Post by Bubba JD on Jun 10, 2010 20:31:40 GMT -6
Scene opens in a large hotel suite. A digital clock, which is laying on the floor, says it's a little past 9 in the morning. Various bottles are scattered throughout the room. Several slices of pizza are stuck on the ceiling, a couple of which have landing in the ceiling fan. A bed mattress is leaning awkwardly against a wall. All four members of the Destruction Crew are sleeping, in various spots in the suite.
Mauler is in a fetal position in a far corner. For one odd reason or another, he's wearing nipple tassles. Mike Hanson is on the floor, wearing nothing more then boxers. A large skid mark is clearly visible. Killer Kong is snoring heavily from the bathroom. Super Vader is half in a closet, face down.
The suite door opens up. The Gambler walks in with another man. The unknown man looks on in disgust, looking as though he's about to vomit.
Gambler
(hanging his head)
I told those idiots not to party too hard, last night. They knew there'd be an interview today. I won't blame you for wanting to cancel out on this.
Reporter
Let's see how these guys are feeling, first.
Gambler
Wise bet.
Gambler goes up Super Vader, bends over & screams in Super Vader's ear. Super Vader wakes up in complete shock, then grabs his head. Hearing the racket, the rest of the group wakes up suddenly. A commotion can be heard in the bathroom.
Killer Kong
What the f**k am I doing in the tub?
Mike Hanson
Aaaaaah......I sh*t myself! Damned Thai food!
Super Vader
Why are you making so much f**king noise, man? I was sleeping so well.
Gambler
You guys forget about the interview, today?
Mauler
Damn it!
Mauler starts sniffing, like he's smelling something odd.
Mauler
Do I smell bourbon? Somebody's got bourbon.
The rest of the group, including Gambler start sniffing.
Super Vader
I know we didn't have any bourbon last night. It's good bourbon, too.
Everyone looks at the interviewer.
Reporter
What? I only had a few drinks, down in the bar, before coming up here.
Gambler
I'm starting to think I need to pick up drinking, again. I don't know how much more of this I can handle.
Reporter
By the way, didn't I see you partying it up at the blackjack table in the casino, most of the night?
Gambler stammers & stutters.
Reporter
I thought so.
Gambler
Can we just get on with the interview?
Reporter
(chuckling)
Sure thing.
Killer Kong stumbles out of the bathroom, looking as though he's been shit at & hit.
Killer Kong
The hell? Time for the interview, already?
Reporter
Yeah.....what the heck happened to you?
Killer Kong
Beats me. All I know is that I found myself in the bathtub.
Reporter
Is this how you guys behave before some big matches?
Killer Kong
This is pretty tame, actually. Trust me, you're better off without the details.
Reporter
I'll take your word on that. You guys don't seem too concerned about your matches at Saturday Night Onslaught. I hear that one match is going to be a 10 Man Tag Match involving you, Kong, as well as Mauler & Mike Hanson. Apparently, you'll be teaming with the Alley Ratz as.....
Mike Hanson
Those little turds? Why the heck would we want to team with those little f**kers for?
Gambler
SNW management thought it was a good idea or something. Probably too busy picking the food crumbs off their damned zoobas again.
The reporter gains a quizzical look on his face.
Mauler
And what the f**k's with this Black Hand team? Did SNW actually hire a hobo? Is this for real?
Mike Hanson
If it's the guy I'm thinking of, he smells like a skunk's ass. Is this "Steve" allergic to soap?
Reporter
Skunk's ass? Have you actually smelled a skunk's ass.
Mike Hanson
Shut up before I put my fist down your throat.
Reporter
Can I just find out your opinions on the 10 man tag?
Gambler
I'll keep it simple. We're teaming with a couple hippie potheads with attitude problems. Our opponents involve a guy who stole a nickname from the wrestlecrap founder, a bum who hasn't bathed in ages, a doughnut loving former rent-a-cop, a douchebag who had to shorten his nickname to "The Solution" because his original nickname would just get SNW into deep shit. Finally, we have a cowboy wannabe out of Boston, of all places.
Let's give a rundown of each man, shall we?
S.T. Strickler. Here's a man that I used to slap around myself, when I was an active competitor. I wore his ass out so much, it's a wonder that he can even sit down. Remember those title matches we had, Strickler? Taking the title from you, back in the day, was just like taking candy from a baby. It actually became rather embarrassing, at one point.
Then, there's your tag team partner, Benson. Dude, do yourself a favor & lay off the doughnuts. You're actually getting winded just heading to the ring. You in even worse shape then Super Vader & Killer Kong.
Killer Kong & Super Vader looks as though they're ready to kill, after that comment.
Gambler
No offense, intended boys. Benson, you're doing nothing more then playing a deep fried variation of Russian Roulette. Instead of a gun, you're using all those damned Krispy Kreme doughnuts to kill yourself. Nobody knows for sure which one will clog your arteries to the point your heart can't handle it. One thing we do know is that your heart can't handle too many more. Vegas oddsmakers have already placed favorable odds that you, like your career, will die just like Elvis.....on the crapper!
