Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Feb 25, 2010 18:28:42 GMT -6
[shot opens in the SNW press conference room with a collection of reporters gathered. A man in his mid-fifties wearing a brown plaid tweed suit with bow tie, round glasses, bushy moustache and matching brown ivy cap steps up to the podium.]
Professor Nethercut: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my good friend, Mr. Manny Saul!
[Light applause as Manny, in his college professor get-up, walks to the podium, shakes Nethercut's hand and takes the podium.]
Manny Saul: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen for making it. I don't have an opening statement so let us go straight to the questions. You, the guy with the fat head.
Alan Jones: Alan Jones from eaglewars.com. Now, do you believe that Y Kores' press release about having swine flu last year during natural selection was a scare tactic in order to trick people into getting the swine flu vaccines which were actually filled with estrogen and other demanifying agents to prepare for the implementation of the feminocracy’s take over?
Manny Saul: What on earth are you talking about? [sighs] I guess now is as a good a time as any to make this perfectly clear; the views of one Mr. Vinny Appice do not necessarily reflect those of the Sports Authority as a whole. Sometimes, Vinny comes up with things that are a little crazy, and other times, he comes up with things that are ABSOLUTELY crazy. Sometimes, I am genuinely afraid of him...
Alan Jones: You should be afraid! I thought you were a respectable man, but it turns out your just another shill for big estrogen!
Manny Saul: Sir, please...
Alan Jones: NO, NO, NO! You are blind, Mr. Saul. Just like all of these fools and soon you will be the one wrapped in chains!
Manny Saul: Security!
Alan Jones: You can try and silence me, but you can't silence us all, we will be heard!
[Two security people, two muscular women with discrete black clothing, tightly bound hair and black sunglasses grab Alan Jones and start dragging him away.]
Alan Jones: [screams barely intelligibly]
[Jones' screams finally die down.]
Manny Saul: Odd, those weren't our usual security guards... hmm... anyway, the questions!
Reporter #1: Noel Jimmison from that Lampasas Revue, how are you feeling going into this match on Saturday, knowing that you will have to go it alone?
Manny Saul: What are you attempting to imply?
Reporter #1: It's just that... in previous matches, you Sports Authority guys have...
Manny Saul: Cheated? Is that what you meant to say? I'm not sure about you, but if I were going to be making such an assertion, I would at least have the nerve to just say it instead of the using such periphrasis, discursiveness and circumlocution.
Reporter #1: Pardon?
Manny Saul: Oh, I don't know... "beating around the bush?" Is that something your feeble mind can understand? Do not try to change the subject, you were trying to call us cheaters, a most hateful and malevolent assertion. We are not cheaters, we were never cheaters.
Reporter #1: But what about...
Manny Saul: Whatever example you're going to try and cook up, I can easily assuage your concern. The fact is, when we are dealing with the Y Kores, you have to be constantly aware of their evil tricks. They are the ones who are always plotting. They are the ones who are dangerous. So, when confronted with these dirty tricksters and miscreants we have to take aggressive action.
Reporter #1: You mean cheat?
Manny Saul: Listen, you... It's not cheating, it's preemptive strategic action. We don't want to do it, but we are forced to do it because SNW won't act and we can't sit back and wait for something to happen to react. That's how you lose wars, my good friends, and this war against the Y Kores is definitely one we cannot afford to lose. We will stand strong and we will use whatever means are necessary to secure victory.
Reporter #2: Bobby Vox from the Gun Barrel City Gazette, But this week, you won't have those options. What's your plan?
Manny Saul: Well, it would be foolish for me to lay my plan out right here for the whole world to see, obviously, but I can give you the basics. I am the flagship of the Sports Authority and I take full ownership of what happens. Teams like us need leaders and I am that leader. We also need people like Vinny who are a little crazy, a little unpredictable, so that we can keep them on their heels. We also need the seasoned advice of a person like our good coach Tom Foolery. And we need guys like Tony to... to... carry our bags for us. We are a team, but I stand before you alone because that is what will be walking into the ring on Saturday.
[Pounds his fist on the table]
Manny Saul: These little charlataans talk of equality like it's some bloody gift that we all should get. To me, however, that's not so. In sports, it is not so. In Sports, it's comes down to your results and I make results. They'll push this gobbledygook that we're running, that we're scared of them, when in truth, it's nothing of the kind. They may have beaten Tony, but they have not beaten me. They failed me at Natural Selection and they have eluded me thus far, but they have not defeated me. I am invictus, I am unconquered and on Saturday, I will stay unconquered. My allies will not be able to assist me, but I will need no assistance. This is the stand. This is the Catalonian Fields, this is Normandy. All will be laid out and we'll see who wins. They think we're running, but soon, they will be running. I will cut them down on Saturday and I, along with my comrades, will finish it. Their insolence will be squelched. They will RESPECT THE AUTHORITY! Good day.
