Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Jan 22, 2010 15:11:45 GMT -6
[Shot opens in a warroomk a large round grey table surrounded by screens and chairs. In the middle of the Table, the Sports Authority logo is embossed, all the screens are showing satellite views of various places. Vinny Appice is seated on one side of the table, Manny Saul on the other. Tom Foolery is standing in front of the biggest screen. He has a full general's uniform, complete with hat and aviators.]
Tom Foolery: I was going to wait for Tony, but he can wait. Welcome to SPORTSRAD II gentlemen, the world's most secure international command center and sports facility. Not a single thing that happens in the sports world gets out to the world before it goes through here.
Manny Saul: What happened to the old SPORTSRAD? You know, the one buried in the Davis Mountains out in West Texas, that was a much better facility. I tried finding it on Google Earth but it was nowhere to be found.
Tom Foolery: That's because I sold it to Dick Cheney for a handsome profit. He wanted a "retirement cottage," and I guess he's going to do a lot of hunting in his retirement considering all those weapons he was bringing in... Anyway, he bought it and now it doesn't exist.
Vinny Appice: He bulldozed it?
Tom Foolery: No, it just doesn't exist [winks hard]
[Vinny nods in agreement, Manny seems confused but eventually just follows along.]
Manny Saul: What happened to all the money you made selling it?
Tom Foolery: All that matters is that we don't have to worry about it anymore. Isn't that right, Vinny?
Vinny Appice: In case you wondering, my niece had a beautiful baptism.
[The sound of a toilet flush interrupts the scene and in comes Tony Manzetti from the bathroom, drying off his hands.]
Tom Foolery: I really shouldn't have put the war room so close to the bathroom...
Tony Manzetti: What is this place anyway, Coach?
Tom Foolery: Oh, it used to be a restaraunt called Indyz. Some breakfast place or something.
Manny Saul: Are we renting to place?
Tom Foolery: Of course not! Thanks to the recession [laughs], this building's been abandoned for months and there ain't nobody coming here anytime soon, so we've got ourself a nice little headquarters. God bless the recession.
Tony Manzetti: You seem to know a lot about taking over abandoned buildings. Have you ever lived in 'em?
Tom Foolery: Uh, uhm... well... NO! Never! Anyway, not that you're here, let's get to our objective, gentlemen.
[Tom clicks a button, Chris Angel's image appears on the screens.]
Tom Foolery: This, soldiers, is our target. His name is Christopher Mikolajczyk, but he goes by the alias "Chris Angel" because his real name is more Polish than a submarine with a slidin' door. He may look like a pretty boy who couldn't fight his way out of a Lane Bryant Black Friday sale, but he has proven otherwise. Now I know we have the tactical advantage of having two men in this triple threat match to his one, but let's not get cocky here, gentlemen. This is going to take teamwork, commitment, not killing each other. This Chris Angel for the time being, is public enemy number one. Think of him not only as an opponent, but as an enemy to all that we hold dear: Sports, being better than everyone else and stopping Obama Care!
Manny Saul: YES!
Tom Foolery: Manny got the ball rolling for us last week by beating that Scandanavian scum bag and now you two have to take down a champ! You two blew it at a shot for the tag titles, and it's time you two stand up. Chris Angel's Bad Blood title is ours to take and we're coming to take it. We're not coming to "perform well" or "put on a good match." You two are going out there to smash that little sissy into as many pieces as physics allow! NOW, the wrinkle in this plan is that you two are also competing together, but you must realize that you can't be fightin' each other. Now, are we in an understandin?
Vinny Appice: If there's one thing that we understand, it's the importance of keeping it "in the family."
Tony Manzetti: I ain't no backstabber. I know what we gots to do. Chris Angel knew headin' into this match that he wouldn't have much of a chance, but we'll make sure that he doesn't even have a prayer in hell.
Vinny Appice: Whether that means I, or my associate, will end up with the title is of no concern. We have a job to do, and it will be done.
Tom Foolery: Yes, it's all coming together, gentlemen. First the Bad Blood title, and then the whole damn company. If that won't make 'em respect the authority, then they're respect ain't worth having. Let's get ready, gentlemen, it's time to bring the thunder.
[All the men file out. Tom Foolery wanders back in and changes all the screens to Grey's Anatomy, sits back in a chair and watches as the camera fades.]
Tom Foolery: I was going to wait for Tony, but he can wait. Welcome to SPORTSRAD II gentlemen, the world's most secure international command center and sports facility. Not a single thing that happens in the sports world gets out to the world before it goes through here.
Manny Saul: What happened to the old SPORTSRAD? You know, the one buried in the Davis Mountains out in West Texas, that was a much better facility. I tried finding it on Google Earth but it was nowhere to be found.
Tom Foolery: That's because I sold it to Dick Cheney for a handsome profit. He wanted a "retirement cottage," and I guess he's going to do a lot of hunting in his retirement considering all those weapons he was bringing in... Anyway, he bought it and now it doesn't exist.
Vinny Appice: He bulldozed it?
Tom Foolery: No, it just doesn't exist [winks hard]
[Vinny nods in agreement, Manny seems confused but eventually just follows along.]
Manny Saul: What happened to all the money you made selling it?
Tom Foolery: All that matters is that we don't have to worry about it anymore. Isn't that right, Vinny?
Vinny Appice: In case you wondering, my niece had a beautiful baptism.
[The sound of a toilet flush interrupts the scene and in comes Tony Manzetti from the bathroom, drying off his hands.]
Tom Foolery: I really shouldn't have put the war room so close to the bathroom...
Tony Manzetti: What is this place anyway, Coach?
Tom Foolery: Oh, it used to be a restaraunt called Indyz. Some breakfast place or something.
Manny Saul: Are we renting to place?
Tom Foolery: Of course not! Thanks to the recession [laughs], this building's been abandoned for months and there ain't nobody coming here anytime soon, so we've got ourself a nice little headquarters. God bless the recession.
Tony Manzetti: You seem to know a lot about taking over abandoned buildings. Have you ever lived in 'em?
Tom Foolery: Uh, uhm... well... NO! Never! Anyway, not that you're here, let's get to our objective, gentlemen.
[Tom clicks a button, Chris Angel's image appears on the screens.]
Tom Foolery: This, soldiers, is our target. His name is Christopher Mikolajczyk, but he goes by the alias "Chris Angel" because his real name is more Polish than a submarine with a slidin' door. He may look like a pretty boy who couldn't fight his way out of a Lane Bryant Black Friday sale, but he has proven otherwise. Now I know we have the tactical advantage of having two men in this triple threat match to his one, but let's not get cocky here, gentlemen. This is going to take teamwork, commitment, not killing each other. This Chris Angel for the time being, is public enemy number one. Think of him not only as an opponent, but as an enemy to all that we hold dear: Sports, being better than everyone else and stopping Obama Care!
Manny Saul: YES!
Tom Foolery: Manny got the ball rolling for us last week by beating that Scandanavian scum bag and now you two have to take down a champ! You two blew it at a shot for the tag titles, and it's time you two stand up. Chris Angel's Bad Blood title is ours to take and we're coming to take it. We're not coming to "perform well" or "put on a good match." You two are going out there to smash that little sissy into as many pieces as physics allow! NOW, the wrinkle in this plan is that you two are also competing together, but you must realize that you can't be fightin' each other. Now, are we in an understandin?
Vinny Appice: If there's one thing that we understand, it's the importance of keeping it "in the family."
Tony Manzetti: I ain't no backstabber. I know what we gots to do. Chris Angel knew headin' into this match that he wouldn't have much of a chance, but we'll make sure that he doesn't even have a prayer in hell.
Vinny Appice: Whether that means I, or my associate, will end up with the title is of no concern. We have a job to do, and it will be done.
Tom Foolery: Yes, it's all coming together, gentlemen. First the Bad Blood title, and then the whole damn company. If that won't make 'em respect the authority, then they're respect ain't worth having. Let's get ready, gentlemen, it's time to bring the thunder.
[All the men file out. Tom Foolery wanders back in and changes all the screens to Grey's Anatomy, sits back in a chair and watches as the camera fades.]