Guys Night Out: 2/27/10

[Hollywood]

In a dark match before the show went on the air, Andy Lionheart and Alexander Draven beat Jerry McGillicutty and Chief Wahoo McNugget when Draven pinned McNugget after hitting the Ripper.

The WWF Shotgun Saturday Night theme is set to the Guys Night Out video montage. The montage starts with clips of the night life in Dallas/Fort Worth; we see the Alley Ratz doing moonsaults and shooting star presses onto the Sixth Street Assassins inside a McDonald's play pen; Matt Margera and Wench brooding up on a random rooftoop; Jack Clinton and Chris P. intimidating would be pool sharks inside a pool hall; Versus Vince getting into a night club after showing a fake ID; Vincent Matthews, Myke Rhines, Samuel Hale and Marcus Ryan getting out of a stretch limousine; Chris Angel exiting a night club with his arms around two girls; and ending with Soul Reaper and Cyanide getting knocking a couple of scrubs out of a random night club.



We see text detailing the matches coming up set against the backdrop of various shots of Dallas/Fort Worth night life as Mark Bishop, Koko B. Ware and Tammy Winters provide the voice overs.

MARK BISHOP
Tonight, on Guys Night Out, managers and allies are barred from ringside as "The Intellectual" Manny Saul takes on "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester!

KOKO B. WARE
We get spared to death as Zippy the Clown makes his return with Zippy's Mailbag and his guests, the Alley Ratz.

TAMMY WINTERS
And the main event of WrestleStock II could be in question as "The Warrior" Vincent Matthews defends his SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship against Levetation!

MARK BISHOP
All that and next, on Guys Night Out!

LIVE! DUKE'S ORIGINAL ROADHOUSE! BEDFORD, TX!

Shot cuts to outside on the patio of Duke's Original Roadhouse as the camera walks through the open doors and inside Duke's. "Monster" booms over the sound system, and the fans boo as Syco Boy walks out to the ring.

MARK BISHOP
Welcome to Guys Night Out, and we're not wasting any time as we're kicking things off with Bad Blood Champion, "The Dream" Chris Angel taking on Syco Boy in a non-title match!

KOKO B. WARE
Chris Angel may regret taking this match so close to WrestleStock II.

TAMMY WINTERS
I wouldn't regret it if he took a match with me, if you know what I mean.

KOKO B. WARE
I hear you've "wrestled" with more men than Missy Hyatt and Francine put together.

TAMMY WINTERS
And I hear the same was true about Frankie.

KOKO B. WARE
WOMAN!!!

MARK BISHOP
Guys, please! Not tonight!

HARRY SACHS
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first from Clayton, North Carolina. Weighing in at 238 lbs., Syco Boy!

Syco Boy looks around at the crowd lobbing boos and hisses his way, and then sprints down to the ring and rolls right under the top rope. He leaps onto the middle turnbuckle, and posses, absorbing the hate like a space shuttle tile.

MARK BISHOP
Syco Boy is coming off a win last week, but this time around he's drawn the #1 contender for the Texas Championship at Wrestlestock and current Bad Blood champ Chris Angel.

KOKO B. WARE
What's your point Bishop? Syco looked very impressive last week, and has ever since SNW has been graced by his return presence in the ring.

MARK BISHOP
I agree Syco has been good since he made his return to SNW, but Chris Angel has also been quite impressive. He's not the #1 contender for no reason, he earned it fair and square.

KOKO B. WARE
Yes, but that slot doesn't mean anything if he can't pull off the upset and take the title away from Vincent Matthews.

TAMMY WINTERS
Lemme tell you something, tonight we will see a great match. Not because they are good wrestler, but because both guys are so freaking hot!

KOKO B. WARE
Always count on Tammy to throw in the slut's perspective.

MARK BISHOP
SIR! That is the most callous response!

"Stranglehold" blares over the PA, and the fans jump to their feet as Chris Angel excitedly walks down to the ring. Wearing the glistening Bad Blood title belt around his waist, he slaps hands with the fans as he walks down to the ring.

HARRY SACHS
His opponent from Dallas, Texas by way of Los Angeles, California. Weighing in at 280 lbs., he is the SNW Bad Blood Champion Chris Angel!

Angel climbs through the middle rope and climbs the turnbuckles while Syco watches on. Angel pats his belt a couple times, then hops down and unhooks it from around his waist and hands it to the referee.

MARK BISHOP
Chris Angel looks to be all business, but one must wonder if he is fully focusing on this match tonight with Lucifer's Last Stand in his future.

KOKO B. WARE
There's no way it couldn't be on his mind. Not only is it for the biggest title in the company, but it's quite possibly the most violent match SNW has ever debuted. Wouldn't you be concerned about that?

MARK BISHOP
Without a doubt, but he can't take Syco Boy lightly as he's on a roll.

KOKO B. WARE
I gotta say, I think Angel will be looking past this match and Syco can continue his domination.

TAMMY WINTERS
I haven't heard a word you guys just said, I've been staring at Angel. He can climb my ladder and tug on my belt any day of the week.

KOKO B. WARE
So can Myke Rhines from what I hear...

MARK BISHOP
Do you see what I'm up against here people?

Syco Boy vs. Chris Angel
The bell rang, and immediately Syco took control of the match with a crossbody that brought Angel down to the ground. Using several submission moves, that included a debilitating Sharpshooter that almost caused Angel to tap out within the first couple of minutes in the match, Syco was also able to score a couple of near falls with Angel kicking out each time right before the three count came down. Angel was able to get back to his feet, and from there both men traded blows back and forth. Every time Angel connected the fans cheered, while they booed when Syco was able to make contact. Angel finally got the better of him when Syco missed on a clothesline and fell victim to a big boot. Angel controlled the pace, even with Syco trying his damndest to hit a big move and bring the match to a halt. Syco did score with a dropkick that stunned Angel for a moment. However, an attempted Syco Bomb backfired on Syco when Angel rolled out of the way and he crashed and burned. Angel took advantaged, and nailed Syco with The Fallen and got the pin to get the win.