Danny Palis, I don't know if you think you're some kind of cowboy or if you're just a moronic drunk......wait, scratch that, I'd say a little of both. I have no clue how you even make it to the ring, with your drinking problems. Not that I complement my boys with their habits, but they at save their......no, wait....they actually do their share of drinking on the job.
Danny, if it wasn't for your shitty clothing styles, you'd almost fit into our nicel little group of alcoholics. Damn, at least these guys take the occassional break from drinking....at least long enough to actually have a match.
Then, we've got the Black Hand. Again, we've got someone else that....hey, wait a sec! If I didn't know any better, there's only one dude in this match that's actually sober.
Reporter
What about your tag partners, the Alley Ratz?
Gambler
You seriously want to bet on that? With their looks & their names, they're easily the biggest dopers in wrestling history. If they were to meet up with RVD, he'd probably tell them to lay off the weed.
It's any wonder they can function in society at all, with so many dead brain cells. Normally, when people lose that many brain cells, they need to be taken care of in a nursing home.
Quite honestly, I'll be surprised if this match doesn't break down quickly. Too many personal agendas. We don't even trust our partners. Far as we're concerned, this is every man, or in our case, team for themselves.
Reporter
Speaking of every man for themselves, Super Vader's got a similar situation. He has to team with Alex Daniels as they take on.....
Super Vader
It really doesn't matter who my opponents are. Far as I'm concerned, this is a 3-on-1 handicap match. I'd much rather shove my fist down my partners throat then help him out. It's no secret that he feels the same way about me. The dumbass seems to think that he's going to screw with me & my quest to regain the Von Erich Memorial Championship.
Alex, the last time we were partners, you let us down big time in a War Games match. You're not getting the chance to f**k with me again. You're going down, either by my hands or at the hands of Angel & Clinton.
As far as Jack Clinton & Chris Angel are concerned, you two better be at 100%. I know that the two of you went to hell and back on your last match. As good buds, I know there's going to be animosity after your match. You'd better have your heads in this match. Otherwise, I'll be tearing into you like I tear into steaks.
Gambler
The only thing on Super Vader's mind is destroying anyone that dares get in his face. It doesn't matter if it's Clinton, Angel or his own partner, Daniels. As far as the big man's concerned, you're all holding a Dead Man's Hand.
Two big matches on Saturday. Lady Luck's going to be very busy.
Reporter
I think I'll do ya'll a favor & let you guys catch a few more Zzzzzz's.
Gambler
Much appreciated.
The reporter slowly makes his way through the mess as the scene comes to a close.
Mauler is in a fetal position in a far corner. For one odd reason or another, he's wearing nipple tassles. Mike Hanson is on the floor, wearing nothing more then boxers. A large skid mark is clearly visible. Killer Kong is snoring heavily from the bathroom. Super Vader is half in a closet, face down.
The suite door opens up. The Gambler walks in with another man. The unknown man looks on in disgust, looking as though he's about to vomit.
Gambler
(hanging his head)
I told those idiots not to party too hard, last night. They knew there'd be an interview today. I won't blame you for wanting to cancel out on this.
Reporter
Let's see how these guys are feeling, first.
Gambler
Wise bet.
Gambler goes up Super Vader, bends over & screams in Super Vader's ear. Super Vader wakes up in complete shock, then grabs his head. Hearing the racket, the rest of the group wakes up suddenly. A commotion can be heard in the bathroom.
Killer Kong
What the f**k am I doing in the tub?
Mike Hanson
Aaaaaah......I sh*t myself! Damned Thai food!
Super Vader
Why are you making so much f**king noise, man? I was sleeping so well.
Gambler
You guys forget about the interview, today?
Mauler
Damn it!
Mauler starts sniffing, like he's smelling something odd.
Mauler
Do I smell bourbon? Somebody's got bourbon.
The rest of the group, including Gambler start sniffing.
Super Vader
I know we didn't have any bourbon last night. It's good bourbon, too.
Everyone looks at the interviewer.
Reporter
What? I only had a few drinks, down in the bar, before coming up here.
Gambler
I'm starting to think I need to pick up drinking, again. I don't know how much more of this I can handle.
Reporter
By the way, didn't I see you partying it up at the blackjack table in the casino, most of the night?
Gambler stammers & stutters.
Reporter
I thought so.
Gambler
Can we just get on with the interview?
Reporter
(chuckling)
Sure thing.
Killer Kong stumbles out of the bathroom, looking as though he's been shit at & hit.
Killer Kong
The hell? Time for the interview, already?
Reporter
Yeah.....what the heck happened to you?
Killer Kong
Beats me. All I know is that I found myself in the bathtub.
Reporter
Is this how you guys behave before some big matches?
Killer Kong
This is pretty tame, actually. Trust me, you're better off without the details.
