Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Jan 15, 2010 14:55:00 GMT -6
[Shot opens up on a press conference set with SNW and Sports Authority logos. A middle-aged man in a black tie suit steps to the podium.]
Classy Man: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, Manny Saul and Thomas Foolery.
[Manny Saul, sporting business casual, and Tom Foolery, in his warm-ups, walk into the room and Tom has a seat while Manny mans the podium.]
Manny Saul: Thank you, Reginald. You word mongerers may proceed with your "questions" now. You, the one with the periwinkle shirt.
Reporter #1: Me?
Manny Saul: Yes, you.
Reporter #1: Oh, Lyndon Vrabel of the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Shopper-Telegram-Post, what are you're feelings about your opponent Andy Lionheart?
Manny Saul: I'm told by my people that he fancies himself an "extreme" man, the kind of wrestler who only lives to destroy himself just for the applause of the popcorn-grease-smeared hands of those uncouth sods who populate the "audience" at SNW operations. I'm above such petty grabs for attentions. Wrestling, like curling, is a game a strategy and skill which requires a keen mind at the top of its performance capabilities. Little runts such as him may have a moment or two, they may make those morons in the crowd call people on their cell phones so they can tell their even more pathetic friends who were too busy working their pizza delivery routs how "friggin' awesome" that move was, but in the end, they don't triumph. Fortune favors the brilliant, and I am anything but brilliant. Coach, tell them how fast I finished the New York Times Crossword puzzle!
Tom Foolery: [Rolling his eyes] 5 minutes.
Manny Saul: FIVE MINUTES! Most people get one and then quit, but my intellectual prowess powered me to finish in record time. However, in this game of ours that we call professional wrestling, you need not just a powerful mind, but also a powerful frame and that I am also in posession of. I didn't wallow around the downtime watching the Christmas Story marathon and shoving cookies down my gullet. I was running in the snow, pushing myself to my limits, taking myself to my extremes.
Tom Foolery: By "running in the snow," do you mean looking at the snow while running on a treadmill?
Manny Saul: I had to walk through the snow in order to get inside, didn't I? Anyway, I am forgetting your question. Andy Lionheart does not know me, but he will know me, and NOT in the biblical sense! The Sports Authority is here for exactly this. Real athletes making wrestling a real sport. Extreme is our enemy and I shall be the tide to wash it from our shores.
Reporter #2: Oziel Banner of the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Light-Telegram-Post, I was wondering...
Tom Foolery: Are you two from the same newspaper?
Reporter #2: No, I'm from the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Light-Telegram-Post, he's from the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Shopper-Telegram-Post. I'm sure he wishes he worked at my paper instead of that dirt rag with scirbbled words on that he works for.
Reporter #1: Pfft, this coming from the guy who plants cockroaches in kitchens just so he can write scathing articles about them.
Reporter #2: I ONLY DID THAT ONCE!
Manny Saul: GENTLEMEN! If you two do not behave, I'm afraid I'm going to have to throw you out.
Reporter #1: You can't do that!
Reporter #2: Yeah, what about "freedom of the press?"
[Manny snaps his fingers and Vinny Appice and Tony Manzetti in all black walk in and stand by the two reporters. Tony puts his arm around Reporter #2.]
Tony Manzetti: So, did you want to ask my good friend a question, didn't ya?
Reporter #2: [nervous] Oh! Of course... um, what was it? [flips through his notebook] Oh, how do you feel about having the show at Denim and Diamonds?
Manny Saul: Believe it or not, I am familiar with that wretched den of hedonism and psuedo-cowboy machismo. Once, ONCE, mind you, I was taken there by a friend and it was horrifying. Rednecks dripping with booze, barely able to stand, bumping into each other frantically (which I believe they mistook for "dancing"). It was suffocating, I could hardly stand it for half an hour. I'm sure enough collective brain cells were killed that night to turn me into an invalid. It was almost as scarring as reading an Ayn Rand book. [Shudders] I do not look forward to going back to that place, but if I must, I will. Hopefully no one touches me. However, I won't let it distract me. The true measure of a man comes when he finds himself in displeasurable situations, and I can't imagine a more displeasurable, odius and sordid situation than standing in the middle of that horrid place. Andy Lionheart will find no solace. I will make sure that this will be a most harrowing return to the ring. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from last year and intend on washing it out with a judicious display of dominance on Saturday.
Tom Foolery: If he has no respect for Manny now, Andy Lionheart will certainly learn to RESPECT THE AUTHORITAH! This is our march, this is our D-Day, this is our time to shine and we will. Manny won't choke like the Mavericks, he won't fall limp at the time of truth like Brad Lidge and he won't fail to execute like Tony Romo. Andy Lionheart is going to be in for a ride on Saturday and we intend on making it a one-way trip. For now, we're out of here.