HARRY SACHS
Here is your winner, Chris Angel!

MARK BISHOP
Looks like Syco got a little too overconfident, and it cost him as Angel was able to avoid the Syco Bomb and counter with the Fallen to pick up the victory.

KOKO B. WARE
Maybe Angel should pick on someone his own size.

MARK BISHOP
You wouldn't be saying that if Syco had won.

KOKO B. WARE
Of course I wouldn't, because then he would have pulled of an upset and beaten the bigger man.

TAMMY WINTER
I wouldn't mind knowing who the bigger man is if you catch my drift.

KOKO B. WARE
He's sitting right next to you, because I'm like Darrell Dawkins baby, Chocolate Thunder.

TAMMY WINTER
You're more like Alvin Robertson, so sit your black butt down.

MARK BISHOP
First Sarah Palin, now Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will be bitching as us. Awesome.

THE UNIVERSITY OF WAKE FORREST: FOR EVERY CHRIS PAUL WE TURN OUT, THERE'S A JOSH HOWARD. WAKE FORREST: IT'S CRAZY MAN!

[Hollywood]

"Entry of the Gladiators" is playing over the speakers as Zippy the Clown walks down to the ring, carrying his mailbag on his shoulders. He unzips the bag, takes out a spray can of silly string and sprays it into some random fans, who are too drunk to realize what's going on and just cheer Zippy on.

HARRY SACHS
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Zippy's Mailbag with your host, Zippy the Clown!

KOKO B. WARE
I thought we were rid of this asshat!

TAMMY WINTERS
We haven't seen him since last summer. I for one am glad to see him back.

MARK BISHOP
Yeah, quit being a stick in the mud, Koko.

Zippy walks up the steps and attempts to enter the ring, but trips over the ropes, falling down as he enters the ring to uproarious laughter from the fans inside Duke's Original Roadhouse. Zippy gets up and dusts himself off as Harry Sachs hands him the mic.

ZIPPY THE CLOWN
Skanks and rednecks... I mean, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the long awaited return of Zippy's Mailbag. Now that those damn yankees from up north are long gone from SNW...

OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!

ZIPPY THE CLOWN
Yeah, since they're gone, no mas, history, nada... I can bring back the Mailbag without pissing them off. But before we get to the Mailbag, please welcome my guests who were kind enough to check up on me when I was taken out last summer... Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz!

"Chicken Huntin" hits, and the fans are cheering as the Alley Ratz appear to make their way down to the ring.

KOKO B. WARE
Great, now Beavis and Butthead are going to be here too! Somebody kill me now!

TAMMY WINTERS
I can have that arranged by one of these bouncers.

MARK BISHOP
Let's try to keep this show civil for once, please.

The Alley Ratz slide into the ring, slapping hands with Zippy as he takes the letters out of his mailbag.

ZIPPY
Alright, guys. First off, thanks for being here.

EDDY
Hey, it's our pleasure.

ZIPPY
Well if you boys would ever be so kind as to read LETTER NUMBER ONE!

TWITCH
No problemo, Zippo. Our first letter comes from Chris in Arizona. Chris writes...

"Dear Zippy,
I recently lost my business and haven't been able to find any work, and everything seems to be falling apart. My wife just left me, and my house is set to go into foreclosure if I can't come up with some money fast. Not to mention that I've been living without electricity and running water for over a week now. Is there any way you could put in a good word in for me to Gordon Heath, George Dunpork, Craig Mueller, Codi Shane, and/or Matt Margera?"

ZIPPY
Wow, Mr. Maxwell seems to have fallen on hard times. To be honest, Chris, there's a better chance of Matt Margera complimenting James Dickel on being a good wrestler than there is of you ever joining SNW. Now, if you two could read LETTER NUMBER TWO!

EDDY
Letter #2 comes to us from Anonymous in Pennsylvania. He writes,

"Dear Zippy,
PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME! MIKE IS DRIVING ME INSANE!

Signed,
Andrew in Pennsylvania."

ZIPPY
Well, Andrew, I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but I told you so. LETTER NUMBER THREE!

TWITCH
Letter #3 comes to us from Dallas Alice.

"Dear Zippy,
Why is George Dunpork such a fat, sexist pig? I ask because I attended a recent SNW autograph signing, and he kept insisting that he sign my boobs until I stormed out."

ZIPPY
Well, Dallas Alice, I cannot say that I am the least bit surprised Dunpork's actions. We're talking about a pig that brags about sleeping with many different women.

EDDY
Well we know that's a lie because every woman he comes across slaps him in the face.

ZIPPY
Time for LETTER NUMBER FOUR!

EDDY
"Dear Zippy,
Is Craig "Senior" Mueller a bit of a... um... fruitcake? The reason I ask is because recently when I came down to Dallas to perform a concert, I saw him talking to a rather handsome guy over in the Oak Lawn area of Dallas.

Signed,
Shauna in Tennessee"

ZIPPY
Well, Shauna, Craig's never said one way or the other if he swings for the other team or not, though there's nothing wrong with that. Now let's go to...

ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

The camera pans over to show Gordon Heath, with the Sports Nutz behind him, storming their way to the ring, mics in hand.

GORDIE
You idiots think this is funny?!

ZIPPY
These fans think it's funny.

CRAIG MUELLER
That's because their drunk off their asses!

