Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Jan 8, 2010 12:42:24 GMT -6
[Tony Manzetti and Vinny Appice are sitting at a table in Mama Marciano's, a small Italian restaraunt, chatting incoherently before they see Tom Foolery and Manny Saul walking in. Coach and Manny find their way to the table and sit down.]
Tony Manzetti: Hey, Coach, how's it going?
Tom Foolery: Ugh, I'm just kind of depressed right now...
Vinny Appice: Why's that?
TF: Everything's changing nowadays. Did you hear about Gilbert Arenas getting suspended for keeping guns in his locker?
TM: Yeah.
TF: Back in my day, I used to keep a rack of guns in my office. Sometimes, after practice, I'd let the kids to skeet shooting over the practice field, until the damn principal told us we had to stop.
VA: Why'd they do that?
Manny Saul: [dismissively] Because the marching used the practice field after us...
TF: Oh shut up, Manny, it was funny. They won't even let you carry guns around anymore, unless you have one of those stupid concealed weapons permits...
VA: I don't think they're so stupid.
MS: Do you have one?
VA: I'm afraid State of Texas statutes do no allow me to answer that question.
MS: You have a gun on you right now, don't you?
VA: Again, I am not allowed to either confirm or deny that statement...
TF: Enough about guns, what really pisses me off was what Texas Tech did to Mike Leach for putting that spoiled little brat in a closet. Hell, if some kid on one of my teams' dad started mouthing off to me, he'd be lucky if I put in a closet. Boiler rooms are better. They're hotter, stickier and no one ever goes in there. One time, this damn kid's dad practically lived to call me and get on my case for not playing his son, so on a road trip game, I locked him in the bus' bathroom and had players bang in constantly. That taught that kid a lesson. I wonder whatever happened to him...
MS: I haven't heard from him since I saw him on America's Most Wanted.
TM: Is he a cop?
MS: No, he was wanted.
VA: I don't want America's Most Wanted. Philosophical reasons...
TF: Enough about that, let's get to business, gentlemen. You two have a tag match where you're going to show these sloths and wannabe gymnasts how real athletes get something done.
TM: Yeah, we're no joke, but we'll leave you in stiches, if you're lucky.
[Vinny elbows Tony]
TM: I mean, we won't. We've never done anything like that.
TF: Fair enough... Well, brought some photos for us to look at.
TM: Photos?
MS: Photographs, they're the results of absorving visible radiation on a photographic or electronic plate in order to create a replication of an image.
TM: . . .
VA: They're pictures.
TM: Oh, what kind of pictures are we looking at?
TF: Scouting photos. I installed a camera on the lighting fixtures to take pictures of all our competition so we can scout their tendencies. Right now, let's go over Xalar and Linkin Strife...
TM: Why do we gotta do this? Why can't we just go and kick their asses?
TF: You will go kick their asses, Tony, but we've got to have strategy. You have to have a strategy in team sports.
TM: But this is wrestling, I don't need that crap.
TF: This isn't baseball, Tony. You two have to be on the same page and with all these other teams, you aren't going to have room for error. I've got the master plan, and all you two have to do is follow it. I've taken some pretty crappy teams to state championships, all because of my plans and schemes, just ask Manny.
[Camera pans over to Manny, who has a bread stick shoved in his mouth and is clearly not paying attention.]
VA: I understand needing a plan, Coach, but shouldn't we be doing this somewhere private?
TF: You suggested this place. None of these people are spies, it looks like.
VA: No, it's not them, I know they're good people. I'm talking about [tilts his head towards the camera]
[Tom looks directly at the camera and looks back at Vinny.]
TF: What the hell are you talking about?
VA: I'm talking about the C-A-M-E-R-A.
TF: I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.
VA: I'm talking about that camera that's right freakin' there! It's been filming us this whole time!
TM: That's not how you spell camra...
TF: Vinny, are you feeling okay?
VA: Yeah, but if we're going to be going over strategy, we need somewhere private.
TF: Fine, we'll do the film session now and I'll make sure none of these "cameras" follow us, okay?
VA: Whatever, let's get out of here. I don't care if anyone hears this: the CIA is coming back to the top and once you get a couple of stallions like us on top, we don't give it up.
[Everyone gets up, Manny Saul notices that Vinny has a fanny pack on.]
MS: Hahahaha! What's in the fanny pack, grandpa?
VA: I'm afraid Texas Law does not allow me to say...