Reporter
I'll take your word on that. You guys don't seem too concerned about your matches at Saturday Night Onslaught. I hear that one match is going to be a 10 Man Tag Match involving you, Kong, as well as Mauler & Mike Hanson. Apparently, you'll be teaming with the Alley Ratz as.....
Mike Hanson
Those little turds? Why the heck would we want to team with those little f**kers for?
Gambler
SNW management thought it was a good idea or something. Probably too busy picking the food crumbs off their damned zoobas again.
The reporter gains a quizzical look on his face.
Mauler
And what the f**k's with this Black Hand team? Did SNW actually hire a hobo? Is this for real?
Mike Hanson
If it's the guy I'm thinking of, he smells like a skunk's ass. Is this "Steve" allergic to soap?
Reporter
Skunk's ass? Have you actually smelled a skunk's ass.
Mike Hanson
Shut up before I put my fist down your throat.
Reporter
Can I just find out your opinions on the 10 man tag?
Gambler
I'll keep it simple. We're teaming with a couple hippie potheads with attitude problems. Our opponents involve a guy who stole a nickname from the wrestlecrap founder, a bum who hasn't bathed in ages, a doughnut loving former rent-a-cop, a douchebag who had to shorten his nickname to "The Solution" because his original nickname would just get SNW into deep shit. Finally, we have a cowboy wannabe out of Boston, of all places.
Let's give a rundown of each man, shall we?
S.T. Strickler. Here's a man that I used to slap around myself, when I was an active competitor. I wore his ass out so much, it's a wonder that he can even sit down. Remember those title matches we had, Strickler? Taking the title from you, back in the day, was just like taking candy from a baby. It actually became rather embarrassing, at one point.
Then, there's your tag team partner, Benson. Dude, do yourself a favor & lay off the doughnuts. You're actually getting winded just heading to the ring. You in even worse shape then Super Vader & Killer Kong.
Killer Kong & Super Vader looks as though they're ready to kill, after that comment.
Gambler
No offense, intended boys. Benson, you're doing nothing more then playing a deep fried variation of Russian Roulette. Instead of a gun, you're using all those damned Krispy Kreme doughnuts to kill yourself. Nobody knows for sure which one will clog your arteries to the point your heart can't handle it. One thing we do know is that your heart can't handle too many more. Vegas oddsmakers have already placed favorable odds that you, like your career, will die just like Elvis.....on the crapper!
Danny Palis, I don't know if you think you're some kind of cowboy or if you're just a moronic drunk......wait, scratch that, I'd say a little of both. I have no clue how you even make it to the ring, with your drinking problems. Not that I complement my boys with their habits, but they at save their......no, wait....they actually do their share of drinking on the job.
Danny, if it wasn't for your shitty clothing styles, you'd almost fit into our nicel little group of alcoholics. Damn, at least these guys take the occassional break from drinking....at least long enough to actually have a match.
Then, we've got the Black Hand. Again, we've got someone else that....hey, wait a sec! If I didn't know any better, there's only one dude in this match that's actually sober.
Reporter
What about your tag partners, the Alley Ratz?
Gambler
You seriously want to bet on that? With their looks & their names, they're easily the biggest dopers in wrestling history. If they were to meet up with RVD, he'd probably tell them to lay off the weed.
It's any wonder they can function in society at all, with so many dead brain cells. Normally, when people lose that many brain cells, they need to be taken care of in a nursing home.
Quite honestly, I'll be surprised if this match doesn't break down quickly. Too many personal agendas. We don't even trust our partners. Far as we're concerned, this is every man, or in our case, team for themselves.
Reporter
Speaking of every man for themselves, Super Vader's got a similar situation. He has to team with Alex Daniels as they take on.....
Super Vader
It really doesn't matter who my opponents are. Far as I'm concerned, this is a 3-on-1 handicap match. I'd much rather shove my fist down my partners throat then help him out. It's no secret that he feels the same way about me. The dumbass seems to think that he's going to screw with me & my quest to regain the Von Erich Memorial Championship.
Alex, the last time we were partners, you let us down big time in a War Games match. You're not getting the chance to f**k with me again. You're going down, either by my hands or at the hands of Angel & Clinton.
As far as Jack Clinton & Chris Angel are concerned, you two better be at 100%. I know that the two of you went to hell and back on your last match. As good buds, I know there's going to be animosity after your match. You'd better have your heads in this match. Otherwise, I'll be tearing into you like I tear into steaks.
Gambler
The only thing on Super Vader's mind is destroying anyone that dares get in his face. It doesn't matter if it's Clinton, Angel or his own partner, Daniels. As far as the big man's concerned, you're all holding a Dead Man's Hand.
Two big matches on Saturday. Lady Luck's going to be very busy.
Reporter
I think I'll do ya'll a favor & let you guys catch a few more Zzzzzz's.
Gambler
Much appreciated.
The reporter slowly makes his way through the mess as the scene comes to a close.