DUNPORK
I tell you what. You guys want to crack jokes and have fun? Well we like to have fun too. How about you guys back up your little wisecracks in a month at WrestleStock II in a tag team lumberjack match? Gordon Heath will be in our corner, along with our handpicked lumberjacks, and Zippy can be in your corner, along with your handpicked lumberjacks.

Eddy and Twitch talk it over real quick and nod in agreement.

EDDY
Sounds like a great idea to me. Twitch and I will wrestle circles around you two old has beens!

CRAIG MUELLER
Has beens?! We'll show you has beens!

George, Craig and Gordie go to attack Eddy, Twitch and Zippy, but the Alley Ratz and Zippy the Clown are ready for them, fighting them off as the fans cheer them on. Eddy and Twitch both dropkick George and Craig respectively out of the ring, while Zippy gives Gordie a wedgie, then with the assistance of the Alley Ratz, throws him out of the ring. Gordie tries to get back up, but slips over some spilled beer and falls down on his ass as the fans around him laugh their asses off. George and Craig challenge several drunk fans to a fight, forcing the bouncers of Duke's Original Roadhouse to rush in and keep them separated.

TAMMY WINTERS
The Sports Nutz better watch it!

KOKO B. WARE
I like how all those bouncers think they're so hard. The Sports Nutz would eat them for lunch!

TAMMY WINTERS
Don't give Fatpork any ideas.

KOKO B. WARE
Bitch, please!

MARK BISHOP
OK, before I have to separate you two five year olds again, let's go to Luna Vachon, who's over in the bar area. Luna?

The shot switches over to the bar area, where Luna is trying to get an interview with Jason Martel, who's ordering a round of drinks for some random girls at the bar.

LUNA VACHON
Hey guys. Jason Martel of all people is here at Duke's, no doubt trying to impress the ladies. Now...

Jason, not knowing that Luna is standing there, bumps into her, spilling the two drinks he's holding in both of his hands, all over his expensive black shirt. Luna can't believe what's happened as anger washes over Jason's face.

LUNA VACHON
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Jas...

JASON MARTEL
OUTTA MY WAY, BITCH!

Jason pie-faces Luna with the palm of his hand, shoving her down to the floor as he storms off.

KOKO B. WARE
Oh no, looks like my friend's pissed. I'm gonna go help him out.

TAMMY WINTERS
Koko and Jason, sittin' in a tree...

KOKO B. WARE
No homo, you slut!

MARK BISHOP
Please!.... Anyway, while Koko goes off to console his dear friend, we'll take a timeout and come back with the handicap match, pitting Chris P. against "Superstar" Jared Steele and Seth Shai!

WRESTLESTOCK II! LIVE AND ONLY ON PPV, SATURDAY NIGHT, MARCH 27 FROM THE SOLD OUT COWBOYS STADIUM IN ARLINGTON, TX! 7 PM EST/6 PM CST!

[Hollywood]

"This Means War" blasts over the speakers as Chris P. makes his way down to the ring to the cheers of the fans inside Duke's. Jared Steele and Seth Shai await him, already inside the ring.

HARRY SACHS
The following is a 2-on-1 handicap match, set for one fall. Introducing first, on his way to the ring... hailing from Clifton, New Jersey and weighing 260 lbs, Chris P.! And his opponents, already in the ring, the team of "Superstar" Jared Steele and Seth Shai!

MARK BISHOP
As Chris P. gets set to take on Jared Steele and Seth Shai, we need to welcome to the broadcast table, Jason Martel.

TAMMY WINTERS
Yuck!

JASON MARTEL
Can it, toots. Anyway, I want to thank my good friend, Koko B. Ware, for helping to cool me off and keeping me from making a fool of myself.

KOKO B. WARE
Hey, I do what I can.

JASON MARTEL
Besides, I get to see Jared Steele and Seth Shai, both former XCW World Champions, not to mention the numerous championships here in the great southwest they've won, tear up that good for nothing ingrate, Chris P.!

MARK BISHOP
He seems to be eyeing you, Jason.

JASON MARTEL
Hey, I have no problems shoving my foot up his ass.

Chris P. enters the ring, keeping an eye on Jason Martel, distracting him long enough to get ambushed by Jared and Seth.

Chris P. vs Jared Steele and Seth Shai

Jared and Seth worked over Chris early on in the bout, but he was able to fight both of them off when they went for a double clothesline, only for Chris to duck, turn them around and knock them silly with a double noggin knocker. Chris quickly threw Seth out of the ring, then kicked Jared in the midsection, followed up by the Lights Out. With Jared out cold, Chris made the cover as the ref counted to three.

HARRY SACHS
Your winner of the match, Chris P.!

MARK BISHOP
And the commissioner can't be happy with the outcome of that match.

TAMMY WINTERS
Well boohoo!

JASON MARTEL
That sack of crap got lucky tonight, that's all there is to it.

KOKO B. WARE
Uh, Jason, Chris has a mic and he's coming over this way.

Chris approaches the broadcast area, mic in hand. Jason stands up, putting his face out there, daring Chris to deck him. Chris smirks, turns like he's about to walk away, then knocks Jason out cold with the mic to thunderous cheers from the fans. Koko goes to attend to Jason as Chris re-enters the ring.

CHRIS P.
Now that I took care of that piece of garbage for running his mouth last week on Saturday Night Onslaught, I want to issue an open challenge to anybody on the SNW roster that's not already booked to wrestle on the grandest stage of Sports Nutz Wrestling. Anybody that wants to step up to the plate and face me, one-on-one, at WrestleStock II is more than welcome to come and try to get a piece of me. Any takers?.... C'mon, I know that there are some of you guys and gals that want to try and shut me up.... Anybody?

The camera cuts over to show Alexander Draven approaching the ring.

