex Bad Blood Champion, Chris Angel.

MARK BISHOP
Chris Angel better watch his hindquarters, as he is walking into a minefield.

JASON MARTEL
I guess we will see what type of champion he truly is after tonight.

MARK BISHOP
This is just shameful, and if Chris Angel loses this match it will be a disgrace and a half because this is nowhere near fair.

JASON MARTEL
Well go complain to Obama about being far, this is wrestling holmes and it's not always fair.

Chris Angel(c) vs. Tony Manzetti vs. Vinny Appice: SNW Bad Blood Championship Match

Angel lurked outside the ring for a moment, before Coach Foolery blew his whistle and signaled to referee Hitzges that the match had begun. Manzetti and Appice both slide out of the ring baring their canes. Manzetti swung, and missed and received a quick uppercut to the jaw from Angel. Appice connected with his cane shot, landing directly onto the bare back of his opponent. Appice landed another shot to the back of Angel's head, sending him to the floor. He picked up Angel, and slid him into the ring and went for a cover. It took Hitzges so long to get down and start the count that Appice only got a two count out of the deal. Appice looked at Manzetti, who finally got up and brought his cane back in the ring. Manzetti got Angel on his feet, and hit a Russian legsweep with the cane across Angel's throat. He covered Angel, and again only got a two count as Angel kicked out. Manzetti and Appice looked at each other, and Manzetti went to the outside. He reached under the ring, and pulled out a table. He lifted it up and put it over the ropes, where Appice pulled it into the ring. He set it up right in front of the turnbuckle, while Manzetti scaled the ring post and climbed to the top turnbuckle. Appice hit Angel a couple more times with the cane and rolled him onto the table. Appice moves away from the table, and Manzetti stands up in full extension. He leaps off, elbow extended outwards but Angel rolls off the table and he crashes through the table at the cheers of the crowd. Appice groans and goes after Angel who quickly uppercuts him, right in the genitals this time. Angel gets a hold of one of the canes, and starts bashing Appice with reckless abandon. Saul jumped up to try and help his cohort, but received a cane shot flush across the head. Manzetti tried to get back up, but he also received a caning and fell right back into the wreckage of the table. Angel threw down the cane, and grabbed Appice and shoved him between his legs. He shifted over to infront of Manzetti, and lifted him up into power bomb position. He slammed Appice down in the Fallen, right on top of his partner Manzetti. He covered both men, and Norm used his cane to count 1...2...3!

MARK BISHOP
Well I'm sure you'd like to hear our ring announcer tell you who won, but he tried to interfere and got whacked upside the head. Chris Angel beat the odds and about four men here in order to win this match.

JASON MAREL
This is an outrage, WE HAD A FREAKING OCTOGENARIAN COUNT THE WIN! This should not stand.

MARK BISHOP
Oh shove it Martel, this was stacked against Angel from jump. I'm very proud of him.

JASON MARTEL
This is just shameful, I'm going to protest this.

MARK BISHOP
OK, you do that.

PTR RADIO, LIVE EVERY OTHER MONDAY AT 9ET/8CT LIVE ON THE INTARWEB! SO TUNE IT IN, TURN IT UP, KEEP IT ON WWW.PTRRADIO.COM! PTR RADIO: NOW WITH 50% STRONGER FEET!

[Hollywood]

Brenda Price is standing by with Codi Shane backstage in front of the Saturday Night Onslaught banner.

BRENDA PRICE
Brenda Price, here with SNW co-owner Codi Shane. Miss Shane, I understand you have a big announcement concerning The Main Event, live on the CW at 8 Eastern/7 Central, Friday night February 5 from the sold out Fort Worth Convention Center.

CODI SHANE
Indeed I do, Miss Price. You see, earlier in the week, a contract had been signed between Soul Reaper and Vincent Matthews, which of course is Reaper's rematch for the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship. However, I noticed that the commissioner, Craig "Senior" Mueller, put in that Myke Rhines AND the Young Gunz would be allowed at ringside. Well, with Gordie and the Sports Nutz laid out, I used my power as SNW co-owner to add in another stipulation. To even things out, at ringside for Soul Reaper will be his cousin and tag team partner, Cyanide, as well as SNW Bad Blood Champion, Chris Angel, and myself!

Now, the other match that has been signed for The Main Event will pit "The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler, with Syco Boy in his corner, against Levetation. Those two want to settle the score once and for all, and they'll get that chance on February 5th.

BRENDA PRICE
Thanks for your time, Miss Shane. Guys, back to you.

