Post by freak on Apr 29, 2010 1:04:27 GMT -6
Jack Clinton and Chris P. have been watching Tyler Guevara's promo and are doubled over laughing on the floor. They stand up for a second, because it's time to say something.
What a putz!
I thought I shut this guy up permanently...good God almighty, hasn't he ever heard of shame?
No, seriously. It's time for-
We're bringing back Mystery Promo Theater 3000?
Oh yes. Specifically for him. We'll deal with the other two later.
I'll try not to piss myself laughing.
Chris rewinds the DVD back to the beginning. We start with Tyler's rant about Mike Bacsik's firing.
Who said every one thinks the same way? I mean, this is a guy who hates the country that he works in...
Besides, you'd think a Mexican would be angry.
But he's not Mexican.
He may as well be.
And there's a difference between speaking your mind and shoving your foot in your mouth.
A difference that ol' Paco Mexicano has yet to discover.
Oh, how true.
Finally he makes some sense on that grandstanding move by the Arizona governor.
Paco made sense. The apocalypse is upon us.
Run for the hills!
I mean, everyone in this country knows there needs to be real immigration reform, not just hollow laws that look like it.
Really.
And I'm sure Mike Bacsik would love to have his name associated with the scum of the earth.
He's already had that happen, remember.
Number 756.
Chris grabs a bottle of water and takes a drink.
Remind me again why a guy who has no title nor hopes of ever getting one is talking about how a champion should act.
Ol' Tyler Guava here should be kissing Chris Angel's boots and be glad he has the privilege of wrestling in the same ring. Hell, he should be doing that for all of us.
And I'll say this. Even though I'm gonna be facing Angel at 4 Up and gunning for what he has around his waist, he still is my friend. And even though he doesn't need me to speak for him, I can guarantee you this- he ain't gonna take kindly to little never will be punks running him down.
And last I checked, Chris Angel has been one of the blessed few that HASN'T let his career get to his head. May be one of the humbler wrestlers you'll ever see.
And I find it funny how he talks about getting laid when last I checked he was still a virgin...
And I'm sure we all want our kids to grow up to be America-hating turds like Tyler Guava here, who if it wasn't for wrestling would probably be sitting on a curb somewhere with a rusty coffee can begging for change.
Why do you keep calling him Tyler Guava?
Think about it.
Ohhh....
Yeah.
Chris takes another drink.
What do I have to do with cancer?
I wish Paco had terminal rectal cancer.
Oh, and the old "Crispy" joke. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of role model you need. The one who tells juvenile jokes like that.
Oh, how clueless this joker really is.
Yeah. I'll just let the nine world championships I won speak for my career and my fists and feet speak for themselves in the ring, thank you very much.
Clinton takes a bottle and starts drinking/
I wasn't aware you could be ducking someone who didn't even put up an effort worthy of the Brooklyn Brawler in the Balance of Power match. Kind of like an impotent man after his Viagra wears off.
That's a mental image I don't need.
I can't say his name? Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. See? Five times in a row. I just would much rather call him Paco Mexicano because I feel like it.
So if you say his name a few more times, does the Bloody Mary thing happen?
Yeah, but instead of having your fortune told he just bores the crap out of you with his rants and raves.
Alright, what's he talking about your genitalia for?
I was only calling his ministry of hate gay as a figure of speech...I guess since he's been eying my cock and balls it must be a literal gay ministry.
And what can you do? You won the briefcase, he didn't, and you cashed it in.
I'm still hung up on his obsession with my package.
Focus.
Look, all I'm gonna say is this...if he can somehow lift those little chicken legs of his high enough, I'll grab him by the leg, snap it in front of him, and have him go the way of Sid and disappear for almost ten years.
Ouch.
And I could say something about the leader of a gay ministry talking about fairy tales, but I'll pass.
And that's the end of this show.
Chris turns the DVD player off.
Let's just put it this way...that may have been the most pointless promo I've ever seen someone cut. And I've seen both a lot of good and a lot of bad over the years. Never in my life have I wanted to seriously cripple someone more for wasting my time.
And apparently his teammates don't realize that as long as he runs his mouth he only hurts them.
Well, Jackson has his own issues. And I know he's gonna be gunning for me and Angel after the trick we pulled on him last week.
That was so sweet.
And Andy Lionheart is just going to toe the company line- the company being his little alliance with Paco Mexicano.
Well, now that you bring him up- I still remember that tag match where he went with the old "Crispy" line...and boy, I've been wanting to take some frustrations out on him for that one. This just gives me an excuse.
And ol' Paco-
Call him Tyler Guava. It's funnier.
Potato, potahto.
I get where you're going though, and yeah, I've got a little score I've got to settle with that little freak from the tag match where me and Versus Vince thought we'd shut him up.
What do you think of his little stable?
I'm a little disappointed because I thought we could've been a big team and I would've taken him under my wing, but hey. He obviously had bigger plans.
So do Guevara and Jackson.
Guava's plans are going to fail and Jackson knows where he stands.
And you know what? Maybe we should show all three of 'em just what they're up against...three of the best against one wannabe and two guys who would be better off selling pancakes at Dunpork's.