CHRIS P.
Hey, KISS has already been in town, kid. I'm looking for someone that can actually provide me with a fight, not some punk that thinks he can provide me with a fight.

MARK BISHOP
Alexander Draven won't take too kindly to that comment from Chris P.

Draven enters the ring, staring a hole into Chris P's eyes. Chris drops the mic, staring a hole right back into Draven's eyes. Draven goes to drop Chris, but Chris is ready for him as he counters with a right hand. Chris and Draven go at it, slugging it out as the fans cheer them on in approval. Chris slams Draven's head into the top turnbuckle, only for Draven drill Chris in the jaw with an elbow, staggering Chris back several steps.

MARK BISHOP
We've got a brawl breaking out between Chris P. and Alexander Draven!

TAMMY WINTERS
This is just another day at the office for the people here at Duke's!

Chris clotheslines Draven, knocking him through the ropes and sending him falling out of the ring. Chris exits the ring, continuing the fight with Draven as the bouncers of Duke's rush in to try to break up the fight, only for Chris and Draven to both knock all the bouncers the fuck out as the fans cheer even louder. Some drunk fans try to get in on the action, only for Chris and Draven to knock them the fuck out as well. Draven grabs one drunk fan's beer bottle, smashing it over Chris P., busting him wide open. Chris answers back by grabbing a tray holding several plates of food from one of the waitresses, slamming it over Draven's head, knocking him out cold onto the floor and busting him wide open as the food flies everywhere, spilling onto some fans standing by, who just take it in and love every minute of it. Finally, several Bedford police officers who have been assigned to work at Duke's tonight swarm in, grabbing a hold of Chris and forcefully escorting him out of Duke's, as they do the same to Draven, who's gotten back up and wants more of Chris.

MARK BISHOP
It takes Bedford's finest to get those two separated! Right now, let's take it over to IP Freely, who I believe has an update on the events of this past week when Dunpork's House of Bacon was destroyed by the Destruction Crew.

Scene cuts to the outdoor patio of Duke's Original Roadhouse with IP Freely.

IP FREELY
Ever since having his restaraunt trashed...

Pompous laughing can be heard, from just outside of camera range. A man wearing black clothing, matching loafers and dark shades walks into the scene with a huge grin on his face.

IP FREELY
Um, may I help you with something?

UNKNOWN MAN
Just stand there with that stupid look on your face, hold that mic up & keep quiet.

IP Freely has a dopey, yet ticked off look on his face.

UNKNOWN MAN
You should spend less time concerning yourself about the never-ending problems at Dunpork's House of Clogged Arteries and spend more time concerning yourself about something important, like my arrival here in SNW.

IP FREELY
Who the heck are you & why should anyone care about your arrival?

UNKNOWN MAN
Are you freakin' kidding me? What rock have you been living under?

IP FREELY
Sorry, I'm not the least bit familiar with you, unless you're referring to agitating a few people over at The Darkness Casino.

UNKNOWN MAN
Wow! I've always heard that you were an ignorant bastard, but I never would've believed in a million years that you were this pathetic. Boy, you're in the presence of greatness. I'm the man that helped to make the TV Poker Tournaments even worth watching, on cable TV. I'm the man that singlehandedly nearly destroyed the Vegas and Atlantic City gambling casinos. On top of that, I've already owned many of the competitors here in SNW, all without stepping foot in an SNW ring. To top it off, I've accomplished more in a short wrestling career then most of the SNW Roster.

IP FREELY
Exactly what are you doing in SNW, if you're as good as you claim to be?

UNKNOWN MAN
Business opportunities.

IP FREELY
Business opportunities? Care to elaborate?

UNKNOWN MAN
Let's just say it involved running across certain individuals at a dive over in El Paso. Long story short, these guys wanted their pound of flesh from a few people here in SNW. I missed the business, so they helped me get back in.

IP FREELY
Pound of flesh? You can't possibly mean...

The Destruction Crew walks into the scene. Super Vader is wearing a leg brace, while using a crutch to help him walk. Mike Hanson slaps the unknown man on the back of the shoulders.

SUPER VADER
Pound of flesh? I could use some meat, preferably mid-rare.

IP Freely looks on in fear, worried that he's about to lose an arm or leg.

SUPER VADER
Bitches, as you can see, we've acquired ourselves a manager. This man's more then just a manager. He's like a mastermind. A wrestling genius, really.

MAULER
That's right. He knew what we needed to do if we wanted things to go our way. Being a Gambler helps out in situations like this. Trashing Dunpork's House of Snausages was a nice touch.

MIKE HANSON
I can't believe that the dumbass is still wearing Zubaz.

KILLER KONG
I can't believe anyone made Zubaz in his size.

MIKE HANSON
As you can see, we have Dunpork's full attention, don't we? Being as we've got your full and undivided attention, you know full well what we want, besides making up your mind on what type of fries you're going to serve. Failing to meet our demands will be a lousy gamble, a gamble that we wouldn't make if we were you.

UNKNOWN MAN
For the record, Freely, you can call me The Gambler. If you're still more clueless than Vintage Todd Jr., Google me. It really is an amazing search engine.

The stable walks off, leaving IP Freely with a stupid look on his face. Super Vader and Killer Kong go off about wanting some steaks, while Mauler is cursing at someone at the bar to get some fresh drinks ready for them.

THE SOCIAL BEAR TRAP OF THE WEEK! EVERY FRIDAY MORNING AT 6:40 AM CENTRAL TIME, HEARD EXCLUSIVELY ON THE DUNHAM & MILLER SHOW WITH GORDON KEITH ON SPORTSRADIO 1310 THE TICKET! FOR MORE INFORMATION, GO TO WWW.THETICKET.COM!

[Hollywood]

"Ghost Love Score" plays over the sound system, and the fans boo as Manny Saul saunters out from the back. Wearing his flowing robe, he slowly walks to the ring with the material flowing behind him.

