Post by "Classy" djowalsen on Nov 13, 2009 19:03:48 GMT -6
[The press is assembled in front of a table in front of a "Sports Authority-SNW" backdrop. A middle aged man wearing nothing but a golden thong walks holds a microphone.]
Naked Man: Ladies and gentlemen, The Sports Authority!
[Sports Authority walks out in all of their street clothes. All of them try to avoid looking directly at the naked guy. Tony seems to be particularly upset. They all sit down at their places at the table.]
Tom Foolery: Thank you all for comin'. Sorry about Hank, he's a little... we need to get a new publicist... Anyway, if you've got questions, now's the time!
Reporter #1: This first question is for Coach Tom Foolery. Tom...
Tom Foolery: That's "Coach," to you.
Reporter #1: [sighs] Coach... How do you feel about the criticism about your excessive celebration after your last win?
Tom Foolery: What is this? The SEC? Is it illegal to show a little emotion? These kids had a rough week of people ragging talking about how they didn't deserve to be in this company and suchwhat. They proved all you guys wrong and the kids decided to have a little fun. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
Reporter #1: Kids? Two of your guys are in their thirties! Don't they have any respect for sportsmanship?
Vinny Appice: Hey! Hey! Do you have any respect for me?
Reporter #1: I'm sorry?
Vinny Appice: I asked you a very simple question. Do you or do you not think that I and my associates are respectable?
Reporter #1: Well... I think...
Vinny Appice: It's a yes or no question, buddy... I don't got all day. Either you think I'm respectable or you don't, which one is it?
Reporter #1: Uh, I... uh... respect you...
Vinny Appice: Then why would you go and ask a question like that? It's makes very upset and I know Tony doesn't like it when I get upset...
Tony Manzetti: Is this guy making you upset, Vinny?
Vinny Appice: A little bit, a little bit...
Reporter #1: I'm sorry... uh... it wasn't my question... it was from the editor! I didn't think you guys did anything wrong with your celebration. That question wasn't my idea...
Vinny Appice: That's good to know. It's also good to know that you won't ask any other questions like that.
Reporter #1: Yeah, totally... uh... in fact, I think I'll just go ahead and go... thank you for your time.
[Reporter #1 leaves]
Vinny Appice: He's a good guy, that guy.
Tony Manzetti: Hey, we're all here to answer questions, so how about some question?
Vinny Appice: ...with respect...
Tony Manzetti: ...with respect.
[After a brief pause, a reporter stands up.]
Reporter #2: This question is for Manny, and only Manny... How do you feel about your co-captain Doomsday?
Manny Saul: While I would have preferred a man of letters to be my compatriot in leadership endeavours, I cannot complain to any significant degree about my lot. Doomsday is... of a different fiber than I, but sometimes you need different fibers to make something work. Without some carbon, steel would just be cheap iron. So yes, even an Intellectual like me needs someone like Doomsday who could probably benchpress an armoire if he wanted to.
Reporter #2: A what?
Manny Saul: [sigh] A dresser. By Jove, does anyone know anything about fine furniture...
Reporter #2: I don't, but I'd like to know how you feel about teaming with ykores.
Manny Saul: That is a fact that does not enthuse me very much at all. However, given our opponents and the prowess of myself and my colleague Doomsday, I don't think it will be a hinderance at all. They are all fat and content while we are lean and hungry. They are blind in their confidence while we are not giving our doubts a moment a to rest. Levetation is confident, but I am competent and with him and, ugh, "Death Penalty," leading their pathetic little team, I think you'll find them bumbling more than anything.
Now, onto the boorish sods who call themselves the "Death Penalty." I won't even dignify your sordid claims that we were... ugh... I can't even bring myself to repeat your base lies. While you have been sitting there idly chatting on your little porch, some of us have been enriching ourselves.
Tom Foolery: That's right, Manny. Now that I've mastered my CVR.
Manny Saul: DVR...
Tom Foolery: Yeah, now that I know how to work my DVR, I've been collecting tape and I've been strategizing. I don't stand around here just to look pretty you know. I've been dissecting opponents for over thirty years and just because you've got some fancy make-up and don't know how to control yourself at a tattoo parlor, that doesn't mean you're invincible. I've broken down every offense from Maine to California and I know how to break you down.
Reporter #2: How do you plan to do that, exactly?
Tom Foolery: Obviously I can't tell you because that would give the opponent a heads up! I'm not falling for that one... again.
Reporter #2: "again?"
Tom Foolery: Ugh, it's a long story. To give you the short version, I got cocky, but I'm not that young, or drunk, anymore. I know better and I know everything there is to know about our good friends Reaper and Cyanide and I have armed my main man Manny Saul with all the ammunition he needs to take down those two chatty Cathies and their underlings like S.T. Strickler, who can't even open certain kinds of door knobs and Levetation who couldn't learn a football playbook if he was paid to do it.
