Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Feb 4, 2010 13:42:53 GMT -6
[Shot opens on police sergeant is full ceremonial dress standing at attention in front of a door.]
Sergeant: Ladies and Gentlemen, MANNY SAUL!
[The sergeant steps away from the door and out comes Manny Saul in a proper suit. The camera follows him and reveals we are in the Dallas City Council room. Various people are standing in a line on the way to the podium. The audience rafters are filled with people. Everyone is standing and applauding.]
Jason Martel [softly]: Welcome to this special SNW News presentation of the quasi-annual State of the Authority Address. I'm Jason Martel and I'm actually on the other side of town, but I'm doing the coverage of this "prestigious event over the magic of Skype. We see Manny Saul is meeting with his Authority teammates. He's shaking hands with his coach, Tom Foolery. Now he's joking with the Sports Nutz, who he invited, but apparently they didn't get the dress code suggestion because they are not dressed up. Now's he talking with Gordie, his former manager back in the LCW or something. Now he's talking with his current stablemates. Vinny is giving him a big hug and Manny is very uncomfortable.
[Manny breaks away from the line of Sports Authority members and makes his way to the podium as they all take their seats.]
Jason Martel: A large crowd here for this address. Most of them are family members, some of them are fans and I'm pretty sure some of them are just homeless people that Tom Foolery bribed to sit in the crowd. Either way, they're all clapping as Manny takes the podium. Sports Authority has taken their places of honor on stage and it looks like Manny is about ready to speak.
[Manny is facing the Sports Authority in a semicircle around the podium. The applause dies down and the crowd sits.]
Manny Saul: Gentlemen of the Sports Authority, both past and present, I stand before you to declare the State of the Sports Authority. The State of the Authority is stalwart. The Sports Authority is resolute and the Sports Authority is cogent.
Manny Saul: Those are good things.
[Everyone stands up and applauds. Manny soaks it in and then motions for everyone to sit down.]
Manny Saul: However, we do find ourselves in a situation where we are at a tipping point. A famous cripple once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," and just like everything else that socialist invalid said, it was complete hogwash. No, my friends, the greatest fear is not being feared by other people. Even though we are the most accomplished athletes in this company by far, we are not feared as such.
[Everyone applauds. Manny shakes head until everyone sits down.]
Manny Saul: That really wasn't a good time, but still we must press on. Like I said, we are not feared as the fantastic specimens of virility and competitive prowess. For too long, we in the Sports Authority have focused more on the first word of our name. Now we must bring our full attention to the second.
Tony Manzetti: Sports?
Manny Saul: No, Tony, I wasn't counting "the" as a word. We must focus on the "authority." Sad to say, very few people look at us as an authority. They saw us lose a two on three handicap match and an essentially two on one match...
Manny Saul: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! [Turns back to the Authority members.] Gentlemen, we must assert our Authority. We must breathe authority. There is no better way to assert authority than to crush whatever pathetic chaff stands in the way. On Saturday, we face such chaff. Our enemy is irrational. Our enemy is schizophrenic. Our enemy is a dirty foreigner.
[Everyone, including the Sports Nutz start booing.]
Manny Saul: I agree, I agree. She seems to be under the impression that I am overlooking her just because she is a woman physically incapable of beating me in a universe bound by Newtonian Physics. I am not an intellectual just by acclamation. I am truly a man of signicantly higher intelligence than the average slack-jawed party rat that goes to SNW shows. I have seen the mightiest college football programs walk into games thinking that there was no chance that they'd lose to to teams bottom-feeding in the Backwater Athletic Conference. But I will not fall to such simple hubris. I believe I'm superior, I know I'm superior and I just am superior. However, this Saturday will not be an opportunity to simply scrape by on my God-given gifts. No, this Sunday will be a torrid display of my authority, of OUR authority!
[Crowd stands up and applauds. They calm down.]
Manny Saul: Yes my compatriots and former compatriots, let this be our victory! Those fools of the Why Kories will be crumpled by our mighty hands! They failed me at Natural Selection, but I will not fail them on Saturday, I will deliver on my promise. I will crush Rory Kotch like the rotten apple that she is and bring glory back to our esteemed organization. God bless you all, and God bless the Authority!
[Manny steps down from the podium as the crowd stands and applauds. Manny starts shaking hands with all the various Sports Authority members.]
Jason Martel: Well, that was a speech all right. Manny clearly stating the goals for the Sports Authority and letting Rory Kotch have it, which he'll probably be doing Saturday too. Let's take a look at the CNN Flash polls and see what the viewers. We asked a select group of viewers what they thought of the speech and here are the results...
Jason Martel: It looks like a lot of people though Manny was full of crap, but they were probably just women looking for something to complain about or crochety old people don't know how to use their telephone machines. This concludes our coverage of the State of the Authority Adress but stay tuned for the The Followill Factor where he will break down the fight at Dunpork's House of Bacon with the first TV interviews of the combatants. I'm sure that'll be fun.
[Shot fades as Manny Saul vigrously shakes hands with the Sports Nutz.]
[[DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS EXCEPT MY CHARACTERS (WHICH ARE TOM FOOLERY, MANNY SAUL, TONY MANZETTI AND VINNY APPICE, BY THE WAY) APPEAR WITH THE PERMISSION OF THEIR CREATOR AND/OR SOMEONE WITH THE AUTHORITY TO UH... AUTHORIZE THEIR USAGE.]]