HARRY SACHS
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring from Lake Highlands, Texas. Weighing in at 245 lbs., "The Intellectual" Manny Saul!

Saul climbs through the ropes, and begins to wag his finger at the booing crowds, and points to a sign that says "MANNY SAUL FAILS AT LIFE" while shaking his head.

MARK BISHOP
We've seen quite a rivalry break out here between the Sports Authority and Y Kores lately. This week however, there will be no Coach Tom Foolery and no Xander Nova because all managers have been banned from ringside.

KOKO B. WARE
Let's be fair though, Manny Saul is smart enough that he doesn't need a manager. He's the Intellectual for God's sake.

MARK BISHOP
You've got to admit, as a former competitor yourself you know how hard it is just to control your actions in the ring. Now Saul has to do two jobs at once.

KOKO B. WARE
I'm positive he can handle it. He's got the best chance of any SNW superstar too.

TAMMY WINTERS
Mark I don't really know why you are asking Koko about anything involving intelligence. He doesn't have any himself.

KOKO B. WARE
Wow talk about pot kettle. Your body count is probably higher than your SAT score.

TAMMY WINTERS
I can say the same for you.

MARK BISHOP
Wow, only one way to put this: POW POW!

"Let Down" screeches over the sound system, and the fans cheer as "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester comes out from backstage. She slaps hands with the fans as she walks to the ring.

HARRY SACHS
His opponent from Toronto, Ontario, Canada by way of Belfast, Northern Ireland. Weighing in at 180 lbs., "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester!

Rotchester goes through the middle ropes, and mounts the turnbuckles to enjoy the pleasant crowd response of the fans as Manny Saul looks on with a sourpuss look on his face.

MARK BISHOP
Petrina picked up the win last week, but this time she won't have Xander Nova to help her. By the same token, Coach Tom Foolery isn't at ringside to lend Manny assistance.

KOKO B. WARE
Manny has a huge size advantage in both height and weight, even with Petrina looking a bit pudgy...

MARK BISHOP
Please don't do this.

KOKO B. WARE
What, what shouldn't I...

TAMMY WINTERS
SHE IS NOT FAT YOU BLOATED WHALE!

MARK BISHOP
That's why.

"The Intellectual" Manny Saul vs. "The Other Girl" Petrina Rotchester
Manny Saul didn't start the match well, trying to jaw with a fan that kept yelling at him various screwed up math theories at him. Rotchester took advantage, dropkicking the oversized Saul over the top rope. Saul got back into the ring angrily, but by this time Rotchester had gained the momentum to dominate the first part of the match. Trying to neutralize the size of Saul, Rotchester landed several high impact low risk moves such as a standing moonsault, and tried to weaken his legs to eliminate the verticality of his game using lower body submissions. The match turned in the favor of Saul when he was able to force a break of a Boston crab using the ropes. When Rotchester went to get him up, he thumbed her in the eye and temporarily blinded his opponent without the referee being able to see the maneuver. With Rotchester reeling, Saul was able to clinch her and slam her down to the mat with Intellectual Property. Saul hooked her leg, and one three count later he was announced the winner.

[/i]

HARRY SACHS
Here is your winner of the match, "The Intellectual" Manny Saul!

MARK BISHOP
What a cheap way to win for Manny Saul. He used a temporary distraction and then hit Intellectual Property to steal this victory from Petrina Rotchester.

KOKO B. WARE
Cheap? Steal? The referee didn't disqualify Saul, so obviously he didn't cheat.

MARK BISHOP
That's not the point, he broke the rules.

KOKO B. WARE
No he didn't, he wasn't caught. Therefor he did nothing wrong.

TAMMY WINTERS
He's got a point, I mean Tiger Woods wasn't cheating until he was caught. Still though.

KOKO B. WARE
Oh great a stripper preaching about morals, I love this.

TAMMY WINTERS
I'm agreeing with you ass.

MARK BISHOP
Even in agreement y'all disagree. God Jesus Santa please help me!

KOKO B. WARE
Let's just move right along, shall we?

MARK BISHOP
Yes, let's move on. Now for those of you who may have missed last week's Saturday Night Onslaught, we have a new Von Erich Memorial Champion, and her name is Wench. Wench and her husband, Matt Margera, apparently had the SNW camera crew visit them at Bluebonnet Hills Memorial Park in Colleyville, Texas. Why did Matt and Wench have the camera crew visit them in a graveyard? Well you're about to find out.

Shot cuts to the Bluebonnet Hills Memorial Park. The cool night air is enough to send chills down anyone's spine. Matt Margera is dressed in black slacks and a black dress shirt, holding his trademark stick with the horsehead on the end. Wench is wearing a black dress, holding her Von Erich Memorial Championship belt over her shoulder. They look at the various tombstones out in the graveyard, out in the midst of the darkness of night. They come upon the first tombstone.

MATT MARGERA
Here lies Matt Margera, skate punk turned wrestler... 2005-2008. Matt arrived in GWX as part of the World Destruction Tour with starring Tony Hawk and his alleged cousin, Bam Margera. Matt, Tony, Bam and a host of other skaters and Jackass stars caused a ruckus, raising the ire of GWX wrestlers who are now in SNW such as Chris Angel, Jack Clinton, and Soul Reaper. Wench was there as well, but didn't seem to be bothered by the skate punk's antics. Out of nowhere, the skate punk won the GWX United States Championship. However, he would get fed up with the politics that overran GWX and he walked out on the organization, a foreshadowing of GWX's eventual downfall.

Matt and Wench approach the next set of tombstones.