MS: Wait, that's not a g...
[Vinny holds his index finger over his own mouth. Manny gets freaked out and leads them out.]
Tony Manzetti: Hey, Coach, how's it going?
Tom Foolery: Ugh, I'm just kind of depressed right now...
Vinny Appice: Why's that?
TF: Everything's changing nowadays. Did you hear about Gilbert Arenas getting suspended for keeping guns in his locker?
TM: Yeah.
TF: Back in my day, I used to keep a rack of guns in my office. Sometimes, after practice, I'd let the kids to skeet shooting over the practice field, until the damn principal told us we had to stop.
VA: Why'd they do that?
Manny Saul: [dismissively] Because the marching used the practice field after us...
TF: Oh shut up, Manny, it was funny. They won't even let you carry guns around anymore, unless you have one of those stupid concealed weapons permits...
VA: I don't think they're so stupid.
MS: Do you have one?
VA: I'm afraid State of Texas statutes do no allow me to answer that question.
MS: You have a gun on you right now, don't you?
VA: Again, I am not allowed to either confirm or deny that statement...
TF: Enough about guns, what really pisses me off was what Texas Tech did to Mike Leach for putting that spoiled little brat in a closet. Hell, if some kid on one of my teams' dad started mouthing off to me, he'd be lucky if I put in a closet. Boiler rooms are better. They're hotter, stickier and no one ever goes in there. One time, this damn kid's dad practically lived to call me and get on my case for not playing his son, so on a road trip game, I locked him in the bus' bathroom and had players bang in constantly. That taught that kid a lesson. I wonder whatever happened to him...
MS: I haven't heard from him since I saw him on America's Most Wanted.
TM: Is he a cop?
MS: No, he was wanted.
VA: I don't want America's Most Wanted. Philosophical reasons...
TF: Enough about that, let's get to business, gentlemen. You two have a tag match where you're going to show these sloths and wannabe gymnasts how real athletes get something done.
TM: Yeah, we're no joke, but we'll leave you in stiches, if you're lucky.
[Vinny elbows Tony]
TM: I mean, we won't. We've never done anything like that.
TF: Fair enough... Well, brought some photos for us to look at.
TM: Photos?
MS: Photographs, they're the results of absorving visible radiation on a photographic or electronic plate in order to create a replication of an image.
TM: . . .
VA: They're pictures.
TM: Oh, what kind of pictures are we looking at?
TF: Scouting photos. I installed a camera on the lighting fixtures to take pictures of all our competition so we can scout their tendencies. Right now, let's go over Xalar and Linkin Strife...
TM: Why do we gotta do this? Why can't we just go and kick their asses?
TF: You will go kick their asses, Tony, but we've got to have strategy. You have to have a strategy in team sports.
TM: But this is wrestling, I don't need that crap.
TF: This isn't baseball, Tony. You two have to be on the same page and with all these other teams, you aren't going to have room for error. I've got the master plan, and all you two have to do is follow it. I've taken some pretty crappy teams to state championships, all because of my plans and schemes, just ask Manny.
[Camera pans over to Manny, who has a bread stick shoved in his mouth and is clearly not paying attention.]
VA: I understand needing a plan, Coach, but shouldn't we be doing this somewhere private?
TF: You suggested this place. None of these people are spies, it looks like.
VA: No, it's not them, I know they're good people. I'm talking about [tilts his head towards the camera]
[Tom looks directly at the camera and looks back at Vinny.]
TF: What the hell are you talking about?
VA: I'm talking about the C-A-M-E-R-A.
TF: I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.
VA: I'm talking about that camera that's right freakin' there! It's been filming us this whole time!
TM: That's not how you spell camra...
TF: Vinny, are you feeling okay?
VA: Yeah, but if we're going to be going over strategy, we need somewhere private.
TF: Fine, we'll do the film session now and I'll make sure none of these "cameras" follow us, okay?
VA: Whatever, let's get out of here. I don't care if anyone hears this: the CIA is coming back to the top and once you get a couple of stallions like us on top, we don't give it up.
[Everyone gets up, Manny Saul notices that Vinny has a fanny pack on.]
MS: Hahahaha! What's in the fanny pack, grandpa?
VA: I'm afraid Texas Law does not allow me to say...
MS: Wait, that's not a g...
[Vinny holds his index finger over his own mouth. Manny gets freaked out and leads them out.]