Manny Saul: Indeed. The question is not whether or not I will be able to pull my team's weight, it's just a question of whether or not they will listen to me. Doomsday I think will know better, ykores, I can't make gurauntees. However, I won't let those wenches bring me down.
Reporter #3: This question is for the CIA. I was wondering what your reaction was to Sean O'Brien's comments.
Tony Manzetti: What do you mean?
Reporter #3: You know, when he called you... uh...
Tony Manzetti: Called us what?
Reporter #3: Gui...gui...guidos...
[Tony stays completely still for a couple seconds before bolting to his feet starting to yell something. Before he can really get going, Vinny slips in front of him so Tony can't talk into the mic.]
Vinny Appice: What my associate is trying to say is that despite the differences we may have on different fronts, we are all committed to the same principle of beating the crap out those guys. Preferably following it up with a reminder that they won't forget. Now, Sean O'Brien chose to use a word he knew was offensive towards people of Italian American descent, but we will rise above that. We will not respond in kind. For example, we won't call him a "mick" or make any rash judgements of him possibly being an alcoholic. That is because we, are classy gentlmen, isn't that right, Tony?
Tony Manzetti: Yeah, classy gentlemen who get the job done. Some people may think that we're a joke, and maybe Manny's a joke...
Manny Saul: Hey!
Tony Manzetti: ...but I assure that after we get done with people, there aren't a whole lot of chuckles going around.
Reporter #2: Can we get independent verification on that?
Tony Manzetti: Trust me, the people we've dealth with, they either know better than to talk or they're...
[Vinny covers Tony's microphone]
Vinny Appice: What my associate is trying to say is that we are serious competitors. We are not just goons. We are not just bodyguards or day laborers. We are athletes, more so than a lot of people in this company. If you do not think we are dangerous, you learn that we are dangerous. We intend on getting the SNW tag titles, by whatever means necessary, and we fully plan on showing our good friends Gordie, George and Craig what we can do against some of SNW's tag competition. Luckily for the Williams Brothers, they are on our side, this time, next time, maybe not so much but the future's the future and the now is happening as we speak.
Tony Manzetti: Now, I'm not sure if that's true, but I do know that I've got a boot that hasn't been broken in and a lot of faces to break them in with at Natural Selection. They will respect. Oh, they will respect. They may not be able to stand, but they will respect.
Tom Foolery: Now that's something I can agree with. You people in the media always want to tear guys like us down, but at the end of the day, we're above you, in every sense of the word. This Sunday is going to have a lot of factors out of our control, but whatever happens, you are all going to respect the AUTHORITAH!
[Sports Authority gets up and leaves while reporters take pictures.]
Naked Man: Ladies and gentlemen, The Sports Authority!
[Sports Authority walks out in all of their street clothes. All of them try to avoid looking directly at the naked guy. Tony seems to be particularly upset. They all sit down at their places at the table.]
Tom Foolery: Thank you all for comin'. Sorry about Hank, he's a little... we need to get a new publicist... Anyway, if you've got questions, now's the time!
Reporter #1: This first question is for Coach Tom Foolery. Tom...
Tom Foolery: That's "Coach," to you.
Reporter #1: [sighs] Coach... How do you feel about the criticism about your excessive celebration after your last win?
Tom Foolery: What is this? The SEC? Is it illegal to show a little emotion? These kids had a rough week of people ragging talking about how they didn't deserve to be in this company and suchwhat. They proved all you guys wrong and the kids decided to have a little fun. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
Reporter #1: Kids? Two of your guys are in their thirties! Don't they have any respect for sportsmanship?
Vinny Appice: Hey! Hey! Do you have any respect for me?
Reporter #1: I'm sorry?
Vinny Appice: I asked you a very simple question. Do you or do you not think that I and my associates are respectable?
Reporter #1: Well... I think...
Vinny Appice: It's a yes or no question, buddy... I don't got all day. Either you think I'm respectable or you don't, which one is it?
Reporter #1: Uh, I... uh... respect you...
Vinny Appice: Then why would you go and ask a question like that? It's makes very upset and I know Tony doesn't like it when I get upset...
Tony Manzetti: Is this guy making you upset, Vinny?
Vinny Appice: A little bit, a little bit...
Reporter #1: I'm sorry... uh... it wasn't my question... it was from the editor! I didn't think you guys did anything wrong with your celebration. That question wasn't my idea...
Vinny Appice: That's good to know. It's also good to know that you won't ask any other questions like that.
Reporter #1: Yeah, totally... uh... in fact, I think I'll just go ahead and go... thank you for your time.
[Reporter #1 leaves]
Vinny Appice: He's a good guy, that guy.
Tony Manzetti: Hey, we're all here to answer questions, so how about some question?
Vinny Appice: ...with respect...
Tony Manzetti: ...with respect.
[After a brief pause, a reporter stands up.]
Reporter #2: This question is for Manny, and only Manny... How do you feel about your co-captain Doomsday?