WENCH
Here lies Shorty of the PWA, 2003-2004. She was a goody goody, listening to the fans and catering to their every whim until she had seen the light and became Wench. And over here lies Destiny from UHW, 2005-2006. She had fallen in love with Matt Margera, skate punk extraordinaire turned professional wrestler. She too was a weak, goody goody. And now we complete the trifecta of weaklings... Katrina, 2009-2010. Well, she did win the Von Erich Memorial Championship, but didn't hold the belt for very long. Not as long as I, Wench, will hold this coveted belt.

Matt and Wench come upon what looks to be the final tombstone.

MATT MARGERA
Here lies "The Living Legend" Matt Margera, 2009. Born out of sheer hatred for someone living off the name of someone that they're not even related to, Matt won said fraud's World Championship. Now I know that may be pot calling the kettle black. However, I can admit that Bam and I worked together solely as a publicity stunt, and are not related. And, Bam has given me his blessing to carry on his name. However, the original living legend never gave his blessing to a poor bimbo up north, so I took her supposed grandfather's name to spite her. She and the rest of those Yankees couldn't stand it when "Living Legend" Matt Margera spoke the truth, so in essence, they killed him. I'm just now burying the "Living Legend." Standing before you is a perfect team... a perfect couple... a perfect world.

Matt and Wench walk off as the show fades to commercial.

THE AZLE HORNY HORNETS WILL TAKE ON THE MANSFIELD LEGACY BUCKING BRONCOS ON MONDAY, MARCH 1ST AT WILKERSON-GREINES ARENA ON 1501 UNIVERSITY DRIVE IN FORT WORTH! LET'S GO HORNETS![/center]

[Hollywood]

The drums kick in and the main riff of "Indestructible" booms over the sound system, and the crowd goes up in massive cheers as Soul Reaper and Cyanide walk down to the ring.

HARRY SACHS
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a six man tag match scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring first, Soul Reaper and Cyanide, Death Sentence!

Reaper and Cyanide walk to the ring, but all of a sudden two people jump out of the crowd wearing Mexican Lucha masks and assault Reaper and Cyanide from behind. The crowd is booing as the two masked men beat them down. The men rip the masks off, and flip them into the crowd revealing that they are Samuel Hale and Marcus Ryan.

MARK BISHOP
Those damn snakes Ryan and Hale taking the low road again, assaulting their opponents before the match even starts!

KOKO B. WARE
They are just seizing the moment Mark, can't blame them for that. It's smart!

TAMMY WINTERS
Just from my own view, I really wish they would have kept the masks on and not just because they are great symbols of traditional Mexican wrestling customs.

KOKO B. WARE
Well I personally think they are...

MARK BISHOP
Not going to finish that sentence Koko?

TAMMY WINTERS
He doesn't have too, looks like he just stepped into a bear trap.

MARK BISHOP
He's put the car into reverse and is trying to get out of the culdesac.

KOKO B. WARE
SHUT UP!

MARK BISHOP
Well, the action has moved to the ring and the bell has rung, so unexpectedly we now have a match!

Death Sentence and Versus Vince vs. The Young Gunz and "The American Lab Rat" Tyler Guevara
Mark Bishop was indeed correct, as Marcus Ryan and Samuel Hale had moved Reaper and Cyanide to the ring and were administering a pounding to them. Versus Vince quickly made his way down to the ring, and was able to distract the two men long enough so Reaper and Cyanide could roll away and get their bearings. However, Tyler Guevara stomped down to the ring and stepped over the top rope and drilled Vince with a large boot right between the shoulders. Vince then went to the jackals, as all three men were stomping him all over. The mood of the match shifted however, because Reaper and Cyanide regained their senses and were able to pull off Hale and Ryan, making the battle an even three on three match up. The match was complete and total chaos, action all around and hard to keep up with. Various highlights included Cyanide receiving To Hale and Back, and almost falling victim to a three count before Reaper was able to break up the pin attempt. Reaper had Guevara locked in the Cold, Hard Truth ready to be counted out of the match before Ryan nailed a jumping kick onto the back of Reaper's head forcing him to the mat and for the hold to be broken. The match almost went to the team of Hale, Ryan, and Guevara when the Gunz had completed one half of Gunz Blazin', on Cyanide, however Vince was able to run up the turnbuckles and flattened Hale with a T-Bone suplex off the top rope and prevent the move from happening. Ryan tried to help his partner, but he was quickly hit with the Reaper's Requiem and thrown out of the ring. This left Cyanide, who had recovered from the Ryan Xpress, Reaper, and Vince surrounding Tyler Guevara in a three on one situation. Guevara pounced on Vince, but was detained by Reaper and Cyanide who hit him with The Death Sentence. They threw Guevara front first into the turnbuckle, and Vince hit the VVE in the corner and Guevara fell flat onto the canvas. Vince made the cover as Reaper kept Hale out of the ring and got the three count and the victory.

[/i]

HARRY SACHS
Here are your winners, Death Sentence and Versus Vince!

MARK BISHOP
Well it looked like the team of Tyler Guevara and the Gunz would win this thing, but the trio of a rookie and two veterans were too much to handle. Death Sentence started the job, and the VVE finished it.

KOKO B. WARE
They should be ashamed of themselves, assaulting Tyler Guevara three on one. What a bunch of cowards!

MARK BISHOP
Yet the Gunz coming from behind and assaulting Death Sentence before the match even starts isn't cowardly at all?

KOKO B. WARE
No, it's strategy.

TAMMY WINTERS
Please, you stupid flip flopping idiot. You must be a liberal, this was all fair.

KOKO B. WARE
This coming from the woman who probably likes having three guys on her at the same time.

TAMMY WINTERS
I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

MARK BISHOP
Please, someone kill me. Or them, I don't really care.