They don't know what's coming.
Not a damn clue.
Pull back slowly, then FTB.
What a putz!
I thought I shut this guy up permanently...good God almighty, hasn't he ever heard of shame?
No, seriously. It's time for-
We're bringing back Mystery Promo Theater 3000?
Oh yes. Specifically for him. We'll deal with the other two later.
I'll try not to piss myself laughing.
Chris rewinds the DVD back to the beginning. We start with Tyler's rant about Mike Bacsik's firing.
Who said every one thinks the same way? I mean, this is a guy who hates the country that he works in...
Besides, you'd think a Mexican would be angry.
But he's not Mexican.
He may as well be.
And there's a difference between speaking your mind and shoving your foot in your mouth.
A difference that ol' Paco Mexicano has yet to discover.
Oh, how true.
Finally he makes some sense on that grandstanding move by the Arizona governor.
Paco made sense. The apocalypse is upon us.
Run for the hills!
I mean, everyone in this country knows there needs to be real immigration reform, not just hollow laws that look like it.
Really.
And I'm sure Mike Bacsik would love to have his name associated with the scum of the earth.
He's already had that happen, remember.
Number 756.
Chris grabs a bottle of water and takes a drink.
Remind me again why a guy who has no title nor hopes of ever getting one is talking about how a champion should act.
Ol' Tyler Guava here should be kissing Chris Angel's boots and be glad he has the privilege of wrestling in the same ring. Hell, he should be doing that for all of us.
And I'll say this. Even though I'm gonna be facing Angel at 4 Up and gunning for what he has around his waist, he still is my friend. And even though he doesn't need me to speak for him, I can guarantee you this- he ain't gonna take kindly to little never will be punks running him down.
And last I checked, Chris Angel has been one of the blessed few that HASN'T let his career get to his head. May be one of the humbler wrestlers you'll ever see.
And I find it funny how he talks about getting laid when last I checked he was still a virgin...
And I'm sure we all want our kids to grow up to be America-hating turds like Tyler Guava here, who if it wasn't for wrestling would probably be sitting on a curb somewhere with a rusty coffee can begging for change.
Why do you keep calling him Tyler Guava?
Think about it.
Ohhh....
Yeah.
Chris takes another drink.
What do I have to do with cancer?
I wish Paco had terminal rectal cancer.
Oh, and the old "Crispy" joke. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of role model you need. The one who tells juvenile jokes like that.
Oh, how clueless this joker really is.
Yeah. I'll just let the nine world championships I won speak for my career and my fists and feet speak for themselves in the ring, thank you very much.
Clinton takes a bottle and starts drinking/
I wasn't aware you could be ducking someone who didn't even put up an effort worthy of the Brooklyn Brawler in the Balance of Power match. Kind of like an impotent man after his Viagra wears off.
That's a mental image I don't need.
I can't say his name? Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. Tyler Guevara. See? Five times in a row. I just would much rather call him Paco Mexicano because I feel like it.
So if you say his name a few more times, does the Bloody Mary thing happen?
Yeah, but instead of having your fortune told he just bores the crap out of you with his rants and raves.
Alright, what's he talking about your genitalia for?
I was only calling his ministry of hate gay as a figure of speech...I guess since he's been eying my cock and balls it must be a literal gay ministry.
And what can you do? You won the briefcase, he didn't, and you cashed it in.
I'm still hung up on his obsession with my package.
Focus.
Look, all I'm gonna say is this...if he can somehow lift those little chicken legs of his high enough, I'll grab him by the leg, snap it in front of him, and have him go the way of Sid and disappear for almost ten years.
Ouch.
And I could say something about the leader of a gay ministry talking about fairy tales, but I'll pass.
And that's the end of this show.
Chris turns the DVD player off.
Let's just put it this way...that may have been the most pointless promo I've ever seen someone cut. And I've seen both a lot of good and a lot of bad over the years. Never in my life have I wanted to seriously cripple someone more for wasting my time.
And apparently his teammates don't realize that as long as he runs his mouth he only hurts them.
Well, Jackson has his own issues. And I know he's gonna be gunning for me and Angel after the trick we pulled on him last week.
That was so sweet.
And Andy Lionheart is just going to toe the company line- the company being his little alliance with Paco Mexicano.
Well, now that you bring him up- I still remember that tag match where he went with the old "Crispy" line...and boy, I've been wanting to take some frustrations out on him for that one. This just gives me an excuse.
And ol' Paco-
Call him Tyler Guava. It's funnier.
Potato, potahto.
I get where you're going though, and yeah, I've got a little score I've got to settle with that little freak from the tag match where me and Versus Vince thought we'd shut him up.
What do you think of his little stable?
I'm a little disappointed because I thought we could've been a big team and I would've taken him under my wing, but hey. He obviously had bigger plans.
So do Guevara and Jackson.
Guava's plans are going to fail and Jackson knows where he stands.
And you know what? Maybe we should show all three of 'em just what they're up against...three of the best against one wannabe and two guys who would be better off selling pancakes at Dunpork's.
They don't know what's coming.
Not a damn clue.
Pull back slowly, then FTB.
