Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Jan 28, 2010 18:20:50 GMT -6
[Shot opens in a small press conference room. The SNW and Sports Authority backdrop is up and a barely 18 paige wearing a press pass steps up to the microphone.]
Paige: Uh... it's... I mean, here's Manny Saul and Tom Foolery.
[Manny Saul walks out in a classy oxford shirt, khaki dockers and a tan cordurouy sports coat. Tom Foolery follows behind in his usual shorts and sweater.]
Tom Foolery: Alright, let's get this over with...
Reporter #1: Jen Svinson of the Poughkeepsie Post. What are your comments about last week's debacle with CIA?
Tom Foolery: [sighs] There are no comments.
Reporter #1: You honestly expect us to believe that you don't have anything to say about what happened?
Tom Foolery: Son, there are times when you realize that there ain't no good in talking about something. Ain't no good gonna come out of that. When you're a coach, which you're not by the way, I am, when you're a coach, there are things you're just going to have to bury. Sometimes it's a physical thing and sometimes it idn't.
Reporter #1: Wait, what "physical" things have you had to bury as a coach?
Tom Foolery: Son, we're not here to drag my name through the mud. We're not here for a damn inquisition. See, all you media people do is try to bring guys like me down. You try to push and prod us until we say something stupid and then you take the footage and put us in a bunch of Coors Light commercials where we look like a damn fool. I ain't gonna fall for it. This organization that we represent, Sports Authority, is all about bringing back respect to his business. One time, it was a sport and don't you forget it. Whatever I may have done in the past, what I may or may not have been indicted for and what I may or may not have had swept under the rug by the county judge because he didn't want to ruin his son's chances of getting recruited by a major school, is irrelevent. We're here to win matches and that's all that matters.
Reporter #1: Well, then why didn't you win last week?
Tom Foolery: Boy, I'm about to climb over this table and beat you like a dirty doormat.
[Manny Saul puts his arm on Tom's shoulder, as if to hold him back.]
Manny Saul: Please, Coach, you don't want to end up in a commercial for that filthy beer, now do you?
Tom Foolery: Fine. If there was one thing to take away from last week, it's that I need to take a more "hands on" approach. I'm tired of lettin' these knuckleheads screw things up. Seems like I have to get things done myself.
Reporter #1: Does that mean you plan on helping out Manny during the match on Saturday?
Tom Foolery: ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHEAT? I AIN'T EVER CHEATED AT NOTHIN'...
Manny Saul: Coach...
Tom Foolery: NOTHIN' THAT ANYONE CAN PROVE. THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN OUT TO GET US, BUT NOW WE'RE OUT TO GET THEM!
Manny Saul: Coach, why don't you let me take the rest of the questions? Just relax.
Tom Foolery: Alright.
Manny Saul: You, the one who's wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt under his dress shirt.
Reporter #2: Lance Lahnert from the Amarillo Globe News, you fancy yourself an intellectual, yes?
Manny Saul: I most certainly do.
Reporter #2: Of course you do, why else would you dress that way...
Manny Saul: Dress what way?
Reporter #2: Pardon me, like I was saying, do think that the conflicting ideologies will add any fuel to this match with Rory Kotch?
Manny Saul: A woman, with ideology? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Having an ideological fight with a woman is like having a boxing match against a quadriplegic. No no no, this won't be about ideologies, or lack thereof when comes to her and her "socialism." No, this is a personal battle. I'm not sure if your simpletons remember, but at Natural Selection, Rory Kotch and her collection of invalids cost me my chance at winning due to their incompetence. I haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten the disapointment. Of course, I shouldn't have been disapointed. I should have known full well that being teamed those morons was all but a death sentence. Now, though, now they will feel my wrath. The same wrath that drove Juno to incite the Rutulians to war against the Trojans!
Reporter #3: Jiggawha?
Manny Saul: [sighs] I'm going to get my revenge. True, it will only be Rory Kotch, but like a row of dominos, I will take down all of the whykeries. Not only because they failed me, but because they have no place in what we want to do. This company and this sport shall be redeemed. How shall we redeem it? By clearing the waters of all its impurities. Wrestling is a man's sport. If they want to be sportswomen, then they should play girl sports like volleyball or girl's basketball. This little experiment of men wrestling with women must be brought to an end. No one will take this sport seriously, just like no one will take bowling seriously now that its top prized has been snatched away by the calloused talons of a treachorous harlot. For Guys' Night Out, I'll show her what a real athlete is, namely, a man. She can bring her little loverboy with her, but it shall make no difference. I am on a roll and she will not stop me. Whether or not she comes to her senses, after our match, she'll definitely respect the Authority. Now if you excuse me, I have a train to catch.