WrestleMania" by Jim Johnston is playing in the background as the camera shot switches to the SNW Control Room, with Brenda Price standing in front of dozens of TV monitors showing action from SNW's past. Brenda Price is standing by as the music plays in the background while she announces the matches for the WrestleStock II card.

BRENDA PRICE
Welcome to the WrestleStock II Report. WrestleStock II comes to you live from Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas, live and only on Pay Per View on Saturday night, March 27 at 7 PM Eastern, 6 PM Central! Now one week before WrestleStock II, Saturday night, March 20 at 7 PM Central Time on the CW Network from Bob's Steak and Chophouse in Downtown Fort Worth will be the Sportys, a celebration of the great achievements in SNW throughout the year 2009. Who will be voted by you, the fans, as the Wrestler of the Year? Most Popular Wrestler of the Year? Most Hated Wrestler of the Year? You can vote on those awards and more at SNW.com!

Now onto WrestleStock II, headlined by possibly the most dangerous main event ever concocted in the history of professional wrestling, the Lucifer's Last Stand Match. An open air steel cage structure that surrounds the entire ring, with a ladder inside. It's champion vs. champion, title for title as "The Dream" Chris Angel puts up his Bad Blood Title on the line against "The Warrior" Vincent Matthews, who puts his Texas Heavyweight Title on the line. And the only way to win Lucifer's Last Stand is to climb the ladder and grab both the Bad Blood and Texas Heavyweight Titles. A lot easier said than done, believe me. We saw Chris Angel in action earlier against Syco Boy, and coming up, we'll see Vincent Matthews in action, defending his Texas Title against Levetation. Remember, the entire main event, hell the entire Pay Per View, could be completely altered by the end of tonight.

Speaking of Levetation, he takes on Syco Boy and "The Real Deal" S.T. Strickler in a Three Way Dance where there will be no disqualifications and no count outs, and the match does not end until two other wrestlers are eliminated by pin or submission, leaving one wrestler left standing. Right now, let's hear from "The Real Deal."

Shot switches to the SNW Studios, where S.T. Strickler is standing by to deliver his message.

S.T. STRICKLER
One month... One month till I get my hands on that liar, Syco Boy, and that c[beep]k s[beep]ker, Levetation. Levetation, no ass kissing is going to get you out of this match. And Syco, you won't be able to lie your way out of the ass whooping you'll be receiving. No disqualifications and no count outs is just the way I want it, so that way there will be no excuses for either one of you p[beep]sies after I mop the floor with you... Oh, and just in case either one of you decides to start any funny business, I will have an insurance policy to make sure that nothing detours me from winning the match.

Shot goes back to Brenda in the SNW Control Center, who looks a bit intrigued by Strickler's comments.

BRENDA PRICE
Insurance policy? Please tell me that Strickler won't be bringing a gecko or caveman with him. But speaking of guests, Sports Nutz Wrestling is pleased to announce that a big name guests will be gracing us with their presence at WrestleStock II, including: recording artist Kanye West, wrestling legend Ron Simmons, and Super Bowl MVP from the Super Bowl winning New Orleans Saints and Dallas native, quarterback Drew Brees!

More action lined up for WrestleStock II as just announced, it will be Alexander Draven taking on Chris P!

Also just announced, for the Von Erich Memorial Championship, reigning champion Wench defends her title against "Kid Thunder" Alex Daniels. One must wonder if Alex can finally win championship gold in SNW. He's been here for almost two years, and yes yet to win any championships in SNW.

Speaking of championships, the Texas Tag Team Titles go on the line as the reigning champions, Samuel Hale and Marcus Ryan of the Young Gunz, with Myke Rhines in their corner, take on the challengers, Soul Reaper and Cyanide of Death Sentence.

In an eight person tag team match up, Coach Tom Foolery teams up with his charges in the Sports Authority: "The Intellectual" Manny Saul, and Vinny Appice and Tony Manzetti of the Completely Italian Americans. They take on Xander Nova, who will be teaming with my close personal friends, Adriana Samu, Rory Kotch and Petrina Rotchester of Y Kores.

You heard the challenge laid down earlier, and it has been accepted. A lumberjack tag match pitting George Dunpork and Craig "Senior" Mueller, the Sports Nutz, against Eddy and Twitch, the Alley Ratz. Now the Sports Nutz will have "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath and a team of lumberjacks of their choosing in their corner. Meanwhile, the Alley Ratz will have Zippy the Clown and a team of lumberjacks of their choosing in their corner. Remember, the job of the lumberjacks is to keep the Sports Nutz and the Alley Ratz inside the ring.

And to round this all off, the Balance of Power Scaffold Match, where a briefcase containing a contract for a Texas Championship match that can be cashed in at any time will be suspended high above. And to win, you must climb the scaffold and grab the briefcase. Taking part in this free for all will be: Versus Vince... "The American Lab Rat" Tyler Guevara... Matt Margera... Andy Lionheart... "The Modern Day Hero" James Jackson... and Jack Clinton.

WrestleStock only comes once a year! Don't delay! Call your local cable or satellite provider today and take part in the biggest wrestling event to hit North Texas! WrestleStock II, live and only on Pay Per View, Saturday night, March 27 at 7 PM Eastern, 6 PM Central!

PTR RADIO, NOW PROVEN TO MAKE YOUR PENIS GROW THREE INCHES, OR YOUR BREASTS GROW A FULL CUP SIZE! TUNE IN EVERY OTHER MONDAY, 9ET/8CT. WWW.PTRRADIO.COM! PTR RADIO-WE HAVE STRONG FEET![/center]

[Hollywood]

"Don't Wait" hits, and Levetation makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands with as many fans as possible.

MARK BISHOP
What a huge opportunity for the Levetated One as he takes on the reigning Texas Heavyweight Champion, "The Warrior" Vincent Matthews.