"Remedy" blasts over the PA, and out from behind the curtain walk Vincent Matthews and the Young Gunz, with Vincent leading the pack. Vincent is wearing his Texas Championship belt around his waist, as the Young Gunz wear their Texas Tag Team belts around their waists.
MONICA DELUCA
The following is a 3-on-2 handicap match, set for one fall. Introducing first, the team of the SNW Texas Tag Team Champions, the Young Gunz, and the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion, "The Warrior" Vincent Matthews... ladies and gentlemen, Insurgence!

MARK BISHOP
What a main event here on Saturday Night Onslaught, as Insurgence makes their way to the ring in preparation for their battle with Death Sentence.

JASON MARTEL
I wonder what Death Sentence has done with the defenseless Myke Rhines.

Vincent, Samuel Hale and Marcus Ryan continue to taunt the fans as they make their way into the ring. Their music dies down, and the the main riff of "Indestructible" booms over the PA, causing the fans to jump to their feet and cheer their lungs out while green lights flash and a smoke comes over the entry way. Soul Reaper and Cyanide appear from behind the curtain, then wave their fingers, pointing out that they have a surprise for Insurgence.

MONICA DELUCA
Their opponents, the team of Soul Reaper and Cyanide... Death Sentence!

MARK BISHOP
Death Sentence is signaling like they have some sort of surprise for Insurgence.

JASON MARTEL
Oh what now?

Reaper nods to Cyanide, who goes back behind the curtain, then comes back out with Myke Rhines, who looks totally disheveled. His clothes look like they haven't been washed for a few days, and he looks like he could use a bath. He can't walk on his own accord, as Cyanide and Reaper walk him down the aisle while all three members of Insurgence are irate inside the ring, throwing a most serious temper tantrum.

JASON MARTEL
Now that's just not right! Reaper and Cyanide should be arrested for kidnapping and assault!

MARK BISHOP
Rhines brought this on himself!

JASON MARTEL
How?! He's just a manager!

Death Sentence vs Insurgence

[/b][/u]

Cyanide pulled up a chair, set it down, and Reaper sat Rhines down in it as Rhines tried to come to. Match started off with an all out brawl, and Reaper and Cyanide clearing the ring, throwing Matthews, Hale and Ryan out of the ring in succession. Insurgence huddled around to where Rhines was, and tried to revive him, only for Reaper to get down on all fours, Cyanide to run off the ropes on the opposite side, springboard off of Reaper's back up and over the top rope, crashing down onto all three members of Insurgence and Rhines with a flying plancha, knocking Rhines out of his chair. Cyanide got back into the ring, high-fiving his cousin as the crowd went insane. EMTs came running down to the ring, helping Rhines up and helping him to the back as Insurgence regrouped and went over to their corner, with Hale starting off for his team, going up against Cyanide. Cyanide and Reaper made quick tags, taking turns in working over Hale. But Hale got things turned around when Reaper went for a Heart Stopper Spinebuster, with Hale countering with a DDT. Hale and Ryan made some quick tags, working over Reaper, but Reaper caught Ryan with a Heart Stopper Spinebuster, then made the tag to Cyanide. Cyanide was getting momentum back for his team until Matthews caught him with a flying clothesline off the top turnbuckle after Ryan made the blind tag to him. All three members of Insurgence continued to work over Cyanide until Ryan accidentally nailed Hale with a running big boot after Cyanide ducked said big boot. The referee turned to check on Hale, and while the ref was distracted, Cyanide blew green mist into Ryan's eyes, causing him to flail about. The ref turned around, but there was nothing he could do as he didn't see it. As Ryan swung his fists about wildly, Matthews made a blind tag, with Ryan falling out of the ring and onto the floor. Matthews ran in, only to get hit with an STO from Cyanide, who then made the tag to Reaper. Matthews valiantly fought off Reaper, but fell prey to the Cold, Hard Truth after Reaper brought him down to the mat with the Soul Stealer DDT. Hale tried to make the save, but Cyanide cut him off with a spinning heel kick as Matthews was forced to tap out, causing the fans to jump off their feet and go crazy.[/i]

MONICA DELUCA
Your winners of the match, Soul Reaper and Cyanide... Death Sentence!

MARK BISHOP
If Vincent Matthews taps out like that on February 5 on The Main Event, he will lose the Texas Championship!

JASON MARTEL
That's a big if, Bishop. A BIG if!

MARK BISHOP
For Jason Martel, I'm Mark Bishop saying so long!

COPYRIGHT 2010 EXACTLY I MEAN PRODUCTIONS[/center][/b]