Sergeant: Ladies and Gentlemen, MANNY SAUL!
[The sergeant steps away from the door and out comes Manny Saul in a proper suit. The camera follows him and reveals we are in the Dallas City Council room. Various people are standing in a line on the way to the podium. The audience rafters are filled with people. Everyone is standing and applauding.]
Jason Martel [softly]: Welcome to this special SNW News presentation of the quasi-annual State of the Authority Address. I'm Jason Martel and I'm actually on the other side of town, but I'm doing the coverage of this "prestigious event over the magic of Skype. We see Manny Saul is meeting with his Authority teammates. He's shaking hands with his coach, Tom Foolery. Now he's joking with the Sports Nutz, who he invited, but apparently they didn't get the dress code suggestion because they are not dressed up. Now's he talking with Gordie, his former manager back in the LCW or something. Now he's talking with his current stablemates. Vinny is giving him a big hug and Manny is very uncomfortable.
[Manny breaks away from the line of Sports Authority members and makes his way to the podium as they all take their seats.]
Jason Martel: A large crowd here for this address. Most of them are family members, some of them are fans and I'm pretty sure some of them are just homeless people that Tom Foolery bribed to sit in the crowd. Either way, they're all clapping as Manny takes the podium. Sports Authority has taken their places of honor on stage and it looks like Manny is about ready to speak.
[Manny is facing the Sports Authority in a semicircle around the podium. The applause dies down and the crowd sits.]
Manny Saul: Gentlemen of the Sports Authority, both past and present, I stand before you to declare the State of the Sports Authority. The State of the Authority is stalwart. The Sports Authority is resolute and the Sports Authority is cogent.
Manny Saul: Those are good things.
[Everyone stands up and applauds. Manny soaks it in and then motions for everyone to sit down.]
Manny Saul: However, we do find ourselves in a situation where we are at a tipping point. A famous cripple once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," and just like everything else that socialist invalid said, it was complete hogwash. No, my friends, the greatest fear is not being feared by other people. Even though we are the most accomplished athletes in this company by far, we are not feared as such.
[Everyone applauds. Manny shakes head until everyone sits down.]
Manny Saul: That really wasn't a good time, but still we must press on. Like I said, we are not feared as the fantastic specimens of virility and competitive prowess. For too long, we in the Sports Authority have focused more on the first word of our name. Now we must bring our full attention to the second.
Tony Manzetti: Sports?
Manny Saul: No, Tony, I wasn't counting "the" as a word. We must focus on the "authority." Sad to say, very few people look at us as an authority. They saw us lose a two on three handicap match and an essentially two on one match...
Manny Saul: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! [Turns back to the Authority members.] Gentlemen, we must assert our Authority. We must breathe authority. There is no better way to assert authority than to crush whatever pathetic chaff stands in the way. On Saturday, we face such chaff. Our enemy is irrational. Our enemy is schizophrenic. Our enemy is a dirty foreigner.
[Everyone, including the Sports Nutz start booing.]
Manny Saul: I agree, I agree. She seems to be under the impression that I am overlooking her just because she is a woman physically incapable of beating me in a universe bound by Newtonian Physics. I am not an intellectual just by acclamation. I am truly a man of signicantly higher intelligence than the average slack-jawed party rat that goes to SNW shows. I have seen the mightiest college football programs walk into games thinking that there was no chance that they'd lose to to teams bottom-feeding in the Backwater Athletic Conference. But I will not fall to such simple hubris. I believe I'm superior, I know I'm superior and I just am superior. However, this Saturday will not be an opportunity to simply scrape by on my God-given gifts. No, this Sunday will be a torrid display of my authority, of OUR authority!
[Crowd stands up and applauds. They calm down.]
Manny Saul: Yes my compatriots and former compatriots, let this be our victory! Those fools of the Why Kories will be crumpled by our mighty hands! They failed me at Natural Selection, but I will not fail them on Saturday, I will deliver on my promise. I will crush Rory Kotch like the rotten apple that she is and bring glory back to our esteemed organization. God bless you all, and God bless the Authority!
[Manny steps down from the podium as the crowd stands and applauds. Manny starts shaking hands with all the various Sports Authority members.]
Jason Martel: Well, that was a speech all right. Manny clearly stating the goals for the Sports Authority and letting Rory Kotch have it, which he'll probably be doing Saturday too. Let's take a look at the CNN Flash polls and see what the viewers. We asked a select group of viewers what they thought of the speech and here are the results...
Jason Martel: It looks like a lot of people though Manny was full of crap, but they were probably just women looking for something to complain about or crochety old people don't know how to use their telephone machines. This concludes our coverage of the State of the Authority Adress but stay tuned for the The Followill Factor where he will break down the fight at Dunpork's House of Bacon with the first TV interviews of the combatants. I'm sure that'll be fun.
[Shot fades as Manny Saul vigrously shakes hands with the Sports Nutz.]
[[DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS EXCEPT MY CHARACTERS (WHICH ARE TOM FOOLERY, MANNY SAUL, TONY MANZETTI AND VINNY APPICE, BY THE WAY) APPEAR WITH THE PERMISSION OF THEIR CREATOR AND/OR SOMEONE WITH THE AUTHORITY TO UH... AUTHORIZE THEIR USAGE.]]