[Manny storms off. Tom Foolery follows and the scene fades out.]
Paige: Uh... it's... I mean, here's Manny Saul and Tom Foolery.
[Manny Saul walks out in a classy oxford shirt, khaki dockers and a tan cordurouy sports coat. Tom Foolery follows behind in his usual shorts and sweater.]
Tom Foolery: Alright, let's get this over with...
Reporter #1: Jen Svinson of the Poughkeepsie Post. What are your comments about last week's debacle with CIA?
Tom Foolery: [sighs] There are no comments.
Reporter #1: You honestly expect us to believe that you don't have anything to say about what happened?
Tom Foolery: Son, there are times when you realize that there ain't no good in talking about something. Ain't no good gonna come out of that. When you're a coach, which you're not by the way, I am, when you're a coach, there are things you're just going to have to bury. Sometimes it's a physical thing and sometimes it idn't.
Reporter #1: Wait, what "physical" things have you had to bury as a coach?
Tom Foolery: Son, we're not here to drag my name through the mud. We're not here for a damn inquisition. See, all you media people do is try to bring guys like me down. You try to push and prod us until we say something stupid and then you take the footage and put us in a bunch of Coors Light commercials where we look like a damn fool. I ain't gonna fall for it. This organization that we represent, Sports Authority, is all about bringing back respect to his business. One time, it was a sport and don't you forget it. Whatever I may have done in the past, what I may or may not have been indicted for and what I may or may not have had swept under the rug by the county judge because he didn't want to ruin his son's chances of getting recruited by a major school, is irrelevent. We're here to win matches and that's all that matters.
Reporter #1: Well, then why didn't you win last week?
Tom Foolery: Boy, I'm about to climb over this table and beat you like a dirty doormat.
[Manny Saul puts his arm on Tom's shoulder, as if to hold him back.]
Manny Saul: Please, Coach, you don't want to end up in a commercial for that filthy beer, now do you?
Tom Foolery: Fine. If there was one thing to take away from last week, it's that I need to take a more "hands on" approach. I'm tired of lettin' these knuckleheads screw things up. Seems like I have to get things done myself.
Reporter #1: Does that mean you plan on helping out Manny during the match on Saturday?
Tom Foolery: ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHEAT? I AIN'T EVER CHEATED AT NOTHIN'...
Manny Saul: Coach...
Tom Foolery: NOTHIN' THAT ANYONE CAN PROVE. THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN OUT TO GET US, BUT NOW WE'RE OUT TO GET THEM!
Manny Saul: Coach, why don't you let me take the rest of the questions? Just relax.
Tom Foolery: Alright.
Manny Saul: You, the one who's wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt under his dress shirt.
Reporter #2: Lance Lahnert from the Amarillo Globe News, you fancy yourself an intellectual, yes?
Manny Saul: I most certainly do.
Reporter #2: Of course you do, why else would you dress that way...
Manny Saul: Dress what way?
Reporter #2: Pardon me, like I was saying, do think that the conflicting ideologies will add any fuel to this match with Rory Kotch?
Manny Saul: A woman, with ideology? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Having an ideological fight with a woman is like having a boxing match against a quadriplegic. No no no, this won't be about ideologies, or lack thereof when comes to her and her "socialism." No, this is a personal battle. I'm not sure if your simpletons remember, but at Natural Selection, Rory Kotch and her collection of invalids cost me my chance at winning due to their incompetence. I haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten the disapointment. Of course, I shouldn't have been disapointed. I should have known full well that being teamed those morons was all but a death sentence. Now, though, now they will feel my wrath. The same wrath that drove Juno to incite the Rutulians to war against the Trojans!
Reporter #3: Jiggawha?
Manny Saul: [sighs] I'm going to get my revenge. True, it will only be Rory Kotch, but like a row of dominos, I will take down all of the whykeries. Not only because they failed me, but because they have no place in what we want to do. This company and this sport shall be redeemed. How shall we redeem it? By clearing the waters of all its impurities. Wrestling is a man's sport. If they want to be sportswomen, then they should play girl sports like volleyball or girl's basketball. This little experiment of men wrestling with women must be brought to an end. No one will take this sport seriously, just like no one will take bowling seriously now that its top prized has been snatched away by the calloused talons of a treachorous harlot. For Guys' Night Out, I'll show her what a real athlete is, namely, a man. She can bring her little loverboy with her, but it shall make no difference. I am on a roll and she will not stop me. Whether or not she comes to her senses, after our match, she'll definitely respect the Authority. Now if you excuse me, I have a train to catch.
[Manny storms off. Tom Foolery follows and the scene fades out.]