[Manny angrily gets up and walks out.]
Professor Nethercut: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my good friend, Mr. Manny Saul!
[Light applause as Manny, in his college professor get-up, walks to the podium, shakes Nethercut's hand and takes the podium.]
Manny Saul: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen for making it. I don't have an opening statement so let us go straight to the questions. You, the guy with the fat head.
Alan Jones: Alan Jones from eaglewars.com. Now, do you believe that Y Kores' press release about having swine flu last year during natural selection was a scare tactic in order to trick people into getting the swine flu vaccines which were actually filled with estrogen and other demanifying agents to prepare for the implementation of the feminocracy’s take over?
Manny Saul: What on earth are you talking about? [sighs] I guess now is as a good a time as any to make this perfectly clear; the views of one Mr. Vinny Appice do not necessarily reflect those of the Sports Authority as a whole. Sometimes, Vinny comes up with things that are a little crazy, and other times, he comes up with things that are ABSOLUTELY crazy. Sometimes, I am genuinely afraid of him...
Alan Jones: You should be afraid! I thought you were a respectable man, but it turns out your just another shill for big estrogen!
Manny Saul: Sir, please...
Alan Jones: NO, NO, NO! You are blind, Mr. Saul. Just like all of these fools and soon you will be the one wrapped in chains!
Manny Saul: Security!
Alan Jones: You can try and silence me, but you can't silence us all, we will be heard!
[Two security people, two muscular women with discrete black clothing, tightly bound hair and black sunglasses grab Alan Jones and start dragging him away.]
Alan Jones: [screams barely intelligibly]
[Jones' screams finally die down.]
Manny Saul: Odd, those weren't our usual security guards... hmm... anyway, the questions!
Reporter #1: Noel Jimmison from that Lampasas Revue, how are you feeling going into this match on Saturday, knowing that you will have to go it alone?
Manny Saul: What are you attempting to imply?
Reporter #1: It's just that... in previous matches, you Sports Authority guys have...
Manny Saul: Cheated? Is that what you meant to say? I'm not sure about you, but if I were going to be making such an assertion, I would at least have the nerve to just say it instead of the using such periphrasis, discursiveness and circumlocution.
Reporter #1: Pardon?
Manny Saul: Oh, I don't know... "beating around the bush?" Is that something your feeble mind can understand? Do not try to change the subject, you were trying to call us cheaters, a most hateful and malevolent assertion. We are not cheaters, we were never cheaters.
Reporter #1: But what about...
Manny Saul: Whatever example you're going to try and cook up, I can easily assuage your concern. The fact is, when we are dealing with the Y Kores, you have to be constantly aware of their evil tricks. They are the ones who are always plotting. They are the ones who are dangerous. So, when confronted with these dirty tricksters and miscreants we have to take aggressive action.
Reporter #1: You mean cheat?
Manny Saul: Listen, you... It's not cheating, it's preemptive strategic action. We don't want to do it, but we are forced to do it because SNW won't act and we can't sit back and wait for something to happen to react. That's how you lose wars, my good friends, and this war against the Y Kores is definitely one we cannot afford to lose. We will stand strong and we will use whatever means are necessary to secure victory.
Reporter #2: Bobby Vox from the Gun Barrel City Gazette, But this week, you won't have those options. What's your plan?
Manny Saul: Well, it would be foolish for me to lay my plan out right here for the whole world to see, obviously, but I can give you the basics. I am the flagship of the Sports Authority and I take full ownership of what happens. Teams like us need leaders and I am that leader. We also need people like Vinny who are a little crazy, a little unpredictable, so that we can keep them on their heels. We also need the seasoned advice of a person like our good coach Tom Foolery. And we need guys like Tony to... to... carry our bags for us. We are a team, but I stand before you alone because that is what will be walking into the ring on Saturday.
[Pounds his fist on the table]
Manny Saul: These little charlataans talk of equality like it's some bloody gift that we all should get. To me, however, that's not so. In sports, it is not so. In Sports, it's comes down to your results and I make results. They'll push this gobbledygook that we're running, that we're scared of them, when in truth, it's nothing of the kind. They may have beaten Tony, but they have not beaten me. They failed me at Natural Selection and they have eluded me thus far, but they have not defeated me. I am invictus, I am unconquered and on Saturday, I will stay unconquered. My allies will not be able to assist me, but I will need no assistance. This is the stand. This is the Catalonian Fields, this is Normandy. All will be laid out and we'll see who wins. They think we're running, but soon, they will be running. I will cut them down on Saturday and I, along with my comrades, will finish it. Their insolence will be squelched. They will RESPECT THE AUTHORITY! Good day.
[Manny angrily gets up and walks out.]