[Manny and Tom get up and leave. Vinny leaves too, but Tony makes sure to give Reporter #2 another pat on the shoulder before he leaves.]
Classy Man: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, Manny Saul and Thomas Foolery.
[Manny Saul, sporting business casual, and Tom Foolery, in his warm-ups, walk into the room and Tom has a seat while Manny mans the podium.]
Manny Saul: Thank you, Reginald. You word mongerers may proceed with your "questions" now. You, the one with the periwinkle shirt.
Reporter #1: Me?
Manny Saul: Yes, you.
Reporter #1: Oh, Lyndon Vrabel of the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Shopper-Telegram-Post, what are you're feelings about your opponent Andy Lionheart?
Manny Saul: I'm told by my people that he fancies himself an "extreme" man, the kind of wrestler who only lives to destroy himself just for the applause of the popcorn-grease-smeared hands of those uncouth sods who populate the "audience" at SNW operations. I'm above such petty grabs for attentions. Wrestling, like curling, is a game a strategy and skill which requires a keen mind at the top of its performance capabilities. Little runts such as him may have a moment or two, they may make those morons in the crowd call people on their cell phones so they can tell their even more pathetic friends who were too busy working their pizza delivery routs how "friggin' awesome" that move was, but in the end, they don't triumph. Fortune favors the brilliant, and I am anything but brilliant. Coach, tell them how fast I finished the New York Times Crossword puzzle!
Tom Foolery: [Rolling his eyes] 5 minutes.
Manny Saul: FIVE MINUTES! Most people get one and then quit, but my intellectual prowess powered me to finish in record time. However, in this game of ours that we call professional wrestling, you need not just a powerful mind, but also a powerful frame and that I am also in posession of. I didn't wallow around the downtime watching the Christmas Story marathon and shoving cookies down my gullet. I was running in the snow, pushing myself to my limits, taking myself to my extremes.
Tom Foolery: By "running in the snow," do you mean looking at the snow while running on a treadmill?
Manny Saul: I had to walk through the snow in order to get inside, didn't I? Anyway, I am forgetting your question. Andy Lionheart does not know me, but he will know me, and NOT in the biblical sense! The Sports Authority is here for exactly this. Real athletes making wrestling a real sport. Extreme is our enemy and I shall be the tide to wash it from our shores.
Reporter #2: Oziel Banner of the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Light-Telegram-Post, I was wondering...
Tom Foolery: Are you two from the same newspaper?
Reporter #2: No, I'm from the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Light-Telegram-Post, he's from the El Paso Express-Chronicle-Gazette-Shopper-Telegram-Post. I'm sure he wishes he worked at my paper instead of that dirt rag with scirbbled words on that he works for.
Reporter #1: Pfft, this coming from the guy who plants cockroaches in kitchens just so he can write scathing articles about them.
Reporter #2: I ONLY DID THAT ONCE!
Manny Saul: GENTLEMEN! If you two do not behave, I'm afraid I'm going to have to throw you out.
Reporter #1: You can't do that!
Reporter #2: Yeah, what about "freedom of the press?"
[Manny snaps his fingers and Vinny Appice and Tony Manzetti in all black walk in and stand by the two reporters. Tony puts his arm around Reporter #2.]
Tony Manzetti: So, did you want to ask my good friend a question, didn't ya?
Reporter #2: [nervous] Oh! Of course... um, what was it? [flips through his notebook] Oh, how do you feel about having the show at Denim and Diamonds?
Manny Saul: Believe it or not, I am familiar with that wretched den of hedonism and psuedo-cowboy machismo. Once, ONCE, mind you, I was taken there by a friend and it was horrifying. Rednecks dripping with booze, barely able to stand, bumping into each other frantically (which I believe they mistook for "dancing"). It was suffocating, I could hardly stand it for half an hour. I'm sure enough collective brain cells were killed that night to turn me into an invalid. It was almost as scarring as reading an Ayn Rand book. [Shudders] I do not look forward to going back to that place, but if I must, I will. Hopefully no one touches me. However, I won't let it distract me. The true measure of a man comes when he finds himself in displeasurable situations, and I can't imagine a more displeasurable, odius and sordid situation than standing in the middle of that horrid place. Andy Lionheart will find no solace. I will make sure that this will be a most harrowing return to the ring. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from last year and intend on washing it out with a judicious display of dominance on Saturday.
Tom Foolery: If he has no respect for Manny now, Andy Lionheart will certainly learn to RESPECT THE AUTHORITAH! This is our march, this is our D-Day, this is our time to shine and we will. Manny won't choke like the Mavericks, he won't fall limp at the time of truth like Brad Lidge and he won't fail to execute like Tony Romo. Andy Lionheart is going to be in for a ride on Saturday and we intend on making it a one-way trip. For now, we're out of here.
[Manny and Tom get up and leave. Vinny leaves too, but Tony makes sure to give Reporter #2 another pat on the shoulder before he leaves.]