KOKO B. WARE
Levetation will blow this opportunity just like how Tammy blows...

TAMMY WINTERS
YOU BETTER WATCH IT, MOTHERFU...

MARK BISHOP
HEY! HEY! HEY! We're, uh, havin' fun, no?

Levetation enters the ring, climbing one of the turnbuckles and acknowledging the fans as his music dies down. "This Fire Burns" hits, and the crowd boos tremendously loud as Myke Rhines leads the way for Vincent Matthews, who wears his Texas Championship belt proudly around his waist. Myke tries to accost one of the waitresses, with Matthews quickly grabbing him and getting him at ringside before the bouncers of Duke's can swarm in.

MARK BISHOP
Vincent Matthews just saved his manager from an ass kicking.

KOKO B. WARE
What business is it of those oversized jackasses?! That waitress was probably ready to live the rest of her life with Rhines, and now she'll never know true love!

TAMMY WINTERS
Can it, bird breath.

Matthews enters the ring, taking off his Texas Championship belt as he climbs one of the turnbuckles, hoisting the belt with his right hand before climbing down the turnbuckle and handing the belt to the referee.

HARRY SACHS
The following contest is set for one fall, and it is for the SNW Texas Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first the challenger, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and weighing in at 227 lbs... Levetation!

The fans in attendance cheer as Levetation acknowledges them.

HARRY SACHS
His opponent... from Fort Worth, Texas and weighing 215 lbs... accompanied to the ring by his manager, Myke Rhines... he is the SNW Texas Heavyweight Champion... "The Warrior" Vincent Matthews!

The fans let Vincent Matthews have it as they boo and heckle him out of the building. He just blows them off.

SNW Texas Championship Match
Vincent Matthews(champion) vs Levetation(challenger)

Matthews seemed to take Levetation lightly at the outset of the match, spitting in his face. This raised the ire of the Levetated One as he tackled Matthews to the ground, punching away at him. Levetation continued to work over the champion as he had Matthews rocking and reeling. Levetation looked like he was going to win the title out of nowhere as he locked Matthews in the Million Dollar Dream, but Matthews was able to make it to the ropes. Levetation continued to work over Matthews, dominating him with his speed and quickness and again seemed to have the match won when he slammed Matthews down with a stalling vertical suplex transitioned into a Muscle Buster. But as Levetation went to make the pin, Myke Rhines hopped onto the apron to distract referee Rick Maynard. Angered, Levetation shot up and ran over to Rhines, clotheslining him off the apron and into several fans standing a bit too close by at ringside. A commotion broke out as the bouncers swarmed in yanked Rhines up, throwing him out of Duke's as he apparently grabbed one of the waitresses' breasts on the way down from falling off the ring apron. Levetation was distracted, laughing his ass off at the proceedings, which was just what Matthews needed to get the match back into his favor as Levetation turned around and Matthews nailed him with an Enziguri Kick to the back of the head. Matthews used his speed and technical wrestling know-how to work Levetation over, and it looked like he had the match won after flying off the top turnbuckle and nailing Levetation with a top rope DDT, but as Matthews went for the pin, Levetation barely got the shoulder up at two and three quarters. The match went back and forth with several near falls as both Matthews and Levetation exchanged near falls. After several minutes of fast-paced action, Levetation seemed to have the match and Texas Title well in hand as he got Matthews in position for the Razor's Edge. However, Levetation got distracted when S.T. Strickler approached ringside. Strickler pleaded his innocence that he was only there to watch the match as Levetation pointed to Strickler, then did the cutthroat motion. Levetation hoisted Matthews up, but Matthews was able to counter by rolling up and over Levetation, bringing him down with a school boy pin, tugging on Levetation's pants as the referee laid down the three count. The fans booed as the ref handed Matthews his belt, and Matthews got out of Duke's as fast as he could with the bouncers escorting him out.

MARK BISHOP
Damn that S.T. Strickler! Levetation had the Texas Championship within his grasp, and all it took was for him to lose focus for a few seconds when he got distracted by Strickler!

TAMMY WINTERS
Don't forget about Vincent Matthews holding onto Levetation's pants!

KOKO B. WARE
A win's a win, folks. The record books don't state how you won or lost, just that you won or lost.

MARK BISHOP
S.T. Strickler, now jawjacking with the fans, and he better turn around because here comes Levetation!

TAMMY WINTERS
Here we go!

Levetation turns Strickler around and wails on him with several right hand punches. Levetation grabs Strickler by the head and slams him headfirst onto one of the nearby tables. Strickler staggers around into the bathroom hallway, and Levetation follows him into the ladies restroom as several MILFs run out of the bathroom, screaming at the top of their lungs. Levetation Irish whips Strickler into one of the stall doors, showing Misty Crawford sitting on a toilet as she screams her lungs out.

MARK BISHOP
Sweet lord of mercy!

KOKO B. WARE
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Levetation is my new hero!

TAMMY WINTERS
Good lord, you two ought to listen to yourselves!

MARK BISHOP
Levetation picks Strickler up and throws him out of the bathroom, and now he follows him out... OH! The bathroom door just slammed into Levetation's face as he was walking out, knocking him out cold in the process... it's Syco Boy! Syco Boy is now on the ground, pummeling away at Levetation! Syco now picks Levetation up...

KOKO B. WARE
I think we're about to see the Syco Clash in the women's bathroom!

MARK BISHOP
And Syco adds insult to injury, nailing Levetation with the Syco Clash! Folks, we're out of time! See you next Saturday night from the Gordietorium in Downtown Fort Worth as SNW presents Saturday Night Onslaught!

COPYRIGHT 2010 EXACTLY I MEAN PRODUCTIONS