Post by freak on Apr 5, 2010 0:34:43 GMT -6
Chris P. is cutting a promo this week at a gun range outside of Dallas. He is just about set to start firing at targets, but he feels it's his duty to talk about his match where he and Versus Vince will take on Alexander Draven and Tyler Guevara.
So here's something new. There's two rivalries that need to be sort of either kicked off or settled in a tag team match. As such, on one side of the ring on the 10th will be dead weight Alexander Draven and worthless Tyler Guevara. And on the other side you have one of the all-time greats, me, and one of the future greats, Versus Vince. Now tell me something, folks, who do you think is going to win?
Now Vince, I don't know you well enough to say one way or another just how great you'll be. But I know this. What I saw from you in the Balance of Power match was one of the most impressive performances I've seen in awhile. It wasn't just about the match. You were gonna do whatever it took to win. And by jumping off the scaffold and nearly taking everybody out, you can't help but believe that such a risktaker is going to have those risks pay off. It'll only be a matter of time, Vince. And you know and I know that combined, the complete aura of our two careers is going to overwhelm whatever flickering match light Alexander Draven's has and the empty Zippo Tyler Guevara's aura is.
Chris puts a picture of Alexander Draven on the target and sends it back.
Now Alex, you gave me a fight at WrestleStock. No one can argue that. But the facts are these. First of all, no matter what you thought you were going to do, no matter what you did in the ring last weekend, it wasn't going to matter. I was still going to win. I had the upper hand the whole time. All you had going for you was your anger, your pride, and little else going for you. And what did I do, after all of that?
Chris fires one bullet, then gets the target back. There's a hole in Draven's head.
Now come on, you all knew I was going there. I shot a hole in all of that. You never saw my finish coming. You never saw the Fade to Black coming. You never saw my legs wrapping around your head and me pulling for dear life. And once that was on, you only had one thing to do. It was the smartest thing you ever did, perhaps...but you know and everyone else knows that it was only the beginning. And when we step in the ring again, as part of this tag match, well...just remember two things. One, I can do it again. Two, I can do a lot worse.
Chris takes down the picture of Draven and slides back a picture of Tyler Guevara.
And now, I have to dignify the comments of that ignorant stooge, Tyler Guevara, with a response. Because I'm contractually obligated to do so. Personally, I'd rather deport him back to Mexico where his family came from, but if I do that I get fired and have to start working my way back up- even though I've made enough money over the years of wrestling that I can retire comfortably. When you've been at the top as many times as I have, you can enjoy that kind of security.
You hear that, Tyler? That's how little I actually think of you. I would rather wrestle any of the guys or girls in the back than wrestle you. I would rather reanimate the corpse of Curt Hennig and wrestle him than I would you. You're not worth the time, the effort, or the aggravation that I am eventually going to get a headache because of. But since I actually have respect for my position, my career, my fans, and everything else, I'm going to get a few things off my chest.
First of all, do not try and sell anybody that bullshit about how you were kept away from the briefcase. Anyone who watched the match knows that you had little to nothing to do in the match. Once you took a hit, you fell down and didn't bother to get back up. You acted like a coward, and you sat on your ass in the middle of the ring and watched so you'd have a built in excuse for the next match you were in. Well, you know what? No one is buying what you have to sell. You lost, you didn't put forth an effort, shut your damn trap.
Let me bring you up to speed on the inaccuracies in your little Ahmadinejad-esque diatribe there. First of all, you and your little gay ministry should be BEGGING me to join you. You need a little bit of respectability. Oh, by the way, you keep speaking of this ministry of hate...why are you too scared to let any of us see them? Are they just imaginary? Don't waste my time with that.
I broke into wrestling around the time that you broke your first fingernail. I won my first singles title before you hit your growth spurt. I won my first world title before you grew your first pubic hair. I was a world champ at 18. Held every belt in XWF by the time the year was out. Set a record for championships that will NEVER be broken. By the time you touched your first breast I was a six-time world champion. By the time you lost your virginity I was in the possession of 29- TWENTY NINE- professional wrestling championships. You wanna talk about debauchery? I did more things in more places in the amount of time it took you to look up the word in the dictionary. And I've done some pretty bad things in my time too...some that have been really bad, some that have been really REALLY bad, and some that have even made Satan himself blush. You understand that, Tyler? Do you? Nothing you've ever done in your worthless career, your worthless life, or with your worthless gay ministry can ever compare with ANYTHING I've been a part of.
Chris reloads his gun and then empties his clip at the picture at the far end of the range.
If anything, Tyler, you should be considering yourself lucky that after that little disrespect spree you laid on the audience directed at me, I don't do some of those bad things to you.
The picture comes back and it is so riddled with bullet holes that most of it has come apart.
VERY lucky.
Chris walks out. The camera stays focused on the picture.
So here's something new. There's two rivalries that need to be sort of either kicked off or settled in a tag team match. As such, on one side of the ring on the 10th will be dead weight Alexander Draven and worthless Tyler Guevara. And on the other side you have one of the all-time greats, me, and one of the future greats, Versus Vince. Now tell me something, folks, who do you think is going to win?
Now Vince, I don't know you well enough to say one way or another just how great you'll be. But I know this. What I saw from you in the Balance of Power match was one of the most impressive performances I've seen in awhile. It wasn't just about the match. You were gonna do whatever it took to win. And by jumping off the scaffold and nearly taking everybody out, you can't help but believe that such a risktaker is going to have those risks pay off. It'll only be a matter of time, Vince. And you know and I know that combined, the complete aura of our two careers is going to overwhelm whatever flickering match light Alexander Draven's has and the empty Zippo Tyler Guevara's aura is.
Chris puts a picture of Alexander Draven on the target and sends it back.
Now Alex, you gave me a fight at WrestleStock. No one can argue that. But the facts are these. First of all, no matter what you thought you were going to do, no matter what you did in the ring last weekend, it wasn't going to matter. I was still going to win. I had the upper hand the whole time. All you had going for you was your anger, your pride, and little else going for you. And what did I do, after all of that?
Chris fires one bullet, then gets the target back. There's a hole in Draven's head.
Now come on, you all knew I was going there. I shot a hole in all of that. You never saw my finish coming. You never saw the Fade to Black coming. You never saw my legs wrapping around your head and me pulling for dear life. And once that was on, you only had one thing to do. It was the smartest thing you ever did, perhaps...but you know and everyone else knows that it was only the beginning. And when we step in the ring again, as part of this tag match, well...just remember two things. One, I can do it again. Two, I can do a lot worse.
Chris takes down the picture of Draven and slides back a picture of Tyler Guevara.
And now, I have to dignify the comments of that ignorant stooge, Tyler Guevara, with a response. Because I'm contractually obligated to do so. Personally, I'd rather deport him back to Mexico where his family came from, but if I do that I get fired and have to start working my way back up- even though I've made enough money over the years of wrestling that I can retire comfortably. When you've been at the top as many times as I have, you can enjoy that kind of security.
You hear that, Tyler? That's how little I actually think of you. I would rather wrestle any of the guys or girls in the back than wrestle you. I would rather reanimate the corpse of Curt Hennig and wrestle him than I would you. You're not worth the time, the effort, or the aggravation that I am eventually going to get a headache because of. But since I actually have respect for my position, my career, my fans, and everything else, I'm going to get a few things off my chest.
First of all, do not try and sell anybody that bullshit about how you were kept away from the briefcase. Anyone who watched the match knows that you had little to nothing to do in the match. Once you took a hit, you fell down and didn't bother to get back up. You acted like a coward, and you sat on your ass in the middle of the ring and watched so you'd have a built in excuse for the next match you were in. Well, you know what? No one is buying what you have to sell. You lost, you didn't put forth an effort, shut your damn trap.
Let me bring you up to speed on the inaccuracies in your little Ahmadinejad-esque diatribe there. First of all, you and your little gay ministry should be BEGGING me to join you. You need a little bit of respectability. Oh, by the way, you keep speaking of this ministry of hate...why are you too scared to let any of us see them? Are they just imaginary? Don't waste my time with that.
I broke into wrestling around the time that you broke your first fingernail. I won my first singles title before you hit your growth spurt. I won my first world title before you grew your first pubic hair. I was a world champ at 18. Held every belt in XWF by the time the year was out. Set a record for championships that will NEVER be broken. By the time you touched your first breast I was a six-time world champion. By the time you lost your virginity I was in the possession of 29- TWENTY NINE- professional wrestling championships. You wanna talk about debauchery? I did more things in more places in the amount of time it took you to look up the word in the dictionary. And I've done some pretty bad things in my time too...some that have been really bad, some that have been really REALLY bad, and some that have even made Satan himself blush. You understand that, Tyler? Do you? Nothing you've ever done in your worthless career, your worthless life, or with your worthless gay ministry can ever compare with ANYTHING I've been a part of.
Chris reloads his gun and then empties his clip at the picture at the far end of the range.
If anything, Tyler, you should be considering yourself lucky that after that little disrespect spree you laid on the audience directed at me, I don't do some of those bad things to you.
The picture comes back and it is so riddled with bullet holes that most of it has come apart.
VERY lucky.
Chris walks out. The camera stays focused on the picture.