Manny Saul: While I would have preferred a man of letters to be my compatriot in leadership endeavours, I cannot complain to any significant degree about my lot. Doomsday is... of a different fiber than I, but sometimes you need different fibers to make something work. Without some carbon, steel would just be cheap iron. So yes, even an Intellectual like me needs someone like Doomsday who could probably benchpress an armoire if he wanted to.
Reporter #2: A what?
Manny Saul: [sigh] A dresser. By Jove, does anyone know anything about fine furniture...
Reporter #2: I don't, but I'd like to know how you feel about teaming with ykores.
Manny Saul: That is a fact that does not enthuse me very much at all. However, given our opponents and the prowess of myself and my colleague Doomsday, I don't think it will be a hinderance at all. They are all fat and content while we are lean and hungry. They are blind in their confidence while we are not giving our doubts a moment a to rest. Levetation is confident, but I am competent and with him and, ugh, "Death Penalty," leading their pathetic little team, I think you'll find them bumbling more than anything.
Now, onto the boorish sods who call themselves the "Death Penalty." I won't even dignify your sordid claims that we were... ugh... I can't even bring myself to repeat your base lies. While you have been sitting there idly chatting on your little porch, some of us have been enriching ourselves.
Tom Foolery: That's right, Manny. Now that I've mastered my CVR.
Manny Saul: DVR...
Tom Foolery: Yeah, now that I know how to work my DVR, I've been collecting tape and I've been strategizing. I don't stand around here just to look pretty you know. I've been dissecting opponents for over thirty years and just because you've got some fancy make-up and don't know how to control yourself at a tattoo parlor, that doesn't mean you're invincible. I've broken down every offense from Maine to California and I know how to break you down.
Reporter #2: How do you plan to do that, exactly?
Tom Foolery: Obviously I can't tell you because that would give the opponent a heads up! I'm not falling for that one... again.
Reporter #2: "again?"
Tom Foolery: Ugh, it's a long story. To give you the short version, I got cocky, but I'm not that young, or drunk, anymore. I know better and I know everything there is to know about our good friends Reaper and Cyanide and I have armed my main man Manny Saul with all the ammunition he needs to take down those two chatty Cathies and their underlings like S.T. Strickler, who can't even open certain kinds of door knobs and Levetation who couldn't learn a football playbook if he was paid to do it.
Manny Saul: Indeed. The question is not whether or not I will be able to pull my team's weight, it's just a question of whether or not they will listen to me. Doomsday I think will know better, ykores, I can't make gurauntees. However, I won't let those wenches bring me down.
Reporter #3: This question is for the CIA. I was wondering what your reaction was to Sean O'Brien's comments.
Tony Manzetti: What do you mean?
Reporter #3: You know, when he called you... uh...
Tony Manzetti: Called us what?
Reporter #3: Gui...gui...guidos...
[Tony stays completely still for a couple seconds before bolting to his feet starting to yell something. Before he can really get going, Vinny slips in front of him so Tony can't talk into the mic.]
Vinny Appice: What my associate is trying to say is that despite the differences we may have on different fronts, we are all committed to the same principle of beating the crap out those guys. Preferably following it up with a reminder that they won't forget. Now, Sean O'Brien chose to use a word he knew was offensive towards people of Italian American descent, but we will rise above that. We will not respond in kind. For example, we won't call him a "mick" or make any rash judgements of him possibly being an alcoholic. That is because we, are classy gentlmen, isn't that right, Tony?
Tony Manzetti: Yeah, classy gentlemen who get the job done. Some people may think that we're a joke, and maybe Manny's a joke...
Manny Saul: Hey!
Tony Manzetti: ...but I assure that after we get done with people, there aren't a whole lot of chuckles going around.
Reporter #2: Can we get independent verification on that?
Tony Manzetti: Trust me, the people we've dealth with, they either know better than to talk or they're...
[Vinny covers Tony's microphone]
Vinny Appice: What my associate is trying to say is that we are serious competitors. We are not just goons. We are not just bodyguards or day laborers. We are athletes, more so than a lot of people in this company. If you do not think we are dangerous, you learn that we are dangerous. We intend on getting the SNW tag titles, by whatever means necessary, and we fully plan on showing our good friends Gordie, George and Craig what we can do against some of SNW's tag competition. Luckily for the Williams Brothers, they are on our side, this time, next time, maybe not so much but the future's the future and the now is happening as we speak.
Tony Manzetti: Now, I'm not sure if that's true, but I do know that I've got a boot that hasn't been broken in and a lot of faces to break them in with at Natural Selection. They will respect. Oh, they will respect. They may not be able to stand, but they will respect.
Tom Foolery: Now that's something I can agree with. You people in the media always want to tear guys like us down, but at the end of the day, we're above you, in every sense of the word. This Sunday is going to have a lot of factors out of our control, but whatever happens, you are all going to respect the AUTHORITAH!
[Sports Authority gets up and leaves while reporters